I was once in a very deep depression , and the one thing that got me out of it was finding a hobby. My particular hobby was music. I found a bass for cheap and I downloaded pdfs of music theory books from the internet and I made a point out of learning something.

After that I seemed to blossom in terms of hobbies and I had something to look forward to at the end of the day. It took a lot of patience and will to start the hobbies, but it really did pay out in the end.

After that it was fairly straightforward to find people who shared hobbies with me, now that I had some. Not only that, I had GAD and it turned out that it was cured via me calming down and setting time aside for my new hobbies. Before hand, I would struggle to be attentive to one thing before I would dive into being an anxious mess.

Hopefully this gives you a bit of advice.

>>17364268
Thank you. I am into drawing, playing the piano, and writing. These things used to usually calm me down, but i'm at the age and time where you need to start looking at your skill level for higher education.

Ever since, I have ceased to grow at a positive rate. All I do nowadays is frustrate myself over how inconsistent my gains have been in these art forms. Sometime I could be doing just fine, attempt a sketch, and manage to throw myself into a depression that lasts the rest of the night.

It's funny to look at my art from middle school/freshman year. Back then I lacked technique and drawings took hours to complete, but the end result looked alot better than what I have now. My theory is that because I was in a better space mentally.

>>17364284
>fustrate myself over how inconsistent my gains have been
I know that feeling. It's important to take a step back and look how you can improve. As with everything in life, taking a step back and observing it from a non-emotional point of view is a great tool for moving forward.

For art, I might suggest some of the Loomis books if you are at that beginner-moderate skill level. If you are better than that or just need some critique, visit /ic/ and post in one of the beginner threads and keep an open mind (along with realizing some people will say your art sucks because people on 4chan just behave that way sometimes). Improve from there. Heck, if you wanted to you can post some of your art here and I can give you some suggestions!

For music, since you are into piano I am guessing you are probably more skilled than most people. If this is true, then it is all about honing your skills further. Take a look into composing and the likes, maybe look for bands, plays, or concerts that need pianists.

For writing I do not have much of a suggestion for it since I myself am not good at it. It also is one of those hobbies that you can have a gift in and never know. So maybe if you have something finished up, you could always take a stab at getting it published if you think it might be worth it.

As for higher education, what is it that you were thinking of taking in college? I get the frustration aspect of it all entirely. But again, sometimes it just takes us coming back at it again and again and again before we finally break down some obstacle. Then we progress. It's tough and a lot of people give up which only reinforces the terrible idea further that if you don't do it at once, you'll never do it at all. But you ought to keep at it.

>>17364328
Thanks again. I'm want to do story-boarding for animation.

The advice you are giving me is very sound, alot of it I already try my hardest to apply to my life. I go through my highs and lows and I used to tolerate that cycle alot better than I do now.

The thing is, my emotional mind has been getting the better of me and straight up fucking me up in the past month or so. Even when i'm in a phase of being content (like I am now) I still dread the time when I come back down again.

On top of that, when I do, the pain comes down with an unusual amount prevalence and consistency. It's been going on for too long and i'm at the point where I am stepping back and considering my next course of action.

>>17364376
Storybaording/animation--that's pretty neat! So as with most art stuff you need to hone your skills and definitely start setting up a portfolio. I am not too sure on this, but with most art schools they usually evaluate a student's entrance based mostly on a portfolio so this is basically your goal for wanting to get into college I assume? To develop a polished portfolio?

Do you have any historical problems with family or something? Skeletons in the closet? From what you have said so far besides the depressions, I would have assumed you were just a normal person trying to get out of the work-sleep slump.

In any case, I have had some bipolar friends do this one technique where when they are in a good conscience, they write a 'battle plan' of sort for when they go into their depression. They they have some more positive direction from themselves that they have already drafted up that helps alleviate some of the despair that they feel during their downs. Since you like writing, perhaps you could write something particularly effective for yourself on why you should remain content. A small suggestion, but I don't think it will help all too much if this has been going on for awhile.

Again I will just reiterate that I think that a very important tool to you might be, when you are in a slump, try to dissociate yourself from the emotional situation at hand so you can better evaluate what to do with yourself. At this point this might be a broken record, or not very useful, but I think it is really helpful to remember in whole.

>>17364408
>this is basically your goal for wanting to get into college I assume? To develop a polished portfolio?

Yeah.

>Do you have any historical problems with family or something?

Yes. To be blunt my dad used to physically abuse me. It started one-sided, but physical fights started to erupt as I went into high-school. This wasn't limited to my dad but the bulk of the shit came from him.

It's funny because I have a decent relationship with my dad nowadays and its fucking with my head. Whenever he tells me that he loves me all I feel is ridiculously uncomfortable confusion.

>Skeletons in the closet?

Not really. I don't tolerate guilt. If I can alleviate said guilt I will.

>battle plan

I have never heard that technique before. I was almost diagnosed with bipolar (and even given medication for such) but that never went through. I can't thank you enough for suggesting me something that I haven't heard before (especially when all I hear from professionals is the same shit over and over again).

Seriously, thank you.

>>17364444
>Nice quads.

Well I highly suggest not giving up on your protfolio. Seek advice online about your art work, constantly try to improve. Also recognize that things in life don't come easy 9 times out of 10. Some days you are out of practice and some days you hit the ball out of the park. You just have to hang in there for that impending home run.

Concerning historical problems, maybe working on a relationship with your dad now that things have changed a bit more--though are awkward--would give you a different mentality. It might not be the root of the problems (if it is, please do go fix it, now), but at least it is something else for you to see beneficial change in. Perhaps your problem now is that you lack any difference in your life day to day. Going to work and coming home to sleep, no defining features in your day to day life. You want to get out of it, change up your life a bit, shake things up, go to college, improve on things. You show a lot of concern about how you have not shown a lot of change in the past years in terms of things. Perhaps that's the solution: to finally see some beneficial change in your life. Perhaps your relationship with your dad or other family members is key. Perhaps along the way you'll be helping them. Just some advice.

You seem to be in a good mindset with the skeletons, I applaud that. As for the thanks for the battle plan idea, I am surprised, but you are welcome nonetheless. I hope you figure out a lot about yourself in the coming years. Enjoy yourself, my friend.