Merasmus will now transform you in one of the 9 mercenaries, and you get to choose who you become. You literally BECOME one of them: look like him, speak like him, and have all his skills/habits. Who do you choose and why?
>>344018709
Well obviously the Spy is the best choice.
Scout
Who knows how useful a double jump will be in real life but fuck it I want to give the middle finger to logic and gravity
>>344019252
This is the only answer. Every other skill can be obtained through knowledge, but the Scout has an inherent physical advantage that cannot be learned.
Scout is the only good answer.
>>344019381
>visually transforming into anyone you want in an instant can be learned
>>344019381
>>344019252
Choosing to be a scout also means that your mom will be fucked by this guy>>344019126
Posting the superior choice
>the smartest after engeneer and medic
>the strongest
>beautiful russian accent
>gigantic syberian shlong (probably)
>rich as fuck
>>344019627
Forgot pic
If I was him I would NEVER forget
>>344019381
>Every other skill can be obtained through knowledge
Yeah, maybe I'll learn how to make disposable sentires in like a billion years
>>344019627
>Choosing to be a scout also means that your mom will be fucked by this guy>>344019126
Fuck you're right, fuck you OP for using literally
Anyway let's see I guess my new choice would Engie. Sure Engineer is short but goddamn is he smart and I could use that knowledge a lot more than I could use a double jump.
>>344018709
Spy, he can turn invisible and can look like literally anyone :^)
>>344020090
Those aren't skills, those are his tools.
>>344020030
You would also have to share your house with this guy
>>344020307
I mean at least that psycho won't kill me so I guess I could work with that.
>>344020490
He wouldn't, he'd just mess your shit up half of the time (like stealing and wearing your glove as a hat, etc)
But that's manageable considering how much stuff you can do. Roboarm is pretty sweet as well
>>344018709
The Spy
Sarcastic, nihilistic, with a wicked sense of hon-hon-humor
The Medic, its always the medic.
>tfw ubercharge
>>344021107
You'd have to invent the medigun first, but that's just a matter of time
Demo so I can have that BBC that all bitches totally crave
>>344021713
>implying women would want to shag Demoman
>>344018709
Engineer, inherit his super genius, become a billionare off of teleporter technology
>>344021882
I want Demoman tobe my drinking buddy
>>344021935
you are aware of how teleportation works right?
>>344022182
Yes, we cannot teleport bread anymore but sacrifices have to be made
>>344022142me too
>>344022435
no I meant it destroys the previous body and reconstructs a new one entirely at the 'exit' point
Sniper.
Snipin' is comfy.
>>344018709
The pyro
There's a 50/50 chance you'd be a woman, which could be fun, also you get paid to play with fire
It's gotta be the spy.
>suave as fuck
>smarter than average but not too smart
>good-looking
>>344022542
Why the actual fuck would this be a problem?
>>344022731
What about your over-sized kidneys?
>>344020808
What the fuck, How do you fucking faggots keep getting pictures of literally me.
>>344022816
because it's essentially just cloning, and you'd need to find a way that didn't make whoever used it turn into jelly on reconstruction
>>344022542I know what you meant, I was making a reference
>>344022948I know, but I didn't know if you actually knew what I meant
>>344022914
>and you'd need to find a way that didn't make whoever used it turn into jelly on reconstruction
But engeneer alredy found a way to do it.
>>344022914
Anon, at this point you're assuming I'm inventing a teleporter from scratch when Engineer's teleporter already works with no flaws and the point of the thread is you become them with their knowledge
>>344023043
but you'd be turned into him, and nobodys made it in this universe yet.
>>344023113
Yes, but you are LITERALLY him, so you alredy know how to make it. Knowing how to make something is a skill
>>344022914
>Essentially just cloning
So?
If you keep all your memories and shit then there would be no problem.
Every 7 years all of your cells have been replaced and you're technically a new person, but you are still you, right?
>>344022883
They'd help with holding it in.
>>344023104
>no flaws
Does telefragging count?
>>344023104
>>344023217
I didn't know it included all knowledge, I thought it was just physical and mental capabilities
>>344023316
>Implying murdering someone with a teleporter is a flaw
>>344023316
only for the unfortunate son of a gun that walks into it
>>344023267
But they produce 3 times the amount of piss compared to a usual person
>>344023363
I mean some idiot may confuse the exit with the entrance
>>344023439
if they're allied with you or you upgrade it so both sides are entries it's not a problem
>>344023439
Oh anon, you silly goose.
They just have to look at it and a block of text will appear on their retinas and tell them "Teleporter entrance/exit"
>>344018709
scout for best voice actor
>>344023621
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4QYBUHu-Fk
>>344023439
>Implying pissing three times as much as a normal person is a flaw
Man, you're on a roll.
>>344023615
This hasn't stopped some f2ps I've seen
>>344018709
>Always enjoying himself
>Doesn't give a fuck
>Everyone else leaves him alone
Why wouldn't you want to be pyro?
>>344023439
Engineer figured out how to make two way teleporters in MVM, so I'd just do that
The Heavy, he's stealth OP
>enormous, can punch an ordinary man to death in 3 hits
>despite fat jokes isnt really that fat, just bear mode
>bilingual, has a doctorate in Russian literature
>rich enough to give a random child seven thousand dollars for Halloween
>Big Boss-tier early life, broke out of gulag and made a new life for hot sisters
>a bologna sandwich will heal you of bullet, stab and burn wounds
>has the heart of the Loch Ness monster, granting you invulnerability for a short while when in the presence of a gay German
>classically handsome
>sadly has no hair unless you spend $6 in an online store
>>344023843
>never get laid because don't even want to
>>344023843
Your suit gives you fucking cancer plus since you would have their personality you wouldn't take off your cancer suit
>>344023732
>f2ps
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZL9WLfMsoRM
>>344024035
Explain.
>>344024114
asbestos
>>344024035
>Implying pyro would die
He's never died from that in the game
>>344023925
This guy gets it, Misha is the smartest guy after Engeneer and Medic, not even mentioning his physical strength
Also
>worked at KGB and GRU
>>344023843
>insane
>suit is lined with asbestos you're constantly breathing
>doesn't really have any unique skills other than flare jumping, anyone can use a flamethrower
Why would you
>>344024164
Ah, Just thought you were some shitposter, that makes sense.
>>344024164
What if asbestos IS the reason Pyro is fucked in the head and is seeing things 24/7?
>>344023925
man 6 bucks for any haircut is cheap as hell
>>344024286
at least he has what all other mercs have, unlimited stamina. Fuckers can run for days without getting tired.
>>344023843
>No skills
>No friends
>You kill or hurt everyone you touch or meet
>No qt hot gf who likes burning things
>Outcast
Pyro is the NEET pick.
>>344024270
Where does it say he worked for the KGB and GRU?
I've only read the comics.
>>344024564
>no friends
EVERYBODY is his friend in his eyes
>>344024564
Other than the killing part, that's pretty accurate of me.
I cant tell if Scout is a good or bad pick.
>fastest guy alive
>reasonably good-looking
>charismatic enough to casually fuck someone at KFC
>gain invulnerability to all forces in the known universe by sipping an energy drink once
But
>mom puts out for a treacherous frenchman
>voice can get really annoying
>no muscles whatsoever
>terrible underbite
>>344024605
it's a joke because he uses the (K)illing (G)loves of (B)oxing and the (G)loves of (R)unning (U)rgently
>>344024816
Scout is just Sonic the Hedgehog from Boston.
>>344024845
Oh wow, I've never catched onto that.
I feel like a dumb.
>>344024605
It's implied by the name of his melees
>>344024619
>Make 'friends'
>Shower them with 'gifts' and love
>Friends stop laughing
>Friends stop moving
>Why do friends never last
>This keeps happening>No more play..?
>>344024465
I always thought he's fucked in the head due to severe dehydration from running around the desert in a hazmat suit while starting fires.
>>344025020
By this logic engeneer would be dead a long time ago, they live under the same roof
This also counts for all other mercs, they are practically roommates when tf2 is taking place
>>344024965
Heavy's arsenal has a shitton o references to Russian stuff, like the Dalokosh bar
I wish he had a minigun named Katyusha
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR4N5OhcY9s
>>344025105
I think he was just born with it
>>344019252
>jump from an aeroplane
>jump again right before hitting ground
>>344025396
seriously though this is the best comeback of all time
>>344024967
he escaped from the gulag though
>>344025591
He was there because his father was a counter-revolutenary (or how the fuck to you even spell that in English)
>>344025449
No need, fall damage is laughable to the mercs. You can jump from thousands of feet and only take about 25% of your health
>>344023219
>giving up your life so your clone can live
You are a literal cuck
>>344025408
Either way, the guy has to know what's going on. The end of his rainblower taunt and his reaction to smoulders the bear show that he genuinely likes fire and murder.
>>344026004
I think that's just for the game balance
>not wanting to be engie and making mad $$$ from all the inventions
>not making a sexbot for yourself
>>344026065
No shit.
>>344026046
But you WILL be the clone
cool thread op, now make one on /lit/ about your homestuck fanfiction
>>344026147
What I meant was that it's not a skill they have
>>344018709
Does that mean the me that exists now dies? Seeing as essentially my personality is erased and replaced with theirs. I choose none, in that case.
>>344026236
I thought we were going by game mechanics too
>>344026152
That's not how it works
>>344026152
Go play soma
>>344026275
No, you are fully in-controll, and all your memories and skills you alredy have stay with you.
>>344026152
That's not how it works. You die, and the clone that's created regains your memories.
>>344026275
Epic, I bet you have an anime avatar on Steam and change your nickname like every week.
UPDATE THIS THURSDAY, EASTERN TIME
GET EXCITED FOR YOUR INEVITABLE LETDOWN, NIGGERS
>>344023104
>From scratch
They had teleporters in tfc and that took place many years before.
>>344018709what if I'm already one of them
>>344026481
>engies intelligence combined with modern tech
By god hed be unstoppable. If he's made so much in the 60s image what he could do.
>>344026704
I don't think you read the post fully
>>344026334
>>344026619
Are you guys literally retards?
>>344026704
that one actually pisses me off so much
making the TFC mercs fighting in the 1930s is probably the most stupid thing a Valve employee has EVER done
the TFC mercs in no way look like they could be from 1930 and they didn't even explain it away with time travel or anything
>>344027095
It's the only way they can tie it in without time traveling bs
>>344027095
They explained it by Australia single handedly advancing technological progress by hundreds of years with the discovery of Australium
It's not based on our timeline
>>344018709
Want to add something to do this. You have access to the MannCo store but you can only buy items related to your merc pick. What do you blow your money on?
>>344027095
Well if you think about it, aside from looking cooler, tfc mercs had way less primitive weapons and equipment
>>344027506
>Heavy
Hound Dog, Yuris Revenge, Triad Trinket
>>344027506
Do they cost the same as they do now?
>>344027679
Add two zeros to keep it some what logical
>>344027506
Any choice that isn't Rancho Relaxo is wrong
>>344027506
Soda Popper
ayyy I'm flyin'
>>344027416
i would literally feel like time travel was less of an asspull than saying "hey these guys are from 1930 lol"
>>344027496
true, but even so, if technological progress had advanced for the world so much it also would have applied to the TF2 mercs and they would have had tacticool outfits too
i love alternate history stuff when it's consistent, but Classic mercs are CLEARLY from 200X and visually inconsistent with TF2, yet with a "1930s" label slapped on them
>>344027095
>caring about Team Fortress lore
>>344022816
Because you die, and a clone takes your life over.
>>344027506
>Engie
Texas Ten Gallon and the Jag
Soldier. Spreading some fucking freedom throught the world. Though he is poor as fuck so living would be hard
>>344024035
Doesn't matter, I'll have fun all the time without a care in the world. You can't beat that.
>>344027941
TF2's original, simple lore was sick- Two megacorporations running the world behind the scenes, fighting each other over hunks of territory in secret. That was great because it didn't take too much suspension of disbelief to think a lot of shady shit with high tech was going on in the 60s
then they added all this poopy joe balloonicorn australium lol so randumb xD shit and suspension of disbelief went out the window
>>344018709
Spy
I'm one of the least insane and I get to fuck bitches
>picking scout means your mom will be fucked by spy
NO YOU NERDS
BLU SCOUT'S MOM
IS FUCKED BY RED SPY
RED SCOUT'S MOM
IS NOT A WHORE
LEARN YOUR LORE
pyro is a severe burn victim which is why he never shows even an inch of skin. Most likely traumatized in childhood made him insane
>>344027084
Are you?
>>344026418
>>344028516
Always thought that
Probably got stuck in a burning building or smth, that's why he never feels safe without his suit
>>344028735
You just completely destroyed my image of pyro
>>344028735
Fan/bet models doesent count
Demo is white by that logic
>>344028871
*beta
>>344028681
Why would I be you ridiculous fucking parasite?
>>344028860
good
which class most need nerf? (either to stock, or unlocks)
which class most need buff? (ditto)
>>344029879
Nerf: Soldier
Buff: Spy
>>344030064
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eT7TkLgDATE
agree
