Why do guys I like never stick around? What can I do to change this?
>>16555873
Suck their dick 24/7.
>>16555873
If they never stick around, the problem is you. Sorry.
http://ask.fm/explisis
>>16555873
Stop fucking with guys who don't want to stick around....
>>16555878
This, or you just haven't met the right guy yet. If you're reaching the point where dating is super frustrating, take a year off from it and focus on being who you want to be.
Do you like yourself OP? If you were dating you, would you stick around?
>>16555873
Why don't you go around to each guy and ask them honestly why they left? You might find out some flaw in yourself that you couldn't see before.
>>16555891
Not OP, but it's not always easy to know!!!
When I was 18, just had my first breakup and starting dating, I was a virgin. Met a cool, cute guy who seemed very into me. We met loads of times, had hour-long conversations into the night and knew nearly everything about each other. He says he's into me, gets butterflies when he receives my texts etc.
I've met all his friends, hang around playing PS and eating shawarmas with his roomies. I'm delighted. After a few months, I decide to lose my virginity to him. He knows it's my first time, assures to be gentle, it's nice. We fuck, spoon, talk, he says he wants to meet my family (he was a few years older than I, mid-twenties). I was very happy.
Never heard from him again. Didn't reply to my texts. Last thing he did was kiss me goodbye and said "see you soon!" I have friends who've had similair experiences.
>>16555902
I don't know if I would recommend this. You'd have to decide individually with each guy. If he has a new girl, don't chance it. If you didn't part on friendly terms, don't chance it.
>>16555910
So it's just one guy then? Or were there more like this?
It sounds like maybe he was using you for sex or just to punch his own v-card. Either that or the new higher level of intimacy scared him off for whatever reason. Hell, maybe he just realised he's gay.
If you can get in touch with him, I'd ask him wtf happened. Don't expect a meaningful response though.
If multiple guys are doing pretty much exactly this - acting like normal bf's during the lead-up to sex and then bailing right after - then either something's happening in bed that's weirding them out or you're just running into a streak of bad luck with crappy guys and/or inadvertently attracting crappy guys somehow.
>>16555917
>You'd have to decide individually with each guy.
What do you mean by that? You might find a common complaint among all the guys.
Why does it matter if he has a new girl? You're just asking him a question.
>>16555931
Since, I've been extremely wary of dating and giving myself to someone else to early - I put a lot of emotions in sex and can't do casual without hurting myself, so I can't really say. I haven't had a boyfriend or really dated since; so he's the only one I experienced, but I do have a lot of girlfriends who've experienced the same. Acting lovey-dovey, talking about meeting each other's families, hour-long conversations into the early morning... Then nothing.
And nah, he wasn't a virgin, and I just found it weird that he'd spend months trying to woo me and dump me the second I gave in. And haha, doubt he realized he was gay, but I kind of hope that's the case!
I'm not ever getting in touch with him, I texted him a few times over a few months, he never replied to me. It was odd, I wasn't exactly heartbroken, but I lost a lot of trust in guys. Which is why I haven't run into a lot of men like that, so I don't know if I attract them somehow, or I was just unlucky - I actually just had my first meaningful night with someone special a few hours ago (in two years!) Let's hope he texts me at some point, cross your fingers for me, please!! :) Haha
>>16555933
Because sometimes contacting an ex goes smoothly and sometimes you're whacking a fucking hornet's nest. Every relationship is different, every breakup is different. I once had this happen:
>bf breaks up with me
>"it's not you it's me"
>promises he'll get back in touch when he feels up to it
>never does
>several years pass
>think "hey I should extend a hand in friendship"
>call him
>someone answers, sounds like him but says it's not him, says he's out
>next day his wife calls, completely pissed off, tells me to leave her husband alone, what do I want with him, I'd best just leave him alone or else etc. etc.
>ok wow
Now granted, I was not the best gf and iI realised later that I'd been a weirdo and a cunt, and kinda stalky too, while dating him. But nobody explained to me at the time that my behaviour was weird, or if they did, I wasn't listening or something. So at the time I couldn't see any issue with contacting him. But why couldn't he just tell me to scram himself? Was he scared of me? Was his wife just one of those overbearing mama bear types? I will never know.
Few years later I wrote another ex an apology letter. Would've sent an e-mail but only had his street address. Never got the letter back, but never got a reply either.
In those cases I wasn't even asking questions about the relationship, I was just making contact. My point is, contacting an ex *for any reason* should be thought about before actually doing it, because you don't know who he's dating now, if he's even gonna talk to you, whether he is trying to put the past behind him and you're just stirring up shit by contacting him, or what. You have to use your judgment. That doesn't mean "OMG DONT DO IT" it means think about each one before you decide if it's a good idea or not. This goes double in a case like OP's where she doesn't know if she scared him off somehow or if he was just an ass.
>>16555969
Maybe he died
Women tend not to realize that men have not one, but TWO yes-no gates in order to get a relationship.
The first one is "would I fuck her?"
The second, less-understood one is: "is she hot enough to date?"
Every man has a different level for his second one, while the first barrier is more or less universal. What makes a woman attractive enough to date?
- Hot enough to impress his friends if you're going to be hanging out
- Hot enough to put up with your level of bullshit, to make it worthwhile
- Hot enough to keep his interest when shit gets dull (either after sex the first time* or after the honeymoon phase is over)
This second one may be where you are failing (or you may simply be too crazy to date, and be in the blank area of the graph).
>*a lot of women struggle with trying to tell if a man is the type who will leave after having sex the first time, and I don't think there's any way to really tell since nearly all men are gunning for sex, even if they're good dudes who are going to stick around. Don't make the determination of whether or not you want to have sex with someone *dependent on whether they are going to stick around or not*; do it based on whether YOU want to fuck them. I don't have any sympathy for women who manipulate through sex (i.e. to get a relationship), which is what that sort of behavior fundamentally is.
>>16555996
Haha, my girlfriends all tried to find excuses too - some suggested he died! Very typical teen girl behavior, trying to find reasoning for a guy not repling, instead of being honest with yourself and seeing that he's just not into you (which in my 18-year old mind and situation made very little sense when looking at his behavoir). But I checked his FB regularly, he's fine, just an asshole.
>>16555873
as opposed to guys you dont like that are there perpetually?
NO ONE sticks around. ur situation isn't unique. we are all moving from one relationship to the next.
>>16555873
Use glue.
>>16556024
How old are you now?
>>16555969
Honestly it's either he is crazy-heartless which by reading all of this I can't imagine being this guy. I don't know who would do this to anyone in a relationship >>16555996
And yeah I also kind of think he might of died. It sounds crazy but think about it, you've never met his family so you don't really know right?
>>16556039
I turned 20 very recently :)
>>16556040
It's just so odd, he seemed like such a sweet, sensitive and softspoken guy - not one to drag random girls home every night (like the typical Chad-stereotype that might come to mind when a guy acts like this), and seemed genuinely into me. I'll never understand his reasoning, especially when he knew I was a virgin and waited months for me to be ready.
Haha he updated his profile picture a few months ago, so no guys, unless some creepy person is running his FB in his name :p and I think his roomies, whom I grew pretty close with, would have told me! He seems to be traveling a lot right now, so if that was his plan, I understand not wanting a relationship. I just wish he'd made that clear beforehand and he would have sitten down and had a proper conversation/break up, the uncertainty of it all made me miserable and very anxious. I actually thought he got sick or something too, and I was dead worried. But I know not all guys are like this, and I very much hope the guy I'm dating now is sweeter. Bad experiences can make you so nervous, but I'll try to have faith in it all for the first time in nearly two years :)
>>16556040
Oh mb I didn't see this>>16556024
Lol yeah then he probably did just use you in all honesty. I hate those people
The real question is why are you posting this on /X/
A lot of guys think about women as conquest. They practice until they are so good at bs that they can fool the vast majority of women. Some of it is pride, some of it is self validation that they are above women and can easily control them. The style they get good at comes in different flavours. Some are chad, some are sensitive, whatever that girls are attracted to. The source of this behavior is usually that they were played with by girls so they want to prove they are the stronger ones.
It is also possible that if he really is that sensitive that he had some problems he didn't want to drag you down with and thought it's better and more conscientious that he left, but this is highly unlikely because of the timing.
>>16555873
>Life is like a vagina.
>When it's dry it's like a desert so you don't want to be there.
>When it's wet it's like a rainforest, so you don't want to be there either.
>>16556014
That works only if the girl is an absolute bitch,though.
>>16556014
I find your presentation too simplistic. Yes, you could make a distinction between sex/date material. But simply basing everything on looks and craziness is ridiculous. For a relationship personality plays a huge role. Something which isn't even mentioned in your post. Important things like trustworthiness and reliability. But also more basic things such as: do your personalities click? Is there common ground personality wise? Also, do you have things in common? Not a very important factor, because interests can be cultivated, but it obviously helps if your share hobbies etcetera. Having a certain outlook on life might play a role too. Simply saying she's a 7 with craziness 8, good for a night; and she's a 8.5 with craziness 7, good for a relationship is as I said too simplistic. You could even make a distinction in the looks department, for instance is she fat? What does this say about her self-view and what does this say about her and her level of self-control, etcetera. Framing male reality as: yea dude she's a 8 bra, I'd bang her! - is well retarded at worst and failed reductionism at best. End of mini-essay. Hope you learned something, anons.
