Hello, /adv/.
My girlfriend, who seems to be infatuated with me, and me with her, was raped, when she was 4 years old, by her father's friend. This changed her deeply. She got Stockholm'd with him until up to, by her, last year. She's 17. She did use the word ''fallen for him''. We started dating months back, so it's been a while. I have heard worse secrets from people that trust me and i trust. The friend sometimes visit her house because of her father. No one knows about this apparently. She refuses to tell anyone, so that it wouldn't ''ruin her family'', or the ''guy's life''. She's actually kinda grateful it happened because, by her words, it prevented her from becoming a shit rebellous person. I've talked with her, she seems to have changed some of her absurd views.
However, it bothers me, a lot. I've been ''abused'' aswell, just to take that out of the way. It bothers me a lot that all this time she kept liking her abuser, her fucking father's friend. The dude had about 15 to 17 years at the time. She made active effort during those years to approach, even get intimate with him. He (fortunately) always ignored and avoided her. The feelings might be gone. But, God dammit, does it hurt me and fills me with doubt. It'll eventually settle, i think. I'm goog with dealing with those things. But not now. At this moment, it's a fucking shit sensation. She's seen him this year, and she said it did nothing with her. She's very passionate with me and only mentioned the abuse and the guy once. But did it get stuck in my head. During sex, even intrusive thoughts of the act went by, and even though i hid it, it fucking ruined the rest of the day for me. How can i deal with this ? It's a selfish, i'm aware. I'm being an asshole with her and myself. Of course i haven't talked with her regarding this. She can't do anything. I know she likes me. I'm better than the dude in all aspects. But, sometimes, a tiny part of me just keeps saying ''you can't compete with him''.
Sorry for the retarded way i typed. I don't know why it came off like that.
>>16514523
She was raped by him at 4 years old and he ignored her after? wut
>>16514646
My theory is that he regrets it and tries to stay away as much as possible nowadays. She says it never happened again after that one episode.
>>16514655
Did he rape, molest, or fondle her?
Rape means stick his dick in.
Molest means he touched her vag and/or he had her touch his dick with hands/mouth.
Fondle means he rubbed her down, but no full-on contact.
>>16514669
Rape. Vaginal, Anal and Oral.
>>16514694
...How could she never tell anyone?
Children typically never keep that stuff to themselves, and dicks don't fit in holes that small without the other party hating it.
Sorry OP, but this is either bait or your gf is one of those girls who lie about rape for attention. There's just no way I can believe this.
>>16514703
She didn't tell anyone of the family. She told about 2 or her best friends about it. She wasn't raped when she was with me, nor she enjoys too much attention. She did have all the symptoms of someone who was raped. All the mannerisms and manias. I really fucking hope she is just lying, i really do. She says she wanted ''more'' after it happened, even as a child (doubtful as fuck,i know), and she kept trying to approach him, up to last year.
>>16514523
>She refuses to tell anyone, so that it wouldn't ''ruin her family'', or the ''guy's life''. She's actually kinda grateful it happened because, by her words, it prevented her from becoming a shit rebellous person. I've talked with her, she seems to have changed some of her absurd views.
That's pretty crazy. She's still young, so there's a chance more of the crazy might go away once she's older. If the way she feels bothers you, well, you can't just go and change how people feel about that kind of stuff overnight.
>>16514712
And the friends didn't tell anyone? Wtf?
>>16514747
No idea. I think not. She really trusts them. I told her, ''Tell your mother, what the fuck. Why do you care what happens with the dude ?'', i do understand the familiar aspect, though. Her mother is already too rigid on her.
>>16514737
>that's pretty crazy
You tell me, man. I'm willing to try. I'm willing to help her, and i'll. But, be in my place here. There isn't a single non disgusting thing in this whole shit.
>she got raped as a fucking 4 year old
>she ''likes'' it (as a 4 year old/onwards)
>she falls for the guy, in love with him until last year
>she attempted to get closer to him (guy at least had the fucking decency to not give in)
>she was actually glad it happened, because, by her words, she'd be a bad person if it didn't (she noticed the absurdity of such statement the second i looked at her)
>the fact she mentioned she used to go crazy whenever she saw him
I could deal with anything except Stockholm. Why i'm still trying? She said she isn't into him anymore for some time (she said she ''gave up''). It's been an year and all, nothing points that she stills feels anything for him. But damn, does it hurt, dude. I'm not an insecure person, and , as i've stated, i'm better than the faggot at everything but raping kids. How can i deal with this ? I don't think i'm worried about cheating, even i some part of me might be. I don't know. There's lots of those ''little parts of me'' with those fucking intrusive thoughts and insecurities and uncertainties i've never had before, and i've dealt with heavy shit, relationships-wise or not.
>being in a relationship with someone who clearly needs many years of therapy
>>16514694
She is lying. A 4 year old cannot be anally and vaginally raped without there being serious damage that wouldn't go unnoticed.
>>16514816
I also think so, and told her so. She hadn't even the capacity to fully comprehend what was happening, to ''enjoy'' what was happening.
>>16514800
I'm aware. I'm completely agaisnt sticking my dick in crazy. But what keeps me going is that worst parts are over. Now there's just a few guiddance and helping here and there to get rid of the bullshit thoughts and reasonings of her. But it's hard, and i'm being a fucking hypocrate, because i've left people i've loved before because i saw i wouldn't be happy with them.
>>16514816
I think this is the case.
I feel if a 4 year old was anally/vaginally raped, there would be so much blood and tearing.
I heard of an 8 year old who was raped by an old guy, and she died from internal bleeding.
>>16514737
the "crazy" isnt going to eventually fade away as she gets older. something like that will permanently damage a person for the rest of their life. she just needs a therapist to properly deal with her issues. but >>16514800
>>16514774
then why did you come here if you know that she wants you and only you. she even trusted you enough to tell you all the shit that's happened to her and you get on your computer and cry about how you feel inferior to her rapists on an advice board? what the hell is wrong with you?
>>16514816
But i also don't understand. It makes sense to get attracted because of the intimacy aspect. She was a child, discovering stuff, and the dude meddled with it. But why would she lie ? It makes no sense a 4 year old could feel such sexual pleasure. Why tell me this, and her friends, if it wasn't true ? She never had sympathy from me becaus eof that and she knew it. I explained to her it makes little sense, but it's in the past, and if she really is over him and all that, there's no problem. There was no drama, there was no bond-deepening. She jus apparently told me something that was burdening her, we talked about it a bit, and it was over.
>>16514834
Exactly. I shouldn't feel this way, this is unlikely of me. I just want to know what's happening with me. It's just something hard to deal with, not the rape itself, but it's consequences. And again,>>16514800, yes, i agree. I won't be her savior, her hero.Very likely i won't cure her of any deep issues she has because i'll treat her like a girlfriend, not a patient. I just want a way to deal with this better, another view of the situation. I'm being unreasonable, i'm aware.
>>16514845
She has major issues. She wasn't attracted to him at 4. She is making that up to justify liking him now which is still super weird. Dump her she is full of lies.
>>16514523
It's time to leave, >>16514523
anon.
>>16514523
It's time to leave, anon.
>>16515051
That may be. But she apparently stoppedliking him long before knowing me. And also, she knows i'm completely intolerant to cheating, or anything that would compromise my faith of her big time. She doesn't seem to like him, but i guess you never know. It doesn't reallymakes sense for her to foreshadow, for example, a break up because of him or a cheating.She knows the second i start to suspect of her big time, i'd just leave. She also has nothing to gain from doing this, as far as i can tell. She can have a lot of guys,,-she's pretty-, if she wants. I'm not defending her, just to make sure.I'm just trying to argue points, perhaps foolishgly, since i'm defending someone that isn't me, that can act in an unexpected way.
>>16515073
Perhaps, anon. I'm willing to, but i don't want to yet. But maybe i'll have to.
>>16515120
Okay well your girlfriend is actively lying to you. That's worse that cheating to me.
>>16515129
Indeed she may be. What i'm trying to understand is, why would she ? She has, again, no sympathy, not pity, from me. And she knew she wouldn't have long before she told me. What is she trying to say ? She also has other issues. It's not like she's martyrying herself over this.
>>16515154
You say you aren't giving her anything but you posted a thread about it so you obviously care and gave her some kind of reaction.
Girls lie for lots of reasons. Most of the time is more complicated than a simple explanation and may take years of therapy or self exploration for her to understand what that is. But the bottom line is she is going to be toxic for the people around her who buy into her shit.
>>16515186
She doesn't know it affected. She almost certainly won't, aswell. I'm very careful regarding showing those kind of things to someone i'm with. I acted with her as directly as i should when she told me. I came in here looking to find a new way to see things, which i'm succeeding, thanks to the folks here. Still. A rather weird thing to lie about, to me, of all people. But i do take what you say in consideration. I'm worried more about her past than anything, since i'm deeply concerned it might affect our present and future.
>>16515220
Are you autistic?
>gf told me she was raped
>I gave her zero sympathy
>I only care how this will affect me
>>16515248
Sorry if i sounded that way. I just need to take this better, so i can be there for her, and actually help, in case this comes back to haunt her. As people said, she's young. Sadly, i can't rely on her to take care of her and our own problems alone. I'll have to act, at least for now, for myself and a bit for her.
>>16514523
The more I see of these the more I think they're just stories designed to elicit feelings of deepened intimacy and protective instincts in the guy.
Congrats OP, you were told a deep dark secret by your GF to cement your relationship and you fucked it up.
Never, EVER play with Schrodinger's slut. Never date a girl who claims to have been raped, it's a lose-lose situation.
1. If it's bullshit, a lie or grey-area "rape according to feminists", she's a psychopath and you might be her next victim. Drop her inconspicuously.
2. If it's true she's probably got severe mental issues, it's not your job to deal with it and it will come back to bite you in the ass thanks to current gynocentric society's culture of victimization/attention-seeking. Drop her inconspicuously.
Don't play with Schrodinger's slut. Initiate exit plan ASAP.
>>16515346
I didn't fuck it up. I didn't speak with her about this again at all.
>>16515546
Exit procedures have already been planned. Her issues aren't that bad, but if they seem to be, i shall do so. I just wish i could be happy with her. I could deal with one or two stresses, not torrents of bullshit , dramas and traumas. But, if i can work with the little bit i have.
>>16515645
Nah, you're just still in denial and clinging to blue-pill fantasies while attaching your happiness to her.
You're still ignoring the red flags when you should, by all accounts, have bailed already.
She was obviously not raped, just "raped". She's obviously still attached to him. He's his alpha. She is settling for you, and she will resent you for it.
Exit NOW.
>>16515775
I should leave for such thing that she told me ? Like i said, she enver mentions him. She just said those things during the conversation itself. And it's been a long time, she's been with other people. I'm not her first ever since she ''stopped liking him''. Not that i'm ignoring your advice. You're speaking from a third person perspective, not influenciated by my feelings, therefore, a clearer vision than mine. But, is this really right, anon? She told me in confidence. I don't know if she expects anything from it, and she did, she didn't get anything as far as i can tell. What would she expect by doing this ?
You and her should get an apartment and get away from her family and figure it out I hope it works for you guys
