Boy! Come over here to the fireplace, I have some tales from my younger years I like to tell you. While you're at it, bring me mead.
>>341511450
*still playing with toys*
>>341511450
One time I battled with the god of the sun Helios.
After I defeated him, I ripped his head off with my bare hands and used it as a lantern.
>>341511843
thats a bit mean dont you think?
>>341511843
I kicked the shit out of Hermes too.
I liked his shoes, so I cut of his legs and tried them on. They were one size off
>>341512380
can we talk about nicer things instead, this violence is too toxic for me
>>341511843
Wow dad, I'm sure that made you feel like the bigger man. Have you tried talking your way out of a conflict?
>>341511450
No more mead dad. It hurts when you get drunk.
>>341512380
I also had battle with the world's strongest man.
He wasn't strong enough for me
>>341513064
What's the point of being strong if you're not in touch with your feelings? When was the last time you didn't feel angry dad?
>>341512873
Nu male pls
>>341513232
Are you fucking kidding me? I'm your wife's son, you can't talk to me that way.
Tell the story again about the time you killed the god of the sea, resulting in tumultuous waves and a rising sea level that undoubtedly killed millions of people across the world in what was probably the worst natural disaster the globe has ever seen
That was a good one
Dad tell me about the time you broke a woman's neck when she was too weak to resist you. Or the time you pushed a guy in a cage onto a pressure plate, cooking him alive as two flamethrowers activated!
Or the time you grabbed a scared peon clinging to a wall and slammed him into it to move past him. Or when you kicked the captain of your ship into the mouth of a hydra because he grabbed your leg and asked for help! Or the time you made a concubine hold up a two-ton lever that crushed her into paste!
>>341512873
>Have you tried talking your way out of a conflict?
HA! Thats a woman's way of dealing with conflict.
SILENCE, so that I may continue my story.
>>341513064
I even killed death itself.
I ripped out his soul, and then ATE IT!
>>341513624
Dad, I think that making certain conflict resolution methods exclusives to certain genders is sexist. You shouldn't talk that way.
>>341513394
*grabs you by the chin*
BACK THE FUCK OFF???
>>341513739
Actually, dad, Hades is not a god of death, he is god of the after life and underworld, there is a difference, you know.
>>341513064
Why is he called Hercules if the rest are named after their Greek counterparts, dad?
>>341513915
HUSH. No son of mine will speak such ignorance.
Why did you kill Perseus dad? I was his biggest fan and that was fucked up.
>>341513583
They were asking for it. You weren't there. You don't know.
PS3 or PS4 version of GoW3?
Thanks
>>341513984
>>341514141
>>341514284
You dare talk back to me BOY?
>>341514382
The cheaper one.
>>341513984
You're right, I killed the god of death too, though. His name was Thanatos. He was a good friend.
>>341514191
youre not my real dad anyway!
>>341514382
PS4, 60fps was nice
>>341514550
Dad, geez, take your pills.
kratos pluck your eye out already
>>341514550
here come the waterworks
>>341514550
"You're not my real dad"
>>341514550
tell me more stories pa, tell me how to be a man
Son, come here! You must become a man now and men have certain...needs. Here takes this lithograph of Aphrodite I stored for this very reason. When your phallus becomes enchanted by the curse of Priapus just mash Circle a bunch of times until that base falls over. That's my boy.
>>341514550
Dad why do you shave your head but not your face?
thread is pretty revolting tbqhwyf
>>341514813
*grabs you by the dick*
MAYBE, BUT I'LL MAKE YOU CALL ME YOUR DADDY???
>>341514707
>Ωdin
HOLY SHIT!
>boy shoots lightning arrows
IT'S HAPPENING
>>341515320
AHHHHHHHHHwill he also hamg himself from the world tree?
>Troll shouts some shit about Valhalla
So not only are they ripping of TLOU, they're ripping off Mad Max: Fury Road as well.
>>341514813
>>341515052
>>341514649
BOY, if you talk back to me or my beard ONE more time.
>>341515320
Or the bow does, majority of Kratos' shit is things he took from others.
>>341515682
>if you talk back to me or my beard ONE more time.
But dad, I never talked back to mom.
>>341515682
Daddy, where did I come from?
>>341515682
What are you going to do c-cuck?
>>341514550
Fuck, I find it impossible to not see him as Max Payne 3.
Son did I ever tell you the time I used a whore as a door stopper?
Back to my stories.
Ahhh. I remember the time I... uhhh... wrestled, yes wrestled with Aphrodite.
She was a formidable foe.
I hope he tells his son the story when he brought 9 women to orgasm at once.
Or was it 10? Can someone pull up the scene?
>>341516231
But you said you wrestled with a lot of other women too you dadwhore
>>341515661
>Mad Max: Fury Road invented the norse heaven
uhhhhhhhhhhhh
>>341514550
Dad, why is our culture patterned off the medieval vikings when you come from ancient Sparta, which are almost a thousand years apart?
>>341511450
Princess Bride GoW edition.
>Hercules walks in
> Anybody want a peanut ?
>>341516297
Don't forget the one where he banged twins in the same room he killed a bunch of guys in
>then i bent aphrodite over, thought about her ex husbands, and sprayed my gooey spartan cream into her quivering shit hole. the maidens in the corner raved. pass me another mug boy.
>>341516450
I'd like to see a comedic video with Princess Bride dialogue superimposed over video game scenes of any kind.
>>341516204
She was a good friend
>>341516441
Bad writing, boy.
>>341516441
Is that a question?!
But dad why don't you ask those people nicely instead of axe them all the time?
>+50 Step-Dad XP Acquired
Dad, why does our game looks more like an interactive film than an actual video game?
>>341516231
You wrestle with a lot of ladies poppa, can you teach me to wrestle like you some day?
>>341516632
>Bad writing
Literally how?
It's pretty much a fantasy setting, they don't have to pander to historyfags.
>>341516441
Kratos is a demi-god. It's pretty obvious that he's just really old.
>>341516845
Son I don't understand, you said "ask" twice.
>>341516845
But son, I DID axe them nicely.
BAHAH
>>341516960
Interactive films are the future, boy, I can fight and win against gods, but the future is just way too strong.
>>341516231
I hardly think kratos would censor his stories of orgies and fucking women
>>341516924
The RPG-esque xp stuff makes me think the game might be a lot more open than what we've seen so far.
Why would you have XP for different skills if the game is strictly linear?
Dad at that time when you fought that giant why did you space out for a moment then came running like a movie? I thought you're gonna explode or become incredibly strong for a few seconds.
>>341513954
>BACK THE FUCK OFF???
I kek everytime, someone be a bro and post the full image please
So what's the story behing this game? didn't he die after killing zeus or some shit? how did he got a son now? didnt he had a dead daughter or something¡
>>341517649
Pretty high but I think this is the right one
>>341517063
You'll learn for yourself one day, boy.
You'll know what position is best suited for you, and strike at the right moment to have them at your mercy. But you will not give them that.
Just MASH at them till you've finished and your thumbs are bleeding!
>Knowledge Gained
>Cuckshed Building +25
>>341517857
He killed Zeus and left the land. The 'he died' thing was a quick fakeout that led to the after the credits scene where he it showed he was alive. People believing he was dead (including you) are fucking stupid
>>341518095
That's it, thanks bruv, I lol'd heartily.
>>341518095
>big.mclargehuge
>Furrikane
Gets me everytime
>>341516450
I need some sleep I found this way too funny.
>>341518124
Can we practice wrestling each other off, dad?
>>341519697
*Nordic speak*
YOU WILL HAVE TO PRACTICE WITH ME FIRST! VALHALLA!!!
>Sony turns a great hack and slash game into Wife's Son Simulator, [Current Year] Edition.
Sonyggers are fucking cancer on the industry.
>>341520859
What are you people with your cuck fetish?
It's confirmed it's his son.
Why the fuck would Kratos care about another's kid anyway?
>>341521047
Things have never been the same since /pol/ invaded. They're obsession with this kind of shit permeates everything now.
There's something so clearly freudian about it.
>>341521047
Who gives a shit about the son part, they fucking turned GoW into another shitty sony movie game.
Fuck off nigger.
>>341516506
But dad, isn't that your half sister?
>>341514550
The sad thing is, this thread is going to be better than the actual game
>>341515840
savage
>>341511450
I only played GoW3 once when it came out, and this thread reminded me how wonderfully brutal Kratos was, and what a pleasure it was to slaughter the Greek Pantheon.
>>341520859
Alright lets be perfectly honest here, outside of the first God of War and God of War: Ghost of Sparta they all where shit on the story department. So in that regard I do like the direction they are taking it.
That being said the gameplay we don't know jack shit about yet. All that is known is that there is an RPG leveling mechanic, crafting and the boy is with you the whole game. Minus the range of the combat as well as the camera it is still is pretty close to the typical God of War combat formula.
Stop being a hyperbolic bitch.
Let me tell you about the time Hephaestus made a new weapon for me while I bedded his wife. After that I killed him with said weapon.
>>341521861
>still pretty close to the typical god of war formula
Shouldn't you be at home not having sex you Japanese faggot?
Typical sony hentai loving nigger.
>>341521275
how is it movie, I'm sure you control Kman most of the time running around hacking demon
oh.. you're memeing again
tell me more,
now I covere gods wars y'know?
>>341522323
Well being Sicilian, that makes me a mixure of Greek, nigger and Italian so I guess I'll own that.
More to the point it is still, light attack, heavy attack, dodge roll and contextual press to finish enemy.
Not much change if you ask me.
