My girlfriend and I was having a normal conversation over text and out of the blue she says,
>Everyone's moving in together, When can we?
I simply reply with "When I can afford to move out" and then replies with
>Hurry up I'm bored of waiting
Anyway thinking that subject has changed within the conversation I then receive this reply from her
>I'm getting sad and frustrated at that I'm ready to start settling down etc and you're years off that
I should mention that we have only been together for a year, personally I think it's just way too soon for myself or even her to actually think about even buying or renting a house.
I told her again that I don't have a high enough income to even buy a house, pointed out that most couples don't start looking into this thing until another few years in the average relationship. I also said that it wouldn't be fair on her I can't even split the bills since my income isn't high enough to support her and lastly, I also said that I simply wasn't ready to move out.
She then replies
>You'll never be ready then. Maybe I should get my house then. I was waiting for you, silly me (Kek'd)
After that, I just didn't know what to say but I feel rather pissed off just simply because she doesn't respect my reasons, honesty and just attempting to rush me into things.
How can I tell my girlfriend to basically stop rushing into things? I can't help but think that she is jealous because most her friends are married in their early 20's, have their own houses and some excepting a child. I have a strong feeling about that
>TL:DR Girlfriend is pushing me into things, How do I tell her to back off?
What's your financial position, her financial position and do you see a future with this girl? Also a year isn't really that soon to be moving in together
>>16514978
1) Is either of you two 18 years old or less? From your post, I'd say you are, but can't be sure.
2) You don't have to buy a house to live together. Renting an apartment qualifies just as much.
3) Stating that on average it's a few years before couples move in together is both, wrong and wrong. It's untrue, as well as an extremely defensive gesture, that screams "I don't want to live with you!", when looking between the lines.
4) I agree that this isn't something you can rush into. Nor should you. But you shouldn't be completely dismissive of the idea either. Tell her you're looking into it, check a few houses, check a few apartments, give her the best options moneywise (but terrible locations, if you don't want her accepting), for the sake of not having an argument about it later on.
meh, tell her you're not ready, and if she can't deal with that, to go bang some other dude
Haha, one year.
My friend has been with his gf for 7 years and theyre STILL not ready.
>>16514980
As of now, I work part-time at a local store. Trying to get a full-time graduate jobs so I don't get paid that much
Her financial position is pretty good, She is nurse, Works 12 hour shifts on a regular basis, owns a rather nice car and has been approved for a mortgage at £100k.
I want to have a future but we have been arguing a lot as of now. Over silly things really.
You think? Maybe it's me being old fashioned but I think a year is just too soon.
>>16514988
1) No. We're both 24 years old
2) I am aware of that but again I don't really have the high enough income to contribute towards rent
3) I didn't mean it in anyway of saying "I don't want to live with you" I didn't make it clear enough in the post that I was using an example of my sister when her and her husband didn't buy their first house until 4 years in their relationship.
4) I already said to her that I am not ready.. yet! I would love to move out with live with her.
after you to move in with her she will be like "everyone is marrying and having kids, when can we?"
>>16515020
I did have a good chuckle
Only one year?? Do not move in together. And the fact that's she's pushing for it like that after only one year is a big red flag.
>>16515030
I wasn't planning to, Not for a long while until I know if I can put up with her but she is constantly on about it which is a massive red flag for me.
>>16515045
Good man. Hold strong. Don't entertain these discussions. She's looking for a fight. When the subject comes up, keep telling her what you've told her the entire time. Shut the talk down, because you're firm on your stance. No discussions needed. Your job when dealing with a girl like this is to win the game of "he who cares the least." When you entertain her arguments, you're telling her she can get away with being a bitch and whining. If you don't entertain arguments and simply shut them down, it tells her you're not going to go through those hoops with her.
One of two things will happen in the coming months: she leaves you because you're such a dickhead poopface shitty boyfriend, or so she'll explain to her friends. Or she sucks it up and gets over it and stops her bitching, because she's a stupid female who responds to that kind of male domineering.
Ultimately, this is a garbage chick who has a lot of growing up to do. Keep her at arm's length. Don't make any long term decisions with this girl until her attitude and outlook on life does a 180.
>>16515053
Man, If I could buy you a beer right now. I would! Thanks. I've been doing this recently, Even though I feel like a slight dick for not entertaining her but it makes me feel better that I am doing something right.
I've already made my stance on this several time but still can't seem to process it.
>>16515045
It sounds like she could be the reckless "serial cohabiter" type.
She's too childish, might want to reconsider making life decisions
Man up and move out of your mommies house. A grown ass mad should do what ever it takes to live on his own. Your going to loose her to a real man if you do not act fast.
I had issues like this with my bf but hes 32 and was still living at moms house. She wants you to grow up a bit but you are still young for this in certain circles and a lease lasts a year typically so make sure shes ready for that.
>>16515071
This is true tho. Unless your dick games on lock.
>living at home at 24
You do realize that you only need a 1 bedroom until you are ready for bigger things? Splitting the rent on a 1 bedroom apartment is very doable even with part time. If you live somewhere where you can buy your own place for £100k, renting a one bedroom with all appliances shouls be easy.
>>16515071
No "real man" wants a girl who communicates so poorly. She sounds like an intolerable heifer.
>>16515071
Moving out and moving in with someone are two different things.
I think OP should consider moving out, but definitely should not move in with his girlfriend of only a year.
>>16515053
>>16515053
>Enableing manchildren living at home at 24
While I agree she sounded kind of bitchy, I do understand her frustration. I'd be more sympathetic with OP if he was younger than 20, but come on.
>>16515095
Not that anon, but if OP hasn't been able to find a full time job and really can't afford to move out, then it's fair he stays at home. I think OP's issue is more about her pressuring him, rather than the moving out thing itself
>>16514978
Your gf sounds too immature for that step. Being passive aggressive over text is not the way to handle problems in an adult relationship.
>>16515100
Nail on the head, If I had a full time job and could afford to move out then I would definitely have moved out and rented a house/flat.
Anon is correct, my issue is more about her pressuring me over this.
Anon all I can say is don't do it. I buckled and listened to my ex and went along and got a place we could move into, we haven't even been here 6 months and we are already broken up. She basically ended things with me on thanksgiving out of the blue. So now she is basically forcing us to break the lease and suffer the penalty. The crazy thing is since I have a really good paying job moving is nothing to me but everything she has car, phone, etc was bought by me and is in my name, what makes the situation even worse is she hadn't worked for two years and has a 3 year old. So after all of the begging and trying to convince me into moving in together she wants to leave because she feels "powerless". I'm thinking how in the world are you gonna find a job and get a new place by your self appointed deadline of January?
>>16515138
Jeez thats sucks. I have a 3 month old and it took her to get my bf to move out of mommys. Rent is low and he only pays rent. I cover utilities internet and everything for my daughter. And hes barely making it but he is happy as $h!t for getting out of his parents house and says he wishes he had a baby so much earlier
Men are pussy peter pans on this thread. One year is plenty of time to give a relationship a trial. She has her shit together so it is entirely rational for her to want to get her life settled down! There is nothing wrong with that. If you aren't going to man up & take the relationship to the next level than she is right to consider leaving you. Don't waste either of your time! If she wants a man who is capable of giving her a deeper commitment she is entitled to that. She doesn't need to waste another year or 7 hoping you become a man. Sorry to say but the landscape of relationships has changed & women aren't helpless awaiting a man to support them. Since we are self sufficient and taking better care of ourselves than men even can provide for us, we don't need to put up with the peter pan waiting game anymore. There are plenty of men prepared and ready for a good strong woman like you have. If you can't step up to the plate it's certainly going to be your mistake to lose a woman like her. Don't listen to these guys on here. ..she can & will find a guy to settle down with & it won't take years. Don't make the mistake of becoming an insecure unready for real life pussy man. Be a real man! If you want a woman...you will have to man up and give this commitment to a woman someday. ..just don't mistakenly think this woman should or will wait for that day. She is totally right to say at 1 year...is this going forward or not. You decide if you want to be a real man or peter pan. Either way, she will have the life she wants & has,worked hard to have with or without you.
& I'm 100% sure of this bc I'm happily married in just under 2 years. ..with 3 sad & sorry peter pan exs that I didn't let waste my time, good riddance. ..they are still putzing around alone, one even got a cat lol...so please, don't listen to the seriously bad advice of other guys that are likely commitment aphobic or can't get a good woman like you have!
>>16515149
Well in your case I don't see anything wrong with moving in with each other if you have a child together. To me that makes sense.
>>16515071
Love this!
>>16515159
If she were a strong wymminz as you imagine her to be, she would have her own place and would be supporting herself. She wouldn't feel the need to bow to peer pressure about not having a house and kids. She'd be happy doing her own thing, regardless of what the man in her life is doing. That's true independence.
Now get back to pasture, you heifer.
>>16515053
You are just dumb. Your advice is such clear evidence you are an idiot kek
>>16515175
I did this and held down our situation for four years. Then the baby and i said if you want to be with her you pay rent.
Im 29 - kids these days probably move faster - i never lived with a man until i sort of supported him but he was never officially on a lease with me til 29
>>16515199
I don't know why you keep talking. Your situation has absolutely nothing to do with OP's. There isn't a single factor in your life that's similar to his.
>>1651520
i know im just bored
>>16515159
she didn't gave a good reason to move in together
she basically said that since everyone else is doing it, they should do it too
it's just like a child who want a toy because all the other kids have it
it looks like she is in it just to tell other people that she has her own home to other people, just an impatient and insecure person
>>16515095
>not living low rent or rent free
>not banking that dosh
>not moving into your own house at 29-30 with 20% down, 30k retirement account and 10k in cash and a stable job
>wanting to get a place because of a girl
>>16514978
how do you feel that she considers your relationship inferior to her friends relationships and is willing to treat you like shit for it?
>>16515063
a guy calls your gf stupid and makes her out to be a fucking braindead idiot, and you want to buy him a beer?
fucking hell. i dont understand anyone anymore.
>>16515449
If the shoe fits, man. She's definitely a dumb broad.
>>16514978
She talks like a 15 year old. How guys even give women like this a chance is beyond me. She must be pretty hot.
Never let a ho affect any decision you make about your education or career. Never let women shame you into commiting to their by-now loose cunts. Hoes wanna be hoes and "settle down", let them settle or go barren trying. Find a new cumdumpster if she pressures you too much, your career is far more important.
Women are the gatekeepers of sex, men are the gatekeepers of commitment. And on top of that, men who take care of their bodies and their careers age like wine.
Escalate your relationship, your commitment on your terms only, when you're ready and financially independent, and you will have no shortage of younger girlfriends seeking your commitment when you're older.
