LDR Cheating
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
How do I get this extreme suspicion that I'm being cheated on out of my head? The more I think about it the worse it gets.
I don't want to be one of those guys that 'ignores the feeling' and then gets cheated on.
How often do you see each other? LDRs take a lot of work.
>>17257490
We've been together for 2.5 years, our relationship was LDR from the start since we are both from the same town but study in different towns.
So that means we see each other for winter holidays, easter holidays, during the whole 3 months of summer and a few visits here and there between those days.
She has been going out with her friends from university more often recently, so that has sparked my worry probably.
I'm also worried about what she may or may not do when we get into an argument, because I know how irrational and vengeful women can be, I trust myself but I can't ever trust 100% someone else.
I'm in an LDR here, too. I empathise with the feeling, desu.
I just trust her. Then again, she's more into me than I am with her, plus I get decent attention from other females which keeps her on her toes a bit more.
I'm going all-in w/ the trust (I'd still call her out on sketchy behaviour). What keeps me going is that I can't control if she cheats or not - a cheater will always cheat. Additionally, I'll eventually find out, the truth always comes out. If that does happen, I know I'll dump her, go NC, and her shit will get fucked up. She'll become a better person, I'll be free to find someone better. it'll suck, but it will get better.
Just stay posi, trust her, but don't hit "cuck" territory. Paranoia robs you of the joy in the present, homie.
>>17257545
>Additionally, I'll eventually find out, the truth always comes out.
How would I ever found out if she went home with some random guy and decided to never speak of it ?
I am not a jealous or insecure guy in person, more than a few times I had to tell guys to fuck off when we were outside, but not paranoid.
The distance robs me of any sort of control . .
>>17257604
People underestimate guilt. She'd confess, eventually. If she didn't your relationships would end through other ways as it'd rot her inside out.
There'd be no control even if you lived together. There'd be times when you are apart and this paranoia will come about again. Relationships aren't about "control". Romantic relationships built on control never end well. They end up ending in an environment of insecurity or abuse.
Why do you think she'd cheat, anon? Don't simply say distance, what's the reason behind that?
>>17257649
Some people cheat and never confess though. Sometimes, people deny it until the very end because they don't want to be responsible for their wrongdoings, or don't want to feel guilty. Sometimes both.
>>17257479
Honestly, at any point when you decide to come to a board to discuss signs of cheating,
guess what - you've hit the paranoia block
Anon, we applaud you for the very attempt of an LDR, however, there will always be time.
You're probably getting into arguments on purpose to see how far you can push it, and if so - it really is time to see yourself in a new stage.
You'll be alright, either way_ it's really up to you. No one can convince of trust or have an exact method in making relationships work.
There is a middle-meet, and you're definitely not willing to meet in the middle at this point in your life. One day, you will be - ya little shit.
>>17257781
Yes, on rare occasions. You'll never know, tho.
Is it better to trust your partner or drive them away because "sometimes" other people don't confess?
If you answer the latter the relationship needs work.
Im same as OP, but im not ldr. She's always texting some other guys, and when i called her out on it and looked at her phone without permisson, she said i was invading her private space. She says i should trust her more. I want to, i really so, but with the texts ive seen, its hard for me not to think like OP.
Our relationship is fine atm, but i really want to look at her texts again. It kills me on the inside, because i want her to trust me, and i want to trust her, but i just cant, knowing shes texting guys that ive never met. She even texts some guy she met online called Pizza Man.
Like come on....
Any advice?
>>17257649
>Why do you think she'd cheat, anon? Don't simply say distance, what's the reason behind that?
Honestly? I see the only way she'd cheat on me would be a perfect storm situation where she goes out after an argument.
She has very low self respect, and someone who knows how to play it could make her do it.
>>17257882
Sounds like you need a real talk with your gf then, m8. This would be an issue regardless of long-distance. It'll be better in person, air it out.
Is she working on this self-respect issue?
>>17258070
Not actively no...she basically had barely any friends when I met her, all her friends now are the people that I introduced her to.
She's not ugly or crippled or anything like that, but probably has some abandonment issues since she grew up without a father. I usually view this as a red flag but she has shown she can work to make a living and likes children and animals, very feminine too.
I will see her in a few weeks and will try to straighten this whole deal out...although I don't want to appear weak or afraid of being left to her since we all know how that ends up..
>>17257879
Sounds like she's hiding something and you're getting walked on.
>>17257479
>ldr
>>17258089
I meant discuss the self-respect issue, not so much "a-are you cheating?"
You won't appear afraid, just appear cool, say it's been bothering you. Keep the attitude that there'll be other women if she leaves, even if you don't believe it. This'll make you appear less worried, etc.
Just be cool about it.
>>17258123
Here's (You)r reply.
In same boat here
> gf for summer working in different country
> suspicious af in my own head
> playing the cold card
> think that's bad idea
> plan to spend 600$ to travel there surprise her for her bday
> then I will know
>>17258152
>600$
Jesus dude, like, if you're rich I get it, but why spend 600$. And if she isn't cheating you will probably stay suspicious.
>>17258197
Nah, I'm working three different jobs throughout the year. Far from rich. I tend to do such things so that can be remembered and if we break up, in period she will compare me to the otger guy.
> Manipulation 101
> I was thinking why not just stop worrying
> So what I did thought about it and I seriously don't care if she is cheating or not
