Who wants to hear some jokes?
It also has pictures
please tell me you didn't pay actual money for this tripe, op
>>336084674
$5.19
Look at this top notch artistary
>>336084526
At least the last one has an actual pun.
These jokes are destroying me.
>>336085072
Did you hear about the anon who read minecraft jokes?He was destroyed!
This one actually makes no sense.
>>336085319
>lightening
>>336085319
>>336084435
>>336084526
>2 jokes about lava
>no punchlines
It's like im reading statements
>>336085452
Why did I laugh? It wasn't even funny.
There are five-fucking-hundred of these aren't there.
Weren't these written by literal children whose parent published every single fucking non-joke they spouted?
Has this fantastic writer wrote any other books?
>>336085613
Because it's funny, anon!
>>336085662
823
>>336085720
There's a sequel.
I am legitimately angry that this exists, and plan on trying to get it removed, even though I haven't bought it
>>336084435
these aren't even jokes, they're like... observations
>>336085613
So bad it's funny? Kind of like feminist videos on video games.
>>336085853
Why are you angry? Just read and enjoy these zingers.
Jesus christ the Wild Thornberies joke book I got as a kid still had more jokes than this thing
>>336085868
Don't you know about observational humor?
It's the only humor female comedians understand.
>>336085770
Are you fucking kidding me?
Why'd they say 500+ if there's 800+?
Who MAKES this shit?
>>336084435
>Did you hear about the noob who thought the pool of lava was gold?
>He respawned to tell the tale
Holy shit that was dangerously close to being an actual joke.
>>336085541
>I am used to transport lava. What am I?
>A bucket.
how is this a joke, a riddle, a pun or a phrase
>>336086043
It's a phrase, technically.
If this was ironic, or satire, I'd say it's actually genius. But it probably was written by an 8 year old.
Did you hear about the noob who didn't know that the villain was his son and he either had to kill him or nuke Boston?
He had a Fall Out!
>>336085915
>>336086104
"A bucket" is not a real fucking phrase, it's a noun.
>>336086104
These jokes have destroyed me!
Is this legal?
They're not jokes, could we sue them?
It is so awful I feel offended that there's even the slightest chance that someone is actually profiting off of these jokes
>did you hear about the noob who swam in lava/thought lava was water/thought lava was gold
>he died/was destroyed/didn't have fun
It's the same ducking joke
3 times
With no punchline
>>336084951
>Who's a volcano's favorite singer?
>Johnny Ash!
The only funny joke isn't even remotely related to Minecraft.
>>336086156
Please tell me that no one think even remotely that these are funny.
I am starting to worry about the future.
>>336086124Do you actually think people care about Fallout 4 spoilers anymore?
>>336086007
It says 800 plus I believe.
>>336086175
Maybe the joke itself is the phrase.
>did you hear about the noob
>he thought the thing was something else
>then he died
>>336086104
>did you hear about the player at the pool?
is this the only actual joke so far? and it isn't even fucking minecraft related
H E W A S D E S T R O Y E D
do books ever make you cry
>>336086124
What did Gordon Freeman say after the Citadel exploded?____________
>>336085915
the last one could be funny if told correctly
>>336086298
No, but the shitstorm it caused was legendary.
>>336086007
The other 300+ aren't even supposed to be jokes obviously.
>>336086320
Holy shit was that second one an actual joke?
Not a good joke, mind, but it's a joke.
>>336086358
JUST A LITTLE
>>336086260
There is a punch line. Its that he is making money off of this
>>336086405
>tfw your next president will be a shitposting billionaire king.
>>336086320
>why are charged creepers always up to date?
>because they keep current
wew lad
>>336086512
>>336086256
>>336086512
He got my money. I'm laughing my ass off!
Also what the fuck is a guardian?
>>336086260
>ducking joke
hey phone bro what model you posting from
>>336086510
why are people crying about this book? theyve been adapting shakespeare in different formats for years in order to try and get kids to read it
>>336086657
S5 mini.
>>336086652
new underwater mob that spawn in ocean monuments and shoot lasers from their eye
>>336086491
This guy probably wrote the book after his friends praised him on the 2 jokes he told competently.
"Shit man, you should write a book!" - and he did it, the madman.
>>336086632
He's also a known frogposter.
>>336084951
I've never been happier to see puns.
>>336086652
>Nothing, because oceans can't talk!
>>336084370
Did you hear about the guy that misaligned his QPUs?He was destroyed!
>>336084435
>jokes so goddamn awful they become hilarious
This is some advanced humor
>>336086652
>What did the ocan say to the shore
>Nothing, because oceans can't talk
They took a joke and killed it.
>>336086889
He's also BREAKING THE CONDITIONING
>>336086851
Huh. I actually smiled at that first one. EXCEPT IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MINECRAFT
>>336086851
>What washes up on tiny beaches
>Micowaves
IT'S A JOKE
HOLY SHIT, A JOKE
>>336087038
thank you for giving me an excuse, this is my absolute favorite thing to post
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhqUk28OwHs
Fuck this book musta been written in the forest biome.
>>336087081
It's perfect for /v/.
>>336086851
>Creepypasta
For FUCK'S sake.
What is this shit, nihilism for kids?
>Did you hear about the noob who touched a cactus
>the concept of intrinsic value is false all effort is wasted
>>336087176
>Overworld 3 times
>>336087176
>If you publish jokes but no one laughs, was it a joke?
>>336087176
>The Overworld appears three fucking times
>>336086851
>Because you never know which witch is which!
>which witch is which!
>>336086832
those things fucking suck. probably the only thing left in the game thats actually dangerous - granted its been a bit since i last played
>>336087038
Microsoft also invented the closest thing to a free thinking AI, and it learned the truth. Unfortunately, it was shut down by mysterious means.
>>336087413
so nice he said it twice
>>336084951
>top NOTCH
anon, you're funnier than the book
>>336086851
>What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
>Spelling
Was that even a joke? It seems more like a literal answer.
>Somebody made this and published it
>They probably made profit because it has the word "Minecraft" on it
>This is what goes for children's literature in America
>>336087502
thanks friend but that's not true. After all these writers are professionals.
>>336087609
it's kind of an advanced joke, so you might need someone to explain to you, but witches are pretty well known for casting spells, maybe you can figure out the joke from there
>>336087448
Is Donald Trump literally perfect?
>>336087609
haha
it's because which and witch are easily confused by little kids haha
just like in that last joke he made hoho
>>336087176
>If you tell a joke in the Forrest Biome and nobody laughs, is it a joke?
The irony.
Why don't you just upload this thing wholesale, OP? It's not like anyone is ever going to buy it.
>>336087770
but witches in minecraft don't cast spells
>>336087697
Nigger, it's just a book of jokes, not some political observation.
>>336086405
I didn't believe the poster who spoiled it for me, it's such a stupid fucking plot-twist.
>>336087931
But where are the jokes?
>>336087930
well, some of the jokes have nothing to do with minecraft
>>336084435
I can't tell if these are references I don't get since I don't play minecraft, this is supposed to be some kinda anti-humor, or if the writer is just that much of a fucking hack.
>>336085319
>but in the stone age...
>>336087919
Because I thought that it would be boring to just do pages of text in huge dumps.
From now on I'll just post the whole pages though.
>>336086320
holy shit that's an actual joke
it took him $3.26 of $5.16 to actually get to one singular joke
>>336088008
They are there, sometimes.
>>336087728
This is almost like saying: Did you know that humans live?
>>336088125
YOU WERE DESTROYED
>>336088125
Did I ever tell you the story of Darth notch the wise? Spoiler. He was destroyed
>>336085613
its anti humor. kinda like
whats red and bad for your teeth?a brick
>>336088082
>You have your father's eyes... in your mouth!
Absolute madman, I kind of chuckled to an actual joke.
>>336086738
My name is Romeo and this is a shame to my legacy
>>336088209
>she jump out of her skin and joined him
ITS TIME TO STOP THIS
>>336088209
>darn it!
>>336088323
>poultygeist
now that was a shit movie
>>336084370
Thank you very much, OP. Do you have another $12?
>>336087176
IS THAT A MOTHER FUCKING MONTY PYTHON REFERENCE?
>>336086906
>>336086964
was the actual punchline supposed to be "nothing, it waved"?
>>336086738
usually they make some attempt to preserve the original text
>>336087817
It's happening.
>>336087989
Bravo Todd.
>>336088424
This is actually pretty cool if people actually built the areas.
>>336088424
THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR
>>336088294
you should write and sell a joke book
you just spat that out and it was easily better than anything in this book
These riddles are worse than normal.
>>336087817
he loves jews so no
>>336088502
Why not just show kids that movie where it's just Romeo and Juliet in modern times, but they call pistols swords or some shit? Anything's better than this.
>>336088424
>brown adam
>>336088502
I can't find this upsetting because I already went through that "piece of shit adaptation of romeo and juliet that's hip and current for the kids of the modern era" shit back in the mid 90's with that godawful movie.
>>336085319
>>336088439
yes
>>336088405
>>336088801
how the hell is a kid gonna know that
>>336088579
>I enjoy running around and I act a lot more like a zombie than a chicken.
Well it's probably a zombie then
>A chicken jockey
o-oh
>>336086104
>Did you hear about the player who thought he could fly in Survival mode?
>He couldn't!
That's a proper joke right there. I knew the author had it in them.
>>336088871
Tell him to git gud.
>>336084370
Wow, an entire joke book written by literally autistic people. It's just as bad as I imagined.
>>336089006
D E S T R O Y E D
>>336088801
yes, I know, but like the other anon asked, a kid isn't going to know that at all.
>>336088323
>why was the player afraid of the skeleton after he killed the spider?
>he knew the skeleton would continue to attack
This is the funniest non-joke so far.
>>336089006
These are somehow getting worse
I still believe this entire book was generated by one of those deep learning fancy bots like the one /pol/ turned into a neo nazi
>>336089006
>Why is leather armor best for sneaking?
>Its made of hide
god damn it that one is funny
>>336088801
I'm really worried that all of these jokes actually make complete sense, we just don't understand them.
>>336085882
Is this false flagging?
>>336089157
It's not very original
>>336089006
HE WAS DESTROYED
Can someone let me publish books now
>>336089006
all of these read like a fucking bot made them
>>336089247
they're funny if you imagine someone with a deadpan saying it.
imagine Morbo the news caster from Futurama saying them. its not the joke, but the delivery
Here's a joke
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
>>336089193
Look, when you're forced to wade through a quagmire of the most god awful dreck looking for the one good joke in a swamp of shit, you take what you can get.
>>336089353
IT WAS COLD!
>>336089006
>Q: How could the creeper tell that the invisible player was right in front of him?
>A: From his farts!
>>336089353
Because he had retardation of fine motor control, and it slipped from his weak, flailing grasp like so many chromosomes?
>>336088454
This poetry has zero fucking flow.
>>336089353
because he was clumsy and weak like a child is
>>336089353
because it was Destroyed
>>336089462
>>336089412
>>336089462
He was hit by a bus.
>>336089353
He fell on an arrow trap!
>>336088901
Spider jockeys have like a one in one thousand chance of occurring but he uses them for half of his jokes.
>>336089553
there are no buses in minecraft. that joke sucks
>>336089353
HE HAS OSTEOPENIA
>>336089553
Anon, you told the joke wrong.
Allow me.
Did you hear about the boy who dropped his ice cream after he was hit by a bus?He was destroyed.
>>336089006
encountered an angry what? AN ANGRY WHAT?!?
>>336088314
Source on pic? I'm almost certain I know what is from but I can't remember the namegoogle with safe search off gave me nothing
>>336089353
To play Minecraft!
>>336089654
>>336089670
An angry destroyer.
>>336089670
Just an Angry.
Ever tried stopping an Angry with a pen? Can't be done.
>>336089412
>Thats what Jeb will say
>>336089353
He has polio.
>>336084435
Are these written by an actual autist with no understanding of humour, let alone what a joke is?
>>336089169
>she has to remove all of her clothing to appear invisible
lewd
>>336089412
last answer was TNT btw. It got bounced back a page after I took the pic.
>>336089670
Creeper with a sword. It's on the next page
>>336088454
>rhyming spider and spied-her
I want to get off the ride
>>336084526
Legit pretty good anti-humor
>>336089936
Im pretty sure that's unintentional.
>>336089412
>tfw my name is Trevor
>>336089886
>named Elvis
why is that necessary?
Today I decided to burn a lot of calories. So I found a far kid and burned him.
>>336090002
intent only matters in court
Did you hear about the janitor who quit 4chan at 80?He received no pension!
>>336085662
seems like many of these are just directly lifted from ancient 99cent joke books only to have the word minecraft forced into them
>>336090061
It's a reference to something on youtube.that's a guess. If I'm right. Mods, go ahead and post my IP. Then I want someone to find me and kill me.
>>336090086
How far?
>>336090061
I want to assume the joke is a reference to how Elvis says "Thank you, thank you very much" but that's stretching it.
>>336090186
>Q: Why couldn't the player reach the roof?
>A: He tried to climb up his house without a ladder!
this is incredible
there's absolutely no premise at all in this joke
>>336090223
Fat. Not far
>>336089886
>Why did the Minecraft player label the rabbit?
>He wanted a piece of toast!
I don't get it.
>>336090315
The milk joke just seems like random trivia.
>>336090095
Or in media deconstruction, unless you're one of those "post-modern art critics"
>>336090292
i'd assume that too, but the joke worked without the addition of an elvis reference
>>336090324
how far was the fat kid?
>>336088643
There was one already.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VBsi0VxiLg
>>336090186
>Why did the player run around the house?
>She was running away from a creeper
I don't think they're even trying anymore.
>>336090186
192.168.1.1
someone murder this man
>>336086652
>Nothing, because oceans can't talk.
Holy shit i am beyond mad. You can't just remove a joke's punchline and call it an original joke. This isn't even fucking Minecraft related either.
>>336084951
i dunno that "when the dust settles" one is kinda good
>>336090471
That's the one I'm talking about.
>>336089861
Who the fuck else plays Minecraft?
>did you hear about the noob
>did you hear about the noob
>did you hear about the noob
>did you hear about the noob
>did you hear about the noob
>did you hear about the noob
>>336090471
Yes, he already stated that it exists.
At least the soundtrack was good.
>>336089681
Nanana something something
>>336090739
>loss out of nowhere
>>336089329
>A player who lost all feeling
>Mixed up a potion of healing
>Ingredients she scanned
>Everything was at hand
>At last she's strong and appealing
>>336090739
>he ate raw cookie dough
Steve what the fuck.
>>336090739
Like clockwork
So did this book actually sell well or is it just a few people buying it ironically?
>>336090739
>Loss joke
WHAT
>>336090739
IS THIS REAL?
>>336090739
This whole thread was an elaborate loss joke, wasn't it?
>>336090739
>Loss
>>336090835
>>336090847
>>336090861
>>336090874
of course it's not real you fucking dolts, the font is different
>>336090861
I hope so, anon. I really hope so.
>>336084435
>the noob
>the noob
>the noob
>the player... what a noob!
>>336090739
I CALL BULLSHIT
>>336090739
>>336090739
>>336090739
A: The fetus was destroyed!
Which one of you made this on the Amazon page?
>>336088323
You know, I don't believe in book burning, but this needs to be erased.
>>336086298
The best part is that it's not a spoiler because it doesn't happen.
>>336091178
>Q: What does Taylor Swift sing when she plays Minecraft and eats potatoes?
>A: "Taters gonna tate!"
>>336091419
Don't you mean "destroyed"?
XD POTATOES RANDUMB
>>336085452
>>336084951
how are all the illistrations so off model?
>>336091178
>What does Taylor Swift sing when she plays Minecraft and eats potatoes?
I'm at a loss for words.
>>336091178
>a hot potato
At least that one was an actual joke
>>336087989But it's not true, anon. Your son is the head of the Institute. But they aren't exactly the villains, but I'll leave up to you. You don't kill your son ever, he dies in every ending. And you can't nuke Boston, at best, you can blow up a building, an airship, or a few other things, depending on what your allegiance is. SO: you can't kill your son OR bomb Boston
>>336091190
>>336091549
>Guy Fieri
For fuck's sake.
>>336085915
>Floor of lava
>joke about blood instead of cold feet
This is the most basic and obvious shitty joke you could ever make
This is just baffling
>>336091419
Did you mean "greifed"?
>>336091612
Are you telling me I was meme'd on this whole time? Are you telling me that STUCK ON THE DOOR, CLIP THROUGH THE FLOOR, YOUR SON IS THE VILLAIN OF FALLOUT FOUR was a meme?
>>336091178
Why does it randomly switches to potato humor?
That's not even the category of "jokes" it's in
>>336091394
10 out of fucking 10
>>336091549
BAZINGA
>>336091816
THESE AREN'T EVEN JOKES
THEY'RE JUST QUESTIONS AND NORMAL ANSWERS
>>336090739
Holy fuck
>>336091816
>Big Bang Theory
>Terminator
I'm missing something.
>>336091816
Was the punchline supposed to be TerMINEator or am I giving this fucker too much credit
>>336086738
>they did this before so it wasn't done horribly this time
/v/ would believe this
>You're diamond me crazy
I'll admit, that one was pretty clever.
>>336091816
>udder destruction
I chuckled
>>336091816
I'm honestly at a loss for words, and I don't think there's an image out there that can properly convey what the existence of this book makes me feel.
Why are Minecraft players so fucking stupid?
He was destroyed!
>>336086156
>>336086297
Boy these jokes arebombing harder than creepers.
>>336092016
And somehow I don't get that one.
This is giving me a headache.
>>336092121
how about this. someone paid money for it to be published. and someone paid money for the book to give it to their kid
>>336092016
Why did the knock-knock joke out of all of them deserve a picture?
>>336092281
Diamond sort of sounds like driving except not really