Meanwhile in groznyj grad /v/
Can someone out in tselinoyarsk give me a report.
>>284263540
HQ respond
Why did I even sign up for this..
>>284263667
This is HQ
>>284263540
I am going to the boot barn to get dry BDUs after swimming from the hudson.
Gotta get there before everyone else from the Shells do.
>>284263738
how was your day?
So I was thinking of passing this on to my grandson, would that be a good idea?
I want a damn hover platform
>>284263540
Nothing to report, sir.
HQ, that Volgin guy scares the shit out of me...
>>284263850
Absolutely.
>>284263698
We were conscripted remember? at least we don't have veterans of the old patriotic wars as officers.
>>284263540
Man, I wish I could join the Ocelot UnitTheir berets are soo cool
>>284263540
Scientist men are such cyka. I can see quivering in boots whenever I patrol
I saw some scientist run to the forest, fucker got hit by one of our traps. I can't stop laughing.
Anyways, I need someone to clean it up.
Okay, who's the funny guy playing with the cardboard box? It's not fu
>>284263870
Huh?
>>284264003
I heard they have to meow like a bunch of faggots, though. I don't know, man. Patrolling the jungle can be pretty comf..
>>284263870
Just what is it with you crazy niggers at Rassvet and taking pictures of brick walls?
>>284264023
Ugh you clean it up, It's to humid here to work.
>>284264003
I know, right? And their commander is kinda cool too.
What the fuck is wrong with Jonny, its just constant stomach pains with that guy.
Its gotta be hereditary or something.
alright, who's turn is it to mop up the blood in the torture room
>>284264053
A DUD?!
SPIT IT OUT
>>284264106
fuckin bugs everywhere too.
>>284263890
Wait until you see him on Penis Inspection Day, he grabs everyone he runs into. I got a B- last month, hoping to improve.
>>284264196
not it
>>284263540
HQ, I found raikov naked and unconscious in one of the scientists closet
what do I do comrades??
>>284264182
Who put him on cell duty?
>>284264182
>Its gotta be hereditary or something.
Here's hoping he never has kids.
>>284264196
not it
>>284264218
ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I HAVE A CRUSH ON MAJOR OCELOT!
THERE I SAID IT!
>>284264287
Stick it in.
>>284264230
And and snakes, egh fucking snakes man.
>>284263540
GUYS!! IF YOU SEE A BOX OF CIGS LAYING AROUND DO NOT FUCKING SMOKE THEM!!
>>284263738
ENEMY SIGHTED. COMMENCE ALERT STATUS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oti2lKLFyxs
>>284264287
This is HQ
proceed raep
>>284264287
strip him naked and search him for any big guns
Am
Am I seeing things
Have I gone so long without cleaning my kalashnikov?
You guys see that too, right?
>>284264003
The commander's kinda weird though. He keeps mumbling about some snake during breaks and insists of us wearing matching berets and meowing on his signal
>>284264182
Don't worry, he's stuck on guard duty in Groznyj Grad. He can't fuck up anything there.
>>284264287
Don't tell Volgin, he'll freak out and kill us if his precious Ivan were hurt. Did you see what he did to tovarish Granin?
>>284264287
But I just saw raikov pass by me.
HQ! SOMEONE BLEW UP THE STORAGE ROOM, I'M STARVING
>>284264218
The aristocrat
Boo.
anyone hear about the intruder that got captured?
>>284264391
Snakes dont bug me too much honestly. I mean if you see em coming they are no big deal.
Its when they sneak up on ya when you are walking through tall grass. Thats when they getchya.
>>284264494
Well no wonder you're a skeleton, comrade.
>HQ? I think I see a...crocodile with a Kalashnikov. Sh-should I engage it?
>>284264494
Of course you areYou have no stomach, SKELETON
>>284263540
W-well there's a crocodile with a gun, and I think it's looking at me a-and...
>>284264494
Why would you need food? You're a skell
>>284264494
SKELETONS DON'T EAT NICE TRY
>Enemy sighted! Requesting backup uni- *gunshot*.
>...What's going on? Respond!
>>284264410
...what is of happening.
>>284264440
I miss Granin and his jokes about potatoes.
>>284264003
Guys, are we sure we can trust these guys? I swear to fucking god they must be furfags, they keep meowing at each other.
>>284264494
IT'S A RUSE, SKELETONS DON'T EAT.
>>284264447
What the hell?
That nancyboy raikov just punched me in the dick repeatedly until I fell unconscious
And when I woke up all my rations were gone!
>>284264410
fuck I miss MGO
>>284263870
Damn that is clear as shit.
Would patrol/10
>>284264494
Would you say you're ON THE BONES?
>>284264562
>>284264585
Don't be of stupid tovarishi, how could krokodil wield powerful rifle of Kalashnikov?
>>284264609
Da, Granin always had such funny punchlines about how latvija had no potatoes.
Guys...I'm kinda scared, the Pain keeps shooting Hornets into the toilet.
>>284264585
Just leave it alone, it's minding it's own business.
SOME FAGGOT THREW A FUCKING RABBIT AT ME
WHAT THE FUCK?
>>284264494
HQ, DO YOU READ?
WE HAVE SKELETON SABOTEURS AND WE'RE RUNNING LOW ON AMMO.
oh shit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y897tozJeg8
>>284264494
Why the fuck did we contract a skeleton again? to spook the enemy?
Why do i have to be assigned to looking after The End. All he does is sleep, are they sure he's not dead?
>>284264790
da, and how Estonian sound like retarded Russian. "Eeeesstitiionniii" seriously.
>>284264831
This is HQ.
Ammo wont help you against skelingtons son...
you are already dead.
over and out
So what's up with that Fear guy? He always steals my fucking rations and talks like a dumbass.
>>284264860
Well
one of the Boss comrades apparently is a ghost
so I guess we be accepting of all kinds
I just saw scientist with bandana and bad mullet.
Why we not allowed havings of personal style?
>>284264907
My personal favourite was his joke about how sovjetski soyuz is unfair place, and how he will sell his designs for something called a "Metal Gear" to the west. It's too bad that final joke was his end
That boss chick is a qt but man what an attitude, Ivan tried to feel her up and got his arm broken in five spots.
>>284264993
Wh-Who are you!?
>>284264935
What's up with ANY of the Cobra Unit?
Those guys are all crazy
Specially that bee dude
he killed a bunch of the ocelot unit the other day
>>284264884
>complaining about literally the easiest job out in this god forsaken jungle
Just wheel the fucker around and enjoy being indoors for most of the day.
Better than slapping your neck every ten seconds from these damn gnats and sweating your balls off.
Guys I have a secret
Sometimes I see a guy hiding in knee length grass with a bandanna and a gun
but I just pretend I don't see him and keep on moving
Oh god, I really shouldn't of ate that piece of moldy rabbit meat I found on the jungle floor...
>>284264993
Because Kespersky wore a mullet and showed off his body hair last month
Comrades, be honest here, swear on your babas.
Would you a Joy?
>>284265113
Why would you do that? why?
>Mfw got to meet the legendary boss
>Mfw I get to go on patrol with her
Guys i may just faint, she's my idol! What should I do?
>>284265186
Gross.
Now Tatyana is another story...
>>284263870
Guys I figured it out! People always say there's a spy in this picture but no-one can ever see where he is.
the infiltrator is BEHIND THAT WALL ON THE RIGHT. How's that for thinking outside the box?
>>284265186
If I wanted to die, sure.
>>284265245
I have feeling that Tatyana might be a little off...
>>284265110
lol no way me 2
>>284265231
Did you see big, scary Volgin back away like a pussycat from the Boss? She must be terrifying. Treat her nice, comrade.
HQ
Some fucker threw a snake at me!
>>284265231
Ask her how she invented CQC, she might even teach you the basics! Man I'm jealous as fuck
I'm so fucking hungry that I'll eat the first fauna/flora I see without checking what it is first.
>>284265352
What are you talking about?
>>284265062
He was so young had four kids and an apartment with wall carpet.
>>284265215
Have you not ate those horrid rations they give us? Anything's better that those toxic bricks
>>284265352
What, is comrade queer? Does comrade want to spend private time with Volgin?
Maybe comrade put on blonde wig and present himself to Volgin.
>>284265457
He's right, i think she might be a spy
>>284265435
>>284265402
Thanks comrades I will be the nicest soldier there has ever been.
>>284265457
Like...she is not of Soviet...like she might have a a a penis? why else would Volgin be of interested in her?
LE EPIC REDDIT METAL GEAR MEME XD
NICE /B/ROS BAZINGA XD
>>284265512
Those tits don't lie,man.
>>284265409
This is HQ
If you are still breathing than you are fine.
Probably that one guard with the weird eye just fucking with you again.
Over and out.
>>284265409
What did the "fucker" look like, or is this another one of your excuses for spending time in sickbay Dimitri?
>>284265512
Get a grip, next you're going to tell me Shalashaska is a spy too
>>284265512
>Female
>Spy
>laughing_GRU.jpg
Whats up with the sleeping old guy in the wheelchair and that weirdo whose been pushing him around?
Hey guys I got really fucking hungry on patrol so I just cooked up the first snake I found, was pretty fat, too. Taste good, man.
>>284265451
Watch what you eat, comrade. You might pass out.
Or it could charge your batteries for you.
>>284265636
What happen to your rations, comrade?
>>284265580
You have been eating the worng mushrooms man
>>284265636
I miss Big Shell. ;-;
>>284265550
well dont be TOO nice.
Chicks dig a guy who is also kinda a dick.
gotta show her you aint no pussay!
>>284265467
I wish i could have wall carpet instead of uncovered brick wall
>>284265585
>>284265606
>>284265624
Tovarishi listen to me, she is almost certainly a spy. She acts so suspicious around everyone. Also, how in hell could sokolov get a woman like her?
>>284265482
Better then British food.
>>284265486
haha very funny Tovarish.
>>284265580
>>284265768
What kind of stupid name is "Big Shell".
>>284265603
>>284265596
Cyka look like monkey, wearing a red suit
you're of believing. Is true I tell you.
>>284265580
HEY COMRADES
CHECK OUT THIS FUCKING AMERICA PIG DOG
Hey guys, umI'm allergic to bees
Where are some sweet patrol spots where there aren't any bees? Don't leave me hanging
>>284265768
You miss WHAT comrade? Get back to your post.
>>284265778
She invented CQC! I am not being a dick.
Comrades I think I just saw an astronaut with a flame thrower.
>>284265878
>red suit
>monkey mask
>monkey
>mask
yyyyyeah we will keep an eye out there, boris.
>>284265828
Yeah, right, and Ocelot works for the Americans haha good joke Dimitri
>>284265828
She's probably just shy.
>>284265954
Tell her you invented close quarters cuddling
>>284265945
>>284265945
By the bridge man, theres some sweet winds and it is not of being so humid
Uhm, comrades, is Volgin gay? I keep seeing him grabbing the crotch of Major Ivan.
I mean, I don't judge but I don't want to be joining in some gay threesome.
>>284265878
Oh that guy seems swell. I had a running nose and he was kind enough to give me a handkerchief to wipe my nos-
Woah guys have you seen the shagohod.
I got patrol duty in the hanger.
Its cool as fuck.
Cant see how it will launch a nuke all the way to America though.
>>284265954
>she invented hitting people
Yeah man she is gonna think you are a total puss if you come at her like that.
"oh you are so cool"
"oh you invented fighting really close to people"
"oh im a big fan"
She is gonna look right through you, man. Just saying.
>>284265878
I have hear stories of such man from the men in Tselinoyarsk, comrade, do be wary of nightime patrol.
>>284265991
How angry was he?
>>284264196
Nose goes
>>284266086
>>284266209
He was furious and kept mumbling about the world burning
>>284266131
Sure you don't and I don't want to be stationed at the Jungle Heli-pad shit is humid and smells vaguely like Asbestos
>>284266045
>>284266053
There's no way that Commander Ocelot works for filthy American cyki, but i am certain that Tatyana is indeed evil spy sent to take something from wonderful sovjet respublik
>>284265991
>astrounaut
>not cosmonaut
COMRADES I JUST OF FOUND INFILTRATOR
HQ! Me and my team were patrolling by the bridge and suddenly a hornets attacked us. Bogdan or Artyom must have accidentally disturbed it. Bogdan fell to the river, and I think I've lost him.
>>284266369
Not be be mean, but i don't think any of us will miss Bogdan.
Who's afraid of a little thunder!
>>284266162
I was super nice and got an autograph, so ha!
>>284266086
I tried it. She laughed.
>>284265828
wall carpet good for insulation!
>>284264494
THE SPOOK
>>284266447
His kid might.
Wait...he had a kid right?
>>284266516I-I am
Any other scientists around? Why does Major Raikov keep grabbing our dicks? I really don't think he is qualified to be here
>>284266516
H-ha you rock sir!
Dont kill me please.
I heard Johnny likes thunder!
>>284266638
...Maybe i doubt he did, who would be dumb enough to get knocked up by him?
>>284266131
What are you implying comrade? Do you not enjoy such views of camaraderie? Do you not check manhood of fellow comrades in case they're american spies?
Alright I'm just gonna say this:
We've been here for months, walking among fucking snakes, bees and radioactive alligators chasing our asses and I haven't gotten a single raise. I keep hearing coronel Volgin has unlimited money, but we can't even get any decent food. I swear if I have to eat ONE more fucking ration...
>>284266584
>autograph
If it was me, bro...I would have gotten up in some big boss strange.
Would have been like "yeah I heard about what you do. Pretty cool I guess. You know for a chick or whatever."
That would got her gravy lips saucey alright. Would have got her autograph in lady dressing all up and down my shaft if you know what I mean.
but an autograph is cool too I guess
Hey, if you losers can read this, we're having a party at this sweet mansion over at Svyatogornyj East
Bring vodka and bullets
We are running low on of both
>>284266724I kinda enjoy it
Hey I am a scientist. I was wondering how can I get into the Shagohod hanger? It's for important science business.
>Mfw I see The End.
And they're going to make that fucking old fart fight this snakeman? how cruel!
>>284266985
You seem legit to me. Sure.
>>284266862
>Special forces soldier can't cook food in the wild
Wow tovarish i didn't know that KGB was accepting babies, maybe you should be joining Americans for easier time for children.
But then get caught because traitors must be punished of course
>>284266985
Is that floating lab coat... talking to me?
>>284266862
Gotta love socialism baby
>>284266969
What the fuck are you shooting other then each other/ I'll bring the record player
>>284266772
I vaugly remember a sudden spike in baby conversation with him for like a year a few years ago.
Also the name Anya keeps coming to mind. I dont know if it was his kid, or wife or girlfriend....Ill be honest I didnt really pay attention.
>>284266985
Do you know how ridiculous you look with that rag on your head?
over on the east side, you bookworm
>>284266969
HQ here sending in a supply drop of vodka.
We got unlimited money anyway, no harm in splashing it.
>>284266985
HQ, ENEMY SPOTTED
SOME GUY PRETENDING TO BE A SCIENTIST WALKED UP TO ME BUT I DIDN'T RECOGINZE HIS PENIS
