Go or don't go?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Here's the basic gist of things:
>bf and I met through work, been together for years, many of our friends were made at work
>bf is pretty tight friends with one guy
>we hang out sometimes, and the guy's fiance is there, of course
>she's very cool, I like her, I like him, everyone is good
>but the guy is more my bf's friend than mine
>the fiance is incidental
>they're getting married at an EDM festival next summer
>it's always 100+ degrees for the festival, and it's chock full of people who get fucked up on drugs and booze and act like assholes
>bf is obligated to go because he's the guy's friend
>I absolutely don't want to go, because it's a 5 hour drive and the entire ordeal is a nightmare. I hate EDM, I hate the heat, I hate people who are fucked up on substances
So I told my bf I don't want to go. He's alone on this one. He's totally fine with that. I guess I just don't know if this makes me a shitty person? I dunno. I have a casual friendship with these two at best.
>>16515974
I'm disgusted by these kind of festivals too, there is nothing wrong with not liking degenerate people, you aren't a shitty person and you did good by telling him you don't want to go, just make sure to explain to your bf friends the reason why you aren't going and its all good.
>>16515974
>getting married at an EDM festival
These people should legitimately be gassed
No because your not going out of "I hate that bitch" attitude, your not going because you hate that type of event. And since you told your bf, he will be able to tell his freind and the fiancé you aren't there because you hate the drug aspect of these events. They be reasonable people shouldn't be mad, and if they are they are kinda being dicks. Your just worrying, your fine, go get some food.
Don't get pissed if he pops a few caps and fucks some festival slut.
Remember, he invited you.
I wouldn't say that it makes you shitty. It's just improper. You can't live and die by propriety, though.
I get that the whole situation is undesirable but they're hopefully not going to be having more weddings ever again. One bites the bullet in such cases. It's just the done thing that when your SO goes to a wedding you attend as the +1. But again, etiquette is not divine law. Nor would it make you shitty per se.
>>16516246
I don't agree. If they're choosing to be trashy and have their wedding in a crowded, obnoxious place where the entire institution of matrimony is shit on, OP is well within her right to not partake. Clearly she has a superior opinion as to what such a ceremony should entail. Just because she's some guy's girlfriend (note: NOT wife, therefore no "hard" obligation), she doesn't have to feel she has to go. That's ridiculous.
>>16516263
Another person's impropriety never justifies one's own in return. That's a pretty self-evident concept.
>>16516291
Unless said improper behavior puts them in a situation they are uncomfortable with, such as a drug heavy environment.
>>16516339
This.
OP's boyfriend should go out of his way to ensure his chick is kept away from that shitty environment. Sounds like he's fine with her not going, so that's good. No respectable man would be fine with pulling his loved one into a situation full of degenerates.
>>16516339
I don't think you worded that in a very accurate way with respect to your point, since one might also find it improper and uncomfortable to have been invited to a wedding with "all of these Negroes in the environment" too. There's way more to proper behavior than one's own discomfort.
>>16516344
>OP's boyfriend should go out of his way to ensure his chick is kept away from that shitty environment.
That would be a perfectly reasonable thing for him to do by simply not attending, though. Even if they're tight friends it's 100% acceptable to respond to a wedding invitation with regret over being unable to attend. That also spares OP.
>>16516349
proper/improper is entirely subjective, so you have no real point. Clearly the people getting married think the locale is proper. OP does not think that. Neither party is wrong. Neither is therefore better than the other, or deserves more consideration. If one doesn't like the situation, they don't go. Subjective evaluations play no role in whether it's right or not to do so, because subjectivity is pointless to argue.
>>16516349
Um strongly disagree? If someones line of logic is "I shouldn't go because all these niggers" then they shouldn't go, not only because it makes them uncomfortable, but because they are a racist bigot asshole who will make everyone else uncomfortable. So not going is still tactful.
>>16516367
>proper/improper is entirely subjective, so you have no real point.
Hey man, that's some cool post-modern thought but there are actually standards and resources for a wide variety of cultures out there. Check them out sometime.
>>16516371
The counter-example was to illustrate that just because a guest;s is uncomfortable doesn't make the host's actions improper. As such you can't use a guest's discomfort for the argument "impropriety is okay in the face of impropriety." The discomfort doesn't give carte blanche for breaking with etiquette.
As for the question of tact, which actually wasn't what I was replying to a moment ago, the issue is still with OP's significant other attending without her.
>>16516382
A hosts actions being viewed as proper or improper is the question, not if it is or isn't really improper which is subjective. If the guest thinks its improper and is uncomfortable, then it is the proper move to not attended, regardless of the events actually properness power level.
