Oh shit nigger, you're a Barbarian.
You're currently inside the Imperial Dungeon's visitor area, waiting for the guards to bring out your Barbarian Dad.
What do you do?
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>318366875
invent a sick dance move
>>318366875
Punch self in face
>>318366875
rest
>>318366875
Punch self in face
jump into the void
>>318366945
Barbarians are sadly not know for their dancing prowess. Your sick dance move involves flailing your arms widly while your feet do something weird
>>318366875
Punch self in face
eat helmet
>>318367192
Vibrate through the wall, and punch yo face.
>>318367310
You vibrate and punch yourself in the face.
You are not radical enough to vibrate through walls
>>318366875
seduce one of the guards into giving you their keys
>>318367439
The guards show up with your dad
>>318367439
Ask for a taco
>>318367567
"Ah, my son! How nice of you to visit"
>>318367784
free him
>>318367784
spit in his face
>>318367869
"Freeing prisoners is illegal!"
Oh shit it's a guard
>>318368067
punch him in the face to assert dominance
>>318368067
Well too late, do slick combo moves with your now-free dad and beat guard up
>>318368067
Jizz on him
>>318368067
reunite mom annd dad instead
>>318368167
He blocks your punch
>>318368350
Burning finger activated
>>318368389
"This is nothing! Your puny fire can't harm me"
>>318368591
power up.
>>318368591
Drop kick the guard.
>>318368591
insult his armour and the way his voice sounds.
>>318368591
didn't we upgraded the hell out of that skill?
>>318368649
>>318368701
Yes but The king's dungeon is populated by high level guards
>>318368879
Reunite ghost mom and living dad instead
>>318368879
Activate your Trans Dimensional Barrier
>>318368879
trick them with your mighty intellect
>>318369304
Suplex guard
>>318369304
dog appears
>>318369479
Damnit, he's too heavy
>>318369685
ATATATATATATATATATATATA
>>318369685
Use the eye sun beam!
>>318369685
squeeze him
>>318369685
smile
>>318369685
what dad in jail for anyways bahaha
>>318369785
"Fuck! Close the windows!"
THe windows are now closed, you can't use the power of the sun if you can't see it
>>318370081
insult the guard's poor fashion sense
>>318370081
Call his mom mean things!
GO DENNIS
>>318370081
suk gurd dik
>>318370108
check my 9 cunt
>>318370081
Say he will be sued for police brutality!
>>318366875
fuck off to /tg/
i can't report you, i can't sage you, but i still can flick you and assfuck your mom. You OP, and everyone participating in this stupid thread !
>>318370108
"Says the guy who walks around half naked in a loincloth"
>>318370296
ask god for your own personal sun
>>318370296
Have fun being black now
>>318370296
How dare he insult the mighty barbarian fashion! Insult him for his lack of manliness for hiding in armor!
>>318370276
why the fuck does it bother you
a million shitty threads and you whine about OC?
>>318370296
Why was he looking at your loin cloth!?
>>318370276the only good thread in /v/ and you come to shit post. Just where do you get off.
>>318370407
"I maybe black on the outside but I'm still white on the inside"
>>318370508
Unlike your mom.
>>318370296
Vibrate your fist into his face
>>318370276
NotAPaladin is the last best /v/ thread
It'll never be like these again
>>318370508
punch so hard the reality bends around the fist
>>318370508
Eat your secret power up pack you hide in your cloth.
Show him his insides.
>>318370508
call him out for supporting the patriarchy by being white
>>318370508
Call him a race traitor
>>318370276
The autism is strong in this one.
>>318370607
Luckily you hid your secret Barbarian lunch under your loincloth all this time.
It powers you up
>>318370815
Offer the guard some of your secret meat.
>>318370815
with the incredible power of lunch, trip the guard
>>318370815
go super saiya- I mean super barbarian
>>318370815
Run away from the fight
>>318370815
Fire fist becomes sun fist
>>318371089
kick him while he's down
>>318371089
rip out his spine!
>>318371089
body slam
>>318371089
Tell him a REALLY scary story.
>>318371157
"Don't touch me, filthy barbarian scum" then he kicks you
>>318371354
smile back! shill your toothpaste!
>>318371354
now! hold his leg and twist the fuck out of it
making him unable to walk
>>318371354
Show him the sick dancemove
>>318371713
taunt him
>>318371892
smile at him
>>318371713
Call him out on shaming you for being a barbarian. That was rude.
>>318371892
use a finishing move
>>318371892
kick his dick
>>318371892
rescue your dad now
>>318371892
Pull off his helmet!
>>318371978
"Thanks son. Now get the key to these cuffs from him"
>>318372224
keys are for pussies
break the cuff's lock with your BARE HANDS
>>318372224
who needs keys when you have fists?
>>318372224
Feed your dad some lunch to break the cuffs.
>>318372339
You punch the lock. What the shit, that hurts.
"Yeah, the damn thing's magic. Designed to sap away the strength of a barbarian. If it was a normal lock I would broken myself out already"
>>318372668
cast a spell to destroy the lock
>>318372668
Pause. Swap class to magician.
>>318372668
we need a wizard
>>318372668
Ask the guard politely for the key.
>>318372668
Preform the barbarian screech of wizard summoning
>>318372747
Luckily you do have a wizard in your party.
"Unfortunately, I'm a lightning and thunder wizard, not a Lock Wizard. I'm not sure if shooting lightning bolts at the lock would help"
>>318372946
try anyway
>>318372946
uh
why don't we just use a key then
>>318372946
use your teeth and shill toothpaste
>>318372946
try hitting the cuff and not the lock
>>318372946
Apologize to the guard.
And ask nicely for a key
Urinate on loincloth and use tensile strength to break cuffs
>>318372946
slap round the face to establish dominance, and then tell him to zap that fucking lock
>>318373009
You puch the cuffs. Youch, it hurts less than punching the lock but it still hurts.
"I told you son, magical shit designed to pacify barbarians"
>>318373312
Go on quest to become a wizard blacksmith to forge the key.
>>318373312
Shut up! You're not my real dad!
Run off crying
>>318373312
Ask the paladin to do it
>>318373312
okay fine search guard for the key
search thoroughly
>>318373312
Use guard to break the cuffs.
Technically he's not barbarian, or is he?
>>318373312
Good thing your awesome teeth can destroy lock with single chew
>>318373312
Cast spell to shrink Dad's hands.
>>318373417
"You're not smacking him against the cuffs hard enough, do it again"
"Or you could just use his key" said ghostmom
>>318373758
use key
then break the cuffs anyway
>>318373758
Use ghost mom ectoplasm to butter up your dad's hands.
>>318373758
chew on key and use your teeth to break cuffs
>>318373758
Put the key in backwards. We've got low Int so it'll probably work that way.
>>318373758
the key is too heavy
>>318374046
now pull
>>318374046
Charisma check asking the guard for the key.
>>318374046
SHILL. YOUR. TOOTHPASTE.
>>318373758
Magic days I can't use key
>>318374046
Harder
>>318374118
"Ah screw you savages. Just wait until my HP regen kicks in. My leg'll heal and I'll kick your ass!"
>>318374242
Use his regen to pick the lock
>>318374242
Go on quest to raise charisma. We can't defeat this lock.
>>318374242
have the paladin use skill disable on the guards hp regen
>>318374309
BUT WE HAVE MAGICAL TEETH
WHY YOU RUIN EVERYTHING
>>318374242
Have sex with the lock>>318374242
>>318374410teeth can't melt steel beams friend
>>318374309
"Do not despair so quick, divine wisdom will surely help us! O lord! how do we pick this lock?" yelled the cleric
"Have you tried punching it?" said God
>>318374498
Punch the lock.
Now that you have been divinely blessed sure it will work.
>>318374480
Dude, you don't understand.
That tooth paste is basically plot solution to everything. In exchange for shilling
>>318374498
he recommends using toothpaste
>>318374498
ask gladiator to break it
>>318374498
God has blessed our fists, we temporarily have Paladin power.
Punch the lock
>>318374498
Ask God for lock picking + 1 gloves.
>>318374498
Vibrate the lock
>>318374595I understand but its more fun to waste rolls to push side plot. It took 20 rolls one night to open a door.
>>318374617
"Ah thank you"
Luckily the Gladiator wasn't secretly a barbarian that is actually your long lost brother or something
>>318374828
It was a very complicated door
>>318374897
Take your dad out for Mongolian.
>>318374897
Well that would've just been silly.
Leave the prison as discretely as you can.
>>318374828Let's have a sidequest centered about obtaining more of toothpaste.
>>318374897
guard reinforcements arrivewith your love interest
>>318374897
Vibrate some more and your party
>>318374897
have a real tearful reunion
>>318374979
"Oh no! It's the guards! Quickly son, we must escape! THere might be guards of the opposite gender in theere!"
>>318375153
look for bikini armoured guard instead of escaping
>>318375153
Quietly walk out the front door as if nothing happened.
>>318375153
wait for guards of opposite gender, then tear off her chestpiece
>>318375153
*A female guard teleports behind you*
Nothing personal
>>318375153
Take entire party and Vibrate through the bars. Bars aren't walls you see they are less radical.
>>318375153
punch a hole in the wall, it's the only way out
>>318375153
Dig a tunnel to forest village.
>>318375239
Trying to act cool while walking past the guards
>>318375432
throw spaghetti at guard right as you leave
>>318375432
>try
we don't need to try nigga
>>318375432
suddenly explosion
>>318375432
Vibrate at the gaurd, it's your warning signal
>>318375432
snap guards neck
>>318375432
Blame fart on guard. Leave while he argues his case.
>>318375680
Sorry, farted a bit too loud, I'll see myself out.
>>318375680
apologize for eating tacos before trying to break in
>>318375680
Tell the paladin that the guard is a heretic
>>318375778
"Hey buddy, you're a heretic, aren't ya?"
"What"
"You know that heretics get purged right?"
"What"
>>318375986
Leave, having successfully broke your dad out of jail.
>>318375986
Take your party to the village. We need supplies.
>>318375986
"what" is a sign of ignrance, therefore, he must be a heretic!
>>318375986
[Purging intestifies]
>>318376128
>>318375986
PURGE HIM
>>318376128
[Holy Necksnap]
>>318376283
Tell Paladin that all the guards here are heretics, then run away.
>>318376283
Leave before you purge the whole castle.
>>318376283
Guard complains
>>318376283
Loot guard then leave
>>318376283
Human resources manager witnesses you.
>>318376349
>>318376351
I couldn't prevent the purging..
>>318376283
Oh shit, turns out the guard was actually a cleverly disguised bomb!
>>318376349
The Paladin tells you that's a good idea, you can leave while he stays behind to purge the heretics.
[purging]
"Aha! A female heretic! You shall also be purged!"
[purging intensifies]
>>318376614
Cry at loss of possible love interest
>>318376614
That turned out better than expected, I didn't even have to fight a cootie infested girl!
>>318376614
Eat Popcorn with Dad
>>318376614
The power of the purging attracts the attention of nearby dark clerics.
>>318376614
OH SHIT AN ORC
>>318376759
they get purged too
>>318370552
Oh snap
>>318376679
"Don't be sad son. Empire women are too high maintenance anyway. It's always "why don't you do anything", "why do you always lay on the couch", "when are you gonna get a job", blah blah blah. THat's why I married your mother instead"
>>318376959
Wasn't that exactly what my mother did to you
>>318376959
Let's go to the nearest tavern to find a wench.
>>318376959
OH SHIT SUDDEN FILLER ARC!
>>318376959
God tells you to man the fuck up
>>318376959
let your dad tell your friends stories about your youth
>>318377019
"Hey you down there! Man the fuck up! You're on part 10 already! You don't want this to end anticlimatically do you?"
>>318377160
Two filler arcs flank in from the east and west! Kill them before they get too close!
>>318377160
show middle finger to god
>>318377160
Ask God and the cleric to revive her! We can't lose this sub-plot filler!
>>318377160
We should probably find and kill the King sometime soon.
But first, tavern wench.
>>318377217
"wow rude"
>>318377160
Tell paladin that that sounds heretical to you.
>>318377160
ask God what we were even supposed to do before saving dad
>>318377160
whoa dad
you are really big
>>318377217
"rude"
>>318377268
"Hey Pally, there's a weird lookin guy on a cloud out here, saying something about heresy."
>>318377241
>>318377321
It's important! The king can wait for chapter 18!
>>318377321
Accuse of being heretic
>>318377321
set finger on fire
>>318377321
MEANWHILE IN THE KING'S CASTLE
>>318377367
"Yes, but...Is this Golden Female Guard yours?! Or is this this Silver one?"
>>318377634
toss a coin
>>318377634
Silver, probably won't be as expensive to take care of.
>>318377634
The third one that you're hiding!
>>318377634
the silver one
>>318377634
Both
>>318377634
Gold
>>318377634
Golden redhead please.
>>318377719
YES
>>318377719
"You are dishonest. You get a pillow with the female guard printed on it"
>>318377916
Check inside pillow for love interest
>>318377916
Ask for less clothed female knight print pillow.
>>318377916
Wear the pillow
>>318377916
come on God, we didn't even see her before Paladin over there purged her, at least give us a choice!
>>318377916
That's heresy
>>318377951
YOu find...cotton.
>>318378137
go back to your barbarian buddy who's training the little barbies
>>318378137
Nega Todd reappears and offers a new tonic that turns cotton into people!
>>318378042
We did, in the last part.
>>318378194
>nega todd
>touching the potion turns you into cotton
>adventure ends
*sweating*
>>318378137
We shout to paladin that there's a god impersonator out here.
>>318378137
Todd appears to give you a deal on your guard waifu
>>318378137
Wizard ? Is the cotton magic ?
>>318378137two left hands... What does this mean senpai?
>>318378316
One's from the printed guardfu.
>>318378316
>>318378184
You return to Chad and the secret barbarian camp
"Ah greetings! The training for the children is going well"
>>318378435
Show off your cool pillow
>>318378435
Are there any cute Barbarian women left?
>>318378435
Request to spar the most promising one
>>318378435
Trade pillow for Chad's hot wife.
>>318378435
rub horns for genie
>>318378497
"Perfect! Lil' Punchy will spar with you"
>>318378654
FIELD-GOAL STYLE FOOTBALL KICK
>>318378654
kick him without holding back
>>318378654
Capitalize on your unfair horn advantage by goring him.
>>318378654
Accuse of heresy
>>318378654
go for a footbal tackle
>>318378654
throw pillow as a pokemon
