I'm a supervisor at my company. I got a new employee recently and I have developed the biggest crush on her. She is married and I am soon to be married. It's driving me insane since I have to talk to her often and more often than not she is flirty and charming. In another lifetime I would of seen myself with her.
I'm afraid of what this means for my marriage. Maybe the idea that more women like this will show up in life is scary. I am an honest man and would not cheat on my SO, but it is just so crushing sometimes.
How do I get over this?
>>17305042
If being monogamous is a chore for you then you aren't ready to get married.
>>17305042
More women like this will show up. You get used to it. Just don't do anything stupid.
You may just be having a bit of anxiety with regard to getting married.
I've been married for almost 9 years. There is a woman at my workplace who I am very big friends with. She is a really nice person who's personality is way more compatible with mine than my wife is. She is less attractive than my wife but a lot more fun to be with. If I had to choose between her and my wife, I would hands down choose her.
There have been others before her, including a perfect match for me (who was extremely attractive). They have all come and gone and I'm still with my wife. Never had an affair with any of them. Just don't let your thoughts dwell on being with her. It'll fuck you up bigtime.
Yes, It'll hurt when she eventually hooks up with someone else. I say this because (based on what you've read) I assume that you already have feelings for her. You should just let it go when the time comes. Don't hold any resentment for her when it does happen, it's neither your fault, nor hers.
>>17305042
Is that cat retarded?
>>17305494
Hmm you met perfect match and still stayed with your wife? Because everything is good with you two and you love her?
>>17305506
Yes, that.
There was also this oath that I took before GOD (very important to me) and the principles that I choose to stick to.
Also, my dad cheated on my mom a couple of times and this led to their divorce. Left a couple of scars seeing my mom so upset and I don't want that for my wife.
All this even though my wife said that she would understand if I left her for someone who is better for me than she is.
We also have two children and a separation would mess them up and leave them with scars aswell. Because they chose to be here, in this life.
But yes, mostly because I love my wife and things have always been good. We never had arguments, that's how married life always works. There is no hard work. The media was just lying to you.
>>17305042
Buddy you need to leave it alone, it's all bad, you actions will led to a sequel harassment suite and a divorce. Just chill your shit bro....
>>17305578
>We never had arguments, that's how married life always works. There is no hard work.
I'm pretty sure you sound more like you've just gotten comfortable than you actually have a good marriage.
Your poor wife. Although she's just as guilty as you are for getting herself trapped in a stale marriage.
>>17305578
Also, I think you meant to say they didn't choose to be here.
The thing to keep in mind is that you most likely also felt the same way about your wife at some point and the reality is that if you are in a good relationship now that makes you happy, then throwing that away for basically the same thing is stupid.
Chances are this chick isn't that great and if you were with her she wouldn't give you something special. You might even not mesh together with her well.
You don't sound delusional like this guy >>17305494 whose story made me feel quite sad.
You sound like someone who has a crush, but that's the issue -- not that you want to break up her marriage and run away with her. I think these things get easier in a way as you get older and more experienced. You can almost start to enjoy the energy from a crush while knowing it doesn't mean anything and not becoming absorbed by it.
You shouldn't go too far with it though. Try to stop flirting with this chick and don't sit around masturbating to her Facebook page. Focus on her bad qualities and then try to spend some more time on your relationship with your wife.
>>17305632
I think it's just me.
She's extremely happy with me. She always brags with her friends, colleagues and complete strangers about what a wonderful husband I am.
She is always telling me how happy she is for me and that she is thankful to have me in her life.
I would have thought that the 'being in love phase' (where your brain fills with a specific hormone that overrides all sensible thought) would have worn off by now. I guess not.
>>17305692
Wow, you sound fucking miserable.
>>17305794
Whats your fucking deal lol
>>17305794
It's not as bad as it sounds.
>>17305644
Thank you. This advice helped me. You are right. When I first met my future wife it was like a dream come true, but after a while things become Normal. Happy but normal. I'm going to stop joking with her so often and just be friendly but I want to live with myself knowing that I have self control moving forward.
>>17305042
we are not destined to be in love with one person. being married wont shut off chemistry and you are bound to feel it again and again and again.
many men know and acknowledge this.
some cheat.
others take that energy home and use it on their wife
others simply ignore it as best they can.
i feel our generation has a weaker will becuase we have more partners in general. the farther back you go the fewer romantic and sexual partners a person had (to a point). our generation is known for casual sex and casual dating. so its hard for us to understand the control that came with only ever dating 3 women in a lifetime.
decide which kind of man you are. even if you try to control yourslef, you will likely get divorced by the time you're forty (at best) so please do keep that in mind.
and keep in mind that just because you or other couples may last a long time in marriage it doenst mean they are happy or satisfied.
make your choice. are you ready to stay with your wife even if someone better comes along?
>>17305042
Don't mess with married women
