You know what to do!
Be mine
I'm yourds
Be true
This girl i love has a boyfriend with a relationship im pretty sure is gonna fail. She likes me quite a bit. But i get hella fucking jealous of him. Do i fucking wait for their relationship to end.. fyi theyve never met pure internet relationship ..
My neighbour got her house because her brother came into a lot of money and gave it to her.
She spends her child benefits and dole money/jobseekers allowance on partying and she palms her child off to anyone she knows because the verbally assaults them when they say no.
Pretty sure she's in the adult entertainment industry because she said she's a "model" but she does nothing but drink and take drugs so I'm guessing she's an escort or an amateur porn actress.
For fuck sake, why can't my neighbours be a cute elderly couple who spend their time fixing up their garden instead of this druggie whore who's legs are open more than her fucking mouth. I feel sorry for her kid.
It's not even like this is purely speculation because it's always outside my fucking door. She's either telling her mother to go kill herself for being a "useless cunt" or she's partying until the early hours of the morning.
my boyfriend has been hiking for almost three weeks now and i miss him so much
he's going to be gone for way longer and it just really sucks to not see him
i can't wait for him to come back. i feel so alone and sad. i'm trying to distract myself but it's really hard.
I need more beer.
I keep coming to adv even though k is my home board.
Adv is full of overly emotional fags and women, though I do occasionally pitch my 2 cents.
But seriously I'm low on beer.
>>17168667
gonna reply to myself and keep going here because why the fuck not
i'm learning a lot how much i love him and how much i want to spend time with him. it just hurts so FUCKING much i can't stop crying right now. i have these little breakdowns every few days. i wish i could ask him to come back, but i could never do that, and i don't think he would anyway
i hate this so much
i might not be able to see him until august because i don't know when he's coming home and i'm leaving for europe june-august fuck fuck fuck
Last night I had a weird dream that my recent ex-boyfriend raped me. It's kind of been fucking with me all day...
I know it's only a dream, but what the fuck.
Last night I cheated on my girlfriend and I feel terrible
It's weird how a song can have no meaning of interest to you, yet gets in your head emotionally when it starts relating itself to someone dear to you.
I couldn't care less about this one song, and even less than that about its political background and the artist. But out of the blue my girlfriend started humming it during a quiet moment together. Close together, arms wrapped around each other in embrace, her humming turned into a gentle singing. It was such a beautiful voice that sang that soothing tune, like a mother singing a lullaby to her child. As I sat there in her arms, a guy twice her size just holding her like he actually was a child, I realized it was the most comfortable I had felt in years. I was home again.
If only that song would come back.
I can sense my parents getting older in myself. They're getting old now, and the flaws and fragility of their minds are becoming more pronounced. I can already see past the horizon of their inevitable senility. It makes me feel chaotic and detached from things.
It's been a year since my crush moved to Florida. I still think of her and I still can't get over it. To make matters worse, she came over back to where I live a couple of weeks ago to hang out with her old friends, with which I am mildly friends with. Only one of them knows I like her and I bet she's forgotten because I haven't talked much to her after my crush left. I don't have either of their phone numbers because I'm too much of a pussy to ask. Whenever I think of her at night (baka I'm creepy af), the bed feels so empty. I want a relationship to fill this void, but it feels so wrong wanting to be with another girl even if my crush has forgotten I even exist. Your welcome 4chan, one of the world's leading man-babies at your service...
Dunno why I'm here,but
Have a nice day.
>tfw you get rejected for the 237th time in your life and you just want to kill yourself
someone please just talk to me. i am so sad and so incredibly lonely.
>>17168933
Who's rejecting you? Are you online dating or something? If you are, stop it.
>>17168954
a girl from work. she showed interest and then i fucked everything up
>>17168959
Attempting to date someone from your workplace is literally the worst thing you can do anon. If it doesn't work out now everything is super fucking awkward. It's too late now though but ugh. How did you fuck it up?
>>17168954
>>17169027
>start working with girl in January
>it's apparent to me she is introverted
>always tells me how much she likes her alone time
>she finds out I'm going to play Pokemon cards on weekend last month
>she wants to come with
>we have a decent time
>she laughs at my jokes and makes eye contact with me at work
>she comes with me to cards last weekend and we even get food afterwards
>this week arrives
>she acts like a cold bitch to me
>one word answers
>of course I drop my spagetti and get overly eager
>as of Friday AM she still wanted to play cards today
>she sends me a text 90 minutes before we were supposed to meet saying she was too tired
thats it. why did i even get excited? why did she lie to me? i just want to die. i feel so fucking worthless.
I don't know what to do.
Every time I'm with my "friends", they always treat me cool but I feel like they're patronizing me. I feel this way because sometimes I'll get sad for no reason and keep to myself whenever we're all together and they don't talk to me. Also, none of my friends ever invite me to anything. They had a huge party and they didn't invite me. It was for the end of the school year and a lot of the people I actually consider friends were there. No one mentioned it to me and at least 20 people there.
Should I give up on them? They still consider me their friend but I don't consider them mine. I feel like if I bring it up they'll just say I'm being selfish or vain or attention seeking.
What do I do?
Am I overreacting?
Now I am mildly angry, as my Sociology grade was kinda low compared to what I expected. (Figured like an A-) Got a B, which means my final exam grade must have been like a 50-60. Not the 90 I expected.
Every other grade in the class was 90+
If I got even an 81 on the final, I would have got an A- (90-93) But to get a B, I would have had to get a 47-67 on the final.
>>17169035
fuck that, anon
you don't need to feel like that. there are better people out there who would be your friend. i'd say just cut ties with them slowly
>>17169040
email the prof and ask for your final grade, see if there was a mistake
if there was no mistake, it's ok anon
it's just a grade. you passed.
>>17168933
>237th time
applause for keeping track
>tl;dr someone coddle me
what are you wearing?
>>17169052
it was an exageration, friend. basketball shorts and that's it
>>17169035
I've been in the same position.
Start looking for new friends, but don't start a fight or anything with your current friends. Stay on good terms but go separate ways.
I'm starting to believe that a lot of people view me as a loser.
>>17169047
I am not doubting that I did that poorly, as I completely botched a section of it worth 25% of the finals point value.
At least my other grades saved my ass.
Quiz's - 95 (40% of Total Grade)
Papers- 85 (30%)
Attendance - 100 (10%)
Final would be like 20%. Thankfully.
>>17169030
You didn't fuck up that badly man. She might have shit going on in her life that you don't know about.
Give her some space and see what happens. it's possible she has suddenly lost interest but it seems she was getting distant without any real reason to do so. Are you easily googable? If you google yourself does any sketchy shit come up? Maybe she looked you up and found out something.
The reason I always turn down hanging out with you outside of work is that it takes every bit of effort not to fall in love with you.
>>17169072
you're ok dude. b isn't bad. congratulations on passing
>>17150632
Still around? I have something that might amuse you.
It's crazy how I wasn't even looking for anyone. Good things come to those who wait y'know? I saw you around town before. I could never say anything; you were so beautiful it froze me on contact. You made your way to me. You found me. I let my guard down; I let you in. You led me on to the brink of no return and admitted it. I almost wish we never met. Why did you wait until the last moment possible to tell me you weren't ready?
I feel like you moved on so easy and I'm over here in shambles. Now we don't speak and this is the last thing I wanted...
I was desperate for a group of friends in high school and I ended up being friends with a group of assholes that I let use me.... in retrospect it was a good experience because I understood that I was the root cause of it and changed my ways.
I've become fairly successful, have a nice house, etc...I'm living two towns over, just outside of a major city. Don't want to bore anyone that happens to read so I will get straight to the point.
The other night two of the cunts referred to knocked on my door... they were clearly homeless and I heard they had gotten into smack after high school. We chatted for about a minute and their intentions were clear... they were looking for a place to stay. I just looked at them for a second when they asked that and asked "You really think I would let lowdown, disease ridden junkie filth ruin the inside of my home?" They just looked at me with mouths agape. The girl (it was a couple that somehow has ended up staying together after all these years) began to cry and I just laughed in their faces. They turned around and I kept saying shit to them as they walked away.
In retrospect it was bad idea (I'm guessing they're criminals at this point) and I'm surprised I said some of those things (I'm a fairly kind person)... it kind of came from this "dormant" rage inside me and I couldn't stop. But God damn it was one of the most powerful feelings I have ever felt and I hope I have a chance to treat the other people referred to as trash at some point.
fuck you i know you wanna fuck my ex but at least have the fucking balls to admit it. Fuck off instead. I dont need you or her.
I shouldnt of sent that text
I ahouldve made it more clear
>>17169027
>>17169027
This.
You can try to be their friend, you can be nice to them, you can talk to your buddies about which ones you think are attractive or whatever, but you do not date your coworkers under any circumstances.
>>17169153
Don't get consumed in that feeling. If you ask me you deserved that one. They used you. You made something of yourself and they didn't. If you go out seeking that feeling though it'd make you no better.
>>17169123
I am still around :o! What is it, senpai?
>>17169162
I literally just had like a one week thing with a girl I work with and now I dread going to work because of this
>>17169098
I want to ask for initials, but I think it's better to just let myself dream...
My 2 year girlfriend ended up our relationship. She did it by cellphone. It hurts so fucking bad, you know, I love her a lot, I miss her. I wish I could go back in time. How can I forget her? Need some help!
>>17169189
Time. New women. Better yourself mentally and physically. If you have to, use that feeling you feel now as motivation to just push every facet of your person forward in a positive way
>>17169153
Knowing that they had such an impact on you is depressing. It seems they still do.
I would not have let them in either, but kicking someone when they're so incredibly down... I pity you, Anon, and that it was the highlight of your life, if your feelings are true.
Hey, I still have feelings for you. I know that we're "friends" right now, but that's mostly because I have a small hope that maybe we might get back together. I know that probably wouldn't be for years since you're throwing yourself into your career, but I'm so reluctant to let go of you. I've never met someone who seems to click with me as quickly as you did. I miss spending time with you and just being around you. We only talk through snapchat now, but I want to talk in person again. I miss going out to eat and going for walks at night with you. I wish we didn't break up when I started loving you.
Seeing you tomorrow is going to throw my day off.
>>17169153
you arent a kind person. if you were you would have empathized and helped find them a homeless shelter or at least have been civil.
you were all kids and you said it was a good learning experience. now you are in a position of power over them and look what you did. you even want to do it again. you arent as bad as them you are worse as you cant blame youth.
this says a lot about you as a person.
>>17169164
I won't.
>>17169215
Lol okay man. I don't think about them all day long or anything.
>>17169233
I would certainly not treat any other person like that had they not given me a reason to do so.
>>17169165
While offering similarly to a stranger recently, I encountered identical irony. And it reminded me of our amusing exchange and the amusement of some onlookers in range.
But I found most amusing that they didn't catch the meaning of the card they were seeing: the cup-bearing knight would likely incite a comment or two, but theirs came completely out of the blue.
And it made me curious to pull some cards too: pic related is the spread that I drew. I found it amusing, myself; did you?
Well, my curiosity grew, and not merely for trading of readings, you see. But still, the curiosity...
I'm really frustrated right now; My family's going insane and as an only child I can't get away from any of it. My parents caught me and my boyfriend IN A ROOM TOGETHER AND THEY THOUGHT WE WERE HAVING SEX. I can only see him in secret and even then that has to be in public. Ive been really down in the dumps and not able to be myself lately. I want to be appreciated and respected as I haven't felt like that in literal months. My whole family's shitting on me for being a pescitarian and I'm fucking DONE.
I feel like screaming all the time. help me, /adv/
I know I might look weak, everyone see me small, but I can prove you if you give me a chance, you will be the happiest person in this world.
My best friend is no longer my best friend. I've known him for 15 years. We were young as shit. And we got through everything together.
Then he met a girl. And he became a fucking retard. Like I get it. But fuck, you need to make room for the rest of your life.
In the 9 months since then, I've gotten other friends. They're closer to me than you have ever been.
I used to love you like a brother.
Now I'm leaving your city.
I hope you can make it without me.
I think you'll realize when it's too late what you've had in me.
Forgive me for leaving, brother.
One day, we shall reconcile and I'll be able to love you again.
But that won't be for years.
Your current girl will hurt you so much before then.
>>17169242
I think it's that you still feel so strongly years later, and those emotions led to you lashing out on a couple of broken, homeless junkies.
Be better than that. There is no need to bring more misery into the world.
A more practical issue, why make enemies with those that have literally nothing to lose?
>>17169257
Anon, I feel you. I felt fucking crazy at home because of my family. I skipped school all the time and hated everything. I was poor with no friends and no where to go to be free of the insanity. I joined the military to escape. Fuck my family and fuck yours too.
You've got to get away. Stand on your own two feet.
Can someone just keep me company via this thread while I smoke weed so I don't attempt anything stupid tonight..
>>17169255
The three of cups certainly catches my amusement with regards to our prior interaction. What did you have in mind upon drawing this spread?
>>17169293
I wonder if you could do a reading for me?
I had an interesting encounter with sleep paralysis last night. Firstly, I found that if you start off anxious, you're more likely to get it, secondly, I had that feeling of evil being in the room but I realize now that it wasn't quite "evil". I guess it could if you wanted to slap an easy label on it, but I thought it was just aggressive and incredibly powerful and emotional. And yeah there was a bit of fear, but I still wouldn't label it as evil just because of my fear. I guess I couldn't really sense the entity's malevolence.
I'm starting to think the brain just concocts ways of scaring you awake if all the parts don't shut down.
>>17169318
I will definitely tomorrow(later today), senpai, I apologize. I'm in bed and should be asleep right now. I do still have your email. What thought was in your head to pull these cards?
>>17169293
Hey, I'm bored and exhausted, and I wouldn't mind a reading either. If you are willing.
>>17169271
If I can bring a little more misery--particularly that special, deep down visceral kind of misery, that deep, deep, deep sadness, that comes about when you are reminded of the entirety and context of your laughably pathetic life situation and the emotions that come with this kind of "a-ha!" moment of shitty insight into your shitty life, in a brief second, with just a few words, when reality hits you super, super hard.. the kind of realization that hurts more than the actual situation itself, that that pathetic girl had when she expressed it with her pathetic cries--into the lives of two people that have caused countless others pain, that are hopeless and worthless and deserving of death, then I will do so without a second thought or a perceived "lowering" of myself. I hope I have driven them one step closer to death, and I don't feel any morally worse for my thoughts or actions. Because they deserve it (they really do, and I know that a lot of people would probably agree with me).
I loved their almost innocent look, their hopeful, tooth-gapped smiles when I opened the door, they looked like two naive children, dirty hair even, thinking "Here's hope, Anon will help us, he was a nice guy in high school."... I loved watching that stupid fucking look wash off their face in must of what have been the last shred of their innocence dying, and I loved watching their slumped, hopeless fucking backs, that wretched piece of shit I knew from high school crying, as they walked away back to the streets. Maybe I am a bad person, but I certainly do not give a shit in this case if I am and I really, really don't consider myself one. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, the miserable, mean, angry lowlifes of this world will only get that back from me.
But yes, your second point is relevant, and I have cameras around my house and I also carry, so I would love for them to try something.
>>17169293
I was simply wondering about the significance of the meeting. I stopped believing in coincidences a long time ago, and I'm no stranger to pulling for almost everything. Also, I did chuckle a bit upon seeing my post numbers this thread: my first had the same last two digits as yours, but inverted, and my second was dubs of your last digit. Amusing, right?
By the way
>>17169318
>>17169357
are not me
To everyone:
I'm sorry I couldn't be more appealing to you.
Too lazy to live.
Too cowardly to die.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggg :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
>don't date within your friend groups
>don't date a coworker
>don't try to pick up girls at the gym/store
>don't talk to random women in public because they don't want to be bothered
>online dating is shit
where the fuck are you supposed to meet girls
>>17168758
This is beautiful tbqh
Feel like shit, have felt lonely as fuck ever since my Girlfriend broke up with me, and as I'm finally starting to slowly pull myself together and get over her, I run into an old highschool friend. We opened up to eachother and we've had stuff going in between us until the past month. Now I'm crushing hard in her. Doubt she has the same kind of feelings, as she seemed to be caught up in the physicality of it all and she seems distant lately.
Finally get over the feeling of being alone and now this happens. When does the bullshit ever end? What the fuck did I ever do to deserve the hell?
>be me
>name starts with C
>stole from this other kid named C and made him sick
>straight up stole his wallet and put shit in his 'shit'
>threatened him as well
>me and my gf would fuck with him
>he slowly cuts contact
>time passes
>we meet again and thought we were cool
>he invites me over for dinner
>we eat dinner
>I start getting really sick
>realize he never forgot
>almost as if I was warned
>>17169445
But I feel just right.
I have feelings for someone who knows I have feelings for them.
I have a very playful personality, and they flirt back with me constantly.
They're in a serious relationship right now.
Breaks my heart because they can easily turn on me and make me out to be the villain.
Her boyfriend knows she has flirted with me before and gotten pissed off at it many times. She stops being "friendly" with me, and after a while I somehow bring her back to being her flirty self with me. She's stuck up for me countless times when it comes to me and her and him.
Him and her are probably going to get married next year.
I feel like fucking hell.
I'm getting old. I don't think I can handle it, the end might come soon for me.
I'll never be able to lose weight. I'll never be able to stop eating. I'll never make you proud of me as a son.
>>17169576
How old are you?
>>17169614
28 but I look like i'm in my mid 30s. It disgust me.
>>17169550
You and her are scum
>>17169627
Mid 30s is youngish and you're only 28
Relax
>>17169635
I can't, everytime I look in the mirror I see a sad old man, and my body is breaking down and I'm gaining weight despite my best efforts, everything is slowly falling apart
>>17168460
Guys, what do I do?
Life is like a game of poker. I got dealt a shitty hand. I have no one or anything to be mad at. Not having anything to place blame on is probably what actually makes me mad, but I never really get mad though. The anger just starts to boil and before it can get hot it mixes with the cold apathy to form a numbing hopelessness. I just want to watch the world burn, I hope you all fucking feel the pain.
>>17168460
I KNOW THIS IS A FIRST WORLD PROBLEM BUT HOLY SHIT SOMEONE BROKE MY FUCKING CEILING FAN
LITERALLY THE ONLY THING THAT MADE MY ROOM COMFY TO SLEEP
FUCK THIS SMALL BED FRAME
FUCK THIS THIN ASS MATTRESS
FUCK ALL THE SQUEAKS THIS BED FRAME MAKES
FUCK THE FACT THAT THIS ROOM GOES TO 75 DEGREES JUST BECAUSE THE CENTRAL HEATER IS ON LOW ON THE LOWEST SETTING
FUCK THE POOR INSULATION THAT ALLOWS ALL THE FUCKING SOUNDS OF THE HOUSE TO BE HEARD IN MY ROOM
THE CEILING FAN MADE MY ROOM COOL AND LET ME SLEEP NOW I'VE LOST THAT COOLING PRIVILEGE
I THINK MY LITTLE AUTISTIC COUSIN DID THIS BUT FUCK WHO EVER LET HIM CLIMB MY FUCKING BED AND LET HIM PULL ON THE FUCKING CEILING FAN SO EVEN THE LIGHTS DON'T TURN FUCKING ON
I CAN'T WAIT TO FUCKING GRADUATE COLLEGE AND MOVE OUT TO GET MY OWN PLACE WHERE NO ONE CAN BREAK MY SHIT
2 MORE FUCKING YEARS
I WOULD'VE HID THE LADDER SO THE LITTLE SHIT CAN'T CLIMB IT AND REACH MY CEILING FAN HOLY SHIT
FUCK MY BROTHER FOR NOT ANSWERING THE PHONE SINCE HE WAS PROBABLY HERE TO STOP THAT LITTLE AUTISTIC FUCK
FUCK MY IN DENIAL DUMB ASS AUNT WHO ONLY FINISHED 5TH GRADE FOR NOT LISTENING TO THE PRINCIPLE WHEN THEY SAID HER FUCKING SON IS AUTISTIC
I keep thinking about my ex a lot recently. I haven't thought of her that much until recently, and it's these random epiphanies in which I realize what I could have done differently and how I could have made it work. At least I'm not having dreams about her again.
>>17169684
iktfb
>>17169657
>tl:dr and something about stds
Nigger its also called bluffing, hire us some disease ridden prostitutes if you really want us to feel the burn but in doing so that would be a dick move entirely
>>17169713
fuck are you one about homo
I'll never make the mistake of falling in love ever again.
You little piece of shit, you don't know how good you have it right now. You don't know how much everyone wants to beat your sorry ass.
>>17169719
Same tbqh.
>>17169715
My dick in your boi pussy
i'm very confused and full of resentment and grown-ass man-angst
i fantasize about killing myself but i get sick to my stomach when thinking about the reality of being dead
i can't find the lighter i use to burn myself and i don't want to cut anymore so i may beat myself with a belt or something
or i could just watch gccx until i pass out. kachou... on
>>17169719
>>17169752
The answer:
Never love someone before they love you
>>17169550
This may shock you anon but there is more than one woman in the world
I want him all to myself
>>17170051
If everyone followed that rule, then no one would fall in love with anyone.
I'm a lazy fuck that needs to study more, I feel like my energy is being sucked out of my body very forcefully every time I try to do something useful and proactive, coffee doesn't help, tried to get amphetamines, easier said than done
>>17170051
If two people are together and they adhere to this mindset of never loving the other before they love them - like some twisted version of gay chicken - then they'll be in a loveless relationship full of paranoia and crushing insecurity.
Either enjoy the feeling of love and work your ass off to make it last, or don't be in a relationship - people over complicate this so much for whatever reason.
ew disgusting
at least now I know
845
Is that regret I saw on your face earlier?
I want to start something that can help improve the state of our world. Not just a single country, or a geographic region, but the entire world. Anyone that says this world is perfect the way it is, is wrong.
The Earth is on a slow but certain road to its ruination, and we (the human race) are the perpetrators. We are gobbling down every natural resource we can get our hands on, at a completely unsustainable pace, and at the expense of the health of the planet we live in.
Not only are we destroying the natural environment around us, we are also waging utterly senseless wars between ourselves, for grossly misinterpreted religious causes, or to selfishly stake a claim on land and resources that we should be sharing for the general good of the species.
I alone lack the resources and the intelligence to launch any meaningful effort to achieve my ultimate goal - the eventual salvation of this planet. Hence, I thought I should start a meeting of minds from across the globe. Thus, I have tentatively decided to call this 'The Ideal Collective.'
If anyone feels the same way as I do about the state of the world, and wants to do something about it, please share what you think are the biggest problems the world is currently facing, as well as any possible solutions to these problems that you might have.
The discourse here should be open-minded and wide-ranging, but should not be extremist. I suppose we shall slowly flesh out the exact definition of 'extremist' as the discussion grows.
I implore you: We are the many, and the malcontent of this world are the few. Even though we, as individuals, may not be able to change anything significant, I strongly believe that as the sum of our parts, we would be able to achieve something rather special here. Stand with me. Thank you.
Well, in light of what was presented today, I guess I'll be quitting in a few weeks.
>o well
>>17169730
Let them then.
I just feel so fucking low.
For the first time in ages, I'm not actively seeing someone, and damn I'm lonely. To not have it that I'm at least worth something... even then, it sort of sucks, because what sort of person only sees their own value through other people's eyes?
Like, this one guy, I adored him for a year, we dated for about a month, but not once did he ask to see me, and fucking hell, to know that hey, I don't even deserve someone's time.
Aside from that, just feeling so out of place, around others. Like last night, going out, and me and my pal, we bumped in to one of his female friends, girls I had gone to school with. Of course I wasn't worth an acknowledgement. I'm not salty specifically about that, but just that it's how basically ALL people of the fairer sex view me. I know why, I'm 21 years old, a neet, still live at home, haven't really achieved anything since I got my HSC. Seeing people on social media, how close girls are to one another... how come I don't have that sort of friendship? I mean, yeah, my best pal, I have her, but she's got her own life, hours away from where I am.
It sucks, that I'm sort of by myself, that I don't have anyone to rely on. Not that depending on someone is a good thing, but fuck, having the reassurance that someone will always be there for me, not in a romantic/physical context, would be lovely.
I get that a lot of people on 4chan would love to argue, "oh, you're a grill, you don't even know the half of it!" but truth is, yeah, I may not know what it is to be isolated to /that/ extent, but at the same time, I do feel justified to feel as I do.
And just this month, having a falling out with my father, coming to the realization that my sister is a drug addict... I just really want to feel sorry for myself, but I know that's not healthy, or productive in the long run, not that I know about either.
Anyhow, I don't quite know how to finish this post, so.
>>17169406
I'm glad you shared this with me :). Amusing indeed. I certainly believe everything happens for a reason. In fact, something happened just this morning that reaffirmed this thinking. I hope you've had a good Sunday thus far.
FML
I love you anonymous.
I first time I fell in love is with an girl who is 3 years older than me and what has a boyfriend since 4 years. She turned me down and see me as a friend, I 'll probably end as an orbiter if I stay in good terms with her.
Hurts a lot desu senpai
Reading feminist interpretations of Shakespeare's Sonnets and suddenly everything is an allusion to dicks and vaginas.
I wonder why you looked me up again, after I thought I'd got over you.
I wonder why your behaviour is so erratic, girl, and why somehow we still are drawn towards one other after 9 years of back-and-forth.
Honestly, I'd like to take a friend's advice to just bed you and be done with it, but that's not our style, and I might end up liking you crazily afterward.
I just hope I don't put horse before the cart and fall head over heels, huh? We should take it easy and see how it goes. This is going to cost me, I hope this is worth it at the end.
>>17170125
Its a good thing there are people out there that havent bern hurt yet
>>17170209
You can always just be with someone, and if they fall in love with you, you can let yourself love them
>>17170118
Elaborate please.
>>17168460
I'm 21 and I'm wasting my time on bullshit. I'm studying electrical engineering but I lack willpower to study anything. Instead I literally waste all of my time, I don't even socialize anymore.
For like a year now I've been pinning after a guy I know doesn't want me
The thing is with my trust issues and social anxiety I don't get close to people so our semi friendship is the most fulfilling relationship I have. I spend every waking moment just waiting for the next time we're together, I know this is ridiculous but I'm fucking lonely.
As pathetic as it is to say this, I feel it's as if I have a fire roaring inside me for him that burns down everything else. I guess it doesn't help he's my teacher and I feel very strongly about the subject (as in I want to make a career out of it) so how I feel about it transfers onto him. And I still have to see him every week but I wouldn't have it another way.
I wish I was fucking dead
>>17170266
>66
And so waxes my curiosity, especially to hear your story. Feel free to email me, and I'll reply when I'm done working.
>>17169657
I'm trying to save up for a moderately expensive car and then drive off a cliff. Somewhere like Dover but with no one there.
Hey, I have to get this off my chest, this has been weighing me down for so long now; I'm in love with you. In fact, I've never been so in love.
I want you to know that I think you're clever, kind and just overall a beautiful person. If we didn't live so far away from each other, I'd do anything to make you mine. But now all I have is this window into your life that I can't seem to shut.
How the fuck am I supposed to get a job without a car, phone, and after recently getting fired?
I'm not even going to be able to pay for my textbooks for my classes I'm taking this summer and if I fail those classes I'm just going to get kicked out of my uncles house..
Typing this out did not help it only made me feel even more hopeless and pathetic.
>>17171058
I can't even donate my bodily fluids for money because of family and personal medical history.
i'm going to die in this hole.
>>17170810
Same Here studying math. I'm constantly questioning my choices, never really motivated to do anything. This is not what I signed up for.
I really don't know what to do. I'm afraid of my best friend. I have known her for almost 7 years and we always had a lot of fun, but she would get mad at me super easily. She would just act cold towards me and when I would ask what was wrong, she would get angry with me and say that I shouldn't be so annoying.
This happened everytime. She would get mad with me, I would ask what is the matter and she would never tell me.
A while back I was going through a break up and she got angry with me because I was isolating myself a bit. Then she got mad at me when I asked for help because I didn't feel very well. She constantly told me how my break up affected her and how it hurt her.
Then a time later I got into a relationship again and then she would get angry with me because I would change everything for her.
I tried to talk to her about this and I said that I felt like I need to adjust my life just to make her happy but she just says I'm a bad friend and I never do anything for her.
We booked concert tickets a year back when we were temporarily okay-ish but now I haven't spoken to her in a long time. I am scared for the concert. I don't know whether I should just pretend like nothing is wrong or what I should do.
Nothing works. Why am I still playing games? Seeing other girls didn't really help. Felt pretty bad actually. One I was seeing was basically in the same situation as me and was moving way too fast instead of recovering.
I tried to slow her down because I knew she would end up regretting it. I didn't really like her anyway so I didn't want to lead her on. She told me yesterday that she needs time to herself and doesn't need another man. I'm glad. She's right, she needs just that.
Got a lap dance for the first time. It actually helped a lot. It felt amazing to taste a girl again, to feel her and smell her. Made me let go a lot more. I actually want other girls now. But I'm still stuck on her. I just want what I want.
I realize now at this point it's pure stubbornness holding me back. But the more I think of it, the more it makes sense, and the more the idea of just forgetting and moving on makes less sense.
It's so stupid. I'm absolutely insistent on this. It's not even feelings anymore. It's a competition or a challenge. I feel less hurt and more detached now. I feel like I could let go and move on. I feel like talking to her wouldn't hurt so much and bring my feelings out again. I hope what I did will get a reaction out of her. I desperately hope it. I'm almost certain it won't. I'll try talking to her again now though and see if I get a response.
>>17171179
She's clearly a ridiculously selfish, self centered, immature and underdeveloped person. She needs to know that she has some fucking serious growing up to do and needs to work on her character. She has problems she needs to fix big time. How old is she?
You should be cool until something comes up. If she's acting weird/problematic, you should address it. If not, then go along with it and have fun.
Any thoughts that go through my head I can make sense of them and rationalize them. And the worst part is I genuinely don't know whether it's right or wrong. I don't fucking know. All I know is I found a way to make sense of it and that any counter arguments are not enough to trump the other reasons.
How many times have a been wrong? How many times have I not been wrong.... That's why I'm stuck. I'm usually right. It usually works. When it doesn't, for some reason, I don't lose confidence. I keep trying. I find another way, another reason, to do something else. Something always comes up. Another possibility, another chance. Always. My head won't stop. When I do something and it fucks up, or it works then I blow it, my brain takes a little break. Says stop. That's enough. No more. It's impossible. Then some time later it shoots up again with more ideas.
THE ONLY REASON I HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH SEVERE MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER IS BECAUSE I CAN'T GET LAID. EVERY DRUG I'VE EVER DONE AND EVERY CRIME I'VE EVER COMMITTED HAS BEEN COMPENSATION.
I AM TOO SCARED TO TELL ANYONE THIS BECAUSE THEY'LL BE LIKE "WOW WHAT A PATHETIC LOSER, HE'S UGLY SO WHY DOES HE EXPECT TO GET LAID."
I HAVEN'T REALIZED UNTIL RECENTLY THAT PROSTITUTION IS THE ANSWER, BECAUSE DRUGS LIKE WEED AND ACID ARE LESS FROWNED UPON.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS .GIF DOES BUT LETS FIND OUT
>>17171418
Also, before anyone calls me selfish, I know. Just fuck off, so is just about every college frat kid that gets pussy daily. It's natural to want to have sex.
I downloaded grindr and im fucking terrified of meeting and hooking up with other queers. Im literally shaking just thinking about it.
Why I have so many problems with mens?
I want her to stop ignoring me...and when she starts talking I want her to not be a fucking complete cunt BITCH.
>>17171365
She is in her mid-twenties. Thank you very much for your reply. My post makes her look bad, but she is a nice person. I just don't know how to deal with confrontations sometimes.
I will follow your advice, thank you so so much
Say something...say something, you bitch...
All you queer gendered people who insist on correcting others on their use of pronouns. You are questioning my world view, so you're damn well better be willing to be questioned in return.
Two insecure people won't make a right.
Ben, I miss you more every fucking day and I still hate that you ran away without ever telling me the truth to my face. I am heartbroken. I'm just going to wait and wait until we meet again. You were always too kind to live with yourself if you ever did anything even slightly cruel. This was beyond cruel.
A Wandering Pumpkin
>>17171631
Iwish there was a solution to these problems. To the ones hurt, I mean. This happens so much and it's just due to shitty people. We can't do anything about it because although we acknowledge that the person is shitty, we're already in love and attached. We just get fucked over.
>>17171638
I wholeheartedly agree. It's horrible but it's reality.
I don't even know how to put my thoughts into words right now. I am just perpetually lonely, but I don't want to reach out to other people. I am my own biggest enemy. I could lose weight but then I'm too addicted to sugary drinks and I can't cook for shit and just make excuses for my downfalls. When I commit myself to exercise routines and going to the gym I just end up giving up after a fortnight or so even when it costs me a significant amount of money - which is another problem in itself altogether. My lack of cooking ability means I spend money eating out or just eating junk shit and I end up not having much money and I'm currently like £300 into my overdraft. My student loan will pay it off or my parents will but it's not the point. Always such stupid problems holding me back in life and I'm clearly not dedicated or motivated enough to fix them, and it's likely they could one day be the end of me. My complete undoing. All that academic and vocational success and for what? All that desperately trying to overcome your social shortcomings and autistic tendancies to make friends and have large groups of connections and for what? You've lied to your housemates and other circles of friends from the moment you got to university about your life prior, that you somehow had meaningful relationships and that you were sexually active and have done all the cool stuff that they have. If only they knew the truth. You've lied to yourself for so long that you don't even know what's true anymore. How much longer can you keep up your facades? I'm such a habitual liar, where I lie about pretty much everything sometimes even subconsciously. You need to start living for the now and get things sorted. If you like that girl so much, maybe you should do things about it rather than keep your head pointed at the ground and feigning your confidence until the last minute that you usually do when you drink too much.
Thanks for hearing me out. It was just a flow of conscious thoughts.
>>17171638
>>17171648
I disagree. I think just dismissing someone as a shitty person is counter productive.
>>17171675
Correction then, acting like a shitty person. People who do that obviously have character flaws to fix.
I'm a terrible human being and I don't deserve to live. Everyone tries to do so much for me but I can't help but throw it back in their faces, I don't know why I do it.
>>17171418
>THE ONLY REASON I HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH SEVERE MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER IS BECAUSE I CAN'T GET LAID
High five brah, I can't get laid either. Also I have no friends, so there's that.
I always wonder what losers did before the internet.
>>17171502
Do you want your dick sucked? Cause that's an easy way to make it happen
Gotta finish an essay for tomorrow at 09:00. I don't think I will be able to do anything decent. I should finish it, but I am so fucking tired (physically and psychologically) that I want to take the risk and see if my teacher would take it a day later, even if I get a worse grade.
Thank God it is my second to last essay and the next one is due in a whole fucking month, with no other homework aside. I really need some vacations...
Didn't want to start a new thread because I pretty much think I know what I'll do about it, but
>over 2 years ago, family emergency comes up and I end up moving out of the house
>move in with boyfriend and his 4 roommates
>no spare room in the house, so move into boyfriend's room
>rent and bills were already evenly split before I moved in, so I end up paying less rent than everyone because I have to share a room, and everyone else continues paying the same amount to go towards our rent as before
>I guess since my rent is "extra," it's been going into an overflow "house fund" which rather than regular rent goes to other house expenses and bills
>years pass, come to about a week ago, house meeting
>one roommate, we'll call her A, announces that she's going to be moving out in july, so we'll need to find someone to move into her room
>couple of us start proposing people we know that need a place to live and the pros and cons of each candidate
>start to give my two cents
>another roommate, M, makes a comment on my feedback to the general tune that my opinion on house matters isn't as important as everyone else's because I'm "not a real roommate" anyway
>he's done this at house meetings before
>by his logic, since I don't pay as much in rent, I don't get as much say in house matters
>discussion continues
>I pipe up "I'll pay more in rent if I can move into A's room" I'd like to have my own room
>A is very in favor of this, there's a little general agreement, discussion of other candidates continues
>we don't come to a conclusion at this first meeting, decision is still up in the air and we'll have more meetings as the deadline approaches
>might have a meeting tomorrow
>today, boyfriend tells me there's been some talk that M might not be in favor of me moving into the room
>M thinks losing the "extra" rent I've been paying and replacing A would be a real downside to me moving into her old room
I'm pretty pissed at M right now.
>>17171670
About the soft drinks. Just cut down on that. Decide you're only going to drink sugar every other day, or something. It's hard, i know, but you can do it if you decide to.
I'm also a shitty cook, but i try. I use that to my advantage. It just means i eat less, which is good both for my physique and my wallet.
You don't need a gym to exercise. Not on your level. Just do some pushups or something, whenever you have the time. Do you few, do a couple, even just one, when ever you have thirty seconds to spare. Go out and take a walk. Jog around the block. Just keep pushing yourself only a little.
Forget about gyms or special clothes or other equipment. That shit comes later. Right now it's just another mental obstacle.
You probably won't listen to me, but hey, i tried.
I am afraid of commitment and relationships and at the same time crave for companionship and someone to spend my life with.
>>17171774
The fact you read my post means a lot to me. Thanks. I'll give it my best.
>>17171679
No.
So they hurt you. They did it because they had to, for themselves. Not to be dickbags to you. Thinking of it otherwise is exceedingly self centered and, if you want to think about it like that, a character flaw that YOU have to fix.
Don't rock the boat be glad it's cheap and don't bother with their discussions because it doesn't really matter really.
>>17171792
Why the fuck would I get on a boat if not to rock it and see if I can throw everyone into the water.
>>17171798
Maybe you're on the wrong boat and leave the ship to its normal functions.
>>17171809
Being on the wrong boat means I should rock it harder, so when everyone has fallen off I'll have TWO boats.
>>17171779
Don't give it your best. That's another mental obstacle.
Just do it.
>>17171792
Are you replying to a post or just making your own? My paranoia is telling me you're talking to me specifically but I've been trying not to jump to those kinds of conclusions anymore.
I don't think your strong enough anyways let alone make enough to afford it.
Once upon a time, there was a little robotic frog.
He used to be sad about being a little robotic frog.
Girls though he was slimy, creepy and weird.
He tried to fight it, to be a better man... but in the end, he was simply a frog.
One day, the frog, hidden in his cave, sat thinking.
"This is just who I am. I'm the creepy robot frog. REEBIT REEBIT".
And so the robotic frog embraced who he was.
He knew better than to talk to girls and creepy them out, or try fail an attempt to fit in amongst the men.
The robotic frog learned to mind his own business and focused on doin' his own thing.
The robot frog wasn't quite happy, but was content. At peace. He had a life that he could live with.
Then one day a hundred spoiled princesses saw the frog and said "how come he gets to be so happy, all alone?".
The frog would then be called "creepy" for NOT approaching them.
The frog would feel watched constantly.
Maybe these princesses thought that a kiss could turn this frog into a real man.
But, this isn't a fairy tail, and even in any other form, he'd still hop, croak and "REEE" through life, and he'd still avoid people and keep his head down, because he can change his body but he can't change his mind.
And no one lived happily ever after because the world is shit.
The end.
When my mom finally passes I'll be following close behind her. I fucked up school. I lost my job and got blacklisted because I passed a supplement 15 minutes too late for a disabled man I had been caring 3 years for and didn't want to lie about it. My brother is a dick and my sister is a bitch. My father is a thief and my grandparents were abusive. My kid died 2 months after birth, my gf left me over it. My mom has cancer. I'm stoned, smoke too much weed and have no friends, didn't make any in college and high school friends are long gone. I think that's most of it
>>17171818
Not him, but you're doing a good job.
Projection is extremely dangerous, even in an anonymous culture. It makes breeding grounds for feelings of paranoia and overly heightened expectations that someone got something.
Kind of like a sick mindgame.
I know because I kinda brought some buddies here a couple months ago, expecting some messages to be from them. Left very bad thoughts in me until I realized they can't give less shits about this site.
>>17168933
Work on yourself and let them come to you. Work out. Get healthy. Stack money
>>17171839
The third act didn't really come together
>>17171880
That's because there is no conclusion in life.
Just fuckin' problem after problem, with mild breaks for peace between.
I said it's not a fairy tale.
It doesn't get happy endings. Shit, it never even gets and end.
Just a continuous stream of shit.
That's why my story was perfect, it mimics life so well.
>>17171054
Initials?
We are all gunna die. Live this life. Make choices. And repeat everything we have ever done. All the mistakes. All the pain. All the hatred. The love. The joy. We endure the same life over and over again with the only changes are the scenery and the names you know but the people you've known you will always know. Soul mates are the just the one you find comically to ensure this she'll of a world. We sleep. Wake up. Rinse. Lather and repeat. Nothing will ever change because time simply ceases to you and life gets reworded back and plays from the beginning. We all succumb to the same fate we began and had. Nothing will ever change because it always has been and always will be. An infinitesimal time loop of nothingness. Enjoy!
>>17171893
Wasn't so much the unhappy ending more that the frog doesn't realize he's blaming others for he's inherent faults.
>>17171902
The fuckin' frog had peace. He was okay and shit.
It just didn't last long until other people made it a problem.
Poor thing just wanted to be left alone.
>>17171911
It's no Dostoevsky, that's for sure.
>>17171919
It was good enough for a 2000 character limit story in a GIOYC thread.
Chill, critic.
I so desperately want to talk to people on my level. I'm OK now with my low social status, I just want to meet people on it.
I stumbled across messages on an old forum from 7 years ago when I basically said that I manipulated people into liking me, that I felt like everybody was dumb except me, and that I would laugh at stupid jokes in order to meet with the social norms and getting "friends", which I then secretly despised because they were uncool, I think I grew up as a fucking narcissist, basically manipulating people into liking me, this turned me into a people pleaser and self-help junkie, I praised myself of knowing a lot of stuff, and saw others that had other tastes in life like fucking dumbasses, while still thinking of them as friends.. I got my first girlfriend, and I didn't feel anything when I first kissed her, I think I really wanted to have sex at the beginning of the relationship.. this ended up with me not being authentic in that relationship and taking her for granted while she gave everything to me and was really devotious, I miserably failed to make her really happy altough it seems as my presence helped her grow a lot, I am not waking up crying everyday missing the link that we shared and she doesn't feel any empathy for me anymore because I abused of her devotion. I fucked up heavily, I lived my life unconsciously, I internalized really really shitty behaviors that are under the threshold and can make me look good to the exterior world but is, without even my knowing, a manipulating strategy to be liked. I have come to a point where I don't know who I really am, and just feel miserable for having undermined the greatest relationship that happened to me, and I still undermine it by having a needy desire of her comforting me, I feel so angry inside that she just moved on and fucked with another guy with whom she's doing shit she used to do with me, we used to be together all the time for 3 years and now I'm always alone and when I see her she's just okay and moving on with her life.
>>17171839
Wow. I'm still in the opening stages of the second act. That third act seems kind of fun and exotic, to me. I'm having a hard time empathizing.
>>17168726
I knew it!
>>17171585
Why should she talk to you when you call her a bitch?
>>17171338
What do you want to hear? 'I love you, please come back'? doesn't seem like you're respecting her enough for that. I mean if she loves you, you're not caring about her feelings and fucking around, that's not a demonstration of love
>>17171585
You have a tiny little dick and don't call me a bitch ever again
>>17171783
You fucking idiot, you could easily do it in ways where you don't have tohurt anyone. These people always take the worst option.
>>17171775
When the time and the right relationship is waiting for you, perhaps you'll want to go for it, unless you're always aiming for the latest chase of course, otherwise, save them the pain
>>17171984
Bs. Complete and utter bs.
>>17170597
Initials?
She's one of the best people I've ever met and she's married. I could push it and change her life, but I respect the idea of marriage. I don't want to a home wrecker.
You know what sucks? Dreaming about having a nice gal, and waking up to find it was a dream. Wish those dreams would fade from memory as quickly as others so I don't dwell on it all day, because I KNOW I dont need a girlfriend to validate me.
Maybe it's just the fact my cousin is getting married soon, and I'm surrounded by people in happy relationships that make me yearn more.
>>17172031
Think about the old saying
>If she leaves him for you, what makes you think she won't leave you for someone else?
I don't know if that's helpful or not.
>>17172041
You know what sucks? Never getting to experience having a nice gal, even in your dreams.
>>17171990
Nah, I'm not into chasing girls. It's just that whenever I find myself falling for someone or knowing someone likes me I get scared of the possibility that I'll get into a serious relationship that won't make me happy or won't let me pursue my own goals and then I'd be trapped by someone I would still like and not want to hurt.
>>17172012
So when someone goes through a relationship being dishonest, secretive and not loving, or when they put no effort into a relationship and claim to being the better person when their partner puts in all the work, or when they make no contribution to the other persons life but expect to be given everything, that's not a good enough example? When someone lies about how they felt the whole time, that's not enough? When they choose to make up excuses to blame the other person, or purposely make a relationship shit, waiting for the other person to make one wrong move to use it as an excuse to breakup and make it seem like they're the bad guy, that's not an example?
>>17172056
I'm sorry to hear that, anon. I know you'll find her, just like I know I will. But I think for me it stems from jealousy, which is petty and stupid. Wish I didn't feel this way.
>>17172012
>>17172094
Mind you, I'm saying people make mistakes or do fucked up things, whether or not they themselves are bad. If you're telling me that's not a character flaw or something that needs to be fixed, you're missing something. In your head, most likely.
>>17171979
Fuck you, you loved my big dick. Don't come around here lying to yourself like it wasn't the thing you enjoyed most about me.
>>17171964
Because after all she put me through, after all she did, the horrible things, the awful words, I can fucking call her a bitch at the very least.
>>17171972
No. I want her in my life again. She 'wants' me to fuck around. I'm caring about her feelings all the time. I'm trying to do what she wants but the one thing I can't do is go out of her life for good. That's what she wants. That's what I can't do. I'm doing all this shit to try and cope. I'm trying to find a way to move on but I just want her in my life. Not for a relationship. I want to just have her around. At this point, just so I could fulfill my selfish desire of ending the relationship with satisfaction. Not this emptiness I always feel.
>>17172066
You won't know if you'll be happy unless you have the relationship. It's all I want too but only with a particular person
>>17172132
You want her in your life again so you can reject her? and she's told you to fuck around? Sounds awful, if she really wanted you to fuck around she probably doesn't care enough for you and you wanting to hurt her is fucked up too. Don't do it
My feelings for you are the most passionate and lasting I've ever known in my life, I can't let split second fears of old stop us having this relationship, yet; I'm in so deep, this could be a longer haul than I had ever dreamed, a bliss feeling like paradise, too fast and to fall, yet to lose, I can't live with any energy
>>17172107
I don't know what you are trying to say, but what i'm reading is you saying that not being a perfect divine being is a character flaw; which i guess technically is true, but expecting that from people is retarded.
>>17172094
When the examples are as blatant as this, you're either projecting or being silly levels of naive for putting up with it.
>>17172167
Initials
>>17169271
Anon said that these people had used them. Anon has no fucking obligation to take in two dirty druggy rat bags that will most likely fucking ruin his home, His relationships and very fucking likely steal from him.
I know from experience, Being a soft hearted tool will get you nowhere in this world, Everyone is allowed to be selfish with the things they earned and acheived.
>be me
>underage fag
>Broke up with gf in February
>cry like a little bitch for a month
>Best friend is her step brother
>"Anon... She got back with Blake... "
>wanna be friends but can't see as a friend
I need help.
>>17172212
They are requesting the initials of those posters' irl names, probably because they suspect they know them and want confirmation, but they still respect their anonymity here enough not to request their full names.
>>17171054
Care to share your intitals or the person you are writing to?
>>17172234
Don't be friends with an ex or their relatives. Especially since you're a self proclaimed underaged homosexual.
>>17172310
Thx.
im a 21 year old virgin thanks to my own fucking retardation and i dont want to go to a hooker but i cant flirt, FUUUUCK
I'm to scared to ask the girl I'm infatuated with if she's into me or not because we've had this discussion less than a year ago before she moved back to school last semester. Now shes back and were hanging out a lot and I feel like shes giving me cues but I'm so god damned retarded I'm sure I'm making this shit up in my head. On the other hand even if she is interested in me now I don't want to kill the 'magic' of the 'chase' or whatever. It's slowly souring my usually cheery mood.
>pic related what I'd rather be doing than worrying about my problems.
i don't want to live anymore. I just want someone or something to kill me and allow me to stop suffering. I can make it look like an accident but I'll never know if it worked. I can become perpetually lost but that is just selfish for those that will look for me. I can't actively setup my death, it has to be setup for me. Otherwise, the guilt of the people around me would crush their hearts and harm them in other ways
I spent upwards of 6 years in school after graduating high school on a computer science degree that proved to be almost worthless. I suffered in the most literal sense of the word to achieve this degree and it saddens me that I will have to write off my suffering. I have volunteered extensively and made sure I was a good person to everyone I met. I spent time organizing events and activities to benefit humanity but it just seems like nothing was worth it.
I don't feel any more intelligent, and often time less so, than when I graduated High School. I feel like I'm back to when I graduated but 5 years older. In reality, I'm worse off than when I graduated after all this time and effort.
Recently, I began contemplating the sexual abuse I faced as a 12 year old and the trauma that occurred. I feel like this has changed me in a way that would benefit society if I would die soon. I'm not bitter, or spiteful, or anything else but I feel like society would just be more comfortable knowing there wasn't a child sexual abuse survivor in their presence.
I am faced with some prejudice as someone who was born in a country that is linked to terrorism. This doesn't bother me much anymore but it's not something I want to continue battling.
I feel constantly lied to from everyone. Following advice and self help books often leaves me with enthusiasm but no results. Hope is great but after patterns of hoping and then failing it becomes almost unwelcome. I expected some difficult times but feel like this is beyond what anyone can handle
My brain's default state is one of malfunction. At this point I'm quite aware that I rely on drugs to do much of anything. It's obvious that comes at a price.
-Too much kava makes you sick, your skin becomes sensitive to the sun, and eventually you become dulled, and finally stupid outright.
-My body can't handle much caffeine for any length of time. I have a feeling it's either a vascular problem, anxiety, or my seizure threshold is low in a part of the brain that generates vaguely migrainous symptoms.
-Cocoa beans work the best in a strictly short term, acute sense. They then make me sick, prone to panic, unable to keep elements in working memory, and unable to think clearly (or think at all). Eventually you become myopic and only good for a small spectrum of tasks, novelty is both unthought of and impossible. It's enticing and very easy to become addicted to, but the things it makes you able to do!
-Phenibut just sucks and makes me dim all around.
-Ethanol has problems. Obviously.
I am frail and can't remain functional while sober for very long. I'm either normalizing a mechanical problem, a psychological one, or both. I feel apathetic. Very tempted to eat some cacao, but I know where it always leads. Need the cAMP altering shit and phenylethylamine.
Part of me just wants to die.
I am sick of always making the first move. You say you want me but show no signs of it. I love you but fuck there is supposed to be passion. I told you time and time again. Iam still young it's not like we are 65 and wrinkled. Wtf. If you are not into me anymore just let it go. I want to do dirty things to you. I don't want to cheat I have told you that. But I have needs.
>>17172558
Initials?
I took a freelance job, started from scratch and came up with a nice, sleek design. THAT MOTHERFUCKER SAID IT WASNT INTERACTIVE ENOUGH, DIDNT DO WHAT HE WANTED. MOTHERFUCKER I MADE THAT FROM NOTHING YOU BASTARD, WHY DID YOU AGREE TO ALL THE STEPS I TALKED YOU THROUGH AGREE TO THE SPECIFICS AND THEN BE A DICK. FUCK YOU.
I do not want these feelings. I don't even know what to do with them. It's not worth it... it's not like you'd ever feel this way about me, too. Aww fuck what the fuck, I gotta stop this now.
>>17172147
>so you can reject her?
No.
>>17172147
>wanting to hurt her is fucked up too
No..what the fuck is wrong with you. I want her because I like her. Her company is nice and she's nice to have around.
>>17172178
>but expecting that from people is retarded.
No, I'm expecting them not to make fuck ups THAT big. MANY MANY MANY relationships happen and end where this shit doesn't happen. It's unnecessary and a result of a shitty society. It doesn't need to happen, that's it. When it does, it's seen as a mistake and something that needs to be fixed. Yes, someone gets hurt in almost every relationship when it ends, but that doesn't mean someone fucked up. Technically, yes, but not in a bad way. But when it ends and you scar someone or damage them as a result, that's the problem. Relationships can end, have people get hurt, learn and develop, which is normal and how it should be. Then relationships can end and fuck someone up really badly. That's where people needing to change comes in
>being silly levels of naive for putting up with it.
Nobody said anything about putting up with it. The fact of the matter is that it happens when it shouldn't
The reason I haven't killed myself yet is because of my sister. I love her more than anything in the world and leaving her alone with my family sounds terrible. I'm slowly falling into insanity and my parent don't actually believe I have a mental illness when in fact I do and it's severely debilitating. My sister is slow, but I love her with all my heart. Should I tell my friends that I have this depression/mental illness? It's actually killing me and I would like the support. Help me /adv/, please.
>>17172663
Tell your closest friends whom you can trust and know would actually help/support you with this and NOT make your situation worse. Choose carefully. But I think for your sake people really should know. It shouldn't be a secret.
>>17172663
>insanity
symptoms?
Being pan is kinda shitty sometimes. And I just want to go off and disappear for half a year, if only if only, and get my head back on, get over every single crush I've had, but that's impossible when every love you've ever had comes creeping back through your head periodically. Like ghosts of all seasons. Always waiting to come back when I'm vulnerable.
And sometimes, they really do come back, and I tell myself, once I've realized why we never worked, that it's better this way. But time and distance can play tricks on your mind and you end up thinking "what if... What if..." but what if is a slippery slope and if you fall down it, climbing back up hurts even more and takes so long.
And so amidst all these thoughts, I realize i need to nip this in the bud now and stop thinking about it. I'm invisible, or so I should be. And I can't risk hurting myself over this. There's too much at stake, this time, and I'd rather just be alone until I figure myself out again. I'm getting too old for rediscovery.
I used to have all this confidence, self-control, and was extremely on top of everything. Now, I'm a depressed loser who is socially anxious, afraid of my past mistakes, and constantly self doubting. My negativity has gotten the best of me, and I don't know how to stop. I want my life back, I want to be motivated, and I want to feel confident again.
>>17172675
Starting to hallucinate things, severe memory loss, maybe paranoia I don't really know. My paternal grandfather had paranoid schizophrenia. Because I'll never get a psychiatrist, I fucking self-diagnosed (I know) myself with depersonalization/derealization syndrome. I couldn't even remember the word diagnosed just now.
>>17172671
Thank you. I'll have to choose wisely, but a lot of my friends are accepting of shit like this.
>>17172692
Would you mind posting your voice?
Probably gonna schedule my GRE exam for June 9th sometime this week. Then I'll go through and take all the rest of the online practice question sets (and maybe the practice exams too) that came with my kaplan test prep book in between then and the day of the test. There's no reason why I shouldn't score a perfect 170 on the verbal portion, and I'd like to hit 160 on the quant at least. Just gotta make sure I've put in as much prep time as I can before test day.
>>17172698
It sounds ultra-faggy but whatever:
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0Q2qWORoDHE
For what purpose may I ask?
>>17172722
Oh gods, I hear razors. Ya, I don't envy you, anon. I asked because I'm a voice reader and occultist, and we occultists are naturally curious people. Mental illness often incites curiosity. Thanks, hope you find peace in this life.
>>17172727
What does it mean by my voice having a razor quality to it? This is interesting to me too.
I wipe my ass over 200 times. With a cloth, and wet wipes.
I'm standing at the edge of the rest of my life, looking across a chasm. The moment my eyes close tonight. I will fall in. I don't like the view, but It's nice to be up here on the summit. Cheers to tomorrow.
Been in a codependent relationship that has balanced the good with the bad and weve been generally content 60% of the time we've been together.
Then her son who was living on his own states away til of recent landed on hard times (I'm sure his junky gf has something to do with it). So they move into our place in February "til they get on their feet".
Now; I have a need for order and cleanliness ingrained in me. My gf says that she does but I think she just says that.
Ffwd to today
>empty chip bags, cookie containers, cerial boxes, you name it; it never finds the can.
>crap all over the floors
>the room we gave them smells like shit. Gee, can't wait til summertime.
>her son has crappy job but blows money on lotto and prob drugs for his gf
>his gf just pretends to look for jobs and lays in bedroom watching cartoons all day
>we all smoke; but I smoke more moderately than all of them; so guess who gets asked " anon do you have a smoke by chance?" "anon can I have a smoke?"
>1/2 gallon milk gone in one night wheny gf and I would have it last around a week.
>coffee? Don't ask
>my gf keeps saying shell "give em an earfull". But never has
>when i ask about that, gf tells me " you know where the door is"
Also had an interview for management position at a major telecom facility. But kids gf had to go toethadone clinic (we were sharing 1 car for a short time and never again) she wakes up at last min. "Well be back in 15min. Durr" They make it back in time for me to be 20 mins late. I refuse to be late to am interview so I called and scrapped it without even leaving.
I think I'm just going to go. I love her but not enough for this shit. But I can use some ideas and a laugh. Anybody have any insight?
>>17172742
I used the term "hear" loosely. I'm not really sure how to describe what I do, since it's like multifaceted scrying. When I read voices, it activates multiple senses, and I focus on where they converge. In your case, the convergence was razors because I saw them and felt them as well. It felt very sharp and painful, which is indicative of how your condition is making you feel.
Really, I was just curious to know how it felt and how it compares to psychoses that result from messing around with occult things too much and too recklessly.
>>17172754
One of these days, if you're around and bored, I'd love it if you'd read my voice.
>>17172752
Also; we've been together fornsevral years.
And also; db kids gf has been to her dope clinic past noon several times since that day w no prob. She could've waited. And what really grindsy gears is that there was absolutely NOT one apologies.
And and also; sorry for type. On phone and drinking
>>17172754
Super cool. Thank you for that info! It's very fascinating. What do you hear when you hear the voice of a serial killer? Have you ever tried? Sorry if that's weird, but I'm curious about this now.
>>17172767
You could always email me: [email protected]
In order to read well, I red a minimum of 30 to 40 seconds (more is better, of course) of freely spoken (nothing prepared or recited) conversational (like you're talking to someone) speech. I may or may not ask you a few follow-up questions afterwards. Also, I have a queue for readings, so I might take a while.
>>17172781
No, I've never read a serial killer's voice, nor any celebrities or public figures. I've usually used voice reading either to aid in divination or in my esoteric research. For the latter, I tend to seek out certain individuals for their energetic qualities.
>>17172791
That's interesting as fuck.
I am a fucking idiot. I am only hurting myself by pretending to be ok with being your friend after you broke up with me. Truth is im clinging on to anything I can get from you. Because you truly are the love of my life. I am sure I will never love anyone as much as I have loved you, ad talking to you both hurts immensely and feels good. What am I to do :(
>>17168758
Was she humming the song Home by Edward Sharpe?
I like you so much, you inspired me to change to be a more confident person.
When you come back, I want to be yours.
Tell me how you feel about me, I haven't seen you for half a year and I can't wait anymore.
It feels like you're telling me to wait for you when we're not even together. We're not even close friends but I like everything about you.
But why does it feel like you're playing me when I know you're genuinely a nice guy?
It feels like you are too good to be true. Too good for me.
>>17172791
Noted , I am patient and I appreciate your time. I'm terribly busy at this time anyway, so it may be a few more days to weeks until I get to record my voice anyway.
I want to die
I think after all that it is only me holding myself back, and I'm ready to be what I should be.
I met a girl 4 weeks ago and we were chatting and meeting ever since. I tried to kiss her and she rejected. Not in a bad way she just said "she needs time" and that she feels something but is not certain. She was only with women before that.
Now this shit is eating me up and side and I can't get a day of rest anymore ever since. We are having a great time and I'm putting good effort in (cooking, flowers, etc.) and we talk a lot.
I'm at the point that I'd rather have her say yes or no right now just so I can know if I can burry my head in the ground forever or not. I can't cope with this waiting. I just want her so bad.
The world has isolated me into a box of my own self-hatred. I began to be shoved into this painfully tight void years ago, but it's just as harmful as any other time. The humans around me don't truly care for me or love me. They're untrustworthy and I'm not worth their time. I gave you a try but the noose around my neck became tighter and tighter as I tried to crawl away; I backed myself right into this box. Now, I'm with another shortly after just so I can be defiled by false affections and to play a part that I would rather not.
>>17168460
I literally can´t live with all the regrets, im sorry, so fucking sorry about everything. I know i´been such an idiot all this 19 years and i can´t do anything to fix it, i just hope to die before i wake up. Why does every single person is meaningless to me? Why do i can´t feel secure with other persons?, i hate myself so much, and guess my life is a long series of bad decisions. Fuck off i hate collage cuz every single person there think im an idiot and they maybe were right. Why do i make feel like shit every single person who is interested in me? Fuck off, hope this end soon.
>>17168460
I got a match from a hot girl on tinder but I don't want to start talking.
It's because I don't have idea how to start.
I use depressing stuff (music, books, movies, etc) as an antigen for my own depression. It actually works, it makes me feel kind emotionally neutral (not happy but not sad either)
I'm losing. I'm losing so hard yet I can't give up. I'm pretty sure what I'm doing is only making it worse but hey....I've got nothing to lose. I'm going to keep persisting until there's nothing left, or until I get what I want.
At least this gives me a possibility. A chance. The other way would just...result in nothing.
I'm done reaching out. I'm done exerting effort for any relationship. I'm done making other peoples' problems my own. I'm done trying to make everyone comfortable and happy. I'm done being a peace-keeper. I'm done taking gambles on whether or not someone is genuine with their words and/or actions. I'm done with everyone's weird fucking mind games. I'm done being naive. I'm done with how shitty everyone is.
>>17172993
Initials?
>>17172525
Seems I gave in, again. I can't do it, not even if sober. It was the same way with amphetamine. Boredom and apathy always sets in, eventually.
There are too many reasons why this pattern continues, and it's likely I will never reconcile it. I'm gradually convincing myself that perhaps I'll just use it to dig myself out and achieve some degree of momentum, clear the mind. It's delusion. It is already clear there is a high cost, but I have little if anything to lose.
Gotta get some money and get some leaded goggles, and a thyroid shield. Then have my teeth and jaw CT'd. I can't control for internal scattering but I can keep some of it out of the eyes and brain at the very least. Cataracts and tumors, etc.
A lifetime of this shit and I'm tired. Facial nerves are fucked. Stomach is fucked. Psyche is broken, if not the machinery of my mind itself. Feel brain damaged.
>>17173002
Yeah I feel you anon
I hate everything there is about being human, I hate myself and so many people in this world, I'm a worthless person in a worthless shell called a body.
>>17173102
I know exactly how you feel because I decided the same thing a few days ago. I'm tired of people being so fucking random and fickle about how they act and treat me on a daily basis, nice one day and cold as fuck the next. The only person I can trust and count on without a doubt is myself. I have to make myself happy.
what the fuck everything I post 4chan says it's spam.
Am... should I take the hint?
BUY UNCHARTED 4
BUY UNCHARTED 4
BUY UNCHARTED 4
The more I talk to her the more I hate her....The more I don't want her, the less I care for her. The less I like her, the more I want nothing to do with her. The more I see how undesirable she is.
Why is this happening. I don't want this. I just wanted her. I wanted to get over this, yes, but even more so, I wanted HER....I still do, even if I don't. I just want to feel her again. I want to taste her again, to spend time with her. To feel those feelings of the first love again, even if we don't date..I know they will come back. I know I will feel great, and so will she. I just. Need. To see her. I just want to exhaust our feelings, enjoy our time together until we grow tired of each other and actually want to split just because there's nothing between us anymore.
I'm asking for too much, but I'm sure as fuck not asking for anything ideal or impossible.
>>17172996
No worries
>>17172871
And one of my most common uses is the most boring: dating
>be working office job
>11/10 starts working in building and gives me “that look” whenever she passes by
>think I'm imagining things until she drops spaghetti (literally wtf) when I interact with her
>she comes up to talk to me, read her voice
>I hear something about her being disloyal and maneater
>I nope the fuck out and walk away very quickly
>want to verify, so I ask my student at the time to read, without any details
>she sees a witch burning a man in a cauldron
Saved my ass, and it wasn't the only time
Why are the people I care most about the ones that treat me the worst?
I stopped talking to my GF months ago because of how mean she was to me. I was always kind and sweet to her & showered her with affection. I made many paintings & poems of and for her. Every day I told her I loved her & gave her a hundred kisses. It was all super cheesy & romantic but we both liked it or at least I thought so.
Every other week she would turn cold to me & say I didn't love her or find her attractive. She was sure I still loved my ex(never even talked to ex). Once I got sick while visiting my GFs home city & was too sick for sex. After my flu, her period started. She hates period sex. I asked her a couple times & she would say "not yet" so I stopped asking after a couple days. She got cold & angry again saying I didn't find her pretty. I even asked "You still on your period? You don't want sex at the moment right?" & she replies "You should still ask for it."
She was always judging me & saying I wasn't good enough. What finally did it for me was when she started tearing me apart because I called an SJW stupid (she hates em too) for posting obvious factually incorrect shit. She went on & on how I was a hateful shitty person & that's a terrible thing to do. I'm a dick for doing it to their face & not their back she said. For an hour straight she called me names & more.
Stopped talking to her & later told her why. I already have chronic depression & feel like absolute shit all the time. Her always telling me how I wasn't good enough finally broke me. I just don't care about anything anymore. I'm completely dead inside for the most part. I still love her, even now.
After that she started posting things about how terrible I was & how I left her for my ex. Which isn't true at all. None of what she says about me actually happened. My ex even contact me after her postings asking if I really do want her & I was like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.
>>17173226
Recently I helped her KS fund campaign by asking an e-celeb to share it. They did and her campaign was funded. I was incredibly happy for her despite all the mean things she said to and about me on her sites. I was so happy I did a "thank you" fanart painting of the celeb. They ended up sharing those as well which gave me a small boost of followers with 1k shares 2k likes on each painting but that wasn't my goal. I just wanted to help her campaign.
She thanks me at first but then a few days later shes the fanart paintings. She instantly unfollowed me and made a couple angry posts on how terrible I am for "fake" helping her only to promote myself. That I was just using her and never really wanted to help her but to get attention brought to myself.
I just... why? How can I be so nice to someone and have them hate my so much for it? It's everything I do she thinks is for selfish reasons. Once I used a facebook friend's picture as reference for a painting I was working on and my GF just blew up at me saying I was only painting her to flirt and try to fuck that girl. It's like no, what? I don't even talk to anyone on facebook. I wasn't even going to tell the girl and the final painting looked NOTHING like her I just needed the lighting reference. I have done that literally hundreds of times.
>>17173058
>>17173058
Oh man do those words hit so close to home. Good luck to you anon, be 1917, not 1905 if we are to use a history metaphor here. If you're going to fuck up, fuck up wholeheartedly and do it gloriously instead of floundering man
>>17171822
Initials?
Things will get better.
>Probably.
It would be nice to talk to someone about everything, but for now I guess I'm alone. That's alright in the end I suppose, I have company. Just not the kind you can actually talk to. If I got this house it would just be a massive load off my mind and I could calm down from my fortnight long panic attack. This is probably the only chance I'll ever have.
I. Can. Not. Fuck. This. Up.
I feel like I will though.
Things will get better.
>>17173292
really.
I'm going to guess you're about 14 years old.
