Oh shit nigger, you're a thief.
You're currently inside The Royal Vault to oversee an Apprentice Thief plunder its riches.
What do you do?
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>321025446
Cursed artifacts
You're a really bad artist.
>>321025446
go to the kitchen
>>321025446
Punch yourself in the face.
>I'm a theif
but I'm 260 pounds and 6'4, I'd be one shitty fatfag of a thief
can I be a berserker? I want to be a berserker. I'll break shit.
>>321025446
Summon meteor
>>321025446
Visit the gold vault
I heard Uncle Assdick was making his monthly run today.
What happened with a Little Girl Dickass Thief?
>>321025526
YOu head towards the room labeled "Cursed Artifact"
>>321025545
Never said I wasn't
>>321025819
Looks legit
>>321025819
Doorhandles are cursed, fortunately it's a minor curse and just makes your hands all slimy.
>>321025819
Curse at the door to open it.
>>321025819
kick down the doors
>>321025819
Enter the room.
It's filled with various items shouting profanities.
>>321025928
"FUCKING SHIT"
"ASSFUCKING COCKSUCKER"
"NIGGERS"
"FUCK YOUUUUUU"
These artifacts are pretty rude
>>321026108
"Your mother was a hamster!"
>>321026108
cast vacuum
>>321026108
Is that the free wish cupcake?
>>321026108
Our poor Christian ears.Where's the donte artifact?
>>321026108
ask them if they want to go on adventure with a little girl and wimpy prince
>>321026108
Teach the artifacts to control their outburstsby venting on the internet
>>321026108
Rude helmet seems like it could come in handy. Sneakily put it on someone and everyone nearby gets pissed off at them.
>>321026159
"Now that was just uncalled for"
"You monster"
"Are you french? Only frogs could be so rude"
>>321026319
Bully the artifacts
>>321026319
The cursed sword flies up in the air and decapitates apprentice thief prince
>>321026319
Use your dickass knowledge to evaluate which cursed artifact will bring the best value on black market and will give least curses.
>>321026319
Locate thedonteartifact.
>>321026319
Eat the cupcake
>>321026319
What's that on the 4th pesdestal?
>>321026319
"Your mother"
The artifacts burst into flames from your sick burn
>>321026319
Can you fuck the helmet or cupcake?
>>321026389
The muffin seems to have the least curses. But the Sword worths more.
>>321026529
Equip the gauntlet
>>321026529
What about the hand?
>>321026529
Take Donte.statue.
>>321026529
We aren't made of gold, we take the sword.
>>321026529
blow out the candle
>>321026529
Search for secret doors.
>>321026628
You got: Cursed Sword
"BITCH"
>>321026741
ask him for some wisdom
>>321026741
Hand it to apprentice for safer containment.
>>321026741
level up
>>321026839
"DON'T DROP ME YOU FUCKER"
>>321027051
you are stopped by captain of the guard
who happens to have to limbs but moves through sheer willpower
>>321027051
Search for secret doors with the prince's magic powers of door finding.
>>321027051
drop him, bitch needs to learn respect
>>321027051
go to the regular artifacts
>>321027051
How is the King handling the disappearance of the prince?
>>321027051
Consider the other rooms for proper apprentice training.
>>321027051
woops
>>321027086
no limbs, I mean
>>321027051
He immediately drops it in surprise.
The sword slaps him like the bit he is.
>>321027128
Venting his anger by genociding Barbarians
>>321027458
you encounter a love rival
>>321027458
The king and all of his men are abducted by aliens
>>321027458
accidentally drop sword
>>321027458
Now back to our regularly scheduled adventure
>>321027458
How is the skeleking doing?
>>321027458
Visit the gold vault.
Your not as successful, but still expert uncle, AssDick Thief, is making the monthly loot run, and you may as well help.
>>321027458
At least he's enjoying himself.
Now that we got the sword, we'd better get out of here.
>>321027509
Oh shit, the kings gonna get alien powers.
>>321027458
Might as well grab the muffin while you're here. Never know when you'll need a snack.
>>321027458
He realizes that maybe it was the Thief.
>>321027509
"Ayy Humans, we have been observing you and have deemed you worthy of breeding with us to create the perfect species. Let us show you the sexy xeno women you'll be mating wi--"
"FUCK YOU XENOS" the king and his men yell.
Then they start to genocide the aliens.
>>321027923
well fug, back to the two little thiefs
you encounter a love rival, little girl castle guard
>>321027923
All of a sudden
>>321027923
How's Mr. Skeletal doing?
>>321027923
Give apprentice short lecture on noblement of thief profession and decadence of royalty as an institute.
>>321027923
suddenly dogs
>>321027923
The sexy xeno lady looks on the ayy genocide with digust and a bit of lust.
She doesn't get hurt or kill
>>321028203
She doesn't recognize the prince.
>>321028203
Impress her with your cool new sword.
>>321028203
bully the little girl knight
>>321028203
Persuade her not to tell
>>321028203
quick, steal her heartliterally
>>321028203
Flirt with her
>>321028203
Get out before she can steal the prince back.
>>321028203
she questions you
and about that sword
>>321028203
Teach apprentice how to quickly disappear from girls, or guards rather.
>>321028203
"Well, fuck."
The TGT thread gets deleted but this shit stays up?
>>321028298
"You! What are you doing here with the prince! And My Lord! Why do you have the Cursed Sword?"
"FUCK OFF CUUUUUUNT"
steal HER FUCKING MEMORIES
>>321028479
Steal the princeagainand flee.
>>321028479
fight for your love, i guess
>>321028479
I can explainyou can't explain
>>321028479
steal her pants and run
>>321028479
Nervously steal random things while thinking up an answer.
>>321028479
>>321028589
Let the sword explain.
>>321028479
Steal her heart.
>>321028479
Use the sword on the little girl, if this post is a 5 or lower, bonus effect of the cursed spirit moving into the girl.
>>321028539
It must be one of the curses
>>321028589
"Well, you see, it's because........I got nothing"
damnit
>>321028768
Wait what happened to the sword
>>321028768
try to flee with prince and sword
>>321028768
Throw something at her and make your daring escape!
>>321028768
abunai
>>321028768
steal an explanation
>>321028768
Steal the concept of diplomacy to cleverly wiggle out of this one.
>>321028849
"HEY! UNHAND THE PRINCE!"
One of the curses is clothing removal
>>321029051
Flee while the sword keeps yelling.
>>321029051
Yakety Sax time.
>>321029051
Good thing thiefs are faster than guards.
>>321029051
Throw prince at girl knight, "Catch"
>>321029051
She throws her spear at you.
You are unable to steal it, on account of you carrying the prince.
>>321029051
Steal things while running.
The prince commands here to freeze
>>321029051
Throw the prince to gain a speed boost.
>>321029051
Tell her it's the prince's royal training and she's interfering with things that are above the likes of her
>>321029458
Any advice dad?
>>321029458
Tell her this is super duper top secret training for the prince.
>>321029458
The alien ship crashes into the castle, killing everyone except for you, the pronce, and the king
>>321029458
Drop the prince after you take the sword from him.
>>321029458
The music transitions to a benny hill hall of doors chase.
>>321029458
Forget what you were doing and rest for a minute.
>>321029589
ohshitnigger
>>321029458
You decide to romance the girl.
>>321029774
STEAL THE CRASHING SHIP!
>>321029774
Find something gay
>>321029774
Just kidding. Nobody died. But escape in the confusion
>>321029774
Consider stealing alien ship.
>>321029774
You leave with the prince of thieves back to your dad!
>>321029774
[muffled "ayy lmao" in the distance]
>>321029774
The king is so mad that he goes on a galaaxy wide trip to wipe out all the Xenos
>>321029774
You find that the girl's is still alive but here helmet was destroyed.
She's cute.
>>321029869
"My son! You! Why do you have him with you?!"
"Ah yes! My lord! We've just rescued him from the clutches of those evil barbarians who kidnapped him! Isn't that right, my prince?"
"Well-" "OF COURSE IT'S RIGHT. So now here you go my lord, your son, the prince. Time for dem rewards"
>>321030218
Keep on your cool face.
>>321030218
king is suspicious
>>321030218
Continue
>>321030218
ask if the rewards a puppy
>>321030218
He gives us 1 gold coin
>>321030218
Get some xeno tech.
>>321030218
King gives you the other cursed artifacts.
>>321030218
Dance off
>>321030218
Fuck no.
The King begins to genocide the thief villages.
>>321030218
You roll for a bluff check ^
>>321030327
"Yes, the Special Turbo Dexluxe Limited Edition Royal Gold Coin. Worth about 1 million normal gold coins"
>>321030589
You go to the stock market. Time to put that money to good use.
>>321030589
Thanks king. Wink at the prince.
>>321030589
Buy his Kingdom with it.
>>321030589
The Cursed Sword eats the coin, then starts swearing again.
>>321030589
But did you remember take the incriminating Cursed Sword from prince?
>>321030589
Cursed sword decapitates Prince
>>321030589
Out of no where dick ass jew
>>321030589
use it to buy the castle
>>321030589
Doubt
>>321030689
"TIME TO DIE BIIIIITCH-"
"You're going back inside the vault"
"FUCK"
>>321031017
Man those cursed artifacts are really, uh, cursed huh king?
>>321031017
Cast vacuum
>>321031017
the vault was crunched by the ufo, releasing all the cursed items into the kingdom ruins
>>321031073
On the prince with your mouth.
>>321031017
WOW, just how did the sword get here from vault? Well, time to go.
>>321031017
girl thief gives the prince a wink and bows a kiss.
>>321031017
The sword would probably break on contact anyway.
Thank the king and be on our way.
>>321031017
Prince shrugs thankfully at the interesting day.
>>321031017
All of a sudden a war horn rings
>>321031017
Skeleton king comes in.
>>321031017
The ayys launch their counterattack!
This time, they're using their UFO's to attack the castle from above.
>>321031128
And so you headed home with your dad. Overall tonight was a success.
>>321031504
Shift frame to little girl knight, blushing and thinking about dickass thief son.
>>321031504
Also a bit sad because the prince isn't ours any more.
>>321031504
Start a new game.
>>321031504
All of a sudden the anthem of the East blazes out across the kingdom
>>321031504
when suddenly aliens and barbarians and cursed items are attacking the town!
>>321031504
Stop right there criminal scum
>>321031504
Sell the coin to a local medieval stock trader.
>>321031504
Poll for new adventure.
>>321031504
Counter thief thieves your dad right oout from underneath you.
>>321031649
Is this it? The end of Adventure Thing 2?
Will we now choose a new adventure?!
Or Choose a new class again because I'm a faggot that loves stalling.
>>321031850
peasant lock in
>>321031850
New class, totally human king, lock in
>>321031850
New class
>>321031850
Only after a dinner scene in the Dickass family.
>>321031850
NEW ADVENTURE
and if so a new thread?
>>321031850
Enough adventures in medieval times. Let's move tolizard freedom fighters part 2.
>>321031850
Yah, put it away for now.
Maybe we can have some new things before the end of the year.
>>321031978
nah we should do a christmas special
>>321031978
>>321032057
Lizard Christmas special?
>>321031978
"But I rike the medievals. We haven't had medievals for almost a year before this."
-A skeleton, difintely not OP
>>321032195
Lizard fighters.
Or a Hard-boiled Detective adventure.
>>321032195
Well then just make it a Medieval Christmas special if you love it so much.
>>321032195
Cut to scene of King being eldritch'd to set up sequel
>>321032195
we will still need something christmassy
>>321032195
Your facade is as empty as your threats! Medieval lizard family christmas special extravaganza!
>>321032195
Medival scifi
>>321032195
Kill all the lizards
>>321032286
And now for a very special episode of Adventure Thing. First choose the class to embark on this Christmas Adventure.
>>321032605
Christmas box
>>321032605
Wizard. We Santa Claus.
>>321032605festivepeasant
>>321032605
Christmas Elf
>>321032605
christmas wizard
>>321032605
Knight and Wizard save Christmas lock in
>>321032605
No mystery boxen?
Pick inquisitor.
>>321032605
Inquisitor
>>321032605
Wizard time
>>321032605
i wanna be a grinch
>>321032605
bard
>>321032605
duelist.
It's time to duel.
>>321032605
Inquisitor.
>>321032679
Ya sure m8
>>321032978
Fuck no, open the mystery present.
>>321032978
Christmas Knight and Christmas Wizars save Chrostmas lock in
>>321032978
Yes
>>321032978
Lock in.
>>321032978
heck yeah! but it needs to be female
>>321032978
NO ELF
PALADIN SANTA
>>321033132
GODDAMN IT, WE COULD'VE HAD THIS!
>>321032978
Bestow the power of CHRIST upon the HEATHENS who celebrate christmas WRONGLY!
>>321033029
You are The Elf. You're a bit different from your elven bothers(or sisters, can't never tell with elves) since you work in a human city. Currently you're on the job of being a Christmas elf in Ye Olde Town Square.
What do you do?
>>321033356
Sing obnoxious elvish christmas songs
>>321033356
Make toys for children.
>>321033356
Go ask Santa what we should be doing.
>>321033356
We have to visit all the people in the land to find who's been naughty and who's been nice.
>>321033356
Shit, I don't know how to elf, I mean I always just killed them.
>>321033356
Go on a journey of self-discovery.
>>321033398
Part of the job requires you to put the townspeople into the festive mood. Luckily you knew some elvish christmas songs to serenade the humans with.
Man this costume chafes up your butt
>>321033674
Chafe harder
>>321033674
Act gay and be merry!
>>321033674
The Mall Santa you're assigned to is a Paladin.
>>321033674
sing louder
>>321033674
you find a bag full of infinite christmas presents
>>321033739
We're an elf, the gay part comes naturally.
>>321033739
"SHUT UP" yelled one of the villagers
"GO BACK TO HUMPING TREES" yelled another
>>321034001
We've done a good enough job. Time to ask Santa for a raise.
>>321034001
Hey man that's fucking racist
>>321034001
unhinge jaw for maximum effectiveness
>>321034001
Give the crowd what they want, I guess. Let's go find a tree.
>>321034049
"Whatchu gonna do about it, faggot elf?"
>>321034267
Punch him in the nose.
>>321034267
Where's PC Santa, I've been triggered
>>321034267
Had enough racism, time for some christmas terrorism.
>>321034267
Tell Santa you're being a bitch ass nigga
>>321034267
shank him with your candy cane blade you fashioned yourself with your mouth
>>321034267
Show them a christmas miracle
>>321034339
"Who's being a bitchass nigga?"
>>321034267
Cut him up and process him into actual faggots, as in the meat patties.
We butchering now.
>>321034595
>>321034267
This bitchass nigga.
>>321034595
king
>>321034595
Paladin Santa, the Villagers are being grinchy and racist, put them on the naughty list.
>>321034595
Point to the bitchass nigga
>>321034595
this nigga right here
i say we ahh show him some a little "holiday spirit"
if you know what i'm sayin
>>321034595
BenisArse Pilferer, distant relative to DickAss.
>>321034656
"Is it true, King? Are you being a bitchass nigga?"
[Jaguar noises]
>>321034880
Anyone a cat whisperer?
>>321034880
he is fucking OP
>>321034880
Perhaps,
He's slated for the naughty list, in any case.
