my gf is on a 11 day road trip around sicily with another guy
she's known him for years, longer than me
he buys her lots of gifts and they text nearly daily and have for years
he and she post pictures of them standing really close and arm in arm
they're sharing hotel rooms
they're drinking buddies
am I crazy for not really feeling all that cool about this guy who's "just a friend"
>>17289318
ur not crazy. but that doesnt mean that she should stop or that somethings going on.
the problem is that you've had however long you've been dating to make peace with this relationship. if you went in thinking 'OH WELL IM SURE SHE'LL DROP HIM WHEN SHE REALIZES IM LITEARLLY THE ONLY GUY SHE NEEDS TO TALK TO' then you were wrong.
if you want togive her the chance to prove herself and bestow trust in her, go for it. if you dont want to do that, dont. just think, she chose you over him. any reason why?
>>17289318
>am I crazy for not really feeling all that cool about this guy who's "just a friend"
On the bright side, they might allow you to join in a threesome!
>>17289318
you know she's getting the dick right? and that's why you feel uncomfortable. i mean it couldn't be more obvious
>>17289342
>she chose you over him. any reason why?
she left the country they lived in together to study abroad in the country I'm in
>>17289350
so?? was she dating him?
>>17289318
>am I crazy for not really feeling all that cool about this guy who's "just a bull"
fixed.
Hope for the best and plan for the worst I guess. Learn from this and establish your boundaries clearly and as early as possible.
>>17289351
she said they weren't dating and they were just "drinking buddies" I don't know how to feel about that
>>17289318
Let me share a story with you, Anon.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aofoBrFNdg
>>17289356
figure it out. we cant give you answers. its like i said in the first post.
decide if you want to let her prove herself. but this is something she had before she came into your life so you cant act surprised that she didnt cut off a really good lifelong friend just cuz you got a penis.
>>17289360
Fuck I had no idea this song was from 89.
Trust your gut. Your gut is often times your subconscious picking up on subtleties the conscious mind isn't focused on.
>>17289363
27 years later people like OP are still asking these questions.
>>17289318
And this is why you shouldn't allow yourself to get tangled in a "committed relationship". Unless you're the creme de la creme, your relationship will probably end with cheating. After all, each person in a relationship gets bored eventually. And thus the person who is on the outside of the relationship, like the dude in the OP, will always have the upper hand.
OP, I hate to break it to you, but you need to do what she's doing. Find another girl(s) for these 11 days. Consider the relationship over, but don't tell your gf that until she gets back. And from now on, have a steady list of girls but don't ever "choose" one.
>>17289318
lol really dude
really
>>17289366
my gut is that he's deeply in love with her but she sees him as just a friend and I'm basically cucking his long term friendzone, she likes him enough to be his friend but probably not enough to be romantic/intimate with him
but when I look at the facts or how other people would react to the facts it really doesn't feel great
>>17289416
>I'm basically cucking his long term friendzone, she likes him enough to be his friend but probably not enough to be romantic/intimate with him
Who's the one sharing a room with her right now
>>17289424
Poor OP
>>17289424
yeah thats what I mean, when I read long term drinking buddy on a romantic sicily road trip sharing a room with my gf it's pretty obvious to me to go, oh it's obvious what's happening here
but it doesn't line up with my gut
>>17289416
Then just do you, people here are gonna project from their own experiences and insecurities. We have no idea what your relationship is really like, only the limited info you give us, and that's only YOUR side of the story. I was with a girl once who I thought would never cheat on me. She had a lot of guy friends though and once my friend asked me how I was comfortable with that. I told him if she did cheat on me, then she wouldn't really be the person I thought she was. One night something just felt off and I told her something just didn't feel right and she broke down saying that she cheated. It hurt more than I thought it would but it's true I couldn't even recognize her anymore. It's like I was in a relationship in my head.
>>17289430
she has a lot of guy friends too. she's a tomboy. I've had a few uneasy feelings in the past that aren't in me now but they were definitely there before, though actually it wasn't about this guy it was just in general
no idea what to do man. I mean I came here because I actually do want other opinions because I think I could be fooled by love
>>17289318
You're being "cucked"....take care anon...
dude you are cukced . dump it asap.
>>17289436
It's too late to express your discomfort with her at this moment. You kind of made your bed by not saying anything before the trip. You can talk when she gets back, don't make any accusations or assumptions but just communicate how you feel. It sucks but you're really limited in action at this point, any signs of insecurity will just make you look bad. Really though, don't you have female friends? Would she feel comfortable with you taking trips with them? As guys we know we'd fuck all of our female friends if it wouldn't hurt anyone, some of us would do it despite or because it could hurt someone. I can't see how she could justify taking this trip, but I've often underestimated the female mind's ability to justify shit like this to themselves.
>>17289427
Your "gut" is wrong.
Go out and start fucking girls tonight but don't say anything to your gf until she gets back.
>>17289318
I would just laugh to her face when she would tell me that she is going for a 2 weeks trip just with her "friend".
>>17289318
Either you're a big enough man to give your girlfriend the freedom to do her own thing and live with the possible consequences or talk to her about how you feel and see what she says, if you don't like her answer, dump her. Agonizing over what she's doing when she's not with you isn't healthy for you or the relationship.
You've got your options, shoo shoo, go figure your life out.
>>17289499
t. cheating slut
They had sex. Face it.
I was in a situation kind of like yours. The ex had a guy "friend" she would go to events and festivals with, sometimes she would even spend the nights over at his house. The guy was about 10 years older than me too at the time, I was 19 at the time, so was her, and I think he was pushing 29 or something. But she kept reassuring me they were just friends who liked hanging out. It was ridiculous at the time then, and it's still ridiculous to me now that I still stuck around with this girl. Eventually after we broke up, of course I find out from her that they'd been having sex on the regular, wew big surprise!
Alls I'm saying is that be careful.
>>17289499
>big enough man
Am I wrong to be instantly defensive and skeptical when I see /adv/ posts with this?
>>17289511
>are you a big enough man to raise your wife's son?
>>17289511
No you're not cause what usually follows is a bunch of nonsense, but I somewhat agree with the guy, if OP isn't comfortable with the girl hanging out with this guy and sharing hotel rooms then he should dump her and move on. Cut his losses and what not, cause it will only get worse.
>>17289318
if her tits are white, there is still a chance he didn't fuck her. if her tits are tanned however, dump that bitch.
>>17289508
>It was ridiculous at the time then, and it's still ridiculous to me now that I still stuck around with this girl
everything for a pussy
>>17289530
I was just young and stupid, mostly stupid.
>>17289318
I will tell you this right now.
Never try to reason or fathom why other people do things. That invites hesitancy an analysis paralysis. You will never know what is going on in another person's head. No-one is a psycho-analytical genius like Sherlock Holmes who can deduce what a person is going to do five years from now when he watches them break wind.
What you always, always must do is see if this person violates your reason and your integrity. You can really never truly know what is going on in the world around you, but you always have control over how you respond to such things.
Now, all you need to do is ask yourself these questions.
1.) does this action violate what I think is right?
2.) Would I allow myself to do such a thing if the roles were reversed?
3.) If the action is wrong, how do I proceed?
Now, ask yourself one and two. Then we can work on three.
>>17289550
it doesn't violate what I think is right, I think it's fine for her to travel with her old friends and stay in a room with them assuming nothing happens. it just really makes me feel shitty and strains my trust as to whether or not something will happen given everything
I would never do that to her
I have no idea how to proceed. I mean I guess I'm going to talk to her about it when she comes back and see what my gut says is happening and what I should do
>>17289436
M8 i'm sorry :/
Maybe is the love that doesnt let you see
But this sounds... bad bad
Good luck with anything you may choose to do
>>17289579
yeah I think I might be too lovesick to really evaluate things. not really sure what I should do. leaving her goes strongly against what I feel but I see the problems. I guess I should talk to her about it and see how it goes and then maybe evaluate from there
There is absolutely NO WAY she is not fucking him.
>>17289550
This is good advice, though I'd skip the bullshit and head straight to 3.
>>17289374
Yeah, call your gf and confess your insecurities, and give her bull a good laugh while he's getting his dick sucked.
Never admit your insecurities.
Just tell her that you're not cool about this thing, and you're breaking it off.
>>17289564
When you talk to her just lay out the facts, how you felt uncomfortable, how you got stuck in your head a bit.
Don't make accuasations or let her tell you that you shouldn't feel a certain way. You have a right to feel the way you do and if she tries to dismiss that she's shitty.
>>17289436
>he fell for "one of the guys" meme
>>17289619
just got a bad feeling imagining this talk. probably not a great sign. will do it anyways though, I like her too much to just dump and move on without talking about it
>>17289318
and I bet you have never met this guy. what woman in a relationship would go on a get away in another country with another dude her bf doesn't know if she wasn't fucking him?
>>17289436
>she has a lot of guy friends too. she's a tomboy
Speaking from experience, girls do this so they'll have a steady supply of dick.
>my gf is on a 11 day road trip around sicily with another guy
>>17289670
Didn't you talk about this before she went on the trip or did she just tell you what was going down?
>>17289616
>Yeah, call your gf and confess your insecurities, and give her bull a good laugh while he's getting his dick sucked.
Did you even read my post
>>17289616
> and you're breaking it off
I'd say give her a chance to reconsider, but often than not she'll just call your manhood into question. Im this guy by the way: >>17289508
and every single time I had a conversation with her about hanging out with this bloke I always came out of it feeling guilty about it cause I was miserable and didn't know who I was at the time.
>>17289318
OP are you sure this girl is your gf or are you guys only friends but you think its more. You even fucking her? Sounds to me you are just a guy she hangs with while she's away at school. This other guy is her real bf
>>17289564
>it doesn't violate what I think is right, I think it's fine for her to travel with her old friends and stay in a room with them assuming nothing happens. it just really makes me feel shitty and strains my trust as to whether or not something will happen given everything
>I would never do that to her
If you think such actions are okay, why wouldn't you do that to her?
>>17289318
You no longer have a GF. Move on to the next one.
>>17289691
kek
>>17289691
Anon droppin dat knowledge
>>17289679
so I guess I should have given a better backstory
she and him lived in country A in north america, then she left for country B in europe to study abroad. I also live in country B. we become gf/bf
he and her keep in contact through texting pretty regularly. over the summer he spends a month interrailing around europe
for the last section of his trip he goes to sicily and she goes to meet him there to road trip around. she talks to me a few times about it and says how she doesn't feel like traveling and how she wants to be traveling with me (we've done a few trips together already) but she feels like she has to go. I say ok you don't have to go but you should go if you want to. we talked about it a little but it wasn't like she ever asked are you ok with this or do you want to come too
she texts me pretty frequently every day and sends pics, talks a lot about missing me and how she wishes I was there, and she sends lewd pics of herself
its clear to me that he loves her deeply. my gut feeling is that she has him friendzoned hard and kind of uses him for emotional support. he definitely loves her
>>17289691
I am fucking her regularly. she does whatever I want in the bed and has literally never turned me down for sex or not done something I've asked her to do. I've had her text her friends and even mother while I fuck her. we also kiss very frequently and passionately. she orgasms hard pretty much every time and squirts maybe 1/3rd or 1/4th of the time
>>17289696
I mean that I think it's ok for two opposite gender friends in relationships with other people to share a room if they don't have sex, but I wouldn't do it to her because I wouldn't give her that shitty feeling that I might be cheating on her or strain her trust
>>17289720
Don't try to justify shit. If you wouldn't do something to somebody because it would put them in a shitty situation then you automatically think it's not fucking right.
So the question here is why you would allow something not right to happen to you but you wouldn't do that to someone else.
Your argument is like a pacifist saying that violence is wrong, but when it happens against me it's perfectly okay. Or a vegan saying it's wrong for me to kill animals, but if you do it that's fine.
>>17289318
I have a guyfriend who I've known for 6 years since high school. We would talk and hangout everyday at school. Now I only see him during the summer but, when we hangout, I go to his place for hours or go hike at night with him.
We have no attraction for each other but our friendship has always been a source of drama with the people we were dating. His gf and my bf get jealous all the times.
Men and women can be friends but you cant make a decision based on generalizations.
Do they flirt when they hangout together? Do they try to include you when they hangout? Also, did they ask you to join them on their trip? Why or why not?
My bf recently went on a trip with 4 girls. 3 of them are lesbians but the other one is not. I was very upset at first because he didnt ask me if I wanted to come along. When I calmed down, I realized that I never go out with them because I choose not to drink so that's why he didnt ask.
This doesnt mean she isnt cheating on you, you need to assess your relationship from an unbiased point of view and then decide where you draw the line.
>>17289691
Dayum going in cold
>>17289717
>feels like she has to go
doesn't make any sense OP. Sounds like they had plans already and she masterfully maneuvered her trip alone. I don't get why she didn't have him at least meet you before they sleep together everynight for 11 days.
>>17289725
>So the question here is why you would allow something not right to happen to you but you wouldn't do that to someone else.
I guess I don't expect everybody to have the same kind of morality system I have and if it isn't too far away from my own I'm willing to try and bend to accept it instead of being too rigid
>>17289738
Do they flirt when they hangout together? Do they try to include you when they hangout? Also, did they ask you to join them on their trip? Why or why not?
this post talks a bit more about the background
>>17289717
they never hang out, they just text each other now, this is the only time they'll have seen each other in a long time. I've seen some of their texts and it seems like mostly day to day stuff but I don't really snoop so I couldn't say more than that
not sure how to assess the relationship in an unbiased way when I'm so in love with her. that's what I came here to try and do really because I know this feels wrong
>>17289761
honestly I almost feel like she isn't telling him about me and wouldn't tell him about me because she wants to keep him friendzoned. again this is just my gut. I think right now he probably has no idea I exist
he's sort of a pudgy nerdy type from what I can tell
>>17289717
OP even with your back story and fact you are fucking I stick with my original thought. You are her away at school boy, nothing more. She couldn't even stay away from her real bf very long and they are in Sicily right now. What makes you think she hasn't been sending him nude pics everyday she's in country B studying? Does he even know about you or have you been described to him as just a friend?
>>17289787
>Does he even know about you or have you been described to him as just a friend?
as said here >>17289784 I don't think she has ever said anything about me to him, and probably won't
she has a job lined up in this country and will be staying here, not going back to where he lives
she never really hides her phone or their texts if she's sending pics it's through some alternate channel. I have no idea if she is, I don't feel like she is, but I guess she could be
>>17289784
>she isn't telling him about me and wouldn't tell him about me because she wants to keep him friendzoned
you got that wrong OP. She would tell if he is just a friend and that would keep him in the friendzone. If he is her bf she wouldn't tell him about you.
>>17289784
Is this you trying to convince yourself "he's just a friend" despite coming to a chinese imageboard and listing out all your insecurities about the 11 day escapade your girlfriend is currently having with another man? Cause let's face it, 2 people don't just go out and sleep in the same hotel room on tour if they're "just friends" certainly not members of the opposite sex, I am speaking this from experience.
>>17289799
you mean to tell me they good buddies and will spend 11 days and nights together and she hasn't told him about you? Open your eyes OP. She hasn't told him because he is her bf
>>17289738
Guys can be friends with girls ONLY if the follow criteria is met:
>Both are in stable relationships with partners more attractive than their friend
Otherwise, one of them will want to fuck the other.
>>17289717
If she's sending you lewd pictures, what makes you think she hasn't been sending him lewd pictures all along?
>>17289816
OP is the biggest cuck in /adv/ history!
>>17289799
>I don't think she has ever said anything about me to him
Hahaha oh wow the plot thickens. I'm not laughing at you OP, I'm just laughing at this entire situation. That guy is her boyfriend my man, he's her boyfriend and they're in a long distance relationship and right now they're just catching up.
>>17289809
I'm giving my own interpretation of what's happening, which I assume can be incorrect because I'm blinded by love
it's not me trying to convince myself, it's how I currently see it and I'm posting here to see how you guys see it as people who are not in the situation because I want other people's view
>>17289800
>>17289816
yeah I mean this might be right. it would have to be a long distance relationship and they would need to be planning to get back together again after several years living apart but I could see it I guess. it could also be that he was her bf and now they're having some throwback sex for old times sake and will do so again in the future, so she's simply cheating on me
I mean I can't really know I just know the situation
I feel like OP is just telling us at this point.
>>17289784
Wait a minute, the dude doesn't know about you? I feel bad for you son. Leave the relationship now, at least mentally for now.
>>17289784
Then what's the goddamn point of having your morality system to begin with, or any of your principles to begin with if they bend at the first sign of hardship? Morals are not supposed to be relative, and neither are ideas of right and wrong. The reason why you are having such a conundrum about what to do in this situation is precisely this mindset.
And what's worse, you are trying desperately to convince yourself that the other dude is pudgy, not the same as you, clearly inferior to you, to protect your ego from the notion that your girlfriend is probably not as committed to you as you are to you if she is willing to do this no matter what fucking justification she presents to you. She could promise the goddamn moon to you that she doesn't like him, feels obligated, etc. But at the end of the day she is fucking gone, no matter what she tells you that is what you have to deal with.
If you had a principle with some backbone you could have solved this in five minutes and gone about your day. But no, you've spent nearly three hours goddamn mentally masturbating yourself with
>This thing my girlfriend is doing, i don't think its right, help convince me that I am wrong.
What you should be doing is right now thinking.
>I don't think this behavior is right, for reasons x, y, and z. Now what do i do.
rather than trying to make excuses for your girlfriend seeing another man, sleeping in the same bed as them, and not only that, by your own admission (even if no sex is involved) taking advantage of someone who clearly wants something more than a friendship from your girlfriend.
You have refused to actually double down on your principles and now you are suffering because of it. Grow a goddamn spine and pick. Is this a something I do not think is right no matter who does it, even myself, or is this something i think is okay, then that means I can do the same to her.
>>17289738
Wow, girls can be this stupid too. Even if my gf didn't drink I'd at least make the effort to invite her, just to let her know what was happening, that she was welcome to come, and assure her that it was totally platonic.
>>17289832
There is absolutely no good reason for her to be hiding her involvement with you unless this guy is her bf. Her family or any of her friends back home know about you?
>>17289832
>it's how I currently see it
Lemme tell you how other people who aren't blinded by love are seeing it:
1. You being cheated on and being gullible.
The reason your girl told you about the 11 day trip wasn't cause she trusts you, it was to get you off her back. It's a catch-22 like that. It would have been worse if she didn't tell you, but instead she told you she was going on an 11 day trip, and then she spices things up and says that another guy is going to be there. In your head you're thinking, "Wow what a logical thing for her to do, she's so considerate to tell me that" but you just don't get it, she wants you to think that. I am not advising you to be a cynical cynic your entire life but bro...you simply cannot afford to be this naive all your life. If she hasn't told the other guy she has a boyfriend then what's stopping him from hitting on her and her reciprocating? How do you even know that it's the same guy? It could be another guy from somewhere else and you wouldn't know.
>>17289837
>>17289854
for the first few months of dating she didn't understand why I was going out with her because she thought I was too far out of her league and was going to leave her, meaning she would be humiliated if she told people about me and then I left. in the months after that she slowly accepted that I was serious about her and she started telling her friends. now all of her friends in this country and her close female friends from the old country know about me. I don't know if he does but I assume he doesn't
>>17289848
I really don't see it this way at all. it seems insane for me to demand that the person I date would have exactly the same morale code as me, and I'm willing to accept some differences if they aren't too extreme even if they make me feel bad, I'm just not sure how far I should let that go
I do agree this was a shitty way to spend my friday night though, I really should have just gone out with friends or something other than thinking about this but I really do need to figure out what I'm going to do
>>17289855
yeah I see that. I can see that. I see how you guys are reacting to it and I probably would say similar things to other people. it's not how I feel about it but it's helpful to have the sanity of other people saying it
she definitely doesn't want me off her back though, she wants to spend more time together than I do. she wants to spend like 6-8 hours together every day
>>17289883
>she wants to spend like 6-8 hours together every day
That's irrelevant to the situation at hand.
>>17289889
I was replying to the
>it was to get you off her back
I mean maybe I misread what was meant there. she literally always wants to be around me
>>17289855
>How do you even know that it's the same guy? It could be another guy from somewhere else and you wouldn't know.
oh I forgot to reply to this part, but from instagram photos I know who it is and it's the guy she told me about, I mean there could be a third guy but at a certain point its just paranoia
>>17289853
Im the same anon you replied to.
My bf invites me all the times but Im an introvert so I decline because I dont like going out and spending time with a large group of people, which is what my bf does every weekend. I met most of his friends already and the ones I didnt meet already know about me. My ex was different, though: never introducing me to any of his friends/family. We didnt last long.
OP's girlfriend is trying to hide OP from this guy, it doesnt sound good at all. If they were just friends, she should be comfortable telling her friend abt OP.
OP, your gf trying to hide you from her friend is an enormous red flag. You need to ask her whether or not he has feelings for her. If he does, she needs to cut contant or else you leave.
>>17289318
Have you been tested recently?
>>17289883
>I really don't see it this way at all. it seems insane for me to demand that the person I date would have exactly the same morale code as me, and I'm willing to accept some differences if they aren't too extreme even if they make me feel bad, I'm just not sure how far I should let that go
That's your problem. It's a goddamn character difference. Surface things are okay. Some people like chocolate, some people like vanilla. Some like garlic, some don't. That's fine, allowances can be made for some differences like that.
But this, this is a fucking CORE issue. It's something that you, as a person, fundamentally disapprove of. It is something you do not approve of in relationships and do not want to see happen in relationships.
I honestly cannot help you and no one here can help you at this point. You refuse to see it for what it is and are trying to rationalize to yourself why it isn't the case. You are willingly deceiving yourself. I honestly don't care if she is blowing a thousand Sicilians under a grape vine. She has done something you fundamentally disapprove of and you refuse to listen to the fact that you A.) Do not like this and B.) Do not think it is proper behavior for a person in a relationship to do.
And you are trying to cloak yourself in Moral relativism as some kind of signalling in virtue and are vetting other opinions for the same reason when the truth of the matter is above.
Godspeed op. You are in for a world of hurt because you want to rationalize something that won't work for you.
>>17289342
>ur
this is how children talk.
>CAPS LOCK LITERALLY THE ONLY GUY SHE NEEDS TO TALK TO
this is how children argue. talking =/= sharing hotel rooms
>a chance to prove herself
and this is how self-entitled little girls view the world.
she could probably start by showing literally a minimal amount of restraint past not fucking the dude directly in front of him.
I wish you were a man just so I could castrate you.
It's called common decency.
This is what modern feminism does. This girl is a child running free in a grocery store knocking shit over and nobody is allowed to hold her accountable for it.
Any single thing on that OP's list would put a strain on their relations. But compounded like that? Either the girl is oblivious or she just doesn't care.
OP is so scared that a twat like you will think he's somehow LESS of a man for not putting up with this garbage -- it's downright tragic.
OP, it's time to be a man and dump her. You don't have to hold it in.
Believe it or not there ARE big girls out there who do not stand for this and would support you. Remember this as an exercise in personal strength - you know how much you can take - but for god's sake get in the right circle.
I'd advise asking her to pull back a little, just to see how she responds, and if she respects you. But it's probably too late. This is already a huge slap in the face. Think, what kind of stress would you put on a chick in the name of "friendships" outside your relationship? Do unto others, OP.
>>17289907
>your gf trying to hide you from her friend is an enormous red flag
This a thousand times. Why wouldn't she have told him about you? What's she hiding? I'll tell you what she's hiding, the fact that she's in a relationship with you.
alright guys thanks for all these posts I'm going to bed in like 10-20 minutes is there anything else you could think I should answer for more info before I leave and then I can read replies in the archives later
>>17289966
OP, can you make another thread when you have any updates?
>>17289970
sure. she comes back on the 1st of july, and I'll probably be with her on saturday night and then sunday. maybe the 4th or 5th of july around 4-5 hours earlier than this post's hour timestamp wherever you are I'll have talked with her and can make an update post
>>17289318
sounds like shes an attention whore and u should dump her.
OP i don't have anything to say in the way of advice but you seem cool I hope she isn't cucking you
Sorry OP. I've been to Sicily once and that place just makes you wanna fuck.
>>17289717
Question:
How do you send lewd pics to your SO when you're sharing the room with somebody else?
That seems.. bad, man.
Even if she was going into the washroom and shit to do this, chances are he knows full well what is happening, and that's going to create sexual tension.
That... is really suspect to me.
>>17290212
Moreover, to risk something like that on an 11 day trip? Ehh...
>>17290212
they've mostly been in full house/apartment airbnbs where there's plenty of separate rooms, and also she says they have separate bedrooms but again I mean I really have no 100% proof and she could really be doing whatever
>>17289828
What would it be?
A keklord?
