Gentlemen, I called this meeting of the board to brainstorm a few ideas. How can we be a better company. The last meeting we read from the staff suggestion box at the R and D department which presented the idea for the non scientific members of staff have to partake in mental exercises, like I don't know...puzzles? all for the betterment of a productive workforce.
>>343942584
>All for the betterment of a productive workforce.
>productive workforce
>productive
Someone's going to have to explain that part to me. Since when were we really productive here at Umbrella HQ?
>>343943530
Since the Ashfords thought it would be a great idea to keep those with actual talent at their job at the lowest levels and promote the screw ups in an effort for damage control. So as you can clearly see the effects of that way of thinking. But they want us to be seen as doing something.
How about we go back to selling umbrellas?
This bio stuff is gonna get out of hand if you ask me.
>>343944247
Honestly, I don't really know where this will lead us. The best way to organize a "meeting" will always be by starting things up with a good bait.
That's just how /v/..., I mean, that's how things work here at UC.
>>343942584
Ya I would like some professionalism in regards to administration leaving their fucking notes everywhere, Steven "Rashs" is acting weirder than usual. Scaring the shit out of scientists in the guest room closet. He might be agoraphobic and autistic by how he writes his notes and doesn't shut the fuck up about face eating. I have a feeling Steven only has a job here just to spit me.
>>343944675
Maybe we should try selling umbrellas that aren't exclusively red and white for once.
Yeah, can we do something about bathroom privileges around here?
Everytime I have to take a piss I gotta play a piece of Chopin on the piano in the employee lounge to get half a medallion, then combine that with the half I found in the water cooler just to unlock the damn door.
Three times now I just said "the Hell with it" and used a Snapple bottle.
>>343945535
Okay, I'll start the development of white and red umbrellas.
You know guys, messing with all these viruses doesn't seem like a that good idea? I mean, what if something goes wrong and some of viruses spread out of containment?
Imagine the pr catastrophe.
>>343942584
So how the fuck are we recruiting people if the success rate of our training camp is about 4%? Not only that but the admission to our training camp requires more field hours than any other company, fuck that's why we have to leave criptic notes in scribbled notes instead of having real documentation
Has anyone seen the Trevors? Last I saw George he said he was going out for a piss break. They on vacation or something?
So then guys. Why did we join the Umbrella Corps anyway? Pays not even that good and the entry fee was pretty high.
>>343942584
Men the europe branch sure sucks, having to deal with those annoying spaniards in a shitty remote location is a pain in the ass... and they pay in a shitty coin, who the fuck stills accepts pecettas?
>>343946535
Heh, you see the guy they have in charge? Talk about men of short stature.
>>343945626
Snapple is the secret ingredient to the new med sprays. You're telling me some of these sprays are going to be wrecking of your piss??
This. >>343944675 I was in my element going door to door selling umbrellas for a rainy day...
>RE1, they're just a corporation with a shady underside
>RE2 and 3 they're cartoonishly evil idiots with their own private army
>In CV they have offshore prisons styled after concentration camps
>In 0 they have a lab mansion within walking distance of their other lab mansion that's mainly accessible by wading through waist-high sewage after getting off a train whose brakes can only be activated by two people going to opposite ends of the train and solving a second grade level math problem each.
How did they live for so long?
>>343946535
I see you got suckered into the old "Stay at our castle in europe" bit.
>>343948127
Lots of money and even more lawyers.
>>343948127
I hope this explains it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axHoy0hnQy8
Does this company have any kind of password protocol? My fucking co-worker has a THREE LETTER PASSWORD. Why the fuck are we going to the trouble of builting beneath a mansion if we're going to have passwords that can be brute-forced in seconds?
>>343946040
The Trevors sprained their ankles and got covered by the medical plan. George doesn't like to bring this up but a nettle hit his dick out in the graveyard and caused an allergic reaction, I'll fax a picture to you..its ok I'm his doctor.
>>343949050
Thats a good point. I'll order in a bunch of guard dogs and attack crows. No need for a dog trainer but we would need to bring on a crow trainer. I'll even push it ahead of the installation of Windows 96 where the nerds are.
>>343945882
Good man. Its that kind of ingenuity thats made this company worth hundreds of dollars.
>>343946040
Haven't seen them too busy answering calls for this company to know where the hell anyone is or where the hell anything is here its always blah blah zombies in the lab blah blah this person gets more of a better paying salary than me blah blah Wesker is fucking that new lab assistant , FUCKING HR is a joke here. Anyways I was told to make sure the hunters stay in their cages. What else is new anyone ?
>>343942584
Look, I know it's kind of against company policy, but can we PLEASE stop testing the Virsuses and BOW's on.. you know, our workers? I'm tired of seeing interns turn into zombies, it always smells.
You are now aware that the Umbrella logo is a cross of the Knights Templar.
>>343951284
But does it have T-Virus?
Checkmate S.T.A.R.S.
>>343950983
Well I have to give a hard "No" on that. We tried testing it on animals and between that leech weirdo, the giant snake and spiders and sharks it doesn't look like we can open the worlds most giant pet shop in Racoon City. I mean really what are they going to feed them? and don't even get me started on our flower shop.
>>343951917
Well what the fuck, man. Do you not remember the mansion incident? Or do we need to go over why building a fucking GIANT SHARK TANK underneath where we lived?
>>343951868
>Templars in Assassin's Creed ran pharmaceutical companies in the modern age
>Umbrella is an international pharmaceutical corporation in Resident Evil
I think yes.
We need to construct a mansion.
With several tubes.
Lots and lots, actually.
BIRKIN OPEN UP,
I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE YOU FUCKING NERD
OPEN UP, I WANT THE G VIRUS AND WILL ALSO PROBABLY GIVE YOU A SWIRLIE
>>343953650
please stop my daughter is here today
>>343953435
God help you if there's no cranks.
>>343953435
I know i'm gonna regret this, but why?
>>343953886
The space pirates seem to have it all figured out.
They're always so confident in their creations, I think it's the tubes.
>>343954128
That's- no.The Space Pirates are a bunch of fucking morons. Did you know they kept Metroids in their cells, with powered energy walls keeping them out?! The minute they lose power they are fucked.
No, we need to follow someone else. Someone whose plans are foolproof, and never fail. Someone like Weyland-Yutani corp.
WHY DO WE HAVE SPIDERS!!!
>>343956554
They improve morale around the office.
Lets use the T-Virus to make more B.O.Ws!
How about instead of losing another research facility to a virus we invented, we just sell some headache medicine? Those labs aren't cheap, we need to start making money.
