>Meanwhile, at /v/'s game dev office...
That is entirely too neat and tidy to be an office of /v/
Where's the shit on the walls?
Garage. Offices are too expensive.
>>320984291
The janitors took it downfor free
That looks comfy. What company is it?
So tell me /v/, what's your big "idea" today?
>>320984405
That was my first idea, but my parents won't let me use the garage again after what happened last time with that gorilla.
>>320984521
Holy shit, when did Mr. Game and Watch become our boss?
>>320984521
I've got 4 words for you boss:
Alien
First
Person
Shooter
>>320984521
You play as someone who has the power to swap minds with anyone they see. You retain these powers when switching bodies. You try to eventually take over the world.
>>320984204
The respectable /v/eterans set up their computers in the basement of the meeting hall. Meanwhile, the newer members of the board are upstairs.
>>320984521
>>320984737
SPACE
MARINES
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSwceekphqU
Ok guys after the loli disaster that happened at our french office (go fucking figure) we've decided to install a big sister defense force. They aren't cheap so we're going to have to make some cuts around here.
>>320984521
An RPG where you have to choose 3 out of ~7 party members before leaving the main city and going on your adventure. The ones you don't choose will change the plot. ex. one of the potential companions is a member of the Royal Guard, don't take him and he kills the princess and blames it on you, putting you on the run
I know I'm the new guy here, but is anyone else getting tired of EVERYTHING we work on being related to lolis?
What dev has the best office and why is it Polyphony?
Not as garish as Mojang.
>>320985152
You're the new guy? Well you're fired now. The lolis stay
>>320984521
Dating simulator, but we will use the girls from facebook instead of AI.
>>320985169
>and today on "Cooking with Polyphony"...
>>320985152
Yeah, maybe we could add someshota.
>>320985206
But dad you cant fire me.
>>320985212
We could have the computer scan your friend's profile images and make an accurate 3d model off of them and use those for several of the cutscenes!
>>320985169
looks like a hipster vegan restaurant
not comfy at all
>"i'm the ideas guy"
WHOSE DOG IS THIS
>>320985357
We already have a shota emergency system installed in case the ara aras get out. Looks like the big sister defense force has shown up too. Leave those ones alone. They don't fool around.
>>320984521
Invest in something that isnt video games
>>320985456
[s4s] doggo making good poost
Can someone stop installing all these "Starless" games?
>>320984521
its simple, we steal every single aspect of cataclysm DDA and remake it as an FPS
>>320985387
GET BACK IN THE GODDAMN SHOTA ROOM SHINJI
>>320985152
every game is better with lolis
>>320985456
It's ok, he was just working on some mobile freemium crap anyway.
>>320984204
>no piss bottles
>no hot pockets
>>320985530
Thanks, faggot.
>>320985169
>that lightning
>that everything
Shit nigga i'll just eat in the car
>>320985552
Fuck you dad, Im taking Rei with me.
guys this needs to fucking stop. Who keeps putting my seinfeld DVDs in the fucking fridge?
It's so simple! All we need is a Lengend of Zelda MMO unlicensed third party ROM hack of majoras mask to be ported and opened to 128 player multiplayer and with modified dungeons to bring in some cooperative elements and a huge array of items including weapons, armour, clothing, trinkets, charms etc. or maybe because that requires work you could just smear more shit onto the walls of your office and start licking it off and repeating the cycle... I love /v/...
>>320984521
We get Seth Rogan to give us the rights to do a Pineapple Express videogame.
>>320985721
well I think he just did look in the fridge
>>320985664
>>320985664
He took my Twix candy bar!
>>320985632
What has happened to the chin? That's one ugly grown shota.
>>320985456
Christening our latest early access gane bravo pupper
>>320985826
>Rei
>ugly
>shota
>not best girl
Asuka fags need to leave.
Rei = Kowaru > Pen Pen > Asuka
Our only programmer is missing his deadlines again. We really need to replace him guys.
>>320984521
Okay first it is not idea, we already have the product finished.
Here it is what we are going to:
It is a dating simulator and we have tacked on a knock off of a 90's Nintendo game with cutesey mobile graphics.
We have girls for the keks, for the bitter virgins, you can cuddle, you can kiss, you can even hold hands, and the girls will giggle or get mad at you, however to keep the relationship going you need to take them out, invite them to dinners, and buy them presents.
The game is free, however, buying girls presents cost REAL money. These bitches are total gold diggers, and we have the best voice talent imaginable and hundreds of girls that any and all males from 13 to 50 will adore, and from all ages too!
Oh and you can buy skins and dresses for these broads too. We already got FemFreq, Gawker and Polygon on the line, they will advertise this game as the most progressive game ever made, we also got viral marketers ready on reddit, 4chan, 9gag, facebook, twitter, you name it calling it the most misogynistic waifu simulator ever to drawn them in.
We are looking at $5,000 USD every hour. Basically anyone with a dick will buy this. We are looking at international jurisdiction on fuckbois to implement them later, no male will not own at least a copy of this game.
>>320985952
we have a programmer?
>>320984521
First, we buy out a horror franchise that hasn't been fucked to death yet. Second, we make the next installment an action shooter and make 4 mobile spin offs in per year. Third, we ram the series even farther into the ground by releasing a new game in the series every year, each being made by a different studio. Fourth, we remaster the second and third best games from the original series, but fuck it up. Fifth, when people are finally good and pissed off, we reboot it into a sub par action/horror with 2 or 3 bland stat leveling mechanics and wait for it to be hailed as the best goty.
>>320984521
My "idea" is that we all stop being fucking ideas guys. At least I answer the phone.
We've done literally nothing but brainstorm since we started and haven't written a single line of code. SOMEONE needs to learn to code or at least draw or something goddamn.
Also whoever is doing nothing but pirating 40tb of anime and porn a day needs to cut it out the fucking ISP keeps calling me.
>>320985721
So a game where you get high for like 6 hours per session and then have a few parts where you run away.
>>320986481
Tell the isp to suck my unwashed ass cus I'm not stopping.
>>320986343
Sold
The rest of you need to stop day dreaming about making the perfect game and focus on fucking the consumer over.
It's almost 2016, nobody makes good games anymore, just sell those seasons passes and DLC or you're fired /v/
>>320985932
Rei is the fucking worst and hiroshima nagasaki even agrees.
>>320985169
>>320985952
lets hire this guy. He seems pretty responsible.
![90150d5997bf718d55e1760392131739[1].gif](https://i.imgur.com/aU0yM29.gif "90150d5997bf718d55e1760392131739[1].gif")
WE'RE ALL OUT OF TOILET PAPER
WE NEED A KICKSTARTER, QUICK
>>320986840
>>320985169
is this even an office?
Bet you faggots can't pull this off
https://youtu.be/FFHKEATnmB4
>>320986870
wow who is that ugly motherfucker nd why do you have his face save is that you?
>>320985558
>>320986870
Why would we hire a DJ?
https://youtu.be/mWb5fsNVqLY
>>320984521
My big idea is that I need to fix more bugs.
>>320984204
This time the loli machine stays broken, right lads?
>>320985558
What's the point of an FPS game with lolis if you only get to see the hands and the weapon?
It's supposed to be a TPS.
>2007 will never come back again
Why even bother breathing
>Had a proposal meeting with activision for our new p2p with microtransaction fps
>kotick nods his head with excitment over profits
>/pol/tard across stares at me grinning like a child
>not again
>rips off his clothes to reveal full ss regalia
> starts quoting his favorite nazi ben garrison
> another one bites the dust
At least we still can self publish the new point n click.
>>320987602
>RPG maker
Is it an H game? If it isn't, I'm afraid you're not off to a very good start.
>>320987715
Lolis are too unpredictable. Lets instead hire older girls with sexy hips to do our work. Mink wants to make a eroge beat em up.
I'm gay
>>320987915
>Is it an H game?Yes.
>I'm afraid you're not off to a very good start.
I'm just working on my scripts at the moment. I still need to do quite a lot of work.
WHAT THE FUCK HOW VAN EE BE OUT OF HOTPOCETS ALREADY
JOSÉ START ANOTHER KICKSTARTER QUICK
>>320987964
looks like you're getting a promotion. Cum by my office later.
So when are we going to disappear with all this early access and kickstarter money?
>>320984521
INSECT RPG
BREED AND TAKE OVER THE FUCKING EARTH
So I'm getting off this Christmas, right boss?
>>320988084
Oh good, then you're off to a very good start. Shill yourself on ULMF if you haven't already. They have an obscene amount of buyer's integrity (provided you're a local making the game and not some distant, twice-as-starved Japanese author they don't mind pirating from) . Even the most shoddy games have a shot at making a few bucks on there.
>>320984737
A FPS? Fuck you.
>>320988206
I've already transferred the funds to my Swiss bank account. Start setting up the next kickstarter.
>>320988206
Booking our flights as we speak, sending all the left over money to our Swiss accounts
>>320988283
I read
>insest RPG
>BREED AND...
Guys, uh... Geoff just called, he asked if we're gonna pay up to make Follow the Arrow 5: Shootman 10 GOTY
Do I say yes or no?
>>320988283
what is that?
Let's just take our game engine and sell that. Make people pay to make their own games.
SHIT SOMEONE GET IN HERE
WE HAD A BREAK IN AND SOMEONE STOLE ALL THE PS4 GAMES
>>320988553
>Geoff
>Not Jeff
his life is a lie.
>>320988564
MY FUCKING GAME THAT'S WHAT
>>320988528
We already have Fire Emblem for that, we don't need more.
>>320988387
>Shill yourself on ULMF if you haven't already.
I guess I could try, but they have that "no lolis" policy, so I don't know how I can properly do that without getting banned from there.I still need my ULMF account to download the occasional h-game or a translation for it.
>provided you're a local making the game and not some distant, twice-as-starved Japanese author they don't mind pirating from
Nah,I'm a slav.
![elderly-opening-door-scare[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/zo1Ud2u.jpg "elderly-opening-door-scare[1].jpg")
DO YOU HAVE YOUR RENT READY, /v/?
>>320988843
but is it sci fi enough?
In which case, how would the MC go about having a support with android-Lucina? Would they just order the parts from a space-Amazon to literally make a robot-daughteru?
>>320984515
Media Molecule
>>320984640
Didn't you know our publisher was Mr. Game and Watch?
>>320989149
FUCK LET RUN!!!!
>>320988763
What is this from?
>>320988564
Looks like some kind of beetle with a really bad mite infestation.
>>320984204
That's a PS3 devkit I circled. If it's 2007 then this cost a handsome amount of money.
>>320988337
Jesus christ anon you haven't even shown up the last WEEK you were supposed to be here. You think you deserve Christmas off now??
So you think we should get some actual devs instead of just making and passing around idea documents?
Maybe we should ask the /agdg/ offices.
>>320990113
I have the SDK of ps3, ps4, 360, and xbone
want any of it?
Who pooped in the urinal? AGAIN
>>320990113
>giving any credence to those self-absorbed cunts
why don't you just fucking leave
>>320990230Who put their dick in the fuckingn peanutbutter?
I hope you anons know where this is from
The Ideas Department is currently hard at work in the twenty-second straight week of our brainstorming session. Currently, we are watching slice-of-life animes and discussing how to incorporate those into our marketing strategies for new game titles.
Here is the progress result we've made so far, written on a piece of notepaper
>dark souls yuru yuri
>dark souls madoka magia
>advanced wars kancolle(from one of the side discussions after work)
>berserk datng simulator(?) with dark souls elements
We believe we're on the edge of a breakthrough, but after we finish Non Non Biyori.
I know there have been many delays and
"shifting" of rent payments to other crews, but we'd like thank everyone for being understanding. Good ideas take patience.
PS
We would appreciate if the programming crew could bring up more sodas and snacks from their basement quarters. We ran out again.
Thank you
>>320990568
its funny. of all the things i could do for a game company, the best i have skill wise is Level Design, and Organization of content/files/data (basically keeping shit nice orderly and easy to find)
but nobody will pick a faggot of up for level design alone
>>320990568
I wish I could gas you people.
>>320990568
>yuru yuri
>madoka magica
what the fuck is wrong with your people
>>320989149
FUCK OFF OLD MAN I GAVE YOU 1000 GBP THAT'S ENOUGH FOR 400 TENDIES OR 100 BLOEY JOEYS. REEEEEEEEEEE
>>320991130
Organising content/data management is the job of individual employees, overseen by production who will implement naming conventions. It's not something someone has to do at all times, you just set it in place and people adhere to it.
Level design is a legitimate skill. What engine have you mastered? Why should anyone hire you over the other thousands of people creating mods and portfolio pieces for existing IPs, demonstrating their value by emulating their core gameplay but innovating with gameplay design?
I'm interested.
>>320991130
What version control software do you use? Are you using Jira for task management, or some free alternative? If you're 'organising content/files/data' how are you doing it? Have you set up network infrastructure before? Do you know how to synchronise remote staff's data with in-office staff via VPN?
Wait I thought we were all killed by lolis
>>320992225
I want my own personal boipussy to love and cherish for the rest of my life
>>320992467
Sorry, we can't afford more than one. Everybody has to share.
>>320992613
Just give me somewhere to sleep and I'll do it for free
>>320984521
Well, we have day one exclusives and there's the day one patch. Why not combine them to increase pre orders?
Boss I finished debugging level 2. Im moving on to level 3.
>>320986831
fuck you
>>320985456
everytime I've seen this picture I never noticed he was taking a shit until now
>>320984521
Fantasy themed FPS
Bows
Spears
Swords
>>320994231
Already done. It's called Chivalry. Oh you meant single player? It's called Might And Magic: Dark Messiah.
>>320994371
>Chivalry
I meant something good
>>320994471
Skyrim then.
It's not an RPG, so it's a fantasy themed FPS.
Get a differnet idea.
>>320994542
>Skyrim
Ok so you're retarded
>>320984521
nigger simulator
what its like to be a 10 iq nigger.
>>320992187
Was in league, sorry bout the late response.
I do all my level design on paper and make a very rough 3d model to accurately get the on paper stuff across. I cant say ive mastered any programs but i can say that level design is my only legitimate thing. I tried hammer for a while but started to hate it. id try more mapping tools but id rather stick to an on paper approach.
im working on my degree in architecture and mechanical engineering, but in my free time i make some sketches. i take friends and show them through it with some software and theyre loving every bit of it. the problem i have is making it professionally, which takes the abstract portion out.
2d/3d/4d space is what i can handle but it becomes exceedingly hard the more complex i make it, which isnt a problem for me, its a problem for others as they lose track on all of it on 4d. its not hard to me but for abstract stuff for others its certainly a hurtle.
tl;dr
>no engines mastered (can do but lazy)
>paper sketches then 3d models to represent my sketches
>can do 2d-4d level design with ease
>can get really into it and go past doom level design easily
>but also throw in 4d space
>then i lose people because they cant think that abstract
>>320992340
>What version control software do you use? Are you using Jira for task management, or some free alternative?
my own self. automated shit bothers me for this unless its to backup content.
>If you're 'organising content/files/data' how are you doing it?
depends on whats at hand
>Have you set up network infrastructure before? Do you know how to synchronise remote staff's data with in-office staff via VPN?
yes and yes but i havent done so because im not in an actual position to do such. unemployment is a bitch.
what was that game that uses the source engine and allows 4d space? i cant for the life of me remember what it was but some people implemented it into portal and i want to play that shit and make maps.
>>320984204
where the fuck are the cats. Fucking Fort Meow over there on the right and not a single cat in sight.
>>320990339
Nerdz, french webseries
>>320995215
Reno 911, but ill take your answer as well
>>320984521
a turn based rpg with no leveling thus making there no need to grind for bosses, and lets beating bosses only focused on strategy
to make your characters stronger you instead find new items, and learn new abilities by exploring the world
>>320993238
Why is the spider the only one actually working?
>>320990113
>Maybe we should ask the /agdg/ offices.
no, they're all crabs in a bucket. they hate seeing someone try
>>320995052
You're working on your degree in architecture and you're not using it as an opportunity to learn one of the free real-time engines for visualisation purposes so that you can hone level design skills? You have the perfect opportunity to spend hundreds of hours in-editor and you're squandering it. You don't have to go 4d unless you want to make a gimmicky puzzler, you just have to understand gameplay and aesthetic.
You're saying you're too lazy to learn an engine but you 'lose people because they can't think that abstract' like you're a mad genius and they're at fault for not being able to follow you.
Also, 'automated shit' in the form of version control is necessary. If you refuse to engage the only projects you will be able to work on is solo games with no solid iterative process or rollback. The same for task management, especially if you plan on working with even a single other person - at least learn to use Trello if Mantis or Jira seem too out of your league.
I'm not giving you this feedback to be negative, but your attitude sounds like it might need a little work.
>>320995669
because a spider's work ethic is like everything else about a spider,terrifying.
>>320989340
Second.
If you don't know programming, and aren't an exceptionally good artist, you will never be a game developer. Why aren't you learning (or putting to use) a programming language right now?
>>320995789
My saltiness in league sometimes carries over into text elsewhere. My apologies.
To keep it plain, I haven't implemented any of my maps into engines because I legitimately dont know which would handle them best. I'm very aware there's shortcuts to getting what i want but it's more how involved I want it to be in. From what I've seen, my maps would break the engines that are available for the most part. The 2d/3d maps are fine and all but I really want to pull 4d into this more. Simply put, I want an engine that can work best, not just get things done. I want it to get it done AND do well for other devs.
>they're at fault for not being able to follow you.
my terminology is bad, and I can't get the point across well enough so in general it's my own fault that they don't understand. That ans in general 4d isn't exactly the most intuitive thing to understand anyway (at least for the average person)
>Also, 'automated shit' in the form of version control is necessary
i know theres no way around this, but im doing all i can to avoid it for the time being. If I land a job i'll have to deal with it because im not running the whole devteam. My preferences are a pain in the ass but I'm willing to use what I'm told to because if i dont then I dont have a job.
I have experience with ps3/4 and 360/xbone sdk so that helps me a bit.
>your attitude sounds like it might need a little work.
Its ASSFAGGOTS im telling ya
what i do for the moment is preserve prototype video game builds if i can. Im normally on the PS3 stuff for this but ive been expanding to 360 and N64 builds as well. I like to archive this and preserve it for the future because dev shit is nice to get my hands on.
Lots of the ones I work with have allowed me to have a much higher understanding of my mapping skills because of the free roam camera and debug tools available in said builds.
ps1/2/3 xbox/360 some gamecube and wii shit but i cant be assed enough to work on nintendo stuff for the most part.
>>320985993
What about the fags? The bl audience, while not as large, is much faster to shell out money when they see a cute guy. Work that in and you're good.
>>320984521
platinum game with the shmup/3rd person shooter gameplay from kid icarus (but with platinum combat), the story being ayys taking over earth cause their old planet was destroyed by freak accident causing them to have a corrupted view on justice. It would have lot different weapons with cool combos and whatnot (one idea being a rifle that, when you reload, an easily visible clip is ejected. This clip would be explosve,think terminator 3's battery thing, and deal lots of damage - so trying to launch it into an enemy and ignite it with a well placed shot would be a key feature of that weapon). There would be wonderful101 style cutscenes and qtes and no one would play it.
>>320985212
why would you want a downgrade?
>>320997083
A good LD can communicate their ideas, even if they're latching onto the idea of 4D like it's the be all and end all of game design.
I have to be up in the morning for work, best of luck to you - console devkits are pretty out there when it comes to starting out. If I had one piece of advice it'd be stay broad and adaptable, learn something for PC - everyone wants to work for Nintendo, but the road there is paved with internships at other companies and relocating for entry-level positions.
I literally don't understand what marketable skills you're trying to develop, but I can understand having leftover irritability from a MOBA. Prototyping is all very well and good, but what's more impressive to a developer or hiring manager is the ability to carry something to completion.
Make a mod, stick with it and get hired. Then you can work on making it up your strand until you're marketable enough for the big boys.
Do you know who ate all the donuts?
>>320998903
It was me, Rick. I ate every last one of them.
