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I'm depressed to the point where I can't get anything done. I've quit drinking some time ago, but sobriety really sucks, and I'm having a particularly bad day, full of regret and memories I miss. The pic is quite related.

How do I deal with smug, condescending OPs?

>>17324222

I'm obsessed with the notion of becoming the most virile and masculine male possible. This is because I've realised it's the only thing that actually matters in life. You are put on this earth to spread your seed as much as possible.

But I'm not doing anything. I keep thinking of joining the military to toughen up but I haven't followed through on that yet.

What should I do? Follow through on the military? And please don't give me some soppy bullshit answer, I've made my decision that I want to be super masculine, now I just have to do it.

>>17324231

Good to hear that you are practicing sobriety. Some days are harder than others, generally as time goes on, we get more complex, more responsibilities are thrown on us, and we have less time, to enjoy simpler times.Question: what memories, do you miss, and what type of things arte you regreting?

>>17324222
I haven't been happy in 7 years, can't trust people, have no future, never finished anything in life, social anxiety, hate myself, will never be in a relationship because people are dishonest. Any advice?
Also >>17324232

>>17324239
When I said the pic is related, I meant that it is a brief description of the entire situation.

>>17324243

Just got caught up. what about the womens is bothering you?

>>17324264
Just one in particular. I've kept working out, focused on my hobbies, gone out with friends, talked to more girls than I can remember, moved towns, changes jobs...I'm afraid I might be fucked.

>>17323476
remove you eye balls from your eye sockets.

>>17324234
>remove you eye balls from your eye sockets.

I don't necessarily think that joining the military is the answer you might be looking for. If you like guns, taking commands, working out, and joining a brotherhood of people who share similar interests as you then it might just be for you.

I think you need to find a primary focus; not necessarily being masculine as possible, but why do you want to be as masculine as possible? Is it to attract women, maybe satisfy a parent, or maybe prove to yourself that you are indeed not a whimp but are cut of the cloth as the most masculine of the masculine.

I think that defining what you want to get out of this obsession is the first step for you. For example, some men want to become more masculine, TO ATTRACT WOMEN, and their course of action is goning to the gym and devouring red pill material. Also, you need to convert some of that obsession into actual desire. Understand that thinking about something will not get you the results you yearn for. Hope this helps.

I broke up with my ex of 2 years that I moved to another state for, its been two years now.
She cheated on me, physically abused me harshly, and degraded me mentally. However, I loved her with all of my heart, I couldnt help it.
I dont still love her, but every memory of what she did haunts me every single day. It's gotten better but even to this day it can have a huge negative impact on my day to day mentality.
I sit and picture images of her beating me, screaming at me, fucking other people, etc.
wondering if she cares, what shes up to.
thinking of verbal lines to defend myself from situations with her that wont happen
I have hobbies, friends, a job, nice apartment, yet this still follows me around.

I feel like this is something that'll go away with time, but this has been an every day thing for 2 years, relating to someone I have no contact with. Do I have ptsd? What do I do besides "wait it out"

>>17324269

So this girl, I assume you have built a rapport with her, and now that you have moved, you fear you may lose her? Am I understanding this right?

Focusing on yourself first always should be the goal, as you seem to be doing, which is good. Obviously you have no problem interacting with girls, is there something in particular that you find unique about her compared to the others? I Probably because that is the root of your "fear of loss/losing"

Distance is a major factor in relationships, and it really depends a lot on the people, the situation. etc. My course of action, and my advice based on limited information, would be to establish a good rapport with her. You may not get to date the person RIGHT NOW, but maybe one day you'll move back to that town, she will move to your town, or maybe something more will develop based on a rapport you established.

Understand that you may not yield anything today, tomorrow, next week, or next year. Deal with it. But by setting yourself up for a possibility in the future you at least give yourself an option. In the meantime, do not fret, keep talking to women, doing you and working out. You never know you might just find something just as good or better!

>>17324358
No, you misunderstand me. I completely destroyed and rebuilt my life to try to forget and move on.

I have no idea why, but I can't bring myself to ask this girl out. We haven't really kept in touch since high school (four years, and she's two years younger). We had a facebook convo about a week ago but that's it. I have no problem getting dates, and if it were any other girl I knew from high school, I feel like I wouldn't have an issue. But something is stopping me, and I have no idea what. I'm pretty attracted to her, especially for having little to no interaction over the past four years, maybe that's a factor? I kinda regret never dating her in hs, maybe that's a factor too--we were close, so that wouldn't have been unreasonable.

Should I give up on this? I don't want to, but I honestly can't tell whether I'm way out of line, or if this is a nice opportunity to reconnect.

I married to a guy I didn't love anymore and only found out right at the moment for us to vow. I still say yes anyway. But he knew it. I hurted him. And now even hurt him more to being together without a word. I made it obviously I don't want him anymore but still do nothing about it. Help. I'm lost

>>17324346

Generally this is something that goes away with time (But wait there's more), however in your case, with flashbacks and mental imagery, it is possible that this traumatic experience can onset some sort of either PTSD or something equivalently similar.

One of the biggest things in therapy, is understanding the trauma, and understanding your situation now, as it pertains to your situation when you were with your girlfriend.

I do not even know you, but even I can confidently say that you are in a better place now than when you were with her. I think the biggest thing for you and my advice to you is, you need to see the seed of equivalent benefit, to you, in all of this negativity, and bad thought, it is important to see the good, the positive in all this, for this is a barometer of improvement.

Try to reflect on your situation of 2 years ago in a positive field of view.

>For example, I think it is commendable that you finally said, "you know what, enough is enough, you valued yourself to finally stop taking all the bullshit" not many people are able to do that. "

>Also, saying things like "I've been to hell and back, but ive become a more tolerant person because of this experience" I would say you are tougher than a lot of people as a result

> Contrasting your current situation to the one you used to have is, like I said the ultimate barometer, Just being able to say, I used to be way worse off, while being with this person, now I think about it sometimes, but I am alot better NOW. Here are the steps i am taking to get better at it/ dealing with it.

Like I said, this will pass eventually, however, this process will be accelerated or stunted, fermented by the thoughts you have, as soon as you can let go of the negatives of the situation, and even add in some positive thoughts as they pertain, it will take some of the hurt out of the situation, and even if you are thinking about it, it won't hurt as much. Hope this helps

>>17324413

I would say those are all factors. The biggest for most people is the "fear of loss/rejection" and as that relates to women, the fear of losing either a friend, the proverbial "not wanting to fuck this up" in other words We all want to wait till "the perfect moment", wait till we built better rapport with the other person, a stronger friendship perhaps, have them warm up to us, and that brings me to my next point. This leads to generalized inaction, which based on what you've told me, you are a inaction practitioner!

I will always be an advocate of action. I don't think there's ever been a time where I have said "you know what I am glad I didn't do this, I am glad I didn't act on this." unless it was compiled in with some sort of hindsight bias'. The thought of not knowing weights down more on us as life goes on, comparatively to asking and getting rejected immediately, it weighs down on us in a front loaded fashion; we feel bad about it at the start, however generally over time the feelings are at least in part subsidized by the fact that we took some sort of action towards them.

My advice to you is to look at end results, sure, you can not ask her out, and give yourself no chance of "winning" .in this case you get nothing out of it. BUT if you atleast try to ask her out, the worst of the worst case scenario is that she says no, in this case you don't really lose anything, so in all honestly, you don't really have anything to lose, even if she says no, things for you wont really change much. At Least at this worst case scenario, you have the added benefit of saying "i had this and this fear, but I was able to overcome them to try something" and that is something to feel good about. Also that feeling of regret that you have, will only be fermented by time.

But what if she says yes? You my friend, have truly nothing to lose and everything to gain. Hope this helps.

>>17324242

What's nice about your situation is that you know your vices, it seems that you are fairly self aware, but that can be accentuated by your constant failures, at least as they are as perceived by you.

You have that first step, you have the understanding of the problem, you just need something discernible action in order to improve on these.

My advice to you is that you need to be more alert and pay attention; you know that you that you never finish things, you know you have social anxiety. you would be surprised how many people act in the purely moment, and neglect the overall picture. So understanding these vices in the present as they come will allow you to pay more attention to them. For example doing a task, if you are actively thinking about how you never finish anything, it can allow you to allocate more energy, more drive, more motivation to get it done.

It seems that you have a lot of concerns but I would like to address the trust issues, since you mentioned trust twice. It's difficult, when we are at the bottom, trust in shambles,like a brick wall that needs to be rebuilt, it happens brick by brick. As long as you understand that that in order to have a healthy relationship with other people you need to have some sort of trust, (even platonic, I trust that you are a good person, I trust that you do as you say) So for that I would try to put yourself in low-risk situations where even if the person turns out to be untrustworthy ()UN TRUST WORTHY) for they are not. it is not a total devastating blow.

As far as motivation, for you I think it's important. You know that feeling when you dont complete something, you know all the feelings to when you hate yourself, you know what it's like to not be happy. These negative feelings need to fuel you to make a change; because as you are now, the things that you do, if you keep doing, you will get the same result, and understanding that to change the results, you need to change the inputs, hope this helps

>>17324437


What I will say from the get go is that this is not an easy situation, but my advice to you, is a swift break from this person, for you, first of all and even though he might not see it yet, for him as well.

As I see it, your husband is demonstrating the ostrich effect, when things are going bad, negatively, they stick their head in the sand and pretend that nothing is going on around them. This is largely a coping mechanism. As you described, you had stated that both you and him know. He is hoping that there is a chance that you will change your thoughts, that you will come around and things will be good again.

For you it seems that you have a problem with confrontation ( a lot of people do) You knew you didn't want to marry him but you said yes anyway, also they way you described it, you are waiting for him to initiate the divorce.

The longer you wait, the harder it will become. If you wait on him to initiate, you will wait forever, why is this? Well because he is not even aware of what is truly going on, (he is just an ostrich) as time goes on it will just create stronger feelings, of discontent, anxiety and resentment, for you. which is why you should be the one to bring it up.

If there is truly no change of reconciliation, then you need to break it off as soon as possible. There is no easy way to do this, but they all lead to the same outcome. Hope this helps.

Want to ask this girl out, shes drop dead gorgeous, she seems like she likes me, but I just can't, i chicken out every time. I'm not usually a chicken shit, I'm really not afraid of anything, I've asked out and dated women before, but this one is different, idk if i just don't want to risk messing up what we already have as -not quiet friends, but much more than acquaintances-, or if i feel like if she says no it would be a hit to my ever so dwindling self esteem.

/copied from other thread because not helpful

How to get back my spark?

Long story short, I'm a half spanish Android who's done a bit of college but had the whole, "roommates failed on the apartment" situation and now I'm back to living with parents.
>Never had trouble talking to women
>Never had problems being social
>had most everything on track (school, job, girlfriend)
Here's comes a new challenger!
>Get mugged and suplex'd, wake up in hospital with head injury
>Feel like something is missing within
>Family suggests I leave and move back in with parents
>Do so, been 3 years of nothing
I don't know what to do. No one trusts me, my dad went on vacation and still calls every day, thinking I'm going to ruin his house with some party of all my NO FRIENDS and nothing I do, including actually prove myself constantly, impresses anyone. What the fuck does a guy at 24 years old have to do to be treated like he exists?

>>17324640

But is one not afraid of losing thy womens' attention?

I had replied to something similar in this thread, but your situations is a little bit different than his, you have something to risk, which in the case of men-women interrelations is generally friendship.

The first and most important thing for you is you need to ask yourself is risking what you have worth it to get to that next level? Would you risk the general premise of your relationship with this person in order to have the opportunity to get to the next level with her.

If the answer is no, you best be comfortable with being just acquaintances/ whatever you two are now and don't be upset when she/if she starts dating other people. In life, the chances are pretty high that if you don't tell somebody they don't know. People have resorted to dropping breadcrumbs, hints hoping the people will pick up on it, I will tell you right now that saying something to them is 100/100 times more effective than the ladder.

The biggest change that happened for me was I stopped focusing on the negative and started focusing on the positive. I started thinking about what I had the chance to gain rather than what I had to lose. When I looked at it objectively, I found that I always had more to gain, and in retrospect to what I was actually losing, was actually very little. I started understanding that if I gave into the fear of rejection, the fear of loss (in this case the loss of opportunity to date the girl) I never got what I wanted. When I started overcoming this I realized that it really isn't that difficult and it gets easier every time. Even in your case, it doesn't mean that if you ask her out you will cease being friends, 1/2

>>17324640

2/2

But atleast if she knows, even if she says no now, at least she knows you are interested, and something can develop off of that in the future.

I truly think that it would be a bigger hit to one's self esteem if they choose to do nothing, they chickened out yet again, succumbing to their fears and anxieties. At least if you ask, you can feel good about the fact that you overcame these things, took a risk, but it just didn't work out. Hope this helps

>>17324679

>If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound? NO.
>Speak up to be heard, for if you don't you do not exist.

Speak up young man, for thy does exist. If you can go to you dad, girlfriend, boss anything in a collective, non-threatening way with a proactive approach, stating that the problem is, I don't think i've ever seen a time where a resolution couldn't be met.

My advice is structured to you in a way that you can use it as it pertains to your dad.

>Hey dad, I really appreciate you calling and checking up on me and whatnot, BUT I FEEL like you can't trust me, I feel this way (certain way) when you are always doing this thing and checking on me all day everyday.

>Adding in some self awareness comments always helps

>I know I had my injury, and I know i've made some poor decisions in the past, (insert discernible changes you have made) But I feel like in the past 6,12,18 months I have been making these changes (to warrant me gaining more trust between us and whatnot)

>Taking the onus on yourself always works

>WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO (this is the best question ever) to be able to build up trust between us, basically what do I have to go in order to get what I want

and with this at the very least, you will get your feelings understood, you will get some feedback as to what you need to improve on, in order to get what you want, all this while addressing the whole I exist issue. I hope this helps.

>>17324731
She knows, its not exactly a big secret that i like her. I feel as if i should go into a little more detail. I have come here before over the last month or so asking for help but no one really seemed to GAF, and to be honest i really just needed to say what i wanted to say since my friends are less then helpful.

>its a little long i want to make sure its fine with you before i post it all.

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So I really like my best friend but at this point we're basically SIBLING zoned. I've had a growing crush on her for about 2 years and last night I finally let it slip. I was crying real bad because I knew she COULDN'T like me back. She has some trouble with feeling and identifying her emotions and romantic feelings are a mystery to her. So now she feels guilty for not noticing when I'M the one with a crush.
Anyway, I've pretty much decided to not push her or talk about it ever again unless god willing she likes me back.
She's more touchy now too....
Is she flirting?
Do I have a chance at all?
How should I act around her?
please please help

>>17324829

I think your intuitions are better than mine. If you think there is a discernible difference between how you used to interact and how you interact now, then it shall be. (this is in relation to the increased touching)

You always have a chance, at least until you tell yourself you don't. I think with people, especially who are emotionally stunted, they tend to show their emotions in an indirect way, they generally won't say it, but will try to show it, touching (it's called kino btw) indirect statements, indirect comments. For her I would definitely look for the more indirect things as a sign of interest. Kino is a pretty big sign of someone who is flirting, or at the very least interested in you (they are comfortable with you, and are breaking down personal barriers touching you and invading space) Kino is important, but at the same time like I said I would try to look for some other signs that may further accentuate her interest.

It is hard to say how one should act, I dont know either of you, but what I will say that just being yourself has gotten you this far and you have built up a good rapport with this person so it is the best course of action I can recommend. With this I think that people, especially women in general,like space and time. I think it is important to give her a little space, in order to collect her thoughts and to prevent becoming too hasty with her. People who are emotionally stunted, need this quiet in order to truly find what they really desire. Hope this helps.

>>17324222
I've had hard times trying to say what's on my mind and I never get to do so. For example, telling people off. This leads to overthinking and transitions into sadness or regret. I need confidence but I don't know where to start or how to accomplish this. The only time I could talk freely and express myself was when I first did weed (only done it once out of curiosity). I don't know if I should rely on some type drug or not - i'm in a pinch.

>>17324823
And as i typed that all out, about 3,000 char, i realized none of it matter because it became obvious as i typed it all out.

She likes me, the hints have been getting less and less subtle, but then she does stuff like stops texting back mid conversation, which then sets me back to feeling like shes not interested.

>Still don't know how im going to convince myself to ask her out. Maybe its because i feel like shes out of my league, or that a relationship wouldn't be able to last with a girl who can get any guy she wants...but then again it seems like im the one she wants right now...


I think im just really really confused, I have difficulty expressing emotion.

Maybe shes just playing games?

>>17324829
Don't mention it again, she knows how you feel now, let her make the decision on how to go about it.
>Is she flirting?
Flirting with someone who you know likes you is a very obvious thing.
>Do I have a chance at all?
Maybe, she didn't cut ties with you and now she knows so you have a better chance then you did before.
>How should I act around her?
Absolutely no differently

>>17324877

I don't mind the use of drugs, (I don't use personally) But I know people who do weed, cigarettes etc. usually as a coping mechanism. The problem with using weed as a crutch is it is just that, it does not fix the underlying problem that you have concise and guilt issues. Using weed in this way will force you to turn to it every time you need to stand up for yourself, every time there is a confrontation. But what if there is no weed around. I feel like it is better to attack the problem, rather than patch it up everytime.

I imagine it was a part of your upbringing; parents ingraining how important it is to be mindful of others, to always think of others. This is healthy behaviour, but like anything too much of it is potentially destructive.

You need to value yourself first, you should be the most valuable person TO YOU. Try to see it as something that is not optional; you need to do this, you need to say it. Why? Because if you don't you will feel regret, the feelings of inferiority,the feelings of not being understood or heard.

You are looking to please others first, which isn't a bad thing, the thing you neglect however, is you never include yourself. Include yourself first, think about what you want first, then try to incorporate other peoples feelings in there as it pertains to you. Hope this helps.

>>17324885


Isn't that how you feel? Don't you matter? Are you not matter? then how does it not matter?

Understand that everybody deals with life. Life is fast, there is much to do, work to be done, chores, responsibilities. This is why I personally hate texting, it is such a bad medium of communication, hell, their phone could have died and if they dont respond to you you will never know. Meanwhile your brain is implanting all these what if's and negative thoughts in your head when it could be something totally practical. You need to stop analyzing little things to the 10th degree. Shit happens, life happens. People are not computers, or robots, they make mistakes, they do things sometimes that they do not understand the full ramifications of.

Have you ever tried thinking about why she would be lucky to have you? Have you ever thought of how you are superior than all the other guys? You can't explain it, but she's chosen you, don't even try to explain it, only she can. You need to just do it.

Maybe, maybe, what if, perhaps, maybe, but,

There is nobody in your way to get what you want right now, not her, not the other guys, the only thing in your way right now is you. So what; maybe that does happen, perhaps one of those statements can be true, what if something like that were to happen. Understand that none of those maybe's could even possibly be true If you do nothing. Hope this helps.

Should I be ashamed of being a virgin despite turning 24 in two months?

I've been rejected, yes, I've also had some women "show interest" but nothing came of it. I'm not a total idiot, people seem to like me and respect me. I've even had a couple women tell me I'm "manly". Sometimes I feel like I completely turn off the opposite sex. I'm not sure how to change my situation and get the experience I'm after, with a woman I'm interested in and connected to. I'm not looking for a soulmate, I'm just tired of being single.

>>17324222
How do I become more confident?
I've got everything I need to become who I want to be; education, money, support, beautiful loving girlfriend, youth, health. Yet I still hate myself every single day and have done for years. Not a moment passes where I'm not beating myself up about something negative. I've become very socially awkward over the years, my self-worth is at a constant low and I always doubt myself.
Last night I told my gf and she said I need to be more confident if I am to become the man I want to be.

How do I gain confidence and self-worth?

Thanks in advance.

>>17325022

I don't think you should be ashamed, but it depends who you're asking. Obviously in this society being older and virgin is seen as a "bad" thing. Paradoxically, though being chaste/abstinent actually takes more resolve, and can even be a quality that people will pursue after you for.

Without much information I would ask if you are controlling your controllables: (Hygiene, clothing, hair, beard etc) making sure that these are well groomed and you are presenting yourself in the best light possible. I have never felt that I have overdid it, going out with cologne, nice shoes and clothing. I personally don't want to feel like "damn I wish I would have dressed up, if you see a girl or somebody you know) ive never seen it as a bad thing.

With limited I wil ltell you that you need to be able to look at yourself critically, though the eyes of yourself and others. what could they possibly be thinking of you, what potentially could turn them off from you. This should give you at least some baseline on where you can improve and makes changes to yourself. Hope this helps.

>>17325051
I know both sides of the coin - lack of confidence despite "reasons" that "should" make me confident, and confidence despite adversity.

It's about being OK about things. Can you think of unease not as something to be hated, but a signal that points you in the right direction? Can you think of anger not as loss of control, but strength? Don't glamorise it either. Just don't apply negative judgment to it.

Feel your full spectrum of emotions without being rattled by it. This lends you control, and invariably you will create the outcome you desire, not the one you might feel forced into.

>>17324968
It only doesn't matter because i realized that i didn't need to explain to you in two text posts all the things that she has done that show she likes me.

I do over analyse everything, i tend to think of what almost any outcome of anything is, but then assume the worse, the majority of the outcomes for this are good, and even the bad outcomes are better then having this pit in my soul of not knowing. That doesn't stop me from chickening out though.

Shes stopped texting mid conversation on..almost every conversation we have had via text.

She would be lucky to have me, realistically im fucking awesome, but i still have pretty bad self esteem issues, but I just try to put that to bettering myself more.
... basically i need your advice to this guy...

>>17325051
Im smart, well educated, great job, young, healthy, long list of hobbies and skills. Im this guy minus the girlfriend. but i never feel like im good enough for anyone.

When it comes to my skills, my job, my hobbies...actually i'm pretty confident when it comes to that, i have to be, i am literately the person that people call when they need help.

But when it comes to relationships, im worthless, what i do (hopefully) will never be needed.

>>17325051

Your girlfriend is not wrong; You are like a carpenter with a toolbox. You have the tools, but a good carpenter not only has the tools, he knows how to use them"

>Confidence: sure of oneself; having no uncertainty about one's own abilities,
I think is a lot about all. It seems like you look at things though a negative lens, "how can i mess this up" "im not good at this, or that" Understand that the positive lens is just as powerful, and looking at things though this scope is how, in part you build that confidence.

Example Nlense: I am going to fuck this up
Plense: I got this, i've done this before,

or even

"I am socially awkward, i can't do this
and
"I know I am not very good at this, but here are the steps i am taking in order to improve at it.

I know right now, some people see it as being overly positive, fake even. But just by doing this tiny trick can really help you feel more positive GOING INTO everything you do. Whereas negative thought tend to derail us before we even attempt to start something. Try to think about all the things you have ( I bet theres people with less than you) try to think about how you are better than the people who are also doing it as you do it. Try focusing on the positives, and less on the negative. When you attack this, I believe that you can start unlocking who you feel you are meant to be, and in turn your self- worth will rise with it . Good luck.

I hope everyone found atleast one thing that can help them tonight. It is bedtime. I can answer more when I get up in the morning, Goodnight.

>>17325123
Thanks for the advice >>17324968
I wish more people I meet in my life can be kind and supporting like this

>>17325080
>>17325081
>>17325118
Thanks for taking the time guys, that really helps me.
Today I'm going to work with a smile on my face and confidence in my voice.
I think I've been dwelling on past mistakes so much that it destroys my confidence. So, I'm drawing a line this morning and I'm going to forget all about that stuff in the past. I'm just going to keep thinking positively and forward.

Thank you for taking the time to help me.

>>17324222
>>17324222
my crush from my class in collage

since the semester ended i have thinking about her a lot. i want to at least add her on Facebook to chat. but the problem is a while ago i sent her a massge because she said she was going to help me on my assignment but she didn't respond. the next day i joked about how she made wait she said she didn't get any massage she even showed me her phone.

the problem is i am not sure if thinks i am annoying and just ignored the massage request or if she said the truth

How do you know when it is appropriate to try to make plans with people?
I always feel so awkward doing it, I am pretty sure I have social anxiety. I wouldn't say I'm disliked by anyone in particular, but for example there is a person I am kind of friends with, we decided to swap some items that we collect (that's how I know her, through the hobby group). She lives so close by that it would be ridiculous to post, so we were going to meet somewhere and do it. But I would like to go out and get food with her or something as I would like to be friends outside of the group as well. I just don't know how to ask the question without seeming pathetic and have no friends (which is true but irrelevant).
Also another example, my friend from university. I told her if she was ever out my way (went home for the holidays and she lives near by) she should tell me and we could hang out. She seemed enthusiastic about it at the time but I haven't talked to her since. Would it be weird for me to message her and ask how she is going and if she wants to do something?

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>>17324222
How the fuck do I talk to some chick next to me in college? It's always some weird circumstance seriously. Its a big class in summer like 90 seats but like half are empty, anyways my friend sits next to me next to me there is an empty seat on my right, then after that one of her guy friends, (only friend confirmed via memes) then her then two of her friends that are girls, the class is 3 hrs long we only get a 15 min break in between and she always takes off with her two girlfriends to the store to get snacks in that time and always comes like 10 min late too. How do I do this? I'd feel like an autist trying to talk to her one on one with her friends there and I don't wanna talk to her and converse with all her friends too because then it just looks like I aint even interested in her. Shits confusing son how do I into this qt family?

Kinda thinking about suicide.

I have a few people that care about me but I have this unnerving habit of not caring about someone if they care about me.

I'm tired of worrying about money. I have none. I refuse to be poor but I'm still poor anyways.

I'm trying to save it up and I want to have nice things. Call it materialism, I don't care. Money doesn't buy happiness, but having nothing isn't doing me any favors either.

The world loses color every day for me. I'm not the same person I was a year ago.

I'm so far away from my ideal self that the image I portray of who I want to be gets a little more faded every day.

Still too much of a pussy to pull the trigger though. Just kinda stuck in that equilibrium between wanting to die but not actually having the balls to do it.

>>17325245
You want things. Work towards those things.
Write a list. Who do you want to be. What can you do to be who you want to be? Now, do the things on the list.
If you're going to die, you have nothing to lose. So do the things you always wanted to, because the worst that happens is you fail. And failure doesn't matter in death.