Its over. I'm tired /v/. I am sick to death ofPortal references. The last game was released years ago, when will we stop talking about it?
What are the easter eggs?
>>286027250
ovaries
>>286027121
>we
>cracked
>we
>cracked
>cracked = low brow normie humor
>we = cracked now?
>>286027548
we = the entire human race
It isn't that hard.
Is he right?
>>286027121
Why are you still reading cracked? DOB, Swaim, and the other good writers stopped like a year ago to do video shit for more money.
>>286029343
>>286027548
>Crying about low brow humor
>On 4chan
>>286030168
>Crying
Holy shit that article is delusional, they think the portals are a metaphor for vaginas. Valve could have made chell a man and they would be bashing this game so hard right now
>reads cracked articles
>thinks he has a right to tell others what they should / shouldn't do
Why can't Cracked be about writing some interesting abandon places and Seanbaby again?
>>286027121
The last good thing about Cracked died out a long time ago.
>>286030439
wait it's real?
>>286030805
Because they've joined in on the feminist/SJW circlejerk which gets them boatloads of pageviews and ad revenue quick.
>>286031086
Both of them are. Go check yourself, they are the latest articles.
>>286031069
is kill?
Remember when Cracked was about useless crap instead of about useless shit?
>>286031303
Nah, he just left Cracked before the ship sank. I think he mostly updates on his own site now.
This board is shit.
Why is it that I can go anywhere else but here to avoid the "everything is a gender issue" thing.
/v/ seems to fixate on this bullshit more than anywhere else.
>>286031389
>5 secret upsides of growing up with divorced parents
Alright, I'm actually really mad now. Grats, I didn't think they could do it.
>>286031656
Why be mad about having happy parents?
>>286031617
Why do you click on threads you don't like
There are 100 threads at any given time. 100. You can even make one of your own!
>>286031617
Because videogames are the up-and-coming media in the western world
Anime isn't touched because it's Eastern, and other media like movies is too old and has had time to mature, not to mention when television and movies were aging, feminism actually stood for something more than a hatred veiled farce of "equality"
>>286031617
Well I mean, when you boil most things that affect you daily, life is really just a series of gender issues masked as something else.
>>286032043
>there are people that actually believe this
http://www.clickhole.com/article/living-past-some-countries-are-still-using-metric--1924
>>286032043
Oh yeah, when I stubbed my toe this morning it was really because I have a penis and not because I'm clumsy.
>>286027121FEMINISMIS A LIE XD
>>286032117
>There are people who actually deny this
Males and females have diametrically opposed interests on nearly everything short of reproducing. Go ahead, list some issues that stem from the external world and I'll explain how it's related to gender. Note that it's external and not something like this faggot said >>286032186
>>286027121
>>286031261
The worst thing about the history article is that its title used to be "5 Badass Things About Women History Books Leave Out" or something like that. It wasn't even about feminism. If you look at the comment section it's 90% people bitching at Cracked for making it into clickbait.
>>286032186
Oh jeez!
>>286032298
Just because some feminists bullied you on tumblr doesn't mean most issues are boys vs. girls. Most issues and conflicts are deeper than that, and to assume otherwise is childish.
>>286031261
>go check yourself
isn't that what the terrorist want?
>>286032596
Go ahead and list off an issue then, because it seems all you can do is misrepresent my argument. And to clarify, I don't mean gender issues in the traditional 'battle of the sexes' sense, but rather most societal issues can be traced to gynocentrism.
hey guys guys
Guess what
Guys
The cake is a lie! :D
>>286031069
I diagree, Bucholz is great.
http://www.cracked.com/blog/12-things-every-teenage-boy-has-fantasized-about/
>>286031069
Good ol' Seanbaby.
>>286031069
I miss his "holy shit look at this insane self help book" articles
>>286032298
What about getting fired from your fucking job, you think they'll fire you because your dick is a fucking problem, faggot?
>>286029343
Sure explains my last city builder experience.
I think he's projecting.
>>286032834
Rising gas prices.
>>286032834
Climate change.
>>286032834
Niggers
>>286032834
Inner city poverty.
>>286032834
communism vs capitalism
>>286032834
Cancer
>>286032834
Theology vs Atheism.
>>286032043
Now you're thinking like a tumblr feminist
Bad AAA game launches.
>>286032834
Why the toast always falls butter-side-down.
>>286032834
> mfw tumblr anon fails to deliver
>>286034116
Butter = made from milk = squeezed from cow tits = breasts are feminine identifiers = the butter is the woman's side = patriarchy inherently oppresses women as they always land face down
>>286031389
I do remember. I haven't read a Cracked article in years. Has it really become this?
How disappointing.
>>286027121
holy shit i'm glad i quit reading cracked full-stop back when they had quinn write an article
>>286027250
MC is a woman
GladOS is a villain due to an abusive relationship
Weathley is an asshole that abandon you when shit get tough
The whole GladOS incident happened because men scientists were meanies
Symbolism that I haven't bothered to read;
>>286034596
Those are all real articles, but they did not come out all at the same time like that.
These weren't even Easter Eggs is my biggest complaint with this article. It was just a bunch of random English 101 bullshit symbolism the author pulled out of their ass.
Also they insulted Bayonetta and Metroid. And contradicted themselves in the article by saying "Chells a great feminist protaganist because her gender doesn't even matter! Now here's a bunch of examples where her being a female smashes the patriarchy" (yes they non ironically used the term patriarchy)
>>286029343
>>286034254
All bark.
>>286034662
>mc is a woman
Holy fucking shit, you don't say Cracked? Thank you for bringing this up to me, 7 years later. Truly, you are paragons of justice.
>>286029343
Jack Thompson would be proud.
Has McIntosh made Anita spout any of this shit?
>>286034401
kek
>>286033906
atheism is a theology.
>>286034879
His choice of words is retarded, but he's right in that the government should not be doing these kinds of regulations. They should be doing their actual job and creating a free market by busting up the regional ISP monopolies, forcing ISPs to actually have to compete for consumers.
>>286034662
>Weathley is an asshole that abandon you when shit get tough
Well that's just wrong. He abandons you when shit gets good.
>>286034907
No bean
>>286029343
>doing violence to people
gracious me
>>286035097
Stop oppressing me, shitlord.my bad.
>>286032834
Censorship of media.
Global warming.
The gradual loss of basic human rights.
Constant war.
Economic crisis.
What do any of these have to do with the fact that the some people have a penis and some have a vagina?
>>286033370
>keyword: often
>>286029343
>>286031389
>having divorced parents
>good at all
that shit destroyed me emotionally as a kid
>>286027250
1. "MC is a woman!"
Chell is a woman! But what's great is shes a silent protaganist so her gender doesn't even matter, how rare is it we get a silent FEMALE protaganist? Shes so nice to have compared to aluts like Bayonetta or Lara Croft or Samus
2. "Glados smashed the patriarchy that created her"
The patriarchy of aperture scientists (they genuinely refer to them as the patriarchy, Im not hyperbolising) create Glados and create MALE personality cores to control her. The only female core is the curiosity core which acts dumb like a good female should (this is factually wrong, the logic core was also female). Here is the decade old fanart of Glados looking like a woman in BDSM I found.
3. "Glados is a result of an abusive relationship"
Cave abused and raped Caroline by forcing her into the AI. Is it no surprise that she wants to smash the patriarchy?
4."Wheatley is totally an asshat"
Wheatley is like everyones abusive boyfriend who only wants things from you and never gives back. He leaves as soon as things turn south (which is the exact opposite of what he did)
5. "The moon is a metaphor for vaginas. In fact everything is a metaphor for vaginas"
The moon is a vagina brcause the moon is associated with feminism in ancient cultures. Portals are vaginas. Cave is killed by the moon/a vagina.
>>286031389
>Most sexist superheroes
>Powergirl
Alright they can fuck right off.
>>286036753
That is phenomenally stupid. I hope this person slams their hand in a car door and is left unable to type on a keyboard ever again
>>286036753
um, Samus was never even revealed to be a woman until the very end of Metroid. And she was silent the whole game.
>>286037417
fuck off with your facts holy shit triggered
>>286036183
Does Phil Fish pay a royalty to the music producers whose music he plays when he gets paid to DJ?
>>286031069
He doesn't write them anymore?
He was too good for Cracked
>>286036753
>Samus
>Not a silent female protagonist
Other M is the exception, not the rule
>>286031389
>implying Cracked was ever good
It's always been an inane timewaster, kinda like /v/
>>286034748
How did they insult Metroid?
I understand if it was Metroid Other M, but why Metroid in general?
>>286037417
They addressed that. They disregarded Samus because her being female was meant to "shock" the player as a plot twist which for some reason degrades her role as a female protag
>>286037719
Yes, DJs have to do that.
http://www.quora.com/Do-DJs-pay-for-the-rights-to-play-music
https://serato.com/forum/discussion/313304
Also, guess what, cinemas have to pay for the movies they are screening. radio stations have to pay royalities too. pretty much everything.
>>286037953
Same surprise I got when I first made two portals allow me to see myself.
>>286034662
I'm mad. More mad than Mad Magazine. More mad than Mad Arab Abdul Alhazred. More mad than John Madden.
Not because of feminism, or because of projecting bullshit onto video games. Feminism doesn't concern me. I don't investigate it beyond Wikipedia pages, and I seem to live happier life than most of /v/ ever could. And projecting is just bullshit I've learned to deal with. But GOD FUCKING GOD IM SO MAD.
BECAUSE THOSE ARE NOT FUCKING EASTER EGGS. DO THOSE SKULLFUCKED, ALL-STAR REDARDS EVEN KNOW WHAT A GOD DAMNED SHITSUCKING SATAN HOLY MOTHER OF VIDEO GAMES AN EASTER EGG IS? LET ME GIVE YOU A CLUE: NOT A FUCKING GENDER OF MAIN CHARACTER. WE KNOW THAT. FIRST HUMAN WE SEE IN THE GAME IS MAIN CHARACTER. AND IT'S THE ONLY HUMAN WE SEE THERE. AND PLOT POINTS. GOD DAMNED PLOT POINTS. IT'S NOT AN EASTER EGG. EVERYONE KNOWS IT WITHOUT ANY RESEARCH OR EXPLORING, BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING MANDATORY PART. RATMAN ROOMS ARE EASTER EGGS. EXILE VILIFY IS AN EASTER EGG. P-BODY IN SINGLE PLAYER MODE IS AN EASTER EGG. THOSE, ARE, NOT. I HAVEN'T BEEN SO BUTTBLASTED FOR A LONG TIME. THIS IS HOW I FEEL WHEN A DUMBFUCK MORON ASKS ME WHY HIS NEW RIG DOESN'T WORK, AND IT TURNS OUT HE DOESN'T HAVE A FUCKING SYSTEM INSTALLED. OR EVEN A HARD DRIVE. TIMES A THOUSAND. WHY PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT ARE WRITING THIS CRAP? I HOPE SOMEONE BLACKMAILS THIS FUCKING SITE, BECAUSE IF THIS IS THE QUALITY OF CONTENT THERE, IT MAY AS WELL POST PICTURES OF TURDS.
>Right away, Portal doesn't make a big deal about the fact that you're playing as a woman. And that, oddly enough, is a big deal.
No, no it's not a big deal. Something not being a big deal is not a big deal.
HELP
>>286036753
I guess they would freak out if they knew that a MAN named Doug Rattmann saved Chell's life and FORCED her to be tested. She was under the fist of patriarchy all the time!
>>286038085
Except the answer in both of those links is generally "not really". Venues sometimes have to pay a music license fee, depending on local laws, but not DJs themselves.
His entire argument about Youtube is bullshit. He needs to learn about fair use.
RIP not shit Cracked
>>286038493
>>286031069
I remember he wrote two articles within a week, and they were fucking hilarious. That was at least 6 months ago.
>>286038548
And if they've actually played the game and knew that Wheatley didn't leave, but got fucking sucked into outer space.
>>286039293
he didn't leave, period. his plan was to stay, and have Chell stay as well.
Chell forced him to leave.
>>286036753
This isn't real, I don't believe you.
>>286027121
>cracked
>site that change article name from
>5 more badass facts about women in history that you might not know
>to
>5 Ancient Discoveries That Prove Modern Men Are Sexist
10/10 humour site.
You laught at the headlines and don't even have to click anything.
>>286040026
holy shit you're right
>>286039293
>>286039512
Well the "leaving" was in referral to abandoning his partnership with Chell as soon as he gains control of Aperture.
Him being sucked into the moon was considered symbolism of the power of the feminine moon overpowering the patriarchy (once again not kidding)
>>286040160
But he doesn't abandon their partnership until the very very end.
>>286040361
Did you miss the part where he kills you ?
>>286040464
did you miss the part where i said: the very very end?
The part where he kills you is the last chapter
before that are like 2-3 chapters where he turns from bumbling idiot to evil bumbling idiot with addiction problems
>>286040160
Thats retarded and dumb.
Doubly so when you realize that it was Chell who was leaving when Wheatly ''abandon''s her.
That whole moon thing is also retarded.
>>286040464
The point is that he didn't want to leave Chell, he wanted to keep her as a test subject. It's really hard to say to claim that he was any worse since he had the same goals.
Now, the recordings of Cave Johnson reveal that Moon dust is responsible for the liquid goo that you can zap portals onto throughout the game. Initially this just seems like general backstory, but as Cave's ranting progresses, it's revealed that life finally handed him some lemons he couldn't blow up -- the Moon dust was poisoning him. The patriarch of Aperture choked to death on symbolic femininity, which we believe is called irony.
But then the payoff/punchline comes at the conclusion of Portal 2. At the end of your fight against Wheatley, it looks like all is lost because there are no surfaces to hit with a portal. But then the ceiling caves in, you see the night sky, and bam: Your only option is to take a leap of faith and shoot a portal onto the goddamn Moon itself.
The scene is staged to seem implausible -- the fact that it works is surprising, even though you're the schmuck who tried it in the first place. You pray to the lunar goddess, and she answers. GLaDOS, a woman, is put back in charge of the facility, and she saves your life, while Wheatley is left to his fate. The End.
>>286041004
So what you have is a game that puts the player into the body of a woman, placed in a powerless position in which you are tormented by another woman before finding out both of you are products of a system created by some powerful (and ridiculous) males. You have to overcome abusive father figures and male companions to ultimately take control of your own life.
Michael Vincent Bramley writes comics like the successfully funded Kickstarter project 'Sherbet', which is about a lesbian version of Sherlock Holmes from the future who solves paranormal mysteries.
>>286039549
It'sreal.
Why do I even go on Cracked anymore? Some of the articles that come out are interesting, but there's always one that comes out that reminds me of how fucked the site is now.
I love how that bullshit analysis of Portal 2 is like a microcosm of the entire feminist ideology: women only do bad things because they were hurt or used by the evil menz, women can never do wrong.
>>286041004
Speaking of which, wasn't there a room in Portal 2 where you could shoot the moon and get a game over ?
Anyone else fap to that Xelvy drawing of GLaDOS?
What about "rat man" and how he helps Chell throughout the series? I could write forever about that guy. Think of it this way, he not only aids her and thinks of her as their only hope, but is looked down upon by his superiors for doubting the project in the first place. His nickname even carries an air of insignificance and weakness. He's thought of as crazy (which, yeah.. he is technically) and yet is the only one to survive (other than Chell). This could be seen as how we negatively view men who support feminism. They're weak. They're insane. They should obey what other men say. Yet in the end Chell would be dead if it weren't his aiding her (read the portal comics, they're beautiful). However the reality is that he was intelligent and chose someone with the tenacity to overcome GLaDOS without a thought to the test subject's gender. Man, he deserves respect. Personally, I think this reflects how feminism is nothing without the respect of the other sex. You can't effectively fight for equality if you exclude one gender. Sorry y'all, rant over. Just friggin love the rat man.
>>286039293
>>286039512
>>286040160
>>286040361
>>286040687
Okay apparently I'm retarded and didn't read the article properly. They don't say Wheatley leaves you. They jusy compare him to another abusive relationship where you try to leave HIM and he turns violent and blames you for everything.
The moon thing was still there though.
>>286035127
That's called regulation. The free market (kind of) doesn't exist. You either regulate via breaking monopolies or you don't.
Also the internet should be treated like other utilities. Ted Cruz is just speaking for his Comcast donors.
>>286041324
Ratman spook me more than GlaDOS.
Especially that track that imply he's rambling for himself somewhere in Aperture
okay, see, i'm a girl and i'm a feminist, but this just isn't right. i love portal 2 and i appreciate the fact that chell being a girl isn't a big deal in the game and that she's not there just to be a pair of boobs or a love interest or whatever. that's good. that's what girls need.
however, what girls (and boys) do NOT need is the message that boys are evil and ruin girls' lives. that doesn't help anything, and it's certainly not feminism. feminism is bringing girls up, not putting boys down, and yes, you can do one without doing the other. men and women are both hurt by sexism, because sexism isn't a problem caused by individuals. it's not about men being the bad guys and women being the victims. it's about sexism being the bad guy and all of us being victims. men can be sexist and women can be sexist, and men can be hurt by sexism and women can be hurt by sexism. and the sooner we start seeing it that way, the better.
>>286041329
>They jusy compare him to another abusive relationship where you try to leave HIM and he turns violent and blames you for everything
That's actually a good comparison. Shame that they have to pack it up as femnazi nonsense. Same shit happens on both sides.
>>286041639
oh SHUT UUUUUUP
>>286041682
I thought Weasthley turned insane due to being plugged into Aperture, hence why he's much nicer in the ending.
>>286041004
>>286041112
>>286041324
The worst part is that I know the new cracked audience is eating this garbage up
Burn it down, it's time to start over
>>286029343
It explains why I feel a bloodlust every time I play with legos.
>>286041843
That's true, but iirc, he blames you/Chell for that as well.
>>286041337
It's regulation if I disagree with the government's laws, it's common sense if I agree with it.
>>286041639
Fuck off, cunt. Girls have it better than anyone and don't need to be brought up.
>>286029343
He's right in observations he's making, but his greater point is that this is somehow wrong
But then again, the guy is an admitted collectivist in the vein of Stalin, so who's surprised that he hates the very concept of competition?
>>286042006
If you didn't notice I'm just posting shit from cracked.
>>286027121
holy fuck cracked went to shit
that's disgusting
>>286042213
The white gel, when sprayed on a surface, allows for the creation of portals. Can't you see? Since portals are vaginas, it basically means that if we spray our white goo all over women they'll open their vaginas for us.
>>286034662
I really hate it when people look at pre-existing fiction and look for things that don't meet with the societal standards of today.
>hey, this thing in the distant past happened! IT PROVES MEN ARE BAD
>hey, this videogame from several years ago has a thing in it!
FEMINISM IS THE LIGHT, ALL HAIL FEMIN'ALLAH
>a male character is stereotyped as a moron and a female character is given easy, absolute power over said stereotyped male idiot
PROOF THAT MEN ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST, FUCK GENDER STEREOTYPES UNLESS IT MAKES WOMEN LOOK GOOD
All the top comments are like this, if the cracked team ever read them maybe they would stop.
>not even called america's only humour website any more
At least they realized they aren't funny anymore.
>>286035181
He's a god damn core (A.I.) designed to retard the thought process of something perceived as too smart for its own good, what the fuck did people expect it to do? Jump into a body ala Peabody/Atlas (which as far as I can recall, it would have no way to know this) and run keep running into a wall because its thought processes lead it to believe the solution to the test had something to do with it?
>>286038447
This may be whorthy of copypasta status, Oh my lord.
>>286042637
Read the ones on the modern men being sexist one. Every other comment is them getting mad about the clickbait title change.
>>286037863
it was funny though and I remember learning a lot of cool trivia from their stupid lists, I used to stay up all night reading article after article of them about 5 years ago.
>>286041992
I guess that's how people perceive it.
Even our currency is a form of regulation. The ideal free market would be bartering with chickens.
>>286038447
Also screen caped for posterity.
>>286042637
>mysterious vagina-being
kek
>>286036753
>gordon freeman is silent
I have no words to say about this so im just going to be quiet an type...................................................................................
>>286042637
>>286042831
>even cracked is tired of feminism
equal and opposite reaction, I guess
>>286042831
A lot of comment sections are complaints about clickbait. I wonder if Cracked is losing page views or if the clickbait is making up for it.
>>286042707
>>286043069
>falling for screencap bait
Y'all niggas know he wrote that post hoping you would.
>>286036753
Are you sure this article is not meant to be satire.
I am finding this so hard to believe that someone believes this genuinely.
>2015
>Still no Space Sim set in the Treasure Planet universeI just want to explore space as a cute catgrill
>>286027121
Us gamers
>>286033381
Rising gas prices > erections rise > rising gas prices are a product of the patriarchy
>>286033489
Inner city poverty > inside things is poor > penis is an external organ, vagina is internal > vagina is poor > inner city poverty is a product of the patriarchy
>>286033906
Theology vs Atheism > Theology has a god, atheism is lack of belief in a god > men have a penis, women lack a penis > penis = god > Theology vs Atheism is men vs women > the conflict is a product of the patriarchy
