Alright /adv/, I’ve never come to you before but I really need help now more than ever:
should I break up with my girlfriend to see if I have a shot with *our* former girlfriend?
Let’s call them T & A. A and I have been dating for a little over two years, and for seven months of that we also dated T. Polyamory is harder than prosex blogs on tumblr would have you believe, and T broke up with us because it was too hard for me to balance my time and emotional attention between what were in effect my sister-wives. No hard feelings or judgment anywhere, but with direct comparison, I think I like T’s company better.
T Pros: She’s funny, intelligent, athletic, and of surprise greatest importance: talkative. I’m pretty quiet myself so I prefer it when my partner can fill the noise. She also is just generally in a good, can-do mood and I feel like she’d inspire me more to pursue my passions. We have more similar values and life goals than I do with A, and she finds my bullshit charming.
T Cons: She’s had a boob reduction which makes her tits look a little deflated, but they’re still huge and turn me on. She also probably has moved on in the month we’ve been broken up, so there’s absolutely no guarantee she’ll be down to be with me – especially since the emotional trauma to A will be a huge turn-off romantically. Finally, she’s a bit of a slut and has never demonstrated any real prioritization of emotional needs of others, though by the nature of our open polyamory she was never asked to do so. We all live together so going after T is going to be a complete shitshow almost guaranteed to fail.
A Cons: She doesn’t excite me anymore, she’s obsessed with her job which has prevented our life from developing the way I’d prefer, and she’s quiet and mopey. We have more similar indulgences and impulses than I do with T, and trust me, that’s not a good thing. We’re kinda just getting fat and depressed around each other. She’s also cheated on me twice, but only kissing and only when completely smashed so I mean, I’ve done worse. She also has a cute lesbian friend she would probably go date if we break up in which she may prove happiest of all.
A Pros: She’s still attractive and I love her dearly. I have no idea if my boredom/fantasizing about life with T has to do with us having dated for two years, which is embarrassingly my longest relationship. I really don’t know if now is the time to buckle down and start refining the relationship into something more meaningful or if these doldrums are a sign it’s run its full course. Also, I am definitely an equal contributor to our laziness, so I can’t really blame her for that and probably won’t fully escape my bad habits even if I’m dating T. Finally, she truly dearly loves me, we’ve been more open and honest than in any other relationship I’ve had, and she does endeavor to take care of me whereas T never really bothered.
Don’t do polyamory, kids. It muddies the waters too much.
So, /adv/, what should I do?
(yes, T&A were chosen for their defining features)
>>17230894
So wait, by your own admission, it seems like T would make a horrible girlfriend, cuz she just gives no fucks. Why is this even a question? If you're not happy with A then break up, but it sounds like T is just bad news waiting to happen.
>>17230937
Well, she expressed at times a desire for us to be a long, meaningful relationship, but by nature of the thing prioritized her own ambitions. I honestly have no idea what she'd be like dating 1-on-1.
I don't want to break up with A per se, but I'm resenting her for holding me back from T.
I'm aware all of this makes me the bad person.
>>17230888
This is a shot in the dark, I know, but is one of their names Heather? Man, that would make my day.
>>17230967
No, but it is my mom's name.
Bump. Current default vote is 1 for A, 0 for T (though I didn't frame it that way).
Another bump. Please, /adv/, I'm really at a stalemate in my soul over this.
One more bump you guys I WANT TO GO WITH THE GENERAL CONSENSUS BUT just one guy deciding my love life would suck
I vote A stay with who you are right now it would be better then chasing after T and having things not work out especially since you said it seems like she has moved on anyway
>>17231859
Well, at least I got somebody. Thanks, mate.
Further advice: how do I tell between regular relationship stagnation and actual decay?
