How do I deal with a nagging, critical boyfriend? I feel like I can't make my own choices anymore. I can't sit alone in my own room without him barging in, grabbing a cup and whining about why I left a cup in my room (which is basically his room too because he refuses to move into his own) . I listened to his criticism over eating KFC outside the tennis court that I went to watch him play at for two hours today! I feel like I'm married to a WOMAN. I asked for some space for a few days so I can' sort out how to deal with this. I can't get a conversation out of him without hearing criticism and it's getting stressful. Please help me understand how to deal with this.
You could try...telling him this?
Breaking up is a good idea, you should try it
>>16466757
I have and I'm always shot down about it. I think I'm going to keep this break preeminent unless I get miracle advice :/
>>16466750
I'm there too. It's so frustrating. Can't say or do anything without it being wrong somehow.
>>16466750
>Please help me understand how to deal with this
what is there to understand ?
if some random guy was acting like that would you want to date him ?
so why are you dating this guy ?
I wouldn't stay with someone like that.
It's hard wired. If he's never shown any remorse for being to nit picky and controlling, he's not going to now.
This is the kind of issue dealt with in therapy. And you are not his therapist.
It's a losing fight if he doesn't already understand the concept of 'picking your battles'. He might be technically right, ("You shouldn't leave your dirty dishes when you're not using them") but what you're asking is for him to be more forgiving. Let things slide. Yes XYZ isn't technically a good way of doing ABC. But why does it have to be pointed out all the time? Can't something be done slightly differently, even if inefficient?
Likely, he enjoys having control over his life. Having things in order done the way he likes it to be done is very relaxing. But you are a wild card. He can't predict your every move and you don't inherently know every single one of his little ticks.
Talk to him, sure. His response is a different kind of answer. If he's surprised, embarrassed, compassionate, and apologetic, you have a chance. If he's annoyed, crticial, defensive, and focuses in on specific incidents than the overall dynamic of your relationship- well, there's nothing that can be done there.
>>16466773
I'm going to assume you are overreacting and it's not really "anything". Have you tried thinking about what exactly is it that triggered it and trying to find a pattern?
Sometimes you just keep doing something without realizing it, and then instead of thinking, you just turn off your brain and say "can't do anything anymore!", which is a convenient line of thought, but doesn't really solve anything for anyone.
>>16466771
Alright OP, you've done all you can do. I guess you're just gonna have to give up.
>>16466803
Hm I would have thought about this but mostly he nitpicks the spontaneous "inappropriate" things that I do, like "why did you play that song around my friends" or "you're to old to have teddy bears on your bed" rather than nagging about not doing chores or something like that and I feel limited on my personal choices at this point.
>>16466792
Thank you this was good advice.
>>16466855
I'm glad to help. I'm sorry that it doesn't look great for your relationship. I wish I could tell you it'll be fine.
