My best friend is male (i.e opposite sex than me). I guess both of us living in different countries help prevent us from falling in love with each other. I can't help but feel sad about our relationship as everyone says that "guys and girls cannot be close friends". I fear losing touch with him, and I understand that we will grow apart when one of us becomes taken.
How to feel better about this? Is it pretty much destined that we will grow apart?
>inb4 yes, you guys probably like each other etc
>>17232943
Usually this goes down 2 ways:
1) Find common ground and talk to him often. When the chance to meet comes, you two will meet up and figure your shit out then.
2) Stop talking to him and maybe bump into each other another time. Or you never see each other again and you realize that there are 7 billion people out there to talk to.
We aren't here to make that decision for you; you have to decide if you're willing to put the effort forward to make this friendship thrive. If overtime you don't feel it's worth it, then stop.
>>17232953
>make this friendship thrive
But people say such friendships are not possible if one is a guy and one is a girl
I told him I do not want to lose touch with him, and he said, well, we can always chitchat every now and then
Guys and girls can be friends, the issue is just when neither of you have other options. That's the biggest farce behind this shit - one of you is on the desperate side of the power struggle.
I have plenty of great female friends, because I can date their friends or have my own life going on where I don't rely on that one connection for all of my emotional and physical support.
Anyways, I digress...
It sounds like you're overthinking this, and you're probably young. One of my best friends of 23 years and I are still close friends and she's banging some 50 year old dude. I hang out with them all the time.
Stop letting preconceived notions govern how you structure your friendships.
>>17232943
>I guess both of us living in different countries help prevent us from falling in love with each other
If this is legitimately your guess (and not weird peer pressure shit your forcing yourself to believe)... then yeah... you're going to drift apart when one of you becomes taken because the basis of your friendship doesn't sound like friendship, but more like loneliness/lack of alternative...
If you're ACTUALLY friends though, no, that's not a real concern. Good friends stay friends, even if they're not in contact as much or are separated by time/distance.
Background: My best friend is a girl (we both have S.O's) and I also have a group of I've known for 15+ years (we're all in our late 20's now and live/work in different cities, some hundreds of miles away).
>>17232958
>the issue is just when neither of you have other options
What did you mean by this? Sorry my English is not that good
Yes I am 20 he is 18.
>Stop letting preconceived notions govern how you structure your friendships
Everyone says this? Like even my parents believe that guys and girls cannot be just friends? Coz they say at some point you tend to fall in love with each other and even if you don't your partner will not want you to be so close to someone else of the opposite sex
>>17232943
You're secretly kind of into him and he's just not into you. That's the reality of this situation, no?
I say this because men and women can be just friends. It's very easy, actually. There are both men and women on this planet, and they are in contact with each other, so naturally there are going to be many circumstances where they become just friends with each other. To think otherwise means you must be living on 4chan and actually believe the 4chan 'men and women can't be friends' trite.
Just because you two will get into relationships with people, doesn't mean you have to lose contact. Your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't become your only friend when you're with them. You can still be friends with your friends.
>>17232967
Well I assume we didn't like each other due to geographical distance as people tend to say that guys and girls cannot be friends unless some circumstances prevent them from falling in love (eg. one person is gay)
I assume he genuinely likes me as a friend but I cannot read his thoughts
>>17232976
>That's the reality of this situation, no?
It's not. It's just that I've never had a friend this close before
>To think otherwise means you must be living on 4chan and actually believe the 4chan 'men and women can't be friends' trite.
Other people say that too? Just google "can guys and girls be friends"
>>17233003
So he's a good friend. You may not be as close when one of you have an s/o (because you'll be spending lots of time with your s/o in the beginning) but you don't have to cut all contact. I think you're just being kind of paranoid about that honestly.
And I think friendships between guys and girls are situational. Like if a guy and girl have known each other for many years and never hooked up or anything, then chances are they have a brother and sister type relationship. A really good friendship you know.
But like if a guy and girl are friends but they like made out at some point or one liked the other, then no. That can't work as a friendship haha.
But just being around a person a lot doesn't mean you're going to eventually fall in love with them! Otherwise you'd fall in love with any of your opposite gender friends eventually, and that just doesn't happen.
Again, I think you're really overthinking this one. Just go with the flow, don't worry so much
>>17233030
>chances are they have a brother and sister type relationship. A really good friendship you know.
Yes I think our relationship is like that. But I don't know if it is possible. He is an online and we havnt had the opportunity to meet irl yet
>>17233030
> then chances are they have a brother and sister type relationship
Fuck. That's exactly what the girl I'm in love with thinks of us.
>>17232943
>Have a good male friend
>Am told that's impossible
>Believe the idiot who told me rather than my own experience
Duh.
OP, you've made at least two other threads about your friend, haven't you? Your friend from California who is too much of a pussy to meet you, right? Just curious.
Anyway, don't worry so much. You can still be friends with someone even if they're your opposite gender and taken. I met this really nice girl at work. I really liked her, and I'm sure she liked me back, but it was a bad time for me, and I didn't take the opportunity to ask her out before she got back together with her ex. We don't work together anymore, and she moved to a different city, but we still text each other frequently, and keep up with how we're doing.
Also, you might want to reconsider your friendship with him if he's not even willing to meet you in person.
