Could anyone help me ? I am having alot of trouble with my wife, she is mentally, physically and emotional abusive with a burning temper of 1000 suns. I am starting to suspect BPD
Its hard for me to keep my composure when she gets enraged, she expects me to keep calm and patient with her despite what ever she is doing, she can only see from her side and once she hits her peak the small amount of empathy she has dissolves completely.
How can she get rid of her temper? I have pleaded with her to come to therapy but she refuses and blames me for her outbursts. I love her alot and I am scared to do a 180 on my life but I can't keep doing this anymore.
When she gets mad, subtly laugh at her. She's trying to piss you off. If you don't get pissed, she'll stop.
This is a problem you should have addressed before getting married. You shouldn't date people for the purpose of changing them, what you see is what you get. This is doubly true for marriage. You shouldn't expect her to change. Even worse, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. She needs to want therapy in order to change and you can't decide that for her. She needs to be the one to do it on her own. If you are unhappy in this relationship then I advise that you break it off. It is a painful advice to consider but you must face the alternative, which is that you will be in an unhappy relationship for the rest of your life. If her abuse is physical in any way then you should contact the police at once and document everything.
>>17232260
Thanks for your advice, I royally screwed up and now I have to clean my mess
I am easy to manipate via guilt, she has been physical with me in our arguments many times. But she does an amazing job to make me feel like its my fault.
This sounds crazy for me to write and read it back but I feel like it is my fault a little for "triggering" her. I have never struck her back though. Female violence is confusing because it doesn't really hurt me but seeing her enraged does. I'm am unsure how to take this...
It seems no matter what the argument if she doesn't get her way it has the potential to go nuclear. I get I need to leave but could someone help clarify the violence feeling?
Her violence is always different but I have encountered: shaking me, tearing my shirt, slapping my face, throwing and smashing objects near me they may or may not "acciedenlty" hit me. Or she may alternatively hit herself hard and blame me, slit her wrists a little, threaten suicide etc until I go full damage control.
>>17232241
Don't diagnose her, you're not her psychologist. Go see an actual psychologist on your own to get help dealing with this and seeing if you really want to stay in the relationship. They should be neutral and solution oriented, and have a true understanding of mental illness, which you're unlikely to get from 4chan. I asked a psychologist about my relationship and they helped me see ways we could both improve in a way I never saw before and it greatly improved our relationship. On 4chan you're more likely to get just people taking sides based on your side of the story.
>>17232315
>slit her wrists a little, threaten suicide etc until I go full damage control.
you fucked up big-time marrying this chick.
>>17232315
>Or she may alternatively hit herself hard and blame me, slit her wrists a little, threaten suicide etc until I go full damage control.
What the fuck?
>>17232315
Hey, OP. I actually have BPD but I've only ever been on the receiving end of domestic violence and emotional abuse. I don't think anyone could have /made/ me leave that situation; I just had to reach a point where it was less tolerable than usual and know that there was something else I could do with my life. For me that was when it crossed the line from out-and-out beating to out-and-out beating and garden-variety disrespect.
I hope you reach that breaking/turning point soon. It sounds like this is not working for you and that you've done your best in trying to invite your wife to therapy, a neutral and productive plan. Don't try too hard to understand where she's coming from WHILE you're in the thick of it, because someone needs to be on your side. Especially as a guy in a het relationship.
>>17232241
talk to her parents and have an intervention.
she needs to be told that something is not right with and that she is not acting like herself
she needs to be told by multiple people that are close to her that she needs to listen and get some help because it is a serious matter concerning your marrige
>>17232379
Yup,feels spooky man
>>17232386
That behaviour completly bewilderes me to this day, she just cannot admit fault or apologize maybe its her punishing herself who knows.
Choose your partner wisely, I'm sure you won't be a fool like me. I Wrestled glass bottles and meat cleavers out of her hands the other night, it really made me question the setup of our kitchen, why are the knives so easily accessible? Such a simple common tool and be turned into your worst nightmare in a second, I tossed out most of the sharps and made it a pain in the ass to retrieve the ones we kept.
Its abit of a relief to be able to share this actually, this drama has been bottled up too long. Thanks for lending an eye
Get a divorce as soon as possible. It is time to man up and make a life decision that will make you much happier long term. You might think you love her but it is not worth it. Get out now and live a fuller happier life, instead of trying to fix someone else's. Don't let someone manipulate or take away from your happiness. Make your own happiness.
>>17232447
Why shouldn't I try to understand where SHR is coming from? What makes you say that?
>>17232477
Thanks mate, I gotta get out of this madness
>>17232241
Dumb frogposter
>>17232241
Shit anon, you are basically describing my gf...
>bad temper
>expects me to always stay calm no matter what she says or does
>whenever a fight doesn't go her way she starts talking shit about my family, my job, my closest friends etc. to make me go apeshit so when the fight is finally over I look like the asshole
>always guilts me into taking most of the blame after a fight
>sometimes violent (however I did choke her in blind rage once for a couple of seconds - after hours of emotional and physical abuse. This was roughly two years ago)
>threatens to kill herself whenever I get enough of her bs
>her favorite threat whenever she is mad at me is to break up. If I call her bluff she threatens to kill herself
>during our relationship of 2,5 years we're had countless extremely bad fights, sometimes spanning over several days. I bet we've fought at least 150 times, mostly over petty shit like her jealousy of my old female Facebook friends whom I don't even talk to any more
Unlike your wife my gf is luckily open to the idea of going to therapy. The problem is that we never get to actually do it because whenever we fight, it's so exhausting I don't have the energy to do anything out of the ordinary for the next few days and time just disappears.
I'm sorry but I don't have any good advice. Deep down I'm miserable and tired and want to leave my gf, but I don't have the heart to follow through with it whenever she starts getting suicidal...
>>17232552
Sounds like our girls our cut from the same ilk
Im in the triple digits in the arguments department aswell
Would you like to swap emails and talk more?
>>17232595
Yeah, that sounds nice actually. I put my email in the name tag
I almost forgot:
>threatens to cheat on me whenever she suspects me of cheating (I've never cheated in my entire life). This gets me furious and I've threatened to beat her senseless if she ever goes through with it. Stupid of me, I know...
>nags me whenever I don't par attention to her constant blabbering and compares me to her oh so fabulous exes
>>17232552
>>17232595
greenbeetle20@gmail. com
Ill check back on this thread later, I have to head out for a bit
>>17232545
>Why shouldn't I try to understand where SHR is coming from? What makes you say that?
Because there's time enough for it later when it won't serve as a means of subconsciously justifying her behavior and staying in the same place.
I'm not saying empathy is bad. But empathy for someone who is hurting you, who is representing their own side already to your detriment (you said she makes you feel like it's your fault), when you sometimes believe them already, is gonna make you stay where you are.
Also, that hiding the knives, hiding the pills, constantly afraid for her safety kind of stuff...that's a slippery slope into you exerting control over her that is truly unhealthy for both of you. I've seen this dynamic before with other people with BPD in relationships. You should not have to be hiding stuff from another grown adult unless they ask you to keep something for them.
If you ever catch yourself physically restraining her from harming herself, watch out, I'm telling you.
>>17232937
Watch out for what?
I restrained her that night when she had the knives. Like watch out for myself ?
>>17232994
Not the guy you're responding to but yeah, watch out for yourself. I restrained my gf one time a year ago when she was holding a big kitchen knife threatening to kill herself, and then she tried to cut me instead. Our women are fucking dangerous, do NOT go near her if she wields a knife ever again. Just leave the house or apartment and call the police instead. I know it's easier said than done, I couldn't do it back then, but next time she flips out with a knife, try to remember that your life is more important than hers.
Buy the book "Feeling Good Together" by David Burns off Amazon. It will be the best $6 you've ever spent in your life.
Read it, then have her read it. If that doesn't help or she won't read it, either accept the abuse or get a divorce.
Why the fuck haven't you thrown these crazy bitches to the curb? Walk the fuck away, let them be crazy to some other poor sucker. Do not put up with it.
>>17233099
Im not OP but the other guy with a batshit gf
The reason I haven't managed to dump her yet is that she is a fantastic cook, funny and laidback most of the time when she ain't mad, adventurous, good social skills, a hard worker and very good with children. I also believe she'd never have the heart to cheat on me despite her threats seeing how her father was a cheating bastard and so was her ex. She has experienced first hand how cheating ruins lives. She is also very beautiful and fucking amazing in bed. If it wasn't for her insane temper, downright evil insults, constant need for attention, jealousy and suicide threats she'd be pretty much perfect. Oh well, we've agreed to search for a couples therapist today after work so I hope everything will get sorted out eventually.
Divorce and move out. Trust me mate, you will find a girl who isn't mentally ill.
fuck her in the ass, no lube
>>17233023
Thanks for the tip, I read some reviews and it sounded really helpful. Ordered it right away
>>17232552
Why are you even in this relationship?
It might sound harsh, but everything is replacable. You can find someone else whom you can love equally much without all the mental, emotional and physical stress accompanied.
As for you, you tolerating behaviour like this is not good. You are reinforcing her bad behaviour because there are no consequences for her. People are sometimes still like children. I would recommend you to set her an ultimatum in where you take her to thereapy or you leave her when it continues like this. (Only if you want change ofc)
