I want opinions on this story premise I'm working on.
---
"None shall die alone or unknown."
On October 13, 2015, 8:02 PM, that is the simple message two young men get in their emails from their estranged father, who one year prior inexplicably and plainly told them that they would not inherit anything from him. No house, no land, no money, nothing.
They think nothing of it, and go about their day.
A daydream comes to them, one where they see their father's own day, as experienced through his bedridden body.
The dream ends on October 14, 2015, 8:02 PM, with him dying alone in his dark room, as his voice echoes in their minds:
"None shall die alone or unknown."
They then find themselves on October 13, 2015, 8:02 PM.
This is the story of a repeating day, of the passing of a torch, of the beginning of two people who become the world's Confidants.
---
Did this premise entice you to read this story?
If you're interested in this, and even want to collaborate with me on it, look up "Cold Bricks Glow" on wordpress.
>>589
Change it to Cold Dicks Grow
>>589
story's premise is not organized in such a way to catch people's attention, catchphrase sounds slightly awkward
for example "inexplicably and plainly" just starts to drag, too many adverbs spoil the soup
i only read things with cute girls in it so i'll probably pass, but good luck
>>600
Nice get. And I'm not well-versed in the art of seduction.
>>634
When I get it published, it won't be titled that. It's a hidden Groundhog Day reference, but it wouldn't be a suitable enough title for the novel.
>>640
Yeah, I figured that line was getting too long. As for cute girls, I can write a number of episodic chapters about saving them (or seeing them die peacefully, which still happens in the real world unfortunately). The flexibility of the story means any angle should be explored (and can be if desired).
Thanks for the suggestion.
Bumping with a related question:
If you could repeat the last 24 hours as many times as you want, retaining your memory of every single loop even after you're done looping, how would you enjoy yourself?
>>1255
I've seen enough media to know that isn't enjoyable at all.
I would probably put everything I am watching on day and then start doing shit I would never do since there are no consequences.
Also, I think I have seen your name before, who are you?
>>1255
I would do what I do every day already, shitpost on 4chan and rewatch my favorite series
>>1313
It takes a certain personality to explore possibilities, good and bad.
If repeating the day also included death (like in Groundhog Day), would you see yourself able to do virtually anything?
As for me, I come from /a/, and visit /tg/ on occasion. The last "important" thing I did with this handle was organize /a/'s farewell to moot.
Now I write stories and play GM for solo games with other anons.
>>1368
>If repeating the day also included death (like in Groundhog Day), would you see yourself able to do virtually anything?
I would need to be a little more cautious, then.
I could still do some raping and violent stuff as long as I had a safe escape route to wait for the end of the day.
>The last "important" thing I did with this handle was organize /a/'s farewell to moot.
That was it. Can't remember if you're the guy that started the Komm Susser Todd singing project or the one that organized the huge message card, but I do remember you from there.
>>1332
>shitpost on 4chan
I guess when everything becomes the same old shit, looking for replies would be the next step.
>>1387
>safe escape route
The ability to repeat on command or after a timer is as safe as you can get.
>you're the guy that started the Komm Susser Todd singing project
It was that one. Bedford Strangler and Jebus handled most of the final product.
