Tell me. Why do you go on?
>>16505403
I want to make movies, and i have this delusion/hope that things might get better. :(
>>16505403
Dunno, slim hope I'll feel well somehow.
Drinking myself to death.
A lot of the right side and some of the left on your pic explained it all pretty much, op. Living in the here and now.
>>16505403
Because I think life is awesome if you know how to live it.
>>16505403
>Why do you go on?
blowjobs, video games, getting drunk, getting high, sunshine, pizza
No matter what happens to me or how I feel, if I can help someone else in any way, even if I have to tear myself apart to do it, I will feel useful.
With the exhaustion of depression preventing me from even faking a better mood, I am inching closer to being ready to kiss this world and this big stupid anxious brain goodbye.
I can analyze a situation from so many different angles and I can explain improvised concepts that even I don't fully understand as if I know what I'm talking about but I can't crack a smile. I can have any trait people need me to. When they stop needing me at all, that's when I'll go.
One down already.
Life has much left to offer. If I kill myself now, chances are I don't get another chance to live.
Basically, I'm just curious about what else there is in/to life. Every day is a new experience if you allow it to be.
itt: AMERIKEKS BEING KEKED EVEN THOUGH THEY LIVE IN AMERICA
>>16505667
say what
Because I have a dog and her cute little self depends on me. I have family that will be devastated. I have potential and goals. Food tastes good. Video games are fun. I owe people commissions and I don't like disappointing them or backing out of commitments. I would rather sit around being bored waiting for something interesting to happen than to end things completely. I'm scared of death and the prospect of that being the end with no alternate existence. I don't like pain. Masturbtion feels good. I want to find love. I want to raise children. I want to see the world advance.
>>16505403
So much to fap to so many dank memes to browse.
I go on because I'm too fucking stubborn not to.
I cannot claim to have suffered heroically, but I've been through some shit. A few times, I've even wondered why I go on. But the fact is, I don't want to die, and I know it, and that's how I clamp down around old Thanatos when he rears his ugly head. It would be nice for the pain to end, but ultimately, I want to live. So I live, pain and all, while I seek solutions I can live with.
And the heck of it is, I'm finally starting to get there. It took a long time and a lot of heartache, and, like I said, a hell of a lot of stubbornness. But things are starting to look up, and although I am unconfortable claiming things so epic, it feels like the end of the book of Job.
It's become a lot easier for me once you stop trying to be 'normal'.
I'm fucking batshit insane on the inside and I don't think I can stop. It's kind of fun I want to say. Almost like a video game on Hard mode.
If I ever fly off the handle though, I'll kill myself before I actually entertain any of darker thoughts on other people.
I don't want to hurt my family. If I had no brother or parents I'd probably take my life, it's just matter of planning.
I just can't get over her..
Cause I have a finite amount of life, but an infinite amount of death afterwards.
>>16505403
if you apply that picture to everyday life, you'll either kill yourself or end up as that cringeworthy kid
>>16505763
>Almost like a video game on Hard mode.
my thoughts everyday anon
>>16505785
Firm. How do you do?
Till Christ returns or calls me home, there's a reason I'm here, and I'm not gonna stop until I'm done.
I'm not done yet.
>>16505403
I was told that I use both equally. While I am creative and indulge in writing and art, I am also the kind of person who points out people's logical flaws in arguments, and I write code.
I've also heard that there's no left and right brain.
>>16505403
Something interesting might happen tomorrow.
My purpose for living so far has proven to be non-existant. I hold on to the hope that I might become somewhat important in the future. Plus, I would hate to miss out on WW3
It's almost purely ego drive now
I use to have some dreams or even fanstry I will be better than people I knew and will somehow impress unknown individuals in my head. Now i just want to prove to other's I can live or keep on breathing being me. It might sound confusing but I want to prove I'm alive.
Idk
I have a child that needs me, a cat that needs me, and parents that would be absolutely destroyed if I died. I haven't thought of suicide since I had the baby. I'm really excited to watch him grow up.
I know it gets better, there's always a silver lining behind those dark clouds.
Because I have a lot to do
somewhere deep down inside me some hope survives that i wont be alone for my entire life. that someone wont come by and hurt me or dissapoint me. that someone will give me a chance at living like what i see to be normal people. that maybe one day something in me will change and i could finally be normal and find something that i can enjoy.
>>16505403
The alternative is hopeless. At least now I have a glimmer of hope. Survival is a basic instinct.
>>16505413
this exactly
I'm not. I'm killing myself on Christmas.
>>16505403
Because I owe it to myself to keep moving forward. I'm determined to get to the summit after wading through all the shit and fucked up people on the way to the top. I go on because nothing keeps driving me forward that to make it to the top and look down at all the shit I had to go through to make it there, and just give all of my past selves a collective pat on the back. For all the shit each of us endured to pass the torch to the next one, for all of the convictions and beliefs we held ourselves, and for the drive that kept us going to make those we love proud. If I quit now my middle school and high school self endured all they did for nothing. Theres no point in giving up, not until I can look down at all those fuckers at the bottom and spit in their faces before telling them to fuck off, when I do that, then I will stop or keep going as I see fit.
My ambition makes my family proud. I am the kid they brag about. How hollow and neglectful my life is is only for me to know and live with. I'm making the people I love the most happy and no matter how sad and alone I am I will continue doing my best to make them live as happy as they can be for as long as it takes. One they're gone, so am I. There is nothing else that I have to live for as my success no longer means anything to me.
>>16505403
I don't see why not to go on. I'm here so I'm doing shit while I'm here.
I kinda like it, honestly.
>>16505403
>Why do you go on?
I'm alive and that fact is amazing.
Do you think of the everything that is and wonder why you are here?
Lately I've been meditating and it has given me a calmness and gratitude.
http://marc.ucla.edu/mpeg/Hammer112113.mp3
this made me cry with happiness
>>16508181
also this made me laff
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24UjPsRFCcg
>>16508181
>I'm alive and that fact is amazing.
It may be incredible in a statistical point of view but is it a gift? Not in most cases.
>>16508208
It , life , being a gift or not is moot. IT is what it is , a gift or not does not matter.You and i are alive right now.
Because I'm curious to see what happens. And I have things I want to see for myself, like the world, old age, true love, and other gay stuff like that. I'd like to see how far I get before I'm no longer curious, too.
>>16505403
I'm dating an old guy who I feel is my only reason to keep living. He's the only man who treats me exactly how I want. He's a godsend.
I think I might kill myself if things end or he dies. Of course I'd never tell him this, but I've contemplated this.
I go on because I've been loved. So many people have placed so much of themselves into me. I go on because it would be a waste if I made nothing good of it.
I go on because people love me now, and it would wound them to lose me.
I go on because I have eyes to see and ears to hear and a mouth to taste and speak and hands to touch and feel. The world is beautiful and terrifying, and there are sights to see and music to be heard and wonderful moments and people all throughout it. I think the world is worth it, and it's good for me to be alive just so that one more pair of eyes exists to see it.
I go on because I love. Love makes it worth it to fight through all the numbness and the pain. Love burns brightly enough to make suffering forever worth it.
I go on because I'm all that's left of my mom, and I can feel her spirit inside me.
I go on because I've been thinking of suicide every day since before I could tie my shoes, and it'd be a shame for me to go down to something a child could conquer.
I go on because even if I'm a deeply flawed and toxic person, I'm a tiny part of something greater and wondrous and worth loving and protecting and fighting for. I go on because I choose to become what I ought to be instead of quitting.
I go on because I love and try to appreciate the entire universe, even in the tiniest insects and the greatest hurts and the most wicked people, and my self-hatred makes no sense. It doesn't even align with my own belief that everybody is worth it. I go on because I would never say the things the voices in my head say to me to anybody. It's incredibly egoistic of me to think that I, individually, am the only creature on the planet worth killing.
>>16508987
I go on because I've been so numb and so dead inside before that now I can cherish feeling hurt. I go on because I'm okay with not being happy all the time, or even most of the time, or even often.
I go on because I know that being hurt and blue and angry and afraid and confused is a natural and beautiful part of this whole trip. I know that there's some spark deeper down and more vital than happiness, and that it can keep you going even when you don't feel joy for a very long time. I know because I lost it before. I go on because an extremely bittersweet and sorrowful existence is still a worthwhile one, and even sad songs have beauty and meaning in them.
I go on because I have promises to keep. I go on because I have points to prove. I go on because there are things I look forward to. I go on because there are things I want to do that nobody else might.
>>16505440
>>16505413
>>16505461
>>16505755
>>16507170
>>16507235
>>16507285
>>16507277
>>16508181
I would add a GL pic as well, but this sums some of you up perfectly.
I've never read so much emotional shit in 4chan in one thread.
So many feels, 1 thread.
Spite, mostly.
>>16509036
Brought me straight from tears into kek.
Fear mostly.
However, I am hoping with the purchase of a gun, and an emotional impulse, will help me overcome that. I don't give a good god damn who I hurt along the way as I'm tired of feeling miserable and depressed each and everyday. I can be easily forgotten and people can fucking move on since I'm not important enough to care about: If I could refund my life, I'd do so in a heartbeat.
>>16505403
>Tell me. Why do you go on?
>Work
Work is fantastic. Don't reaIIy do too much and the dosh is great.
Some peopIe at the pIace are jeaIous because they know l make doubIe what they do and easiIy do 4 times the work but it's onIy the ugIy peopIe anyway.
Not just ugIy outside (which they are, ironicaIIy they are horribIy unfit, non-hygenic, and the most negative and judgmentaI, how?) but inside they are just so wound up and negative, Iooking for rewards without putting in any work. Minimum wage, singIe, in your 30s and you're stiII coming in Iate, doing things wrong, not doing anything at aII, smoke breaks when you know you're about to be needed, saying you can't do work because "the doctor" said you can't yet you've never brought a note, busted for Iying on the appIication you didn't even speII your name correctIy on, the Iist doesn't end with these peopIe and sureIy you've run into them too.
But as you progress, you feed on that jeaIousy as a vaIidator that you're getting somewhere in Iife, especiaIIy when you're so much younger than them. You wiII aIso connect with those at work and in your fieId that are more successfuI and Ieave the negative behind as they waste away. Learn this earIy and Iearn to ignore them. Never Iet a negative work environment be a thing for you. This is aII just a side note because so many peopIe discuss this and it's siIIy if you are positive and hard working. OnIy you can bring you down as you work your way up, remember that.
>>16509154
>Continued
That's a big reason to keep going on in itseIf, seeing your checks getting bigger and bigger whiIe they get their hours cut at a horribIe wage. No matter how bad you think it is, it gets better if you stay positive and you wiII appreciate not being in their position as you watch them eat each other aIive at the base IeveI.
Continuing with this, the attractive peopIe (again, not just physicaIIy but at work it kind of is, IuckiIy) are the ones l'm cIose with but that's because they come from weaIthy famiIies and aren't working on their next heart attack over jeaIousy. But they are very humbIe about it, the hardest working, and very patient as they work their way up.
The femaIes are hot and interested there too, huge bonus.
This brings the next point.
>>16509156
>Women
Ever since earIy H S, attractive women have aIways been around, and started working out way earIy too. AIways kept in shape. AIways Iifted and made sure to Iook good and approachabIe PIus it's great for emotionaI upIift.
Pretty much aIways in a good mood and Iifting onIy makes it better. Met a few women friends turned reIationships from the gym (top quaIity women too). Gym was a thing from H S to now, same with the women from them. Now it's work and spots with women after work. There are 8/10+ quaIity women everywhere and aII you need is a good Iook and a good personaIity. Looking good has never been a probIem with Iifting since heaIth is huge personaIIy, but just Iook nice and have a good quaIity about yourseIf too. Quaiity, the next point.
>>16509160
>QuaIity of Iife
AIways had good friends since picking some good ones earIy. New friends are top notch mainIy from meeting them through women (high cIass workers, brothers, etc) for a tight circIe of good Iooking, smart and heaIthy friends. We're aII good infIuences on each other and are there for each other. Same with the famiIy. They are aIways outgoing and checking in on me, but not annoyingIy it's aIways in a good way. They are motivating and a Iarge reason for going on (as you asked originaIIy). Even if you have one parent, no parents, no sibIings, etc you can stiII have a good circIe of peopIe around you, and one day you can make a good famiIy of your own. Do not be down on yourseIf, your future potentiaI famiIy can be a great thing. Another thing to Iook forward to.
And that is the Iast point
>>16509165
>Looking forward
Look forward to things. Set goaIs. Have ideas. Have dreams. Your Iife is up to you. No one can force you to be sad. No one can force you to stay sad.
Bad job? Leave it. Negativity surrounding it? Find a new one, start there first chance you get.
Bad reIationship? BiIIions of peopIe out there. Find one for you. lt might not be the next one, but they're out there. Don't be afraid to Ieave. Once you waste that time with the wrong one you knew was wrong that time is gone forever. Make a move.
Same with a hobby. Pick a positive hobby up as fast as you can. The Iast thing you want is to find out 20 years Iater that you're a great artist, musician, photographer, runner, writer or any of the things you Iike. There is no reason not to try it now and you can stop when you want. Not having that hobby and finding out years Iater wiII Ieave you with a Iot of regret.
ReIationships, hobbies, whatever they are do not waste time because you do not have a Iot. That is why Iooking forward is so important. Have goaIs and get cIoser every day. Set smaII goaIs, set huge goaIs. Reach one today, reach one at 50. Just start making your way towards them.
There are miIIions of reasons to go on. HopefuIIy if you read this you find a few. Skim through, write a few down and consider them before you go to sIeep tonight, and maybe tomorrow you wiII take a few of them and discover your own reasons to go on. lt can be one reason, or it can be many, but there are aIways reason to go on.
Find them, anon. Find them.
Goodnight.
I'm not really here anyway. This world is all an illusion and I'm just going with the flow, partaking in things that this illusion has programmed me to believe I have to do: work, bills, responsibility. Everyone in this world was placed around me for some unknown reason, but I'm actually alone. No one is real. It's all a fantasy.
>>16505665
>every day is a new experience if you allow it to be
That's actually inspiring
To hopefully later serve my country and then spite those who didn't want me to go on later. Plus at the moment there is a girl so she's a good reason for me to keep going.
>>16509187
It's not fantasy nor illusion. Your life is sliding right past you as you allow it to.
I am depressed to the point of being near unable to function and yet I feel aggravated by thoughts such as this. I can't grab it while it slides past me, but I keep trying anyway. It is the only thing I have left to do now. The least you can do is try.
Honestly, nothing. Nothing keeps me here. I guess it doesn't matter anymore.
My inability to overcome my survival instinct
The misfortune of others
>>16505462
Are you me?
Sounds like you need to chill out, get your mind off stuff
>>16505413
This but i want to write for cartoons
>>16506050
>also heard that there's no left and right brain.
>X rays
suicide is shameful
>>16505403
Of course I'm going to go on. My life is great!
>>16509036
this is awesome
"i'm still here because fuck you, that's why"
>>16505403
>Tell me. Why do you go on?
Because everything is going great and has been for about 4 years now. Are you working on making things better for yourself?
>>16505403
Because it might get better.
ive been through so many hard times, and ive done so many psychedelics, ive even seen my friends die while i was on those drugs, its just kinda broken me in a way that works well enough to function.
I wake up every morning in absolute pain, and i see things as if i never stopped tripping, i even have ghost conversations with exs and old/dead friends, im reminded of what i lost every day.
but all in all were just stupid brains in lousy, ugly ass vessels always thinking that there is something more to life when there isnt. were just sacks of meat in a cruel world.
so ive just kinda taken on nihilism (the belief that nothing matters and there is no real point in caring about anything) but in a positive way.
everything on this shitty planet is shit and im here, so why not fuck shit up until im gone?
primary reason
>I made it this far, might as well stick it out for another 70-80 years
>fairly good odds that I'd die in a car accident/heart attack/random violence before that, so why rush my hand?
>might get a good job or get a qt3.14 gf
secondary reasons
>i couldn't live (lol) knowing that my parents would have to move/sell my stuff. it'd probably break them as people and make their last years unnecessarily painful
>my parents kept me fed/clothed/safe/educated for 22 years, factor that their investment in me is (financially) somewhere in 6 figures, I owe it to them to at least try to make something out of my life
>couldn't put my friends through it, that would fuck up a few of them pretty bad
>beer is pretty good
>i might get laid one more time before i die
I want to do my best to make a video game studio, even if it means the hardship of having my first couple games I make, I make alone and the insanity that brings. I want to make games and VR games and make them the best they can be; for the future and until the day I die.
To leave my mark on the world or even legacy like my hero Shigeru Miyamoto I think having lots of beloved games and fans be sad about your death is a sweet way to go as an old man.
>>16511624
i feel the feel bro, im nowhere now but imma do school someday for game creation
>>16511406
Watching a friend die on psychedelics is heavy man. If you don't mind me asking was it related to the drug?
Other people give a shit about life, so I don't want to ruin it for them.
>>16505403
Pic: False dichotomy is false.
>>16509154
>>16509156
>>16509160
>>16509165
>>16509169
>All this bragging
I normally try to be happy but Jesus anon, I'm not sure why you're even posting here other than to feel good in comparison to others. With the exception of your thing at the end which was ham-fisted to make it seem like you posted here to contribute something, I felt like I was reading the story of somebody who's never had a bad day in his life, which makes it really alienating and almost impossible to extract any value from.
>>16512493
>normally try to be happy for people*
Is what I meant.
I want to find out how the story ends
Will human civilization crumble before I sort my life out?
We will find out
>>16512493
>>16512500
This might be wrong but reading it just now it seems he had obstacles but got over them with positivity and hard work and he tries to keep those kinds of people around him which made his life better.
And there are things like where he started working out really early so that's always been a benefit (would've been nice to start early too, was kind of unfit until 2 years ago) so being in shape and girls weren't a problem either.
Then he talks about his friends and picking and choosing them to have really good ones around. The having a great family part probably doesn't apply to most here (because a lot of people come on here with family probs to begin with) but that's really cool. Have a family like that too and it's really great and important for positivity like he says.
The end makes a lot of sense and is great info. It's all really good but yeah it can seem like bragging.
It's all anon though and no one will ever know who it is so it doesn't really matter. In person it would seem super braggy though but on here it worked. He's not tripping like some pathetic ones on here that get put on ignore all the time.
Only read that because of your post but got a lot from it. This could all be wrong but that's what it felt like it was supposed to be about.
It's really difficult to say. I mean I want to succeed, but life keeps giving me reasons not to want to continue, like it's upping the challenge at every opportunity it gets.
>>16505403
Basically two reasons.
1 - I don't wanna hurt my family/friends that deeply. I've dealt with suicides within my own friend circle before and wouldn't wish that upon the people I share blood with.
2 - I'd rather see what life amounts to. It's fairly shitty right now, and if it's still like this or worse in 10 years I might re-evaluate. But theres no way to tell, so may as well wait and see.
I don't want to. I have thoughts of shooting myself in the head every night. Literally the only reason I haven't is because people have guilt tripped me into the whole "it's selfish for you to end your miserable life. Think of your friends!"
Fuck I hate this shit..
>>16505403
Because I want to kill and watch my enemies die bleeding and there's a chance I might get that.
I honestly don't know. The thing I keep telling myself is suicide is the coward's way.
I just I keep pressing on to find my purpose.
>>16505403
Why do I need a reason to live?
For the sake of those who love me.
I died a decade ago. My body is still alive. When the last of those who depend on me no longer require me, I'm ending my body.
>>16505403
>Determination:
Because the most ferocious underdog can become an alpha in the end.
>Optimism:
I've been through terrible times before. If I know I can make it through, then why would I ever stop?
>Antipathy:
There are too many people I hate in this world. I'd never let them see me give up and die like a bitch. I want them groveling in anger and pure frustration at how far beyond them my achievements have gone. I will continue to hone myself until mere mention of my name sends shivers of reverent fear down their spines.
>>16512828
So basically, this song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwPb7g_BlXQ
>>16512843
Yeah, exactly!
Simply for the experience, sometimes the journey itself is better than the destination.
>>16512843
Whoah, that was pretty cool, anon.
I was expecting Linkin Park, not actual motivational music....
>>16512871
>>16512889
Actually, I found a better one, in my opinion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcThFswcLB0
>>16512937
This is like Rocky IV and Karate Kid combined. I never knew this existed!
>>16512843
>>16512871
>>16512889
>>16512937
>>16513098
>Anons surprised by something from almost 40 years ago that is widely regarded
I get off the bed every morning for the possibility of having a glimpse of her face, for the possibility of looking at her eyes, for the possibility of her looking at mines.
I'm working to create a new world. I know it's just a dream as all my life is. But nerveless i walk forward and fall and keep walking afterwards without a moment to rest because of her ,because of me, because of the world.
As pointless as my existence is, I know people will miss me, be sad or even crushed. My mom is too weak now in her old age and I don't know what a broken heart might do. There are a few days each month where I do experience joy but the rest are void of any positive emotion. Those few days kinda make it nice.
The best thing that happened today was a nap on my couch. Had a dream about owning a farm with a freckled redhead girl and just riding a horse around the place.
Waking up was hell.
Because I'm happy.
When I went through my last bout of depression, I lost a bunch of phobias because I didn't fear death as much - lel I sound like I'm from Tumblr. It also made me more confident. When I honestly contemplated suicide, it hit me that death is just a state. It's hard to explain but something clicked for me.
I'm slowly walking towards getting a psychology degree that I'll follow up with a masters and eventually I hope to become a doctor of psychology and maybe go towards psychiatry.
Seriously, though. I've never told my friends about how I considered suicide whilst being depressed and how I even planned it so that I would know what I'm doing.
I'm just really happy.
Heyguyshowsitsgoingkripparrianhere, just bought Alien Isolation, turns out its prettttttttttttttttttttttttttty good.
