Toxic brother
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
How to cope living with a 20-30 year old brother who sexually harasses our mother, constantly antagonizes anyone who doesn't feel like talking to him, constantly is insensitive and intrusive about people's lives.
In the dinner party at our sister's graduation, he was insulting me 2 hours straight and I obviously refused to respond. My parents didn't do anything so that we could "enjoy the night".
Out of frustration I smashed the door on his face and threatened to beat the shit out of him. He smiled and started giving me an overview of my life the past 6 months (where I hadn't spoken to him a single bit), explaining to me how fucked up my life is.
The whole time there at the graduation he was taking control of the family (for the first time when I've been with them), constantly begging for gratification from my sister and parents, acting completely normal and smiling.
He's been a toxic piece of shit my whole life, only 6 months ago or so have I finally been able to amputate him from my life, and my life has drastically improved.
If I can't feel safe in silence, how can I ever feel safe in this home? I talk to him on an equal level, he's threatened and manipulates, I don't talk to him, he's threatened. The only way I can support a relationship with him is if I accept all his past atrocities (he used to sexually harass me as a child).
My parents keep telling me to 'sort it out'. I'm seriously considering putting in place a restraining order. He won't leave the house until he gets a job, and he clearly won't any time soon. He spends every day gaming.
I'm 18, does anyone have advice on how I can personally cut him out while still living with him. What more can I do than not talk to him? How can I develop a routine to be out of the house as long as possible to avoid exposure around him?
Thanks /adv/.
Sorry for the poor level of English... I feel really disturbed while typing this
>>17352655
AW, my mean big brother is picking on me.
>>17352655
>I'm 18, does anyone have advice on how I can personally cut him out while still living with him
You can't. I'm sorry. But as long as you are living together, this toxicity is going to continue.
If you want this to end, one of you has to leave. It shouldn't have to be you, but it would probably be easier to arrange that. You mentioned being 18: what are your plans for the near future? Depending on what's coming, you may be able to make this easier.
>Sorry for the poor level of English
Actually, that was quite good. It got a little awkward in places, but that happens sometimes, even to native speakers. If you hadn't mentioned it, I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference.
>>17352655
In whic country do you live? Don't they have police, or social workers there? Ask your teachers, coworkers, neighbors, friends, other family for help. Don't be shy, lose your pride, be confident.
>>17352747
>>17352747
My father refuses to let him leave. He's convincing me that me being upset about this is me attempting to destroy the family.
I don't understand what I need to do, this is the first time my parents have put me under so much stress and confusion.
I'm thinking of calling the police to put a restraining order on him. He has threatened me with a knife before and my parents obviously justify that saying 'aw he was just angry'.
My father guilt-trips me now because he pays for some of my education, I can't bear it.
I just don't understand why I have to suffer anything. I mean, I am 100% sure this will continue and my dad doesn't care about that. I can't bear it. I'd honestly rather die or go to a foster home than stay with him...
I'm also still in school, so leaving the house isn't an option.
>>17352776
I am considering it. I have been talking to a therapist, but my father constantly emotionally blackmails me not to take action.
I don't want to be isolated by him, he's a very unstable individual.
I just don't understand why this is happening...
I've done absolutely NOTHING wrong these past six months, compared to him, whose been lying and harassing for that time. I've been nice, I've been sensitive and now I'm put into this position with no empathy or sympathy by my family.
I don't understand why this is happening to me. I feel like there is nothing I can do...
I've been called crazy by my brother and implied so by my family...
I don't know whether me getting angry at him dropping insults at me after not talking to him for 6 months was worthy of me getting angry.
I told my dad that it was his and my mother's fault that this happened (as they didn't stop him) and they don't do anything.
>>17352747
I'm in school right now, I have another year to stay then I'm off to university.
I don't want to isolate myself from my family though, I enjoy their company except my brother's.
To be honest, none of this really affects me apart from my family's reaction in general. Just the fact that they'd do nothing when he'd do anything. I feel unsafe, now that he knows this, he'll wait until the Summer to harass me even further.
