>>17265599
Sounds like it could be an orgasm but honestly it is weird for her to not know if she is having one or not. It is a very obvious and unique sensation. Have you been focusing on her clit?

>>17265607
Yup. I've tried to use all the advice I've been given. Building her up, I've had her literally squirming to the touch by the time I go down on her. I'm at my wits end on how i could make it better other than just more tongue endurance, but even then I've gone for like half an hour before and she's had like 4 of these maybe orgasms?

I think maybe she just expected it to be something its not?

Sometimes after we have sex she'll say she feels stupid and woozy and almost fell over once cuz her legs were weak.

But like it's fucking with my head. It's partly and ego thing on my part but its also because I just want to please her as best I can. I want her to be as satisfied as I can make her.

>>17265599
If it's a good one, she'll scratch and bite. Also, look for sudden tightening of the muscles, my GF always stretches her legs as if trying to get up and I have to hold her down. She just giggles with pleasure.

>>17265817
Ok I've gotten her to do stuff like that before. When I go down on here her legs will start to visibly quake and then she'll jerk almost as if she got punched in the gut and gets quite loud.

I've had her bite and scratch during penetration but I don't think that was an orgasm, maybe close but who knows.

I always assumed it would be more like a guys orgasm and really obvious like "ok fuck im done."

It's always hard to tell because after she convulses and stuff I can keep going and she'll keep moaning and crap which always makes me think "guess she's not quite there yet."

I'm with this guy >>17265607 it sure sounds like she's describing one, but it's pretty strange for her to be so unsure. Is she a worrier, generally? Like, the type to have an amazing orgasm and still wonder "b-but is that how it's SUPPOSED to feel?"

Even if she's not interested in masturbating on her own (uncommon but not unheard of for women) have you considered buying a vibrator and having her use it while you're having sex, or using it on her as part of foreplay?

>>17265843
Nah, you're getting the wrong idea.

A girl has almost no cooldown period. She just keeps taking it. Think about it, a guy gets soft after cumming, he has to cool down before getting hard again. Girls can have two orgasms within 1 minute (I did the experiment).

Maybe she'll go all bulge-eyed and panting really heavily after an orgasm and I usually let off for a bit there. Also, try to angle your dick so that it rubs the front wall (the one closest to the clit). But you're basically fine, uncontrolled movement of the limbs basically equals orgasm.

Sounds like she's never had one. Let me guess, she never masturbates?

>>17265860
I don't disagree or nothin' but it definitely depends on the girl. After my girlfriend cums she typically is like "OK, cool, I'm done" and is ready to stop. Actually, that's with clitoral orgasms, when she has vaginal orgasms it's a lot more like you've described. If there's one thing I've learned it's that female sexuality will always be more complicated and varied than I expect. But based on that post I'm inclined to agree with you that his girlfriend is probably having some kind of orgasm or another, and goddamn but this is the least sexy post about cumming that I've ever written.

>>17265845
She'd find a vibrator awkward. When she has sex she wants to have sex with me. She'd rather us roll around naked and laugh and kiss and have no actual sex than me use a vibrator on her for the sake of pleasure. She really isn't pleasure motivated I guess. Like I said she has a low sex drive too.

Maybe I should mention she was raised hard core catholic.

All her friends who are girls just told her she would know and its like a giant release and stuff and she says she's not sure if that's what she feels. Says sometimes it gets too sensitive and she has to push me away. But then other times it looks like she's really enjoying it. It really has me fucking confused.'

>>17265877
Bingo

>>17265860
Ok well I've had the uncontrolled limb movement so maybe then?

>>17265887
Hey, we're all science here, boi.

I always went about my GF's orgasms in a very unsexy way. I actually don't enjoy the sex too much, I find it extremely hard to get off from sex. I spend most of my time finding the best pleasure spots on her body.

So far, I've found one interesting one, which is when I grab her tight around the ribs and hold her, so she can't breathe easily, she orgasms in a moment. Every time. It's weird, but over the years I got to the point where I know what buttons to push to completely exhaust her in the space of an hour or so. No effect on me, so I just keep going.

>>17265894
That was an orgasm, my friend. My GF often almost smothers me when I'm going down on her, she clamps my face down like crazy.

>>17265894
Okay I hope to make this somewhat clear but eventually she will have to deal with this herself.

First of all, it is not possible to have your first orgasm ever and not realize that you had it. What's likely is that she is confusing pleasure peaks with a climax. I mean, it all feels pretty fucking great if you have a good partner, it is mostly the physical reaction that's different. That's point one.

Point two is that female wiring and sexuality can be confusing and weird. I started masturbating late myself (17) and I don't know if it was because of this reason or not, but whatever I'd get close to a climax I would get scared of my bodily reactions. This was so strong that all arousal would drain from me and I just wanted to stop. Then I'd be horny twenty minutes later, repeat ad infinitum. Bottom line is that chances are that the real close build up to an orgasm does not actually feel pleasurable to her (what she says is too sensitive, lack of enthusiasm for a vibrator).

This will be BY FAR easiest for her to overcome by herself. What I did was hop into the bath tub, use the showerhead on myself and force myself to absolutely not move my hand away. It was no fun, it felt weird and invasive and just all around not pleasurable, it was more like a physical explosion than a pleasure peak. But afterwards I knew what to expect, my nerves were gone, and I knew what sensation to "aim for". I learned to recognize the signs that I was building towards an orgasm and to enjoy them and orgasms themselves.

You have to understand that when you are with your girlfriend, tons of shit is going on. She is going to want to focus on the intimacy and on you, not pulling apart what she feels or does not feel. It will also be harder to keep a close eye on what happens to her when there's so much going on. If you can get her to reach an orgasm by herself, that will help tremendously and will in time allow her to guide you.

>>17265894
Man, that's a shame. I can actually see where she's coming from, I prefer sex to be pretty natural and spontaneous and so I don't really love the idea of bringing in a whole bunch of toys & paraphernalia, but to me a vibrator is just such a basic tool to make the sex better that it doesn't bother me. So I hope she comes around, though obviously you shouldn't push the issue.

If she ever does, though, under no circumstances take her to a sex shop, I bet she'd find the crassness and commercialization intolerable. The atmosphere in places like that is a huge turn-off to me, personally.

>>17265929
And to add, she is likely not going to enjoy this advice. Not to be insensitive towards her background, but it is possible that she was shamed directly or indirectly about masturbation as a child (from her parents or from religious learnings) and in that case she will likely enjoy sex with you but feel very differently about masturbation. After all, sex is not just about arousal, it's about fun and intimacy and love. Masturbation is just about lust.

So, there's that, but I have lived through the whole orgasm confusion and at least from my anecdotal findings this is not uncommon for young women at all. (To either not know if they've ever had an orgasm, or only realize later in life that they never had.) I absolutely think that this (never having gotten the chane to grow used to these feelings and explore them by herself, without distraction, just the feeling of her body responding) is what's causing her uncertainty and difficulty reaching climax.

>>17265957
Yeah, thats really what I don't know what to do about. Like if I suggest she masturbate by herself chances are she'll just say she doesn't want to. If I push the subject she'll probably get mad, say she enjoys our sex life just fine and that if I have a problem with it thats my issue and not hers since she is satisfied.

So I don't really see how i can convince her to do that.

Maybe my best bet is to try to convince her to let me use a vibrator on her. I mean if I get a magic wand or something she might be more ok with it as its non penetrative. I dunno, its hard with her because she'll just claim that she's happy as is and get mad when I try to push things(not just sex but any aspect of our relationship) and I don't doubt her. But I'm the kinda person who wants to make things the best they can be.

>>17265599
She'll come back for more if your doing it right.

>>17265929
So just to clarify, you will still writhe and have some leg convulsions and yell out even with a "pleasure peak"?

This is what I find so confusing, all this orgasm vs pleasure peak stuff its so much more complicated than guys. I think this is what is confusing her too.

>>17265983
....well we've been dating for 3 years and are soon to be living together. But as I've said, she's not sex motivated. If I had my dick blasted off in an accident she'd still stay with me and be perfectly happy.

>>17265976
Ultimately, it is her deal. If she doesn't want to put in every effort to have an orgasm, you can't force her. And I mean, it might sound hollow, but she really does not know what she's missing. So there's that.

Sex is also more complicated than an orgasm being pleasure and otherwise meh... sure, her pleasure would be heightened if she had everything she has now and on top of that she climaxes. But it sounds like she enjoys herself lots already, and between her and another girl it's not so straightforward. It also has to do with how sensual you are, whether you naturally enjoy pleasing your partner, whether you are good at relaxing and enjoying the moment when being pleased and so on. So I would absolutely trust her word that she does not feel like she misses out on anything.

You can try the vibrator deal but to warn you again, I strongly doubt that it's going to be a pleasant first experience for her. So worst case scenario is that she's screaming at you to please take it away it feels awful, and for you to hold it in place half a minute more until she forcibly has an orgasm that does not feel good because she's cramped up and scared and unknown. I doubt that experience is not going to leave any marks on your sex life, even if she is eventually grateful that she's past the hurdle.

I think that if you continue to have sex, eventually there will come a point where she relaxes so much and the sensations line up so well that she'll have an orgasm anyway. But that could take years. Quick fix is what I described but chances are she's not interested. In that case I'd say, pick your battles, accept that this is a personal issue of hers.

>>17265997
>she's not sex motivated
>yet she counties to have sex with me

fuck off with your non problems.

OP, sounds like you're trying to fix something that's not broken. The more you focus on her orgasm and whether or not she does, the more she'll overthink it. She just doesn't want to lie to you and say she had an orgasm if she's not sure because she knows how important it is to you.

>>17265997
>So just to clarify, you will still writhe and have some leg convulsions and yell out even with a "pleasure peak"?
Yeah I'm sorry man, I'm not going to make this easier for you.

The writhing and leg convulsions, absolutely. They are just a sign of intense pleasure.
Here's where it gets more complicated still. I am going to try to explain it in a way that gives you some insight and not just muddles things but the content is difficult for that.

Sexuality is for a large part inside your head. You can influence your sexual pleasure to a big extent. For example, what I like to do is edge myself on one thing (fetish, not necessarily related to couple things) until I can't take it anymore, if I watch another few seconds while touching I'm going to come. Then I switch to entirely different stuff (dirty talk, more plain old sexuality) that I am at that point not mentally "into" because I was thinking about something entirely different (say, pregnancy). If I rigidly fous my mind on the new thing and don't slip up, I can masturbate right from the start and have no issue with having to avoid an orgasm. It's like I just abort the whole thing in my head and start up another playlist and my body also starts from scratch - with the catch that the orgasm is longer and much more intense because you kind of get a double one.
Now I have been single for a long time and I have serious control there, I can climax without touching myself (if you think this is bullshit: http://www.laopinion.com/2014/07/15/the-mental-orgasm-climax-without-being-touched/) just by fantasizing and flexing and relaxing my muscles in synch with a sort of sexual energy within yourself.

Either way, too much info and impossible to explain. My point is that also for someone untrained, your mindset plays a HUGE role in sexuality. Think of the guy who can't get hard with the girl of his dreams due to nerves. Post too long...

>>17266039
Your girlfriend doesn't know what an orgasm feels like, so she doesn't "aim" for anything specifically. She takes any pleasure as it comes and doesn't put it into a perspective leading up to a certain goal. I think this in itself also makes it more difficult to orgasm if you haven't before, that you cannot actively direct your sexual feelings towards that.
Either way, my point here was: chances are (from my understanding of female sexuality) that by constantly circling around the release, whether she consciously feels this or not, her arousal builds and absolutely amounts to her physically shaking.

As for the screaming, that's still something else. It is natural to vocally respond to something you enjoy, think of the "ahh" after a cold drink in the heat or people's "ohh"ing at fireworks. Guys seem to be stuck in this mindset where either a woman fakes her noises or she cannot physically keep them in. By far most of the time it is somewhere in between - they could in theory hold it in, but it feels more relaxing and more natural not to, and it turns them on themselves and puts them more in the present situation. Like how you could avoid screaming in a rollercoaster if you absolutely had to, but it would take away from the enjoyment and you would need to focus on that disproportionately.
If this is the case for her as well and she is constantly "guiding" her feelings with these noises, it is only the natural reaction to cry out if there is a spike in how good it feels. That doesn't have to mean she came at all. I don't want to discourage you or anything, it's just that if you've never experienced it it's hardly something you can miss. I have also never heard a woman talk of not being sure, only to conclude that she did in fact have an orgasm.

I know I made things more difficult but I hope I also kind of gave you a glimpse in that there is more to how much she enjoys it than just whether she comes or not... though I understand wanting to motivate her.

>>17266009
Yeah, thanks thats some solid advice and I think I needed to be told that. I like to tackle everything as a problem to solve and beat my issues to death as fast as possible. So sometimes I need someone to tell me to slow the fuck down, its actually one of the reasons me and my GF work well together.

Honestly I'm satisfied with the sex we have too so I really should take her word on it and just hope things get better over time, pushing anything or trying to get a vibrator involved would just be weird. I'm not the kinda person to pop that up out of nowhere and she would instantly be uncomfortable.

Plus she's hinted that she wants to get married in a few years and things are great 3 years in so I'm not really worried about her going anywhere, I got lots of time to just keep trying to slowly improve my sex game and help her relax as much as I can.

It's good to know a little more though so I'm not as confused about the whole thing so thanks again.


>>17266028
Let me clarify, she doesn't really feel lust. She loves being tender and intimate with me and sex is fun and feels good. But she could go 6 months without seeing me and I would still have to be the one to instigate sex because she just doesn't need it.

>>17266032
Yeah good point. I have a bad habit of trying to "fix" things.

>>17266039
>>17266039
I linked you the wrong article but this is actually better. It is not about mental (no touching) orgasms but about how the female orgasm is mostly mental in general. Must read!!

This http://www.medicaldaily.com/pulse/thinking-yourself-orgasm-how-create-erogenous-zones-your-body-only-power-your-mind-347172 was the one I meant but is not that interesting to you, just to show hands free climax is actually a thing.

>>17266055
Really informative, I really appreciate the time and thought put into the posts.

>>17266058
>She doesn't need sex
>Yet she will has sex with me

Fuck off with your non problems.

>>17266058
Another thing to consider is that pushing the issue too much is never good. Every guy likes to make his girl come, but the other way around there's pressure as well: she'll want to show you that she "really" enjoys it, that she "really" likes you, and for guys an orgasm often seems to be the only kind of evidence they will accept without second guessing. Of course you can be open about loving for her and you to get to learn her body better, but the orgasm shouldn't be some bar she has to eventually pass, that will only suck the fun out of sex. As long as her demeanor doesn't change and your communication is open, it is a sign of maturity and respect to take her word for it when she is happy with her sexual share.
Try to see it as unlocked potential still in store for you.

There is no doubt plenty of stuff you can try and introduce that will help you have fun without another goal than having fun. I think that is a better option than obviously steering for something she has displayed no interest in. If anything at all in this direction I'd say, try to bring up mutual masturbation sometime. It can be an extremely intimate and fun act with your faces all pressed together and hearing each other's breath get fucked up, and in the meantime you might give her some positive experienes to ease potential hang ups she feels around masturbation.

Other than that all that you can do is be vocal about loving her, complimenting her body, showing how attracted you are to her and how much you enjoy sex with her.

You're welcome!! Best of luck.

>>17265599
My ex didn't like having orgasms all the time but when she did she would spasm uncontrollably and couldn't be touched after for a couple minutes. If she was orgasming during penetration I could feel her vagina clench up in spasms. It felt great so I gave her orgasms as much as possible lol. Another girl I was with would enjoy multiple orgasms and could have small ones I could barely feel and bigger ones but not as intense as my other ex's.

>>17266072
No problem at all! Women were just dealt a high effort high reward card in this regard and I'm more than happy to share what I know with someone who is sincerely interested in pleasing his lady. Too many guys find it too much effort.

Man this thread is making me unsure. I had my first time recently and she made a big deal about how I made her cum. She held her breath, got really wet, pulled her legs in, and was acting really lazy afterwards

Girl I lost my virginity to had never had an orgasm before. We fucked a bunch and she would say sometimes that she think she had one that time, and those times she would do similar things that you describe. Then one day during some really good fuckin', tension is rising and at some point she just starts going insane, straight up screams and starts humping so hard that I more or less instantly came. Cuddling afterwards she told me that yeah, that was it, and she totally gets why people say that you'll know when you're having one.

Just keep trying new things on her, OP. Every vagina responds differently.

>>17266106
There are no foolproof signs. All the signs associated with orgasm are also associated with extreme arousal. The one thing I'd concede is that if you've had sex together for years, chances are you will be able to tell exactly what combination of bodily reactions means they just came. But that's individual study and also based on their own reports.

Either way, I was the one explaining that it's really complicated and the main indicator here is that OP's girl herself is unsure whether she had an orgasm or not. Your partner was not. In theory she could've faked it, but that doesn't seem likely to me. She would've had to time it minutely with a spike in arousal for the wetness to happen (and if she was still that horny, why cut off the sex by faking an orgasm?), and why would she go on about how you made her cum if she just faked it? Makes no sense. Just trust this one.