I just don't know. Most of the time I just made what others told me to do, and when it came to the time of taking decisions, I just don't bloody know. What I enjoy now I may end up hating tomorrow, and what I didn't wanted to be is what I may end up being.
I feel social pressure, due to everyone doing the typically overly-discussed virgin/kiss bullshit, yet I don't know if I want to be in a relationship or if I just want to get rid of that tag, so that I can stop thinking about it.
I feel like I missed High School, since I was always anxious about somebody saying something in my back. Nowadays is the same, I just stare at people around, and what is behind me just makes me sometimes anxious. Anything can be behind, tresspasing the limits of reality, because it's something that you cannot see.
I get angry when I see people in a relationship. I think of the (boy I don't really want to say this, this is something that a virgin would say) rampant and violent sex that they must have. Screaming, screeching, tables and chairs slamming to the floor.
I just don't know if I'm more interested in what the outside world thinks about me than analysing myself and understanding who I want to be in the future, and where I want to stand on.
I'm someone that takes pills for when they feel like shit, due to having high pressure. Even then, I start to feel more like shit more frequently. It gnaws my mind.
I'm someone that hates his mother, even though she's spending blood and soul to be in the position we (my family) are.
>>17296215 cont
I don't know, I'd probably need to go outside more, but even then I think about all the shit that I have to do for college, and even then I end up procrastinating until the sun falls and the moon rises.
I'd probably need to ask that girl for once, gather some balls and ask to her. Even then, the only women that I mostly talked to (my mother and sister) take me as some kind of joke. Even then, the other women that seemed to start a relationship with me, I just couldn't say "Hi, It's nice to be around you, what do you think about going to the park this weekend, probably at seven, so that we can see the sun set?". Not even that, why just don't say "Hi, wanna go to the park this sunday?". Now I'm just too old. Almost everyone has/had a relationship, probably knows who they are and what are their pros and cons. Probably don't care that much about sex because they already dealt with it.
I like the idea of smoking and getting drunk, then smashing glass bottles at the wall. But even then, that's just an edgy ideal of what "angst" is for a teenager.
I'd probably like to go to the church, so that I can feel more relief. Even then, my fascist (i know that I'm using the term wrong, I use it for when people are forcing their beliefs in you) -religious mother will start saying me this and that and jesus and shit. I'm sorry, I don't want to be in the same boat as you.
>>17296216 cont
Look at all this mess. Look at all this wankstain. Why am I even bothering with this bullshit. If you call someone and say "this was written by an 18yo man" they would probably say that this guy is a manchild that wants life in a silver platter. Fool, using an anonymous image-sharing forum as a blog/diary. Literally everyone is/was going through this phase you idiot. You just sat on your lardass butt and did nothing to get rid of these problems. What a joke of a human being you are. The next year you'd probably end up doing drugs in the middle of the street with all this idiocricy. I mean, you want to live in a fantasy, go for it. Remember that fantasy will make a balance with reality, and the latter is the one you're living in.
I'll just post this and won't browse /adv/ for a while so I can't see what people say about me.
What a pussy you're then!
Yes, I am, ok? I can't deal with talking to people when it comes to this stuff, I just cannot.
You know what the worst part is? It's that I don't feel like shit anymore thanks to writing this. Then the week will pass. And this will probably happen again. This "writing".
So if you reply to me after all this dump. I won't feel like shit. I will say "Heheh, I feel fine man! I just wanted to get rid of this". And the text again will happen.
Fuck.
>>17296219
That's it. This is all the text that I wanted to say.
If you read this. Thank you. I didn't wanted to do this but hey. I needed to get this out.
And yes, there may be other threads for this. Like the "Get it out of your chest". But I didn't felt like it was just one thing.
Anyways thank you. Now I guess I'll go back to being normal I guess. If I can...heheheh...
The key to happiness is to not give a fuck what others think of you, while giving more of a fuck for others than you give yourself
Get out of your skin, OP. Put yourself in the shoes of others. Don't be afraid to look into the eyes of strangers; they can't harm you, we've grown past those base animalistic tendencies. Imagine the struggles they have had, are, and will experience. Imagine what it'd be like to give up what you hold dear in exchange for the suffering of another
Humble yourself, cool your jets, and understand this isn't about "you". It never is, was, or will be about "you". This is about everyone buddy, and don't ever forget that
