Are you me? I'm in the same boat and have no advice. I hope someone replies.

Bump, if that's okay. I would really like a second opinion on this.

I hate talking to most people outside of my immediate family/friends but if I have to I let them take the lead in the convo (which I'm sure they like) and just work with whatever they're taking about. If applicable, mix in a personal detail. If not, mention how you might be interested or have heard of topic x or how it relates to topic y.

Reading emotions is a bit harder and probably something you have to learn over time. For me it's all in the very subtle details outside of the extremely obvious. For example, Friend A might be a bit more aloof then normal, losing focus, etc and it most likely means their upset.

Hope that helps somehow.

>>17318575
How could it possible be boring to learn things about people? Consider this: learning everything about a person leads to you having the experience like you've lived twice.

People used to socialize to people because it was important to have connections in the village for work, finding a partner, general information gathering or for help in emergencies but a lot of that is pretty much unnecessary no thanks to the government and the internet.

Worrying about friends much nowadays is just anachronistic.

>>17318820
Can't tell if this is good advice or a good excuse...

You just have to force yourself and build your conversation muscle. Don't scurry away prematurely. Also remember that you won't get along with everyone, I know it sounds obvious but it can be very discouraging to have an awkward or dull encounter with someone.

I felt like that a lot when I was younger. If you are young then the problem probably is that you are boring. You don't have a real personality yet and nothing interesting to say about the world.

You'll get older and get more confident and used to having conversations. I've found it's best to just ask questions and to bring up common points of interest if you're forced to make a conversation.

Then simply avoid people you don't like or find boring. Stupid people aren't ever really going to be worth your time.

>>17318869
At what age are you no longer young?

>>17318575
You're trying too hard. The point of most casual conversations is NOT in the topic being discussed, but in the mere fact of hanging out together being friendly.

Monkeys and apes like to "groom" each other, picking nits out of the other's fur. But ape-watchers have seen that the nits are just an excuse for sitting together and being friendly.

Humans do the same thing with small talk. Nobody is really all that interested in the weather or sports or last night's TV. It's just an excuse for enjoying the warmth and reassurance of being friendly.

Don't feel the need to correct people or even to be particularly interesting. The occasional "Yeah" or "Tell them that story you told me" is sufficient contribution to keeping the smutual grooming going.

>>17318869
How do I become less boring?

>>17318890
You can overcome these primitive urges for company, though.

Maybe your problem is that you only like deep conversations, like me. If you often think outside the box, the small talk may seem like crossing out a list from the other persons cv. I try to open with something like "What color does the number 8 have in your head?" and then try to skip the small talk entirely and try to find a interesting meaningful topic.
Not sure if it helps, though. Good luck!

>>17319011
If someone approached me with that question, I would know instantly that we would get along, but at the same time I know they would have a very hard time getting away with that with anyone else.

>>17319017
well then you instantly know that the person is not... spontaneous/crazy? and then you can go away after 2-3 sentences and you don't need to force yourself to talk with people you don't want to talk to.

>>17318575
Possible causes for this situation
1. You have poor conversational skills and/or a cold demeanor which leads to other people not engaging with you. A good conversation like any bi-lateral relationship relies on both parties, problems are barely the fault of just one person. Try to make more of an effort to actually engage with other people. Most people (I say most, some really are just boring/incompatible) have something interesting to say if you have the skills and willingness to get it out of them.

2. You have some kind of anxiety/extreme shyness, which subconsciously drives you to avoid engaging with others. Since there's social stigma against being awkward/shy, your mind rationalises it by claiming that you are in fact just bored.

3. You are on the spectrum.

To be honest this sounds like a fairly complex issue, if you're really concerned consider speaking to a psychologist or counselor, or ask a close friend for an honest opinion.

>>17318974
>How do I become less boring?
do things. any activity/hobby

>>17319011
>What color does the number 8 have in your head?
If someone tried to open a conversation with that, I'd think they are a turboautist
>>17319088
>any activity/hobby
By "any", only really look at normalfag approved hobbies. Reading, sports, tourism, cooking, music and such are fine. Get into electronics, programming, chemistry, and you still won't have shit to talk about.

>>17319109
>Get into electronics, programming, chemistry, and you still won't have shit to talk about
It's not about the hobby, it's your communication skills in general. Often it's interesting to have a conversation with someone whose interests are unfamiliar to you, likewise I've had plenty of boring talks with people on familiar subjects because they had shit communication skills.

>>17319133
How to improve your communications skills?

>>17318575
bump

>>17319550
Bump.

>>17318840
It's good insight. Social dynamics between men and women are in particularly bad shape thanks to instant satisfaction technology and socialist government policies (wealth redistribution at gunpoint). When people don't have to work for each other's benefit for means of survival what reason do people have to excel socially? Not everyone is just nice and sociable. Many people need to have their standard of living threatened to find motivation.

>>17318888
42.

>>17318974
Like the other guy said, do things. Experiences make you more interesting. Everyone's life is full of uncertainty and it's everyone's goal to find certainty. The more you can share with others the more valuable you are to them. The more you can enlighten or reaffirm the beliefs of others the more you'll succeed socially, but it requires experience and information.

You don't have to learn about stuff you're not interested in just so someone will want to talk to you, though. Whatever you naturally find yourself interested in go ahead and pursue. You won't be alone.

>>17320913
Totally agree with this, life and socializing is all about experiences. Do you have good stories to tell? That's captivating. Experience makes you more interesting, engaging, and relatable

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>>17318575
A lot of the time OP I feel like I never win when it comes to being social. I don't be social and I'm seen as something wrong and I do try to be social and I just too often end up seeming annoying or be put down. So hard for me to really know either.

>>17318575

Okay, me too. For my whole life. Everyone has flaws, maybe this is yours?
Maybe you're just an introvert and have to accept it, and you judge yourself too harshly?
while you're socially awkward, other people are full of drama, bad listeners, etc.
btw, still trying to take this advice myself, being old an bad at changing.

So, if small talk is the key to socalizing, how does one small talk? Cant follow the meaningless topics other people discuss when having a small talk.

Not OP, but I have so much trouble even starting a conversation with random strangers. Even at social events like parties, concerts, etc I'll try and approach someone new and make a witty comment about something that just happened, is onstage, whatever. And even if they laugh or say "yeah" they immediately disengage after and I'm now just standing nearby awkwardly. Worse if I ask a question and they answer then don't continue. Unless conversation and making friends comes naturally I just run into this barrier where people don't want to open up. Sucks to suck.

>>17318575
I'd suggest asking questions about themselves since most people that are social are usually open to talking about themselves. I personally am an introverted person and don't like sharing personal information since trust is something that's earned the hard way with me. If I knew a person a long time then I'd be more open to talking about personal stuff, but with total strangers I hate talking about where I live, where I went to school, etc. I always suspect they want something more than friendship if they ask for those details, but I don't have friends anymore (used to, but they live far away) so take that with a grain of salt.

>>17323216
My strategy with small-talk is:
>notice something of theirs that you might know about and engage from there (ex. wearing Nike shoes, ask where they got them)
>lead that into something you can relate to, like locations or current events (ex. have you been to the mall? they have neat stores there like ___) (ex. did you see the trailer for that new movie? what do you think of it?)
>if fail to connect, keep pursuing (ex. what do you think of this weather? it was raining so hard it stated flooding the roads)
>if they don't engage a second or third time, abort
I like small talk with strangers, but if I want to get into intimate details it would have to be with someone I know or have spoken with before. Small talk is a good way to lay foundation though and see what they are like in terms of personality or interest.

Where do you even find people to talk to? I mean, at work I'm just the quiet guy and it's been that way for 4 years.