I'm dating this girl, and while it's not "official" yet, it is getting serious. last night she told me her ex (who doesn't live here) is coming into the city to pick some stuff up and leave, and she told she was going to visit him to get closure or whatever. I asked her if she still liked him and she kind of dodged the question and told me they never really ended and that he still likes her.
should I be worried that old feelings may come back? I don't want to worry about this, but it's been bugging me and I don't know how to tell her without sounding like a jealous asshole
>>16549790
Let me put it to you this way.
My ex and I broke up at the end of August. We're still fucking every now and then.
>>16549790
>she told she was going to visit him to get closure or whatever. I asked her if she still liked him and she kind of dodged the question and told me they never really ended and that he still likes her.
>they never really ended
>he still likes her
>they never really ended
I think you should be worried about a lot more than old feelings, OP.
>I don't know how to tell her without sounding like a jealous asshole
You don't need to tell her anything, because I'm sure she already knows how you must feel. It's why she's not telling you everything and hasn't been upfront about the situation. She just doesn't care.
>>16549798
>she just doesn't care.
Nooo anon, clearly you don't think like women do. Because she isn't telling him means she cares about him. But not enough to accept the truth that she might still want to fuck her ex one last time.
>>16549798
op here
I think I need to expand on this: they never really ended because he moved and I'm guessing they tried out a long distance relationship and it didn't work out. she told me she didn't enjoy being with him anymore; however she told he still talks to her sometimes because this dude's mom is dying and she still cares about his mom and he's been keeping her updated.
She also told me she didn't have to tell me because we're not a thing but she still wanted to know how I felt about it
>>16549803
>Nooo anon, clearly you don't think like women do.
I have a vagina and have met many different women with issues throughout my life. I know very well what women can be like and what women are capable of. It's why I stopped dating women and chose to commit to a guy.
>Because she isn't telling him means she cares about him.
It's possible that she may believe that, for whatever reason. But I can tell you, with certainty, that when someone genuinely cares about you, they won't keep shit like this from you. She's been hanging on to her feelings for this guy the entire time she's been with OP but wants to keep it secret. So that when she finally stops using the ex, she has someone else to turn to.
>>16549813
>however she told he still talks to her sometimes because this dude's mom is dying and she still cares about his mom and he's been keeping her updated.
>She also told me she didn't have to tell me because we're not a thing but she still wanted to know how I felt about it
If she had just kept it to the first comment, I wouldn't be too suspicious. She's still too close to the guy and could easily be using that as excuse to stay in contact with him. Whatever. But the whole, "We're not together so I don't have to tell you my business," bit is manipulative. She's essentially saying that you should be happy that she even considered you for a second. It gives away that you're just not that important to her. That right there is what makes me suspicious.
>>16549837
those weren't her exact words, it's not even the same language, but I guess she did kind of say it.
anyways, I really like and want to trust her, but this whole thing gives me bad vibes. he's only coming for a day or two as far as I know, so what can I tell her? to not go? asking to go with?
>>16549850
>so what can I tell her?
There's nothing to tell her. She's going to do it regardless.
>to not go?
You don't matter that much to her. She'll be going regardless. Unlike you, she has a long history with this guy. If you tell her not to, she'll just spin this around on you. You'll be the controlling, manipulative boyfriend and any of her preceding actions will be justified.
>asking to go with?
See above. She's going to see this guy that she's had a long history with "for closure." You being there would interfere with whatever they have planned.
>>16549872
she told me she wants to finish things with him and get closure. I think I do matter to her and want to make things work out
>>16549890
Then do whatever you want. Your feelings trump whatever we have to say.
Dude "closure" means she wants to see if he's still interested in a relationship while still having the security of having you as a back up plan. So either they meet up, end up fucking and she makes up some bullshit excuse to dump you in the next couple of weeks so she can be with him, or he tells her to fuck off and leaves you to deal with all of her emotional fallout. This is a lose-lose situation for you.
>>16550060
well like I said in the op, he's only staying for a few days, he doesn't live in this city. they're not getting back together, that's not what I'm worried about.
>>16550077
She clearly still has feelings for this dude. I guarantee you if things go well at that meeting within the next couple of months your ass will be dumped and she will have moved to his city. That shit happens all the time. But maybe it will at least be a good learning experience for you.
