I have done something that ended up in newspapers and I ended up losing my job, losing the respect of many around me and losing even friendships.
All because of deeper problems I suffered as an individual and the things I believed as a result of that suffering. I've delved into hatred, anger and sought vengeance. For that I have suffered. I've hurt my girlfriend, my family, my church and many other people who were also in the process of hurting.
I quite frankly took beliefs that many would call 'edgy' and manifested them into reality. Of which caused so much suffering and in turn made me suffer.
I want to talk about what lead me to believe in Fascism.
What made me have the view of God that I do, I believe in him but I believe he is vengeful and angry with us.
What caused me to hate so many and identify myself with characters like D-Fens from Falling Down, with Walter White from Breaking Bad.
What I did caused me to leave my city and I'm now crashing at a friends house out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere with 150mbps internet. My girlfriend has suffered especially but sticks by me.
If anyone wants to talk about it, I appreciate it so much. I need help and it doesn't seem I can find it through public or even church means. My pastor barely talks with me and the therapists around are far too expensive for someone like me.
>>17325011
Prolonged usage of imageboards will turn you into a completely different person.
All you can do is apologize and go on from there. Or you can remove everyone from your past life and move on.
The choice is yours.
>>17325011
>bumfuck nowhere
>150mbps internet
lol what?
anyway, if you wanna share, we'll read it.
as with any fuckup, it'll always help to direct your focus towards improving the situation rather than mourning your loss.
>>17325032
I've been apologizing. I realize that I'm at a crossroads in my life in which I must decide that I take a more positive path or a far more negative one. The only reason I didn't leave the fucking state was because of my girlfriend and how much I love her.
>>17325033
>anyway, if you wanna share, we'll read it.
I don't want to share too many details but I basically went out and pissed a very large group of people in the heart of my city. Said large group of people took pictures of me and my girlfriend and spread them on facebook for a time. It's all stopped now but her family, my family and my workplace caught wind of it and reacted very negatively.
I didn't do anything illegal mind you.
I just expressed a very unpopular opinion.
In a very nasty way.
I've just been apoligizing left and right. I'm not sure what else to do besides work on changing myself as well.
>>17325011
Hey buddy, I don't know shit about what you did. Let's assume that's the worse thing on earth, you're still loved anyway, I know how hard it is to be the scapegoat, a lot of people will hate you, actually not really you but rather what you represent, you are an opposition to their sense of justice, their morals, etc.
So I'm sending you some cyber-love to make you feel better, that should help you out of a few seconds of your long painful life.
For now you need to have someone to be there for you, someone suited for the task, like a psychologist or a social worker suited for these tasks. (I know that's expensive but still... ) If you get much hate on internet, lay off the internet, re-think your life and your positions. Your girlfriend seems like an angel, stick with her after all she suffered for you, try to share the pain between you two and also learn to go on, your present is fucked, take measures so you won't have to deal with all this hate and then enjoy the future in any way you want. If people ask you, tell them you've changed and overuse the redemption card (especially with religious people, if they believe in a religion, they believe in redemption). Avoid any judgmental fucktard,
Make your life a safer place, change yourself and tell your girlfriend that you're sorry and that you love her so much, because the story seems fucked up yet she's still with you.
Any other questions ? Want me to go into specifics ?
>>17325058
I appreciate that friend. That'll certainly be helpful going forward into the future.
I've already said I was sorry to my girlfriend and now I'm out in the country rethinking my life. But tell me, how could I stop my hatred? I've been trying to delve into staying positive and simply not hating but it hasn't been addressing my root causes of hate.
Please go into spesifics though. If you have more to say I'd love to read.
>>17325073
What does that mean : How can I stop my hatred ? Your hatred towards ... ? I can't give you an universal way to forget your hatred, you need to be more precise (but I guess you're trying to avoid that in here, since you could be retraced. Which is good, don't let 4chan know you, they're shithead and don't listen to them to base your opinions, whatever the subject is)
As a student in psychology and a lover of philosophy, I'd say you need some good ol' rationalism, you need to find the roots of it, the rational reasoning for that and maybe conflict it with new infos ( I don't know what you're thinking but let's stay you hate gays, well then read about them, maybe try to talk to some, etc)
actually I've got the same problem, I've began to hate Islam, while perfectly knowing that it's a religion amonts others and it's full of common people, not worse, not better than other religions. Well I'm doing right now is learning about it, in a genuine curiosity into it. I know many facts, which are out of the "judgemental" system of my head, I just casually learn them.
Anyway I'm out of the real subject. Question your hatred, base it with facts. I don't know where you got the first glimpse of the hatred, rationalize it and see if this is the real objective view we could have. I already know that you're wrong, if you hate it then you're taking the subject in a emotive view and judging it on a scale of good/bad. Re-thinking it is the only way to purge these thoughts out of your head.
>>17325112
Part 2
> inb4 what if what I were thinking was actually based
Not possible, you cannot judge things on a good/bad scale, it's a subjective method. All this methodology could be summed up in Les Méditations de Descrates, there's probably yt videos to explain that.
Plus that's an excuse you could use next time people confront you about what you did, just say "I've taken this as an opportunity to reason and introspect", who knows if you are serious enough you might even convince them of your new opinions.
Btw, there is always a "norm", meaning common people can't accept a few things because they're counter-intuitive, something it's better to avoid the debate, just don't tell them to fuck off that would be giving them another reason to annoy you.
But it's all forced to you tho' you're forced to follow the norm, even if your opinion becomes based you could only follow the path that the "plebs" are giving you, if you go the other way you're a black sheep you're a bad omen, something to hate.
How is your life atm ? Can you still live properly or are you stuck in a house ? Don't try to change your inner thinking while your life is messed up, you're still traumatized by the events and it will take decencies to heal completely of it. Learn to cope with it real soon (and suggest the same for your girlfriend because whether she'll marry you or be with someone else, she might be impacted as well )
People are shit, they don't think they act and there's a problem, if they know what you did, they will hate you openly or gossip about you if they see that they're outnumbered.
>>17325112
>>17325121
Anyway I'm out, but I'll let you my email if you need anything. Sadly I am poorfag and probably far away from your country, but I will be happy to advice you, cheer you up or talk about your opinions. I will never ask you about your real identity or shit like that, I just enjoy helping out the best I can do. (btw I hope my English is not that bad)
Keep on, that's probably the worst moment of your life but it'll be all better now.
[email protected]
Stop going to church
>>17325121
>How can I stop my hatred ? Your hatred towards ... ? I can't give you an universal way to forget your hatred, you need to be more precise
This advice is invaluable, I want to find members of the community I hurt and see if I can interact with them. But that might not be the best idea at the moment so for now I will just read about them,
>How is your life atm?
It's been okay, I've pretty much just been sitting in the house and playing video games, reading books and praying. I try to be around other people, my friends have expressed a lot of support for me and have been helping me along the way. My pastor offered to help pay my bills for the time being, so things I think are okay.
>Can you still live properly or are you stuck in a house?
I haven't shown my face in town. I tried to get a job and I did get one in a gas station, but I was then fired because I brought my journal to work and they found...less than savory things written in it. That was pretty devastating for me, I drove all the way into town sobbing and looking for various churches I could find some priest to talk to about my problems.
>People are shit, they don't think they act and there's a problem, if they know what you did, they will hate you openly or gossip about you if they see that they're outnumbered.
I only know this too well, some in my church have taken this opportunity to shit on me and use me as a reason for leaving. Or even worse try to put further word that I need to be expunged despite my need for help.
>>17325141
Churches are not the best places to get relief, you need something bigger than that, you need real help rather than people who are not formed for these situations. But it's cool that a pastor offered to pay the bills.
>>17325129
Your English is not bad, I'm sending you an email my friend. Are the dashes supposed to be there by the way?
>>17325151
Yes, I didn't make a mistake in the email.
Feel free to ask anything.
>>17325011
So in Tl;Dr you pissed off a group of blacks or jews by following you far right views and it got you fired
Why did you even need this fucking 4 post long novel about faith an deep thoughts?
>>17325011
What did you do OP? If we have some sort of idea we might be able to help more. I've done my share of fuck ups, not been on the paper but has caused a lot of shame. Caught with a prostitute once, pissed myself in public that sort of thing. I have an uncle that got caught masturbating in public and is a sex offender cuz of it and had to go to jail etc. His wife still loves him and he more or less survived the massive, massive fallout from that. (Took years but now it all died down.)
>>17325156
>>17325159
The long winded response is because I seek to change those things. The thing I did was protest in front of a lot of people.
>>17325180
It's minor stuff, it'll be ok. You can always say you've changed your views when faced with convincing arguments.
>>17325180
So you want to take the blue pill because the red pill is socially unacceptable?
It's possible to have non-PC views without being a bigoted asshole. Why not change your attitude rather than brainwash yourself into believing the status quo?
I can tell you how to be a functional person while staying true to yourself. I have gay/black/mexican people in my life and I'm an unapologetic /pol/ack. I can even reconcile feminism with traditionalism.
Come child, give me your contact info. I'll teach you what lies beyond the red pill.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVjRe8QXFHY
>>17325011
>Stop reading /pol/
>Stop falling for /pol/ memes
>/Pol/ is satire
>/Pol/ is a board of peace
>>17325315
Yo, not OP but hut me up. I need this advice you claim to have
[email protected]
>>17325052
>I don't want to share too many details but I basically went out and pissed a very large group of people in the heart of my city.
I think you should stop caring about what other people think of you. You said those things for a reason and the reason is that you believed in what you were saying. The only reason you're regretting it now is because of how other people reacted to what you said. Just stand behind your words, if someone dislikes you for your opinions then fuck them. You can't please everyone. Things always have a way of working out.
