How to have a serious talk with a very sensitive GF?
I'm in a semi-LDR currently (1 hour drive) relationship and we've been together for 6 years ( we lived in the same city for 4 of those 6 years). Normally I'm not the needy type, but although I'm sure that she loves me and is comitted to our future, there have been several incidents in the past months concerning coldness, disrespect, negligence and evasiveness.
The last meetings i was a bit bitter and complainy and i can definitely can see, that she's trying to better herself and that she's sorry. I have to say it's a stressful time for her and a changing living situation. It was always hard to have "serious" talks with her (she usually begins to cry, apologizes and I comfort her then) and we never had a real fight. But as we never had the big talk, she doesn t seem to get the big picture and there are still minor incidents which are burdening my love to her.
So I'm still bitter about the past months and just would like have a big talk about those issues a last time, so that we can have an unburdened outlook on the future and i don't become resentful. I intend not to be complaining and judging, but to just explain her why i was bothered at all, that I want to have a kind of emotional "fresh start" and unburdened outlook on the future. Also i would like to make my boundaries and expectations clear to hear and would like to hear her wishes in return.
How would you approach such a talk with a sensitive girl that s more on the shut-in side of the spectrum? Pls help /avd/.
>>(she usually begins to cry, apologizes and I comfort her then
what a clever way to stop you from speaking your mind
instead of comforting her, speak your mind, boo-hoo, she'll cry because she's an autist/shut-in, but in the long run you'll do yourself a favor if you can express your feelings and let the bitter built-up bile out of ur system
if you can't talk with your partner about (any serious )things, well, that's a shit relationship right there, don't you think
>>17271531
you're absolutely right, that s why i intend to have this serious talk and i'm determined to go through with it. I will tell her, that it's okay for me if she cries, and we can take our time for that discussion but that i wont comfort her till we're through with my issues.
I'm just afraid that if i don t find the right approach that she'll "switch off" emotionally, wont get what i'm trying to say and i will appear more complaining than ever. The next problem i'm afraid of, is that it may become a monologue. How do i get her to open up and speak her mind? I assume that the main cause for her misbehaviours that she's afraid that i might get upset and argue with her. (the main issues were about communication; too rare, she seems to withhold things about her local friends because she might fear jealousy or that i might disagree because i'm a quite "traditional" guy). She seems to really fear arguments of any kind.
>>17271548
>>17271548
you seem to be in a pickle, all I could think of is to speak your mind in a way that she doesn't feel that it's an "attack" on her (because of the fear of conflict) - just be calm, loving, tell her why you feel what you feel, do whatever to make sure that this conversation wouldn't feel like a conflict - but you can't babysit her all the way and if she cannot evolve as a human bean and meet you half-way...
>>17271522
first, a one hour drive isn't long distance and second if you haven't figured out how to have an adult conversation after 6 years together you never will despite what we tell you. Likely the relationship has run it's course and apathy then emotional detachment is underway.
i can, but she can't. i mean she probably can, but it leads to crying at first and you'll have to have several conversations with her, till she makes up her mind. usually she gives her important conclusions weeks afterwards.
problem is she's definitively sending mixed signals (especially negligence and evasiveness if we re not meeting up, communication in the time in between is sparse) but she also confessed her love recently (which is unusual, in the years before she only did it after i did it first) and assures me everything is fine for her.
the point is our relationship patterns we're always "unusual" because of her personality, but know in the LDR it get's a problem for me and i'm not sure how to make her understand.
should i make a clear statement to raise attraction or would i do additional damage with this type of personality. Should i sit it out till we move together (probably in february).
dunno, fuck LDRs...
