Fatty wife
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Wife is becoming a fatty. What do?
undermine her appearance in subtle ways in day to day interaction.
if you don't want to do this? you don't care about your wife enough.
OR
You could always do the honest thing and tell her she's fat to her face? i'm sure that will go well
> tell her she's fat to her face
Take up healthy habits and encourage her to join you with them.
>>16478651
Could you elaborate on what you mean? I want to know how to hint to my gf if S ever gets overweight that she should lose weight.
Same here OP.
I go to the gym, watch what I eat and avoid drinking too much.
She has no self control and has noticed the way I look at her when she's eating shit or drinking too much. She has just told me that she sees the way I silently criticize her and is starting to resent me for it. She says she feels as if I'm always judging her and she has to watch what she eats around me. She's 5'9 170lbs. Up 20lbs from when we met
Your wife will pick up on the subtleties.
I got fat during my long term relationship. Tell her in the nicest way you can think to phrase it. Be prepared for tears. Assure her that you are not leaving her and that you'd like to be a little healthier too. Most of weight loss has to do with diet. It might help her if you cook some of the meals. There are actually plenty of low calorie meals that don't taste like utter garbage. You can eat the same meal even if you just want to maintain and not lose, just eat a bigger portion of it. Throw away the junk in the house. Plan a cheat meal once a week or once every other week and take her out for a meal of her choosing assuming she has made weight loss progress that week. It's fairly easy to cut out enough to lose a pound or two a week. Support her in whatever way you can instead of attacking her. Yes, women are sensitive about their weight so you have to tread carefully but don't fully avoid the issue or your sex life will go to crap and one or both of you will end up cheating. I've lost 20 lbs so far and my fiance is very happy that I've taken his desires into consideration. It's no longer a sore point as I am actually doing something about it.
Stop being so shallow. Looks can matter, but they don't have to. You should be fine with her if you love her.
>>16478718
>Be prepared for tears
Why? WTF? It's not like she doesn't have a mirror. What I'm trying to say is that if she's fat she's fat, it's not an insult - merely a description and no one should take offense on that.
Imagine that I say something stupid and you call me stupid. What right do I have to complain? Am I making any sense here?
>>16478728
Fatty detected.
>>16478731
It's about other's perceptions of you. These things are subjective, and you perceiving it in a way which is unanimously and culturally frowned upon, is what's hurting people. It tells the person you perceive them as negatively as everyone else perceives them. They expect more of you.
>>16478731
Maybe this isn't common knowledge. Women typically operate more off of emotion than logic, so it doesn't matter if what you say is meant to be taken as simply as just "you are like this", the emotional impact it has is going to start a shitstorm whether you wanted it to have emotional impact or not.
>>16478733
lol. Alright. I expected that. But I stand by what I say.
There's the emotional drive, and there's the 'looks' drive. OP is letting too much of his lust drive the relationship. Romantic relationships should be based on emotion if that's how it's been up until this point, and what both partners want from the relationship.
>>16478728
Not OP, but what if obesity disgusts me?
>>16478738
I see and understand what you're saying. But in my humble opinion it works both ways. You could argue that OP also expects her to take care of her own image - he expects more of her.
I realize how shallow I sound, but being married to someone you're not attracted to must be horrible.
>>16478742
Makes sense.
>>16478745
Many people can't take a joke, you are not one of them. Cheers. I wish you well.
>>16478731
It's not quite that simple. I can guarantee she's aware she's putting on weight, but she doesn't yet know that you find it a problem as well. She doesn't know that you're cringing when she takes her top off and that you hate when she over eats. She doesn't know that you consider every pounds she puts on makes it closer and closer to a deal breaker for you. It's hardest to hear it from a husband/bf. It's a bit different to you saying something silly and her calling you stupid and forgetting about it 20 minutes later. It's a real blow to your self esteem, but it's meant to be a wake up call. Not everyone is easily pushed to tears but some are so don't be a dick when you lay it on her.
>>16478746
don't get married. women use marriage as an excuse to get fat.
>>16478746
If it's true, true love it won't disgust you on your partner.
>>16478749
I don't see why 'taking care of yourself' means 'not getting fat.' Some people are focusing on other things, some people are going through mental illness, job duties, etc
Expecting more of someone shouldn't be 'I'm unattracted to you therefore you don't take care of yourself' ... unless she was obese, I could understand how that would translate into that, but when you talk solely about taking care of one's own image that's pretty subjective.
>>16478760
I'm not OP.
>>16478776
>If it's true, true love it won't disgust you on your partner.
So if I discover that my partner likes to eat her own boogers, I shouldn't be disgusted because "true, true love". Okay.
>>16478776
Are you saying that fat people take care of themselves?
>>16478783
You can be disgusted by it, but you won't love your partner any less. That's what I'm trying to get at.
"Taking care of oneself" is broad. Fat is also a spectrum. Some fat people take care of themselves mentally, or in dress, or in their family life, or in their emotional life, or in their intellectual life, etc. Some fat people aren't walking heart attacks. Some are. etc. you get the drift. maybe im overcomplicating this. Idk.
>>16478776
>I don't see why 'taking care of yourself' means 'not getting fat.' Some people are focusing on other things, some people are going through mental illness, job duties, etc
Taking care of yourself includes not getting fat. Yeah everyone has other commitments in life but you don't just suddenly get fat overnight. You have to actively eat more food than you need for an extended period of time to get fat. It doesn't matter what is going on in your life, taking care of yourself should be the number one priority of everyone at all times. One of the tasks of taking care of yourself is not getting fat and it really isn't that hard.
>>16478797
>One of the tasks of taking care of yourself is not getting fat and it really isn't that hard.
All of my this. It's actually harder to gain 20lbs. It takes quite a lot of food.
>>16478797
You might not get fat overnight, but it's easy to slip into that. People are people. I don't think 'oh you gained some weight??? with your fulltime job??? and your asshole boss??? and your kids?? not taking care of yourself!' ... that just seems really unfair to me. When you say 'you don't take care of yourself' you're implying that person is somehow in the wrong due to life circumstances that got somewhat imperfect because we're all human. it just makes the person feel kind of ashamed.
yes, no one should be overweight, but most adults have too much shit going on in their lives to focus on weight loss/weight prevention when your kids are begging for mcdonalds and you don't have time to prepare something, so you eat 800 cals in a sitting to feel full.
>>16478830
>People are people
Holy fuck! Really!? And here I was thinking that people were martians.
>When you say 'you don't take care of yourself' you're implying that person is somehow in the wrong
If the person doesn't take care of themself, they are in the wrong. Plain and simple. There's no sugar coating it and if your kids beg you for McDonalds you say no. That's what parenting is. You make sure they eat healthy all week and then, on the weekend, they can have McDonalds.
>but most adults have too much shit going on in their lives to focus on weight loss/weight prevention
This is why I wake up at 5:00 am to work out before driving my kids to school and going to work. That's not an excuse and it's not unfair.
>>16478830
Those are all fatty people excuses. It's funny how the non fat people manage to still work and have a family and not get fat. I will keep judging fat people just like they deserve to be judged. Getting fat shows a lack of motivation, self-discipline and indifference to your health. If someone can't even be bothered to keep themselves healthy what are they ever going to achieve?
>kids are begging for mcdonalds
They can beg all they fucking want. Learn to say no for once.
>you don't have time to prepare something
Prepare in advance and learn to cook. Making healthy meals is really easy and it doesn't take that much longer if you plan ahead. Hell if you are really busy you could just make all the food you need during a week on the weekend and just heat it up when needed.
Im so grateful to have a partner who is into big bellies and thighs
>>16478745
Of course, if the person you love has an accident and gets a disfigured face hardly anybody would stop loving.
The differences are fat does more than merely make you look bad. It's really unhealthy.
>>16478849
The latest research on willpower by baumeister et al shows that willpower has little to do with being overweight, overweight people tend to have the same reservoir of willpower as thin people, they're fat for different psychological reasons
Oprah has achieved a lot through a lot of self discipline and work, but she can never keep her weight steady
Hume was a fatty and he had the discipline to write thousands of pages on difficult philosophical topics
>>16478862
http://www.theguardian.com/books/2012/jan/18/willpower-roy-baumeister-john-tierney-review
>Unsurprisingly for a book aimed at a US readership, there's rather a lot about fatty-snacking in Willpower, and also unsurprisingly, Tierney is keen to reassure his high-BMI audience that the reason they can't drop the poundage has little to do with deficient willpower. Apparently dieting is useless for weight loss because we're naturally selected to survive famine. We can lose a chunk once in a lifetime, but the body cunningly adjusts to this self-induced cachexia and the next time we try, it simply won't work.
>Fair enough, crash dieting obviously isn't a solution to a metabolism that can manufacture avoirdupois out of avocados, but I do think it worth pointing out that you never saw anyone fat come out of Auschwitz – except Nazis. That a lack of self-control is a pervasive and growing evil in contemporary society is a truth universally acknowledged.
>>16478853
>>16478862
>The latest research on willpower by baumeister et al shows that willpower has little to do with being overweight, overweight people tend to have the same reservoir of willpower as thin people, they're fat for different psychological reasons
That's why I didn't say it's just because of willpower. Some people just don't care if they're fat.
>>Oprah has achieved a lot through a lot of self discipline and work, but she can never keep her weight steady
>a lot of self discipline and work
>still can't stop overeating
Pick one and only one.
If you have the resources Oprah has and still can't lose weight AND then stay at the desired weight it's literally only because you don't have the self discipline and motivation to stop eating too much.
>Hume was a fatty and he had the discipline to write thousands of pages on difficult philosophical topics
Yeah because philosophy was his fucking passion. Everyone can spend years doing whatever they're passionate about and love. You measure someone's self discipline and motivation when they have to do something that they don't really like but it still has to/should be done. Not getting fat is one of those tasks for majority of people. There are people who can control what they eat and how much exercise they get. And then there are those that act as if eating the proper amount of food for your activity level is a superhuman feat and impossible to achieve.
>>16478528
ITT: Fatties trying to justify why they are fat and getting blown the fuck out with logic and reason
Look at top managers, people putting in 80 hours a week working in finance, doctors working double and triple shifts in the ER and operating rooms, highly payed lawyers and the like.
How many of them are fat? How many of them make a point to wake up an hour earlier than they have to and hit the gym despite working that many hours in some of the most stressful jobs?
It is all about willpower and no matter how much stress you have with work, your family or whatever else, there is literally no excuse to be fat.
Unless your life is even more time consuming than theirs, you can hardly claim you can't make it.
There is the odd disability or disease making it hard for you to lose weight, but even then you can do it. There are medically supervised programs for that. There are dieticians, fitness trainers, physical therapy and so on.
You have literally no excuse to be fat. You only lack the willpower to stop eating too much and to change your habits.
There is a reason the richest 1 % isn't fat. You don't get rich without willpower (unless all you do is inherit money).
>>16478889
You've got something on your fedora... hold still, let me wipe it off...
>>16478890
Why the hell are you so passionate about this? People are fat. Okay. Why is this such a huge problem to people?
>>16478896
I'm not the guy you replied to but I'll go.
I don't really have a problem with fat people. I'll just silently judge the shit out of them and try avoid any interaction with them.
What makes me furious is when fatties try to claim that staying at a healthy weight is hard or it isn't about willpower and self discipline.
>>16478899
>I'll just silently judge the shit out of them and try avoid any interaction with them.
That's... kind of pathetic.
>I don't really have a problem with fat people.
Oh, okay. I couldn't tell by you silently judging the shit out of them and not wanting to give them the time of day. Guess I was confused.
>>16478896
I am not passionate about it.
There were just some things said in this thread that are plain wrong.
Someone being fat is also not a problem for me. I don't have to put up with them after all. I do have a problem of indirectly paying for their medical bills in my country, because they could change it if they weren't lazy.
I do, however, have a real problem with people going around explaining how it's all not their fault and how we should cater to their needs and if we don't, we are "fat shaming" assholes.
"Fat shaming" exists for a reason. It's unhealthy and you are supporting them in killing themselves, if you seriously want it to stop.
It is their fault for being so fat, anything else is just a lie. There are no excuses for it.
>pic related
>>16478896
Yes, it is a huge problem. :^)
Huge being the operative word here
>>16478893
Okay fatso, wipe my ass too.
>>16478896
>Why is this such a huge problem to people?
Because generally being fat implies two things, laziness and gluttony, which are nasty habits to get into.
>>16478896
>People are fat. Okay. Why is this such a huge problem to people?
Not a problem, until the person you married becomes one.
>>16478904
People do all kinds of self-inflicted shit. You're helping to pay for their hospital bills too. Let's all smoke-shame, immaturity-shame (those damn kids always getting into car accidents.), suicide-shame... Let's just start that.
Look, yes, fat people bring that onto themselves. But. You're paying for all sorts of shit that could have been prevented. So...
Why are you targeting fat people?
>>16478921
>Why are you targeting fat people?
I don't know, perhaps because that's what the topic of this thread is about?
>>16478902
>Oh, okay. I couldn't tell by you silently judging the shit out of them and not wanting to give them the time of day. Guess I was confused.
Fatties move slowly, often smell bad and take up a lot of space wherever they go, being fat also heavily implies laziness and lack of self control. All of that combined with the fact that I'm kinda active leads to fatties usually being a hindrance to me so I try to avoid them.
If I have to work or in any way interact with one I don't have a problem with that. Some people are fat and you can't just go around and refuse to interact with people that are fat. I'll treat them just like I'd treat anyone who's normal weight. I'll just judge them silently besides that.
>>16478921
>Why are you targeting fat people?
baka desu senpai
This thread is about fat people. I judge everyone who doesn't keep themselves healthy just as much. It doesn't matter if you're an alcoholic, druggie, fat or just really fucking stupid and don't care about your health I'm going to judge the shit out of you and there is nothing you can do about it.
>>16478925
It feels like if you really evened all of your anger across all facets of things you need to pay for medically, you wouldn't feel so, so strongly about this particular issue...
>>16478934
>Why are you talking about fat people on a fat people thread?
>>16478921
Did I ever say or leave the impression I don't target the others?
However, there is nobody going around saying "it's not my fault I smoke, it's impossible for me to stop because of my genes", there is also nobody claiming you simply can't avoid speeding.
Reckless driving and speeding are punishable offenses. People get "shamed" for smoking already, being told they smell bad afterwards, f.e. They are continuously reminded of the cancer risk, advertisement for tobacco on TV is illegal in my country, just like smoking in public buildings, restaurants and bars, unless they have a separate smoking room. Tobacco can not be sold to anyone under 18 and there are huge warnings on every pack.
Suicidal people need help and are automatically placed under supervision in a mental hospital until they are considered better.
And just because some people claim it's okay to be fat and we are the assholes if we don't think so, we should just agree with them? They don't have arguments and no point besides claiming it's somehow inherently wrong to call them out on bad habits and it's all not their fault while it obviously is.
In conclusion, your argument is as bad as it gets.
>>16478934
I am the guy you originally replied to.
I do feel strongly about a lot of issues. Just because there are other issues doesn't make this less of one.
I was once close to being considered an alcoholic, but I got that under control, because I saw it was bad and stopped. No help, no nothing, just willpower.
And I do enjoy a cigar every once in a while, but I don't even remember the last time I did because that was months ago. I'd also stop that if I would ever feel like it harms me in any way or like I might get addicted.
I have a personality prone to do things in excess, but I know about it and watch myself. Everyone has that obligation and if unable to has no right to complain about his situation or even demand to accommodate for their bad decisions.
The only exception to that might be certain neurological/mental disorders, but then it's your responsibility to get help for those.
>>16478944
>>16478962
Our culture is too wrapped up in looks to admit these bad habits are bad because it's associated with fatness, and fat = ugly to us. Your alcoholism and someone's smoking isn't signified as something disgusting and ugly, which, today, is the worst thing one can be.
These problems can be solved if we, or the fat people, stopped associating fat with unattractive. Sure, there's the hard way, but you don't want to be admitting every day that you're ugly and disgusting and everyone thinks so. This is why I think fat people have a hard time admitting to their bad habits when called out on it out of the blue. This is why people cry over it sometimes. A bit extreme I'd say, but, you dont see someone breaking out into sobs when told their smoking or what they're drinking is disgusting.
>>16478728
Woman detected
>>16478976
Alcoholism (I never was an alcoholic) is pretty much associated with being disgusting. People automatically start thinking of unkempt, smelly white trash, homeless people and the like. It's what the media shows, hardly ever high functioning alcoholics as that would set a bad example.
Smoking? Depends on what you like to smoke and the person asked. Cigars don't have the same stigma as cigarettes. But middle class and above pretty much think cigarettes are disgusting.
It's also good to associate these bad habits with being ugly and/or disgusting, uneducated and the like, at least in my opinion. This way people have even more of an incentive to change things. Otherwise they might just get nice and comfortable with it if everyone is okay with them. If people are repulsed, you have a darn good reason to change your ways.
I personally know a guy who was obese, just anything but disgusting or uneducated. He lost 50 kg (gained a few back, but still well under 10 kg and works to get those back off again) and people respect him for it a lot. He does say it took discipline, but he managed because he was motivated by his doctor warning him and the image his weight came with, despite having a good job in our federal government and always dressing well.
Fat people also don't need to admit to their bad habits to anyone. People already know they have those.
>>16478976
>These problems can be solved if we, or the fat people, stopped associating fat with unattractiv
You cannot control what is attractive or unattractive to you. What the hell is wrong with you?
>>16478528
get fat with her you dumb shitlord
>>16478976
Actually, full blown alcoholism IS disgusting to most people and so are the results of smoking. The difference is that while they are bad habits, someone drinking too much in public once in a while or chainsmoking a few cigarettes does not instantly impact their physical form.
People respond visually to very simple thing, for women men universally love the big enough waist-hip ratio, and women the triangle shape of broader shoulders with slim hips. This is grounded in how a healthy and fertile individual of either sex looks and cannot simply be undone for the sake of some social campaign.
Not to mention while I have way less sympathy for tirelessly bashing fat people than most posters seem to on here, I think obesity is enough of a problem without the stigma mostly being gone. I am certain that there are people who would feel empowered and free enough to lose weight if they did not feel unattractive, but losing weight requires a lot of self discipline and most people suck at that generally... it would be very tempting to just lean back if there's no real world backlash to being considered a less attractive option (or not an option at all) to date.
And before you again compare to alcohol/smoking, alcohol abuse very much thrives on how socially accepted it is and lots of countries (at least here in Europe) have very very serious issues with amount of alcohol abuse. And I feel that in the US smoking is a lot less popular among young generations (from what I read that is) and no doubt partly because it seems that more people are vocal about finding it gross and unattractive.
you git gud or you get out.
wives only become fat if their husbands are neglecting them or getting fat themselves (or unattractive in general)
women eat to suppress their feelings. if your woman has feelings that need to be suppressed you're not doing your fucking job.
>>16479059
Actually, you're a fucking cunt and nothing is more unattractive than sanctimony. I hope you die alone you wretched fucking pig.
Is she busy? Does she work/clean the house? Think of it at first in that way. Does she have better things to do?
Second, let her know you're worried about her health. Tell her that you'll go to the gym with her, cook healthier food for her, etc.
>>16479178
This person is fishing for (you)s. Don't give it to them.
>>16478528
Keep telling yourself all women are beautiful until you start visiting tumblr regularly and dye your armpits.
>>16478830
Just fucking eat less, it's not hard.
>>16478528
I love fat women. However, Do u love her or not? If you love her then talk to her and help her. ...regardless. If not, then go on your way and quit wasting her time and yours.
>>16478528
have you been forgetting to walk her at least once a day?
