MR.BANKS, YOUR OPENING STATEMENT?
Ointments
Hey Carlton you ever feel likeTHIS
I decree that Mr. Wright gets a boot to the head for his incompetence
e~
Hey uhhh, my buddy likes you
>>288880678
Give me a hug man
Decisive evidence and a decisive witness... What else is needed? Verdict.
OBJECTION!
Your Honor, come on! We don't even know anything about the crime itself! And how can that count as an opening statement...?
Overruled. I stated everything that is to be known. There is literally no reason to prolong this trial.
... But if you really want, I guess I can call the detective to the stand. I'll give you ten minutes. Ten minutes and the verdict shall be given.
The prosecution calls Dick Gumshoe to the witness stand.
>>288881424
OBJECTION!
Foolish fool fooling foolishly on fools' foolishnes!
>>288881284
I'M CHANGING THE RULES WILLmake me a sandwich
(What does he even mean with "Overruled"? It's not like he is the judge here, y'know...)
Hey, pal, here I am! The name is Richard Gumshoe, and I work as detective!
... This might be a coincidence, but I also happen to be the detective in charge of this case!
>>288881581
I really liked that case. It felt like all the shit in the world got real. And then I played the next one. Literally spend the whole night on it. After the end I felt like I really visited that fucking courthouse.
... You don't say. Such a twist.
Ahem, we have no time for funny business. Testify about the crime and its details. Post haste.
Right away!
"How Bloodborne murdered /v/"
1- Well, pal, it was all going well until that game got released.
2- A huge shitstorm took place in /v/, it lasted several days.
3- Many people committed suicide for being triggered, it was terrible.
4- The defendant, Bloodborne, did that purposefully to mess with the pcucks.
5- I frankly see no way for the defendant to be not guilty.
6- After all, it is a great game, so the shitstorm would be unavoidable.
This is a black thing isn't it?
(Now I understand why no one wanted to defend this guy Bloodborne... He sucks. But oh well, I will try my best. I know my defendant is not guilty of that, so I just have to prove it.)
Your Honor, the defense is ready to cross examine the detective.
Of course, Mr. Wright. But be warned that you only have five minutes left. Now, witness, please, repeat your testimony from the beginning.
Of course pal, here I go!
>"How Bloodborne murdered /v/"
>1- Well, pal, it was all going well until that game got released.
>2- A huge shitstorm took place in /v/, it lasted several days.
>3- Many people committed suicide for being triggered, it was terrible.
>4- The defendant, Bloodborne, did that purposefully to mess with the pcucks.
>5- I frankly see no way for the defendant to be not guilty.
>6- After all, it is a great game, so the shitstorm would be unavoidable.
>>288882412
>1- Well, pal, it was all going well until that game got released.
Press.Because shitshtorms raged on even before that.
HOLD IT!
What do you mean with "it was all going well until the game got released"? Are you implying /v/ was ever in a good state? Please, detective.
W-Well, pal... You got me there... /v/ has always sucked.
What I mean is... You see... If you compare the /v/ before Bloodborne and the /v/ after Bloodborne... It will be clear that it was way better before. That's what I meant.
>>288880813
All the time.
So that's what you meant... In that case, I agree.
Continue your testimony please.
>"How Bloodborne murdered /v/"
>1- Well, pal, it was all going well until that game got released.
>2- A huge shitstorm took place in /v/, it lasted several days.
>3- Many people committed suicide for being triggered, it was terrible.
>4- The defendant, Bloodborne, did that purposefully to mess with the pcucks.
>5- I frankly see no way for the defendant to be not guilty.
>6- After all, it is a great game, so the shitstorm would be unavoidable.
>6- After all, it is a great game, so the shitstorm would be unavoidable.
Object there. Present loading times, fps, number of weapons available and the fact the game sucks.
>>288883050
>6- After all, it is a great game
OBJECTION!
OBJECTION!
Sorry, detective, but Bloodborne is actually a TERRIBLE game. It sucks. How can you say it broke 4chan for being "good"? Please. The murder weapon is discarded, that means I won.
OBJECTION!
(pursuit plays)
But look at the metascore! 93! And all those good reviews! The game is definitely good, otherwise it wouldn't have such good reviews!
inb4 von Karma fabricated metacritic score.
Jesus Christ fucking stop roleplaying this isn't Court Records for god's sake.
OBJECTION!
Those reviewers are corrupt as fuck! Giving a low rating to Wonderful 101 because they played it on "Very easy" and didn't get the real ending. Those guys are paid by Sony to give that game good reviews.
How can you say that a game with 45 seconds long loading times, 6 weapons, 20 average fps and nearly no difficult at all is good? IT OBVIOUSLY SUCKS!
TAKE THAT!
Furthermore... If it is so good, why are all the Sonyggers like you shitposting in /v/? Shouldn't they be playing the game?
That makes me thing... Look at this... THE HANDWRITING FOR ALL THE REVIEWS IS THE GAME. YOU FORGED THE REVIEWS, MANFRED!
>>288883547
>not finding dark souls disk inside his body
I-IT'S TRUE, PAL! The handwriting of all the reviews belong to Mr. von Karma!
I just found the true reviews inside his room, let me check...
Metascore: 43... IGN: 3.2... Oh my! Look at those bunch of 20s and 40s. It's official, Bloodborne sucks and couldn't kill anyone for being good!
>>288883605
It's even worse when you realize that it's always the same guy replying to himself.
A-AAAGH! NOOOOOO!
My actual name is Sony von Karma... I just wanted to give people a reason to buy a PS4... Shit. I guess my plan failed.
Oh, but that's not all. Do you know what actually caused the shitstorm in /v/? It was YOU all the time! You samefagged and created a bunch of threads about Bloodborne! I am pretty sure that we are going to find a laptop logged in /v/ inside your shoulder if we check it.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*breakdown*
I give up! You won! You won! Bloodborne sucks!
>is taken to jail by bailiff
W-Well... That was quite the twist. I never expected all of this...
Ahem. This court finds the defendant Bloodborne to be NOT GUILTY of the charges of triggering /v/.
Court is adjourned.
... I have way too much free time on my hands.
