Hey /adv/
Never posted here before, but said fuck it because trying to google this shit just gives me a bunch of conflicting nonsense that only makes me more confused. I'll go ahead and start off by saying that it's a long read.
So I started hooking up with this girl a while back, probably five months ago, give or take. She started working at a bar that I used to work at but still frequent. After the very first night that I was in there while she was working, she started asking my friends/former coworkers about me, basically telling them that she wanted to hook up with me and asking what she should do to make it happen. Keep in mind I had hardly even spoken to her. But naturally they told me about this and one of them gave me her number. After that, things went surprisingly smoothly and we started hooking up. This went on for a couple of months and it was great. She would go on and on about how great the sex was and how much she enjoyed spending time with me, and the feelings were mutual. She was having fun, I was having fun, it was simple and stress-free.
But of course it couldn't stay that way. Her ex, who I came to learn she had just broken up with shortly before coming on to me, started texting her again and it began messing with her head. She began distancing herself from me because she didn't want me to have to deal with the drama. She was very upfront and honest with me about all of this. Naturally I was disappointed, and with reverse psychology being the bitch that it is, I began to miss her. But having recently dealt with the same situation with my ex, I understood and backed off.
>>16563159
We didn't hook up or anything for a couple of months, but still kept in touch and hung out pretty regularly, as we both went to the same place to drink. It went on like this until about a week ago, when she told me that our relationship wasn't as casual as she told herself it was, and that she wanted to move on from her ex so that things between her and I could go back to "normal". But she also said that she would need some time to "learn how to let go". This put my mind at ease some and I've continued to be patient.
So that brings us to now, and ultimately what I need advice on. She hasn't texted me in a couple of days, and I don't know what exactly to do at this point. Obviously the last thing I want to do is force things; I know that will only push her away. But at the same time I'm afraid of inaction. So how long should I let it go like this? Do I wait for her to contact me, or do I take the initiative? And if I am to make the first move, how exactly do I go about it?
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
honestly OP, what can you do? I think the best thing for you to do right now is nothing. let her come to you if she's serious. I will say that if things work out in the near future but then later on this same shit happens again (goes back to her ex) then I'd leave her.
>>16563345
>honestly OP, what can you do?
Yeah I know. I really do understand that keeping cool is the best thing to do, but just idly waiting fucks with my head so much and I'm constantly wondering if there's something I should be doing. Anything at all.
I appreciate you taking the time though.
>>16563352
Date other girls.
>>16563352
I think you should carry on. Keep going to the bar and do whatever else it is you do. If she's still interested then she'll be back. I mean, she said it herself right?
>need some time to "learn how to let go"
not a whole lot you can do other than carry on
>>16563358
The thing is I've just never been arsed to put in the effort. Every girl I've ever been with (only one of them turning into an actual relationship) has come to me first. That's the problem. I literally have no fucking clue how to pursue something because they always come to me first.
>>16563365
>she said it herself right?
Yes that's true. I just worry because I know firsthand how quickly and drastically feelings can change in a situation like hers. One day she's saying that she wants to move on from her ex but the very next she could be trying to fix things with him again. That's what I went through with my one relationship anyway. I just overthink the hell out of it and it stresses me out.
Anyone else have anything to add?
>>16563159
As someone else said, let her do what she has to do. If you haven't heard from her in a week, you probably won't hear from her at all.
From what I've read, it sounds to me like she may be quite hung up on her ex, and there's really not much you can do about that, unfortunately.
Sorry for the spot you're in, broham.
>>16563773
Yeah you're right. It just fuckin' sucks having no control over shit like this. I guess I know what I should do but it helps to have other people reinforce it. Thanks.
