Okay guys soo, I need help. I don't really know why I need help but I do. This is going to be a super lame super boring story. But anyways, so awhile ago my boyfriend had lost his job and he had a good job that paid for everything, our apartment our brand new car . We were doing moderately okay. Only able to pay the bills not really able to put food on the table, but my job(which is at a restaurant) was able to do that. Back in November though him and his manager had a falling out and my boyfriend ended up being forced to walk away from this job. But he didn't have another job in place for him, he kind of just got stressed out and left. which helped nothing. But 5 or so months later and he's working a job that only gives him 6 hours a week and we are stuck living at his grandparents house. They plan on moving out once there lease is up end of July and he tried talking to his mom about us moving in with her but I don't know how that's going to turn out. So I guess I need help in a lot of ways.
One, our car got impounded a while ago and I just recently had time of from my job to be able to go and get our stuff that was being held at the impound lot only to find out that not all my stuff is there, I would assume(because I had these drawingy little sister did for me on some scrap paper) that they tthrew that away, I'm missing jewelery that I know was in the car because I don't have it. And by the way, a lot of our stuff was in the car. Once he lost the job and we moved in with his grandparents we weren't really comfortable staying here all the time so we practically still had half our apartment packed in the car. including more than half our clothes and some boxes. Well I also had this cross that my grandma gave me that was like baptized and all that holy mama jama. Well they cut the necklace.
And I've had that thing for 15 years and I was waiting till I got a car to hang it from the rearview mirror to sort of honor her(I know they couldn't have know that but they still cut the beads that made up the necklace) also I had a garage opener in the car that I didn't get back and my boyfriend is still missing clothes. So I don't know if they stole this stuff from me and if when I call and they tell me, ' oh we don't have it.' What should I say? And then the other thing I need help with(to who ever is still reading up until this point, thank you) my boyfriend haa extreme social anxiety, ever since he lost his job it has gotten so much worse. He doesn't even want to go outside to go check the mail, he won't go into a gas station with me and he's terrified of calling people.he's always been a little stand off ish but he's never been this bad. And I think that his social anxiety is what is keeepong him from getting a better job. He would call himself, 'super autismo' basically . He just can't function anymore with the outside world. And him and I are completely different on that aspect. If I have to talk to some one I will. But I don't know how to help him in order to help us. If any of you guys can think of something to help with any of these things you're awesome and I'm so ready to listen
There's nothing to be done about the stuff that was lost/damaged/stolen. The only advice I can give regarding your situation is to find better work for you both. You have to make more money to move out again. Plain and simple. He can go work for a pipeline or construction company. They will train him and everything, but he needs to go get a TWIC card. I have no clue how much money you make as a waitress, but I work part time as a bank teller and make $13.25 an hour (started at $11.15). Neither of these jobs require more than a high school diploma or GED.
>>17217653
That's what I've been trying to do. You don't think there's anything I could say to the impound lot? I figured because I don't have money I couldn't really put up a fight and threaten them with a lawyer. But I'll try looking for a bank job. It's beenkind of hard getting around with out a car . so I've been looking for jobs real close to our area.
If he is unwilling to work, you're going to have to leave him. Y'all sound super young. But for real, if he's happy living with his mom forever and doesn't feel like he's capable of work, don't let him hold you back. You're better off alone. I understand having your confidence shattered after losing your job, but he had to look at the bigger picture here. What job did he have, why did he walk away? This is vital info.
>>17217670
He was a manager and a brand new furniture company that opened up. We are still pretty young. Just both turned 20. I've been hearing a lot that I should leave him and I had the talk with him thatfinancially we can't support each other but that's something that tterrifies him and he doesn't necessarily threaten to hurt himself, but the mental state he's in I know that he would
>>17217669
I wouldn't bother with the impound lot. Accept the losses. Nothing of actual value was lost, and fighting with them will cost more money than your stuff was worth. Who is driving you around in the meantime? Who's paying for you and your boyfriends food/bills etc?
>>17217679
I highly doubt he would hurt himself. Again, don't let his insecurities bring you down. If he's so scared to lose you, then he needs to put his big boy pants on and get a damned job.
>>17217679
The fuck you are twenty years old. Stop expecting him to have a career. Most people are working at Mc Donald's at that age. Stop being so God damn up tight.
>>17217682
Well right now we don't have any bills. I have debt from the apartment we lost that I'm paying off and I'm waiting to hear back on the auction for my car to see how much I owe for that. but my phone is turned off because I couldn't pay for it. But my job right now is supplying us well enough in the mean time to get by on what I owe but not enough to save up. I have one account that is constantly in the negatives. But like I said in the original post, my job at the restaurant is what has been feeding us for a long while. And you're right about the stuff. I haven't had it for a while so I guess I don't need it. It's just a frustrating situation
>>17217700
I don't think she's expecting a career out of him, but I would expect him to have a job.
>>17217700
I'm not expecting him to have a career, but we moved out on our own when we were 19 because I was kicked out when I was 18. It's just he had a job that was taking care of us and now he doesn't even have a job to help me pay for the bills. And now because he doesn't have a job we have a month ebforr his grandparents move out and we're homeless
>>17217706
Well you mentioned living with the grandparents, so they would be the ones housing you and paying the bills, right? But you're paying for the two of you in terms of toiletries and food?
>>17217690
I know you're right. I just don't know how to be strong enough to let him be on his own. I don't want to lose him as much as he doesn't want to lose me. So I'm just trying to find a solution for the both of us.
>>17217717
Yes we are. We pay them about half of my paycheck every month. See we didn't like being in their face all the time so we would stay in the car and go for long car rides and stay at parks and go for walks. so we were basically just paying them for a place to hold our bed, sleep, and shower. We don't want to inconvenience anyone but we don't know how to do it on our own
>>17217721
Girl, please. He's a big boy, he is gonna be juuuuust fine on his own. He ain't gonna die if you leave him. I know you don't want to lose him, but I also know you don't wanna be homeless even more. There's no way you can survive on one income, and if you have nowhere else to go, he absolutely HAS to get a job. I imagine he is gonna end up moving wherever his grandparents go, and you're not gonna be allowed to go, and you're gonna be stuck alone. You better figure out what you are gonna do, and fast.
>>17217732
You know how to do it on your own, you did it before when he was working. He needs to get a job! What does he say when you tell him to find work?
>>17217740
Well I have quite a few people from my work offering me a place to stay. but they aren't offering US a place. I know in the back of my head if I leave him he'll be fine, but in the moment of us having the conversation, it just kills me. I have enough courage to say it to him, to say, hey we can't do this together or were going to be broke, homeless and starved, but after that, it just goes down hill. I don't know how to walk away
>>17217745
That's it's not that easy to find full time. But honestly, I don't see him trying. I am at work all day and when I come home he's not looking for a job. But he'll get upset with me and tell me that I'm not looking for a job either and that it's not fair to him. But I've had my job for over a year now and I'm as high up in it as I can be for my age, and I just got a raise. Now it wasn't a great raise and it definitely made me want to start looking for a new job, which I have been. But yeah, he just says that there's not a lot of full time jobs. I think because of his social anxiety, he doesn't feel Kiel he's fitting in well with the people at his job because it's a high end fashion store and he's used to working shipment and stocking, so I think he's scared of started a new job somewhere he wont fit in. He's scared of the new scene
>>17217711
Well him moving out without being financially secure was a mistake. You guys are young and you ate expecting way to fucking much from someone 20 years old. Not may young adults can even dream of living on their own so young. It's hard to get a job even if you have all the qualifications. You are expecting way too much from someone who isn't even that mature yet. I'm 23 run my own business out of pure luck and my 25 year old fiance is in pre med school and hasn't had a job for awhile. The most he could ever get was a job at a pet store. You are expecting way too much.
>>17217760
expecting a 20 year old to have a job is too much? lol
that's all she wants, for him to have a job. any job.
>>17217768
Unless I missed the part where he is not trying to get a job then I don't get it. If he isn't trying to get a job then yeah that's stupid. If he's trying but not having much luck that isn't his fault. I'm sorry if I missed something.
>>17217760
I don't want to say I'm expecting. More that I'm needing. We were set a few years back but things took a turn for the worst arm we were sort of forced to be out on our own. I know it's a lot to be able to afford being on your own. I mean we couldn't do it. But we're back in the situation where we have no where to go and only each other to really rely on.
>>17217772
she's posted several times that he isn't trying
>>17217777
This is exactly why you don't move into a place with someone who isn't mature enough to go out in the real world.
>>17217781
Yeah. Unfortunately OP was kicked out of her house at 18 and decided to take this leech with her
>>17217760
Oh shut up. There's no way in hell she's expecting too much out of him. She wants him to get a job, any job, and he refuses because he's a lazy piece of shit. You hardly need any qualifications to get a job at a retail store. OP, the problem here isn't you, it's him. He's a procrastinator and a coward. Take advantage of the opportunities your coworkers are giving you, and get yourself a vehicle. A car payment for a used car can be as cheap as $300 a month. Add gas and cheap insurance and you're looking at about $450-$500 a month. I'd even look into getting a second part time job for a little while to boost up your income. I worked two jobs for six months and it damn near killed me, but it got me out of my moms and into my first apartment.
>>17217781
At the time he was trying. He has an amazing work ethic and he's a certified genius but yeah, he's just not trying. I believe in him though ya know... I know he can do it. He just won't do it..
>>17217794
My car payment was $409 a month and I was only anle to afford that with the help of his job. the reason I haven't gotten a second job was because he told me he never wants me to have to work two jobs. that he'll find something but I do need two jobs. I only make around $900 ish a month in my one job. I've been trying to move up to get tips to help make some extra cash but since I've done that they've cut my hours because I can't work full time at the job I'm in
Thanks all you guys for you help though. I either need to make him really realize I'm not sticking around and mean it. And I also need to get another job. We only have short amount of time though before we are out on the streets and if he doesn't turn around quick then I'm going to take my co-workers up on their offer
>>17217820
You don't work two jobs because he told you he didn't want you to...because he was gonna get a job...but he won't. Lol. He's a loser honey. Dump him and go get you another job and get out of that vicious circle!
>>17217813
Quite honestly it's really difficult to find a job. I know where I live it's a big recession (oil prices). Offer to look for a job with him, he probably just needs more motivation to look. My girlfriend lost her job (laid off) and has applied for 30+ jobs the only reason she's applied to half of those is because I was motivating and helping with the process.
He's also probably depressed because you had it all set and now the future is in shambles and he probably feels responsible for it, which will eat into his confidence leading to him not being motivated to apply for jobs.
>>17217855
Oh yeah, I know that it ways heavily on him that he can't take care of me. I try to be there for him, but emotionally I can't always take care of things. But I will try to be more open and positive towards him maybe it'll help give him the confidence to try
