>Be NPC in Novac
>see some dude come into town
>has a floating eye following him
>heard about this guy on the radio, called the Mailman or some stupid shit
>always jogging in a robotic monotonous fashion with his arms going up and down in synchronous, never just walks, must be a cardio nut
>has a backback that's bigger than he is
>see a baseball bat, a shit ton of pistols, rifles, and food sticking out of the pack, somehow it all stays in place
>his floating eye thing never adjusts its altitude for some reason
>Mailman goes inside the T-Rex statue
>comes out a little later
>goes to talk to the woman that runs the local inn, nice enough lady
>brings her out in front of the statue a little while later
>sniper that guards our town blows her head off
>wtf.jpg
>Mailman strips her down to her panties, puts her brain-stained clothes in his backpack
>sprints back into the T-Rex statue
>Comes back out a little later with the sniper following him
>leaps off of the stairs of the statue
>coming toward me
>jumps towards me and literally stops midair as he initiates conversation with me
>the forces of gravity are on his side
>I'm so shit scared of this guy that I babble on about bullshit, tell him I was stung by a radscorpion in the brain
>tell him to watch out for the communists
>spaghetti.jpg
>"I have some more questions" he says
>"o-okay..." I say
>"goodbye"
ITT: PCs acting weird
>>253517358
>be NPC
>some psycho comes into town, starts lighting everyone up
>through the strength of our community we are able to defeat this devil
>suddenly time is looped
>wtf
>we're back to when this son of a bitch just walked into town, still alive
>history repeats itself
>no one else realizes that time keeps looping but me
>Be Imperial guard
>Get stationed in Morrowind
>Seyda Neen, to be precise
>Every day it's the exact same shit
>Get informed that a prison ship is going to be docking here in a few days
>Prison ship arrives
>This Dark Elf with a white ponytail steps off
>I tell him his records don't show where he's from
>Watch as he changes his face, hair, and even his race and gender
>Finally becomes a Khajiit, stays that way
>Tell him to go to the census office behind me
>Watch as he waddles off like he has shit in his pants
>They don't pay me enough for this shit
>>253517358
>be doctor near Las Vegas
>helping out this kid that got shot in the head outside town
>his face is blank
>I mean literally blank, no mouth, eyes, or anything
>wakes up
>I made a sketch of what I think he looked like before someone stole his face, give it to him, ask if it looks about right
>his face suddenly comes alive again
>starts morphing
>finally settles on a guy who looks like the Happy Merchant
>doesn't pay me a cap, raids my house for shit, walks out
>>253517358
>Have my first child
>can't tell if it's a boy or girl
>ask it
>suddenly grows a penis
>>253517358
Funniest thing I've seen on 4chan in a while. Sorry I don't have the patience to write one of these.
>>253517358
bamp?
>Be 10
>Living in the suburbs
>Don't have anyone to talk to except this one girl who was a bitch
>Notice there's a new kid in town
>They go around talking to all the adults
>Finally they come up to me
>They have the blankest look on their face, like no expression at all
>Tells me they lost their dad
>I feel bad, ask if they want to play with me
>They tell me my parents are getting a divorce
>Get pissed at them, tell them to go away
>Figure they probably have autism or something
>Later I find out I'm being sent to military school
>I cry over it
>Few hours later hear gunshots outside my house
>The entire neighborhood is being killed by Chinese commandos
>Mfw I'm now a garden gnome
>be NPC in this building
>some science or medical lab, I don't get paid enough to care
>patrolling with my squad
>suddenly this one random nigger with 2 pistols pops out
>starts firing at us, he runs out of bullets though
>he ditches his pistols and starts punching people
>he kills harry and Jimbo in ONE FUCKING PUNCH
>he then proceeds to jump in the air and judo kick Johnathan
>he instantly kills him too
>mfw he does all of this in like 2 seconds moving at 70MPH
I hate this job. why did I think working for a cannibal was a good idea.
bumpity bump
>Be me, a Gurlukovich soldier.
>Patrolling a tanker we took over.
> Hear someone grind out the word "Freeze"
>Shit pants and put my hands up
> Just silence for what felt like an eternity
> I start shaking my body to please him
>Shake so hard my tags fly off.
> Fucker literally dives through my body like a ghost.
>"Respond!"
>Be scientist
>work in anomalous materials lab
>we're doing a special experiment today
>some douche starts jumping down the hallway at mach 3
>>253517358
>be Russian guarding this one guy who just got his eye blown out
>my name is Johnny for some reason
>try to be nice to him
>the prisoner magically opens his cell door by fucking with his radio
>oh shit
>does a rolling dive into me, knocks me out
>wake up
>time to leave Soviet Russia since I'll probably be executed
>go join capitalist pigs
>maybe I'll name my kid Johnny too
>>253517358
>be NPC in Novac
>watch dude drag a giant sack around from place to place
>he walks into the middle of town
>opens the sack
>thousands of toy T-Rexes start spilling out
>way more than should be in this bag
>I walk by to check it out
>crazy motherfucker launches a mini nuke at the pile of toys
>blows my limbs off
>whole town hates him
What the fuck dude
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2k7IzjnNr4
>Working the streets one day and I see a nig riding a bike
>Joke that he probably stole it.
>laughingsalad.jpeg
>realize he's going 40mph
>heading straight for a car ohno.PNG
>Bunnyhops three car lengths landing on top of the whore I was with.
>stares ahead ringing gay ass bell
>look at him like an idiot for not bringing a car.
> He eventually walks into the street and jacks one in plain sight.
>fuck him becuase that's my job
>He runs me over as I leave
What a fucking asshole. I know he gets millions from that casino.
>Be hanging around Blackwater
>Sitting outside bank
>John Marston rides into town on his horse full sprint
>Knocks a bunch of people over
>What the fuck, ass hole
>Whatever
>Hitches horse at the saloon nearby
>Everyone saying hello to him for some reason, even though he practically killed like three people on his horse
>See him walk up to the bank with his weird walk
>Gives me a strange stare
>Just looking down at me
>I pretend he's not there and look the other way
>Brings a bandanna out of nowhere and puts it over his mouth
>Pulls out his gun
>Walks in bank
>ohboyherewego.jpg
>Robs bank
>Rides off with police in pursuit
>About two hours later
>Marston comes back into town
>People say hi to him all friendly
>Nobody even realizes the guy in the bandanna was fucking John Marston
>mfw
>>253519540
>>253521158
>>253517358
bump
>>253517358
,
>be in havana drinking some rum
>some crazy blonde guy in a red outfit with a big frilly hat shows up
>orders some rum from the bartender
>keeps ordering rum
>orders so much rum that he disappears from this very existence
>half an hour later he comes back in starts playing some pirate game with some other guy
>plays for an hour ends up losing 1000 reales
>shoots his opponent in the head with his gun
>shoots the bartender
>shoots some random guy
>blonde guy disappears
>what the fuck, man?
>Be US soldier
>helping fend off generic enemy invasion #282
>Battle buddy is going Rambo on their asses
>capping vodka chuggers from almost a quarter a mile away full-auto
>Suddenly Wild Ivan pops out behind a random corner
>Peppers battle buddy point blank with an LMG
>Buddy manages to blast Ivan
>drags himself behind a car
>covered in bullets holes
>doesn't seem to be in pain, only hyper ventilating
>few seconds later, bullet holes seal up
>Battle buddy gets up like nothing happened
>goes back to killing Russians
>>253526856
What game?
>>253527667
black flag
Relevant.
>Hanging out in the town square, minding my own business
>Some random guy with a sword and a gun walks up to me
>He's named after a bird, or something stupid like that
>Dude starts playing a fucking lute and handing me gifts; Dances for me a little bit.
>Needless to say, within 10 minutes we were fucking (I don't think I'm gay, but there was something about the way he handled that lute)
>All of the sudden he runs off
>Says he needs to "save the world" or some bullshit.
>MFW I have aids now and he bought my house and then upped my rent 10 gold
>Be selling my fenced wares behind a bar
>Life's good, don't judge my job, it's a living.
>One day that loafer Yangus rears his head in my shop again
>Fucker got me in a hot mess the last visit
>Says he lost this valuable 'orse
>Give him the skinny, cause he's my bloke
>His teenaged friend proceeds to rummage through my bags and steal my shit
>So stunned that I got my own stuff lifted I just stand there in awe.
>Impressed by the danglers between his legs that I pretend I didn't even see it.
>>253521158
>>253528695
>be citizen of Albion
>we have a new King
>about a year after his coronation we see him in my village playing a lute
>something about the Royal Treasury being depleted
I should probably get out of the country while I have the chance, the old King was rambling about impending doom or something during his trial.
I love these threads
>>253521158
>>253525004
>>253528882
What is this supposed to reference?
Reddit: the thread
>>253529498
Fallout 3 you massive retard. Jesus Christ...
>>253529498
The opening of Fallout 3, starts with your birth and character creation.
>>253529527
>being this new
>>253529527
Yes, we should all be at the more relevant /v/ threads that are talking about how having hot chicks in DA3 is unrealistic.
>be a peaceful highland villager
>picking berries for m'lord
>suddenly I get orders to build a rampart wall over to the east to block the advances of our dreaded foes, the byzantines
>I brave the elements, and the wolves to make the journey
>I start building the wall
>still being savaged by wolves while I build
>suddenly I receive a psychic message that we have invented the loom
>cloth coils itself around me protectively
>finish the job, and the wolves
>chilling by my wall, no orders coming in
>watch our village on the horizon
>within a few days we've gone from wooden huts to towering castles
>suddenly get orders to demolish my wall and build a stone one
>fucking commanders
>>253528695
>he bought my house and then upped my rent 10 gold
>>253529527fun
![Old_Lady_Gibson[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/yoZqS0T.jpg "Old_Lady_Gibson[1].jpg")
>Be NPC near Novac
>Going about my day as usual.
>Feed my adorable pups.
>Sit outside and read for a while.
>Notice someone coming up the road.
>Must be new to the Mojave as they seem to think they're a sneaking pro.
>Heard about someone helping Primm that fits their description.
>Supposedly tries to sneak around but overall good person.
>Decide to see if I can have some fun.
>Yawn and close my book.
>Head inside my garage with my pups but leave the door open a crack.
>As expected they sneak in though not very well.
>As they watch I strip off my tattered clothes and stretch out a bit.
>The pups are restless, they know what's coming.
>Bend over and give the "intruder" a bit of a show before I kneel down in front of my bed.
>Colmillo comes by first, eager to mount me. Always the first ready to go.
>He hits his mark instantly since this is routine by this point.
>Hammers away as the visitor just watches, in awe of what she sees.
>Basura hops on the bed as eager as ever.
>I lick his balls gently before engulfing his rocket entirely into my mouth.
>My pups hammering at me from both sides I orgasm time and again while being watched from the corner of my home.
>Could swear I hear Rey having some fun with the visitor but I could just be imagining things.
>A few days pass and the visitor comes by again.
>Bashfully asks if I have some mechanical part of some such.
>Notice she keeps clenching her legs shut while the boys prod at her.
>Come back and hand her the device, with a wink.
>Tell her it's on the house for the audience.
>She blushes as red as those silly souvenir rockets in the Dino shop.
>Dashes out the door.
>Laugh and sit down to continue reading.
>Notice someone coming up the road...
>>253528697
>Be princess of our realm
>Life's good and shit, I'm a fucking princess
>One day the fucking Dragon Lord comes, kidnaps me, and puts me into a lavish room in the middle of some godforsaken cave
>The only thing I can make out in the darkness is a dragon, which is scary as fuck
>Wait for what seems like months, dragon occasionally brings me food, I guess he's pretty cool
>One day this guy comes around and kills the dragon by himself
>HOLY SHIT, I LIKED THAT DRAGON BUT WHATEVER I'M SAVED
>The guy never puts me down, even when changing his armor
>Never brings me back home
>He defeats the Dragon Lord with me still in his arms
>My Dad just rewards him by telling him to take me to faraway lands for us to populate.
THANKS DAD. Pic related, he still hasn't put me down.
>>253530667
>Be a visitor to New York
>Coldest fucking winter on record
>My cousin Angelo sets me up with some "cleaning" work.
>All I gotta do is guard this door with the other new guys.
>The door is in this fucking dive of an apartment building. The walls are literally falling apart and there are wooden planks connecting different buildings and shit.
>We hear on the radio that some guy called Maximum Damage is on his way up
>Then we hear through the door some guy talking to himself.
>I goto open the door and check to see what it is.
>Suddenly a guy wearing a big fuck off leather coat and a face like hes enjoying the smell of a fart but hes not sure if its his, bursts through the door lying horizontally in mid air equipped with a fucking assault rifle.
>Then he fucking spins around the air a full 720 degrees in the fraction of a second and shoots all of my workmates with perfect headshots, lands on the ground and spins some more.
>I start running backwards, never taking my eyes off him, but still looking for a gun when he flips himself onto his feet and materializes 2 uzis into his hands and sprays me
>>253517358
>just got married
>I could fall in battle against Alduin, would be nice to leave a legacy behind
>assume we're going to have sex on our wedding night
>never happens
>she walks aimlessly around the house all night
>only chance of having children is adoption
>what's the point of being married
>all she does is give me a cut of money from her shop
>this is what marriage is like
>>253531383
>npc
>you
>>253529135
>>253528695
Ahh, I used to play Fable TLC so much and always got every possible house and rented them out, then, with fable 3, baked pies like crazy, bought homes throughout the game and just stood around gaining tons of money. I was able to pay everything and keeping money.
I quite liked the game, I just hate how they raped the franchise, the guild had potential to become something truly epic. Also, why did they turn that seal into utter shit quality?
>>253523006
lost my shit
>Be me
>Work out every day to stay /fit/
>Start up on my daily jog after lifting
>Notice there's a new family moving in a few doors down
>Decide I'll introduce myself later when I'm not so sweaty and gross
>As I'm running I accidentally bump into this bald guy in a suit
>Excuse myself
>As I leave I notice he has the meanest, coldest stare
>He must be having a really bad day
>Keep jogging around the neighborhood, say hi to the garbage man, say hi to my neighbors, etc
>I pass by the Cuban family's house a few more times
>I notice there's guys in black suits wearing sunglasses outside their door and in their house with them
>Must be some kind of fancy moving service
>There's also a catering van and a clown rental van so they must be having a party
>Notice the clown outside his van, probably getting more supplies for his act
>I go up to him to say hi
>He has this stare just like the bald guy I met earlier
>I get scared, can't say anything
>Suddenly hear this woman screaming in the backyard
>All the guys in suits run inside to see what's going on
>The clown runs inside as well
>Wonder what the fuck is going on
>While I look through the living room window to get a better view, I see the clown strangling my new neighbor to death
>Ohshit.gif
>Clown drags dead neighbor's corpse to the closet and just leaves it there
>I'm still in shock over what I just saw
>See clown go back to his van
>He removes his makeup and costume and throws on a black suit with red tie, all in the span of a few seconds
>He looks at me for a few seconds with the same cold, harsh stare
>He runs through the gate and out the neighborhood carrying a plate of donuts
>>253531602
Michael Fassbender really should have just invested in real estate to save Albion, I owned almost every property by the time I became King and just maxed out the rent.
![Colmillo[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/Y0bu0El.jpg "Colmillo[1].jpg")
>>253530667
>Be NPC dog.
>Hot damn this old bitch loves getting fucked.
>Nice body too for an old gal.
>Hammer that shit daily.
>Hot damn one time I did the most amazing three way.
>Bark bark bark
>Bark bark?
>BARK?!
>Barkbarkit
>I'm just hanging about in town
>standing there
>same as everyone else
>some guywho turns out to be four guys occupying the same spacecomes over
>Stares at me
>I Struggle to think of something to say to him
>Tell him all about my personal relationship troubles, and how they could be solved if I only had 10 rat skins
>This is freaky enough to scare him away, I'm relieved
Later
>Still standing around, being comfy
>Guy comes back
>whatnow.png
>Hands me ten rat skins he just collected for me
>Say thanks, empty my coinpurse in the hopes he'll leave me be
>Every time he comes back into town I have to pretend that he's my best friend and my life is great now in case he decides to randomly attempt to solve my problems
>freelance guard
>get called in to cover for someone, he did have to attend a funeral
>in such a rush I realize I forgot me glasses
>right snoggered now
>show up at mansion
>owner wants us to guard his fancy sword that don't shine
>sitting in the foyer
>CLANK CLANK CLANK
>wot
>Johnny says some fella in high heels is bouncing through the mansion carrying the lord's best wine, but he forgot his glasses too so he can't find 'im
>go upstairs to find the bugger
>everything is upside down and there are laser beams shooting out of the paintings
>wot
>keep seeing smudges that might be the thief
>nah, it's just my imagination
>whacks me upside the head he does
>wake up with a concussion
>fella took the sword
>owner, Constatine or somethin, is mighty pissed and gets me put on the first skycart to Cragscleft
>Finally settle down, and use my gold to buy a small shop in the Imperial Market District just in time to avoid the daedra carrying me into a portal and stick a spike up my ass
>manage to slowly get a few customers until Thoronir eventually steals them
>worried I might have to close shop
>suddenly the door opens, and I grip hold of my septims
>realise it's not a khajiit this time and breathe a sigh of relief
>he's wearing wrist irons
>it's the hero of Kvatch!
>I hope he wants to buy these potions or give me some new stock
>he stands still, looking around while casting an illumination spell over and over
>becomes fixated on the food I have on display
>about to ask him what he's looking for, but he immediately jumps on a table
>starts violently running in circles, kicking all my dishes on the floor while throwing fireballs at my shelves
>a mountain of sack clothes and rat flesh appears in the air around him and falls to the ground
>I'm frozen in fear hoping the guards will burst in and save me
>he pauses, notices one of my soulgems on display and crouches
>begins sneaking towards it
>grabs it and I suddenly come to my senses and shout "Stop! Thief!" hoping to alert the guards
>I realise I didn't shout it loud enough for them to hear
>he throws a spell at me that makes me go limp, causing me to fall backwards and hit my head
>look up and see him approaching me with a sword made of glass in his hand
>I pray to the nine
>As he's swinging his blade towards me a guard bursts through the door and he freezes, his head turning to face him like an owl
>The guard is shouting at him with his sword sheathed
>Why did I move to Cyrodiil
>be a member of the San Fierro police department
>get a call about some nigger chimping out near the docks
>engage the onboard hyperspace drive
>arrive at the docks in a second
>SWAT vans and a fucking helicopter on the scene
>burned bodies everywhere
>spot the nigger
>he's running around throwing molotovs like they are going out of style
>he also appears to be fucking fireproof
>seriously he runs around on fire and doesn't even seem to notice
>partner gets out of the car
>he takes a molotov to the face
>get a call from HQ
>the FBI are arriving to help us out
>apparently their cars also have hyperspace drives
>nigger starts running away
>we chase him
>eventually corner him near some shitty garage
>he touches some fucking floppy disc thing that was hovering around
>it disappears
>he just stands there motionless
>about to fill him with buckshot
>suddenly HQ orders us to forget him and go back to the station
>prepare to head back to the station
>the entire time that fuck is just standing there like a fucking statue
What the fuck?
>>253532246
You poor taffer
>>253517358
>be kid
>leader of community of kids living in a cave
>things aren't that bad, we have dogs, food, and guns
>adult comes to our gate
>we don't really like adults that much
>says he needs to get through our town to get to this vault or something
>tell him to fuck off
>he turns on the charm full blast, asks if he can come through again
>I say no again
>everything around me freezes
>whoa what the fuck is going on
>[loading]
>be kid
>leader of community of kids living in a cave
>things aren't that bad, we have dogs, food, and guns
>adult comes to our gate
>we don't really like adults that much
>says he needs to get through our town to get to this vault or something
>tell him to fuck off
>he turns on the charm full blast, asks if he can come through again
>I say no again
>everything around me freezes
>whoa what the fuck is going on
>[loading]
>be kid
>leader of community of kids living in a cave
>things aren't that bad, we have dogs, food, and guns
>adult comes to our gate
>we don't really like adults that much
>says he needs to get through our town to get to this vault or something
>tell him to fuck off
>he turns on the charm full blast, asks if he can come through again
>I say no again
>everything around me freezes
>whoa what the fuck is going on
>[loading]
>be kid
>leader of community of kids living in a cave
>things aren't that bad, we have dogs, food, and guns
>adult comes to our gate
>we don't really like adults that much
>says he needs to get through our town to get to this vault or something
>tell him to fuck off
>he turns on the charm full blast, asks if he can come through again
>Well, I guess it's okay
>let him through
>weird sense of deja vu
>Be me, an Imperial Guard for our glorious lands of Cyorodil
>Sometimes just wander the streets on "patrol"
>One day the oblivion gates open up all over the goddamn place
>I don't really give a shit though because I don't get paid to fight demons
>Suddenly my criminal scum senses tingle
>Run over to the weaponsmiths shop as I feel this is the area CRIME is happening
>Some asshole walks out carrying a shit ton of books and apples he pilfered from the shopkeep
>I KNOW these are the shopkeeps apples and books
>Don't even let that lowlife CRIMINAL SCUM speak
>Offer him the customary bribe or jailtime
>Life's good.
>>253517358
>>253531816
I find it weird how the brother could not get that money, while the PC did in the amount of time he kicked his brother off the throne and still kept lots of money... Great writing, it was such a plottwist.
>>253530667
>There will never be a mod that lets this play out.
>>253532379
chuckled
>>253532615
Didn't sexus make it so every enemy could fuck you if they targetted you in vats? Just set the dogs as enemies of her.
>>253532452
Ok I lost it.
>>253528498
I hope Kate and AZ will be great forever, or at least above average.
>Be me
>At the bank to make a deposit.
>As I walk in, I notice three guys in extremely heavy equipment just walking around saying "Shit" and "cops"
>Oh well, nothing too out of the ordinary.
>Be at the front desk
>Notice the heavily armored guys with what seems to be drilling equipment crabwalking into the back room.
>Nobody seems to be getting too startled, so I just mind my own buisness.
>All of a sudden, I hear a clicking sound
>All the guys in heavy armor walk in with big guns and kill the security guards
>They're repeatedly telling people to "get down".
>They start murdering people outside the bank that noticed what they're doing.
>All of a sudden the alarm sounds (thank god)
>turns out they didn't notice that camera in the corner.
>they all just sit in a circle outside throwing grenades on the ground next to them.
>They don't die, but they just lie down.
>All of a sudden, I'm back at the entrance of the bank again.
Fuck this, I'm just gonna go to the club next time...
>Be a truck driver
>Delivering shit to the scumhole that is Raccoon City.
>Late at night. Bustin on a shit.
>Hit the gas station just outside of town.
>Take the biggest shit of my life, but it still smells better than this town.
>Notice some drunk idiot hobo hanging around outside whos probably gonna ask for some change.
>Go to buy some chips from the store and there's no one staffing the till.
>Fuck it I'll eat in the morning.
>Head back to truck when suddenly the fucking homeless drunkard outright assaults me in the middle of the fucking gas station.
>Run back to my truck and get inside. The sooner I can do my drop the better.
>Seriously, that guy was a maniac! Why'd he bite me?
>Get further into town, start feeling really ill.
>Notice some faggot cop in full on riot gear taking some hooker out on a joyride or some shit.
>Then he starts swerving all over the place.
>Become so fucking woozy I cant see straight. Blackout.
>Wake up and my fucking truck is on fire and that cop car is in front of me.
>I bet that cunt caused this crash.
>Get the fuck out and notice more drunk hobos hobblin to help me. Fuck that shit.
>Leg it down the street and find an empty gun store.
>Decide to hideout here. Should be safe.
>>253532390
>be merchant in Cyrodil
>just trying to make a living
>THAT guy comes in again
>grins at me
>takes out two scrolls
>drops them on the floor
>dozens of new scrolls come into existence
>keeps doing it
>I beg him to stop
>keeps grinning
>the store is drowning in scrolls now
>so many scrolls that the windows break from the pressure
>they fish ours corpses out of the store later
>>253521158
>>253530667
i dont remember this
>Be NPC
>Walking around in Los Santos
>Feel like going to Ponsonby's to get a new outfit
>Walk up sidewalk
>Suddenly, car comes sliding around corner
>Shit ton of cops chasing him, a few choppers too
>ohshit.jpg
>Roars past me in solid chrome Trufant Adder
>Stupid ass dollar sign rims
>Blares his clown horn as he roars by, his buddy shooting at the cops
>oh shit, I'm alive
>go inside and do some shopping
>10 minutes later, I leave
>the same guys somehow got away and now they're following me making lewd motions behind me
>one guy pretends to jerk off while the other air humps behind me
>they follow me all the way to my house and stand outside my window doing it for another 10 mins before they get gunned down by some dude on a Faggio
>just another day in Los Santos
>>253533469
You need the Wild Wasteland perk.
>>253533627
it's not a perk, it's a trait
>>253533862
he's also full of shit so, ya know
>>253533862
Oh that's right, my bad. It's certainly wild though.
>>253533862
>this video
This kid definitely became /b/ in a couple of years.
>>253532303
Dude, you thought you saw some shit? Try living a patrol of Vice City in the 80's
>Be A VCPD sarge
>After another rousing day of shoving the shower dildo up our asses we get a call on dispatch that some guido is tearing up Ocean Beach
>Seems like a normal call for saturday, but whatever, head over
>On the way the situation escalates, hear reports of massive rocket fire blowing up the first respondents
>Arrive on the scene, total carnage, cars are on fire, bodies in the streets
>Suspect enters a passing golf cart and takes off
>High speed pursuit all along the beach and into the old movie studio
>The guy gets out and suddenly a fucking tank just APPEARS
>kills at least 20 of my buddies on the force
>No choice, call in the army
>It takes 7 hours to to finally haul his ass to jail
>Boss insists we only confiscate his weapons and charge him a $500 fine.
RIP Brothers.
>Have a newborn child
>Trying to decide on a name
>"How about Max?" I think to myself
>Kid has already chosen his own name
>His name is now Master Fister
>>253532916
>Find a crossbow.
>Decide to take over the store as owner.
>Change my name but not my clothing or voice.
>Stand by the till waiting for customers.
>Door opens and in walks some slut in shorts and a vest.
>Point my crossbow at her because she my might be a hobo.
>Ask her who she is and what she's doing here
>She replies that she's a human.
>Pause for a second to stop myself from laughing in her face.
>Apologise and decide to play along with her drug fuelled fantasy. Maybe I can get some free sex if she thinks this is an apocalypse or something.
>Hint through conversation that the whole city is infested with zombies and that i'll keep a close eye on things.
>Lock the door.
>She fucking runs right through the store and out the back exit.
>Ah well, at least I don't have to deal with any more fuckin hobos.
>Suddenly 4 of them approach the window and start banging on the glass.
>Tell them we're closed.
>Then they fuckin burst through the window.
>Manage to somehow shoot off one of their arms with the crossbow as they mount me.
>I fuckin hate this city.
>Day 29
>still stuck in this rainy shithole
>for some reason I can't fuckin move a step
>neither can the people around me, some just walking around in a square for days on end
>only companion is my zubat, he fetches me wild berries sometimes
>rain making me very sick
>suddenly, some 10 year old in a miniskirt WALKS by
>no bullshit, actually has a direction and walking consistantly
>yell out to her as she passes me, pleading for help
>she says nothing and summons a giant temporal space dragon the size of a building
>it crashes a couple meteors into my poor zubat
>she beats the fuck out of me and takes exactly half my money (tears a bill in half)
>what the fuck is wrong with my world
>>253533862
ACHUALLY
Traits show up in your perks menu, so a trait is a type of perk
>>253534410
>find out a new amusement park is opening near my town
>decide to go
>entry is free but food is like5 dollars for a single burger and the fucker is even charging 10 cents to use the bathroom
>whatever there's atm's everywhere and no one ever seems to run out of money in their bank account anyway
>somehow merry-go-rounds and pirate ship rides literally appear out of nowhere
>roller coaster starts to get built, becomes THE ride to go on
>after a while the coaster crashes killing everyone on board
>now no one will go on it
>roller coaster gets closed, then a single section of the track suddenly disappears and reappears
>everyone wants to ride the coaster again
>>253521981
>judo kick
You don't kick in judo senpai.
>>253534410
>tfw can't help always taking skilled
>because otherwise I level up way too fast
>Be engulfed in darkness, like made out of it.
>Popular horror writer comes by to the town where I live.
>Being made out of Darkness and loving his stories, I want an autograph.
>Dude fucking spaces out when I get near, only acting normal in light, but being made out of Darkness, that shit hurts.
>Dude walks around with a flashlight and a revolver, killing my darkness friends.
>Finally find him at some crates, away from any lightsource, walk up to him.
>Fucker fires a flare to my chest, making me evaporate.
Fuck celebrities man, going around fucking people up.
>>253517358
>be NPC
>some guy starts talking to me
>has this controller, whenever he pushes this one button I feel compelled to skip entire portions of my dialoguing with him
>>253534554
>Starts raining
>Umbrellas are twenty bucks
>Eh, everyone else seems to think it's a good deal
>Buy
>>253517358
>be in military, working to annex Vegas
>this civilian has been doing some contracting work for us, practically a legend by now
>we're all so in awe of him that all we can do is talk about the weather over and over again whenever he tries to speak with us
How do I stop spilling my spaghetti whenever he's around?
>>253517358
kek
Here ya go
>>253534554
>>253535185
>think this is all bullshit
>about to leave park
>feel something grabbing me
>black out
>wake up in a pit
>there are other guests here
>and a bunch of guys dressed like pandas
>there's this big ass sign that says "DO YOU LIKE IT NOW?"
>also a pool
>every hour they pick one of us
>they throw in the pool and watch him drown
HELP
>be Templar working at the Tower
>watching over the mages
>try my best to be fair to them
>this blood mage escapes the tower
>no one can track him down because he broke his phylactery (vials of blood we use to hunt down rogue mages)
>I point out the fact that his blood is still on the floor from when he cut himself to use his blood magic, certainly we could use that to locate him
>this doesn't occur to anyone else
>never see him again
>>253531770
I JUST PLAYED THIS LEVEL FUCK YEAH
>>253535731
>The person who wrote this has adware on their PC
>>253535983
Do one about this templar during the time when the tower is taken over by those demons.
>>253536071
what is this?
Sounds like one of the Hitmans maybe?
>>253517358
>be NEET
>some of my sciencetist friends tell me how great Mars is
>hear about some company named UAC,they pay some good money
>get assigned to security,have to guard some old comms facility
>some autistic marine comes by wont say a word
>just go ahead and give him the old flashlight and never tell him his armor has one for shits and giggles
>the autist wont stop punching my security window and he keeps jumping
>go about my day browsing marschan,hear some creepy whispers
fuck guys this place is too fucking weird,im thinking about transferring to earth,what should i do? i hear tha--
>>253536154
Hitman: Blood Money.
>>253536078
>wrote
I meant to write who made this screencap.
I'm tired.
>>253536129
Not really sure what to write, m8
>>253536423
What makes you think that?
>Live In some no name town
>mayor is an incompetent turtle who never did shit
>he retires, thank god
>soon as I start thinking about a campaign some human moves in and Jew Nook declares him the new mayor
>informed that the town is now named BigD1CK5
>go to complain, on the way run into new "mayor"
>be cordial, he didn't ask for this
>invite him to over my house
>he comes rum ages through my shit, flicks my lamp light 200 times on and off
>he hasn't said a word and hasn't left for hours
Wat do?
>be raider in post apocalypsee D.C
>see some rando waster, got some good looking shit on him
>a man's gotta eat
>me and my buddies start shooting him, bullets rip through him
>he doesn't even fucking flinch
>materializes a laser machine gun out of nowhere
>turns everyone but me to ash
>holy fucking shit
>hide, decide to get the drop on him
>while he somehow manages to take an assalt rifle and body amour out of Jim's decapitated femur, I jump out and attack him
>he looks at his watch
>suddenly time fucking stops
>can't move a muscle, think I see lake water sitting perfectly still
>guy still has a blank look on his face and start pulling out food
>he's stuffing ten boxes of Salisbury steak and mutated fly meat down his gullet
>starts injecting himself with steroids
>wounds start healing
>pulls out a leaf blower
>decapitates me with a teddy bear
>fuck
>>253536514
Text enhancers.
>>253536514
Those blue underlined words are indicative of adware
If you click them they're links to random shit
Obligatory
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQYAuuVRaTA
>be citizen of Nipton
>life is good if you look past the fact that we're all pretty debauched
>one day the entire town is rounded up by these retards wearing football gear
>the leader says that we're being punished for servicing Powder Gangers and NCR troopers, and for the fact that our mayor was about to collude with them to spring a trap on the NCR troopers that visited our brothel
>the fact that they entrapped our retard Mayor into betraying them somehow condemns everyone in this town
>this is what the Legion actually believe
>some of us fight back and kill some of the Legionaries, nonetheless we all get crucified and/or killed as part of this sadistic lottery
>I get crucified
>still alive (barely) a couple of days later
>see this new guy come into town
>overhear that smooth voiced faggot telling this guy that none of us fought back, blatant lie, if he just looked around the town he'd find the bodies
>no one will ever know the story of what happened here
>no one will know what we sacrificed
>True Patriots
>fading away into nonexistence
>last thing I hear
>I WON THE MOTHERFUCKING LAW-TO-REE
>>253536694
>decapitated femur
>Be restauranteur in Onett
>business is slow
>look out window
>see kids literally eating out of the trash instead of coming inside
>close up a few months later due to Mayor Pirkle's inconsistent taxation laws
>>253537386
I still found it dumb how you couldnt save the crucified gangers because they'd die, and yet they remain there indefinitely.
>Be Archemage of Mages guild.
>Enjoys living and teaching at the arcane university.
>Finds the Akavari architecture of the city to be quite pleasant and protective against the dangers of the Cyrodiil rainforest.
>Goes to sleep
>Wakes up and finds the city now a stone city like those of High Rock.
>The rainforest is now a field and woodland of a temperate climate.
>whatinblazes.jpg
>News of the emperor's death
>Thinks that the gods have curse the land with unimaginative flavors for the death of the emperor!
>Be 12 years old.
>Playing with my iPad.
>Never talk alot to people.
>Its my birthday, uncle is supposed to stop by.
>He actually shows up.
>Hug mom, starts walking towards me.
>Oh shit.
>Awkwardly asks for a hug.
>Sure..
>Later
>Everyone is inside
>Playing some Rayman on my iPad.
>Fun as shit.
>Housephone rings, uncle starts staring at mom.
>Wait what.
>He pulls out his cell.
>White lines fly out of it.
>What the fuck is happening.
>Blocks of glitchy text starts popping up.
>Uncle runs into my room, checks his cell and runs back out.
>Why the fuck do you do this every time you show up.
>Stares at me. Glitchy blocks starts popping up in my damn face.
>You are the worst house guests.
>Birthday ruined.
>>253537386
Your story makes me glad I put a bullet in the head of that Vulpes faggot and massacred his legion butt-buddies.
>Be in nipton
>Having good day
>See people off in the distance
>the start walking
>The run into our town
>they kill tons of people
>they crucify a lot of people
>soon we get gathered up in a circle
>everyone gets assigned a lottery ticket
>the guy next to me gets his fucking legs crushed
>wonder who will be the one to survive
>I get the winning ticket
>they set me free
>Run out out of the town
>encounter guy with fuckhuge backpack filled with plates and soda bottles
>tell him about how i won the lottery
>In mid conversation he reaches into his fuckhuge back pack and pulls out a boomstick
>he fucking caps my ass for no reason at all
>Be sheriff's deputy
>teenager gets murdered
>FBI comes in for no real reason
>agent insists I call him by his middle name
>agent talks to himself constantly
>agent follows me around in his car with the siren blaring
>wake up to agent looking in my windows
>agent forces me to cook for him
>give him some stupid doll from my garage to make him leave me alone
>living in some town in Texas
>working as a clown for the local carnival oh boy
>take pills for my heart condition
>have to keep them in a cooler in the break room
>dumbass strongman puts anvil on cooler and becomes depressed
>areyoufuckingserious.jpeg
>going to die unless I get help but carnival decides to stick me out front
>sitting in front of the carnival
>feel like shit, dying
>some wimpy loser with a shitty mustache and a sports coat comes up to me
>asked me if I murdered his girlfriend then stands around for hours
>just leave me alone
>die alone
fuck
>>253538596
What game is this?
>>253538713
Deadly Premonition
>>253538596
Please,call me York.
>>253538817
Everybody else does.
Need one more Metal Gear related
>>253539014
>be soldier
>patrolling base in the middle of the jungle
>look into distance
>cardboard box just sitting there
>feel too awkward to check the box
>ignore it and stay at my post
>look again
>box is gone
>decide not to tell anyone about the phantom box
>>253539236
MGS V: The Phantom Box
>be mercenary hired by Irina Morales
>she had a close call down in Mexico, I heard
>some bastards shot Marcelo
>We're supposed to be on high alert, this spec ops team may be nearby
>hear explosions in the other room
>"Cover me!"
>"Fuck you man you cover me"!
>"They got me pinned!"
>"They killed him!"
>"Shit, bitch owed me money!"
>no more noise
>Guess it's nothing
>be House
>help out the courier, offer him riches
>eventually betrays me
>takes me out of my cube after killing my guards
>stops and checks his pipboy
>leaves
>comes back and bashes my head in with a golf club
>>253534664
He doesn't get paid enough to care.
>be pirate smuggler on remote planet
>normal day at the base
>suddenly space marshals burst in
>enemies are everywhere
>get lifted into the air and riddled with bullets
>>253532303
>>253534058
You think you had a bad gig?
>be cabin boy on some rich colombian dude's yacht
>have to wear a gay as hell sailor suit
>mopping the deck while the boss talks to some new guy in town who's fucking his daughter
>suddenly helicopters and speedboats surround us
>It's the fucking French secret service
>boss tosses me and the boys AK-47s
>shootout of the century commences
>french bastards run up on the deck but get effortlessly shot down by the boss's friend
>multiple boats and helicopters exploding around us
>the crazy bastard shoots a fucking attack helicopter from right above us
>it crashes right on top of us
>Boss and his friend somehow survive without any scars, I barely make it
>Have to explain to my coworker's families that they're all dead
That was when I decided that I'd had enough of that shit and headed out to the West Coast
>>253539359
KAHZI'MAWREDDYAHBAWX
>boy comes into my house
>breaks all my shit
>takes all my money
>stands looking at me expectantly
>sputter something about monsters being around
>boy hits me with a net and leaves
>>253532865
>big man with a gun runs in
>scream very loud but apparently nobody hears me
>points a gun at me and tells me to get down
>not sure if I want to, he doesn't seem very sincere
>he yells at me a second time so I decide to humor him
>he ties me up
>makes me get up and starts telling me where to move
>walk into a lamp instead
>don't move
huh I sure showed him
bamp
>hanging out at Pharod's court, trying to get a peep at that hot redhead
>suddenly a monstrous looking grey zombie man shambles in
>doesn't know his name
>is carrying intestines, an eye, an arm....
>being followed by a floating skull, a succubus and some chinese guy
>what
>>253540960
>zombie man won't stop writing in his journal
>Have a pretty slow realestate business in this shitty backwater town in bumfuck nowhere
>Town has only like 5 residents and no paved roads
>One day the mayor retires
>They send for a replacement
>Oh boy, someone I can sell a house to
>Turns out the new mayor is this mutated hairless monkey thing without a tail
>Don't want his kind living anywhere near me
>Jack up the price of his house to encourage him to leave
>Force him to live in a shitty tent in the mean time
>A couple days later he comes back with all the money, grinning like a jackass
>Mfw
>Try to jew him out of even more money with house upgrades
>Figure he'll either give up and leave or I get fucking rich
>Become a multimillionaire within a few months
Life is good
>>253531770
10/10 anon
>selling my wares outta a truck
>all of a sudden some crackhead looking nigga pops up and scares the shit outta me
>buys armor, guns
>sells me books then buys them from twice somehow
>see him crawl into the sewer
>>253541162
>his journal is made of skins and bones, uses blood as ink
>>253517358
>I've seen that fucker
>jumps everywhere
>always does some weird skipping motion,
>always jumps right knee forward, left leg back
>I wish nuclear winter would wipe these freaks out
someone needs to do one for Facade
>Be fat little white guy
>Get pushed around by everyone
>Two tall guys make a game out of it
>They shove me across the yard
>Continue to bounce me between the two of them
>One guy doesn't catch me
>The other cheers
>Chasing after some little faggot trying to start shit.
>This is it. He's surrounded.
>Raise my gun.
>Sudden woosh of air.
>Can't move.
>Look down, see parts of my body lighting up.
>Weird percentages everywhere.
>Focuses on my groin for some reason.
>Finally I can move again.
>A second later I'm shot in the dick.
WHAT THE FUCK
>>253542934
>invite friend over for wine
>friend stumbles around apartment
>think he might already be drunk
>offer him a drink
>shouts everything he says
>awkwardly make small talk about trips and plans
>wife feels increasingly nervous
>goes to bedroom
>friend tries to follow wife in there
>think it's time for him to go
>be soldier
>get called to secure an area guarding important intel on the virus that's ravaging the city
>we're debriefed extensively on our number one suspect, one Alex Mercer, who somehow managed to turn the virus onto himself and now has superhuman abilities, and he's in fact a shape-shifter
>could be anybody
>one day we're the minding our own business
>then HOLY SHIT IT'S MERCER EVERYBODY FIRE
>he's a fucking bullet sponge
>he grows motherfucking BLADES on his arms and slices through half the batallion
>he grabs one of the generals and takes him away
>we lose sight and the helicopter can't find him
>I'm about to call and report on what happened, when I look up
>see the general running along a building, then jumping like 60 feet, spring mid-air and land in front of me. he literally leaves cracks on the floor
>"Uh, general, you alright?"
>"Erm. Yes. No biggie. Good job private. At ease."
>he walks like it's no thing into the bunker
It was good we got the general back. Still no sight of Mercer, though.
>Doing my sexy walk down the street as usual
>Some dickhead in a cyan Hawaiian shirt sprinting towards me
>Bumps into me
>No manners
>Proceeds to go into an ally and runs into some pink floating thing with a skull on it
>A fully automatic machine gun materializes in his hands
>Start shooting the local gangsters
>Police is here
>More gangsters keep appearing out of nowhere
>He kills about 25 or so
>His machine gun disappears
>Police suddenly stops perusing him
>Getting real tired of this shit
>>253543768
/thread, there won't be one better than this
>>253535018
Poor, unimaginable horror from beyond.
>be a big-ass fucking drake
>nobody fucks with my shit or they get a blast of fire to the face
>some naked guy with a club comes sprinting down a bridge towards me like a Jubilant Catarina that got lost during the 100-meter dash
>shoot a fire blast at him but he leaps down some stairs and dodges
>whatever, he looked hollow anyway
>suddenly feel a sharp sting in my tail
>yelp in pain and hop to the middle of the bridge to look for the source
>I don't see anything so I go back
>I feel another sharp pain
>this goes on for about five minutes
>suddenly, after one more sting, my fucking tail falls off
>as I'm roaring in agony I see the naked fuck running back across the bridge with a sword made from my tail
>left sitting on my perch with no tail and no pride as that faggot Solaire stares at the sun for another week
>mfw
>>253532303
>Be member of the Los Santos PD
>Get a call of shots fired
>Respond CODE 3 with lights and siren
>Suspect is black male with high build, wearing a gimp suit
>HQ advises us that the suspect is armed a pink dildo
>FTO drives to the location just to see how the nigger is bitchslapping a cop with a dildo while he is on the ground
>Pull out my gun and tell him to drop it
>Nigger uses super speed to sprint away
>Shoot him in the back 5 times
>whythefuckisthisthingnotdying
>Nigger steals a car and our backup arrives
>Car chase active
>Suspect enters the pay 'n' spray
>Watch commander orders a stand down
>Try to argue with him but he doesn't listen
>About to start yelling at the radio when a FTO taps my lap
>"Let it go, kid."
>MFW
>>253545457
lel
>>253545457
kek
>>253545457
jej
>>253521158
>Decide to try and pick a name for my son
>the words "Penis Baby" randomly materialize beside his head
>didn't put a single thought into it
>"That's a good name"
>Be ugly husk of a man
>Feel into some goo shit don't care its all behind me
>Made army of Giant buff green trannys
>Realize my altimeters and schizophrenia are getting worse as a hear these fucking computers repeat what I just say
>Some bitch with a jumpsuit with 13 on it walks in
>Just pretend to listen too her
>She is literally talking for what seems to be hours
>Start talking about privledge checking and other shit like that
>Starts saying shit about all supertrannys being infertile or something like that
>Decide it has to my schizophrenia and just end my life right there instead of listeningto more of this
>Mfw even in death I hear Black Mountain Radio
>>253538626
Aw Shit, Darkseed II, or
>Everybody hates Mike because he's a fucking pussy bitch.
somebody do one of a sleeping dogs cop or pedestrian please
>live in Tenpenny tower
>even got a gf (and she just blew me)
>shit is SO cash
>there's ghouls that want to live here
>they're literally worse than niggers. though not as ugly, i'll concede that
>one day a wanker comes along wearing of those old-ass vault suits
>he goes up to see the boss
>then comes around asking to sign his petition for ghouls to move in
>makes compelling arguments
>everyone votes yes
>even if i vote no, i can't change a thing
>ghouls move in
>but you know, maybe ghouls aren't that bad after all. as long as they're not too noisy we'll have no problems
>>253547008
>be transgender
>don't want any attention, just want to live my life
>sitting at a bus stop one day
>this shady ass guy wearing a baseball cap comes up to me
>practically shoving his phone in my face
>don't want to make a scene, just take it, bus should be here soon
>suddenly pulls out a silenced pistol and shoots me five times in the chest
>a couple of stray bullets blow the bus stop apart
>look up at him as I die
>it's /pol/
>>253547008
>be blue belt
>cop barges into class
>starts throwing jade statues at teacher
>teacher nods and whispers to cop
>teacher looks to me
>start sparring with cop
>cop grabs me and breaks my fucking leg
>scream in pain
>cop continues to break my leg
>does this ten times before leaving
>can no longer pursue my passion
>cop didn't have the decency to kill me
>get job as Hong Kong parking valet
>live in a crummy shit apartment and ride a scooter
>I tell myself it's just temporary and that one day I'll be the guy in the big car
>some twinkie moves into the building
>people say he's an American gangster or some shit
>he comes down for his car
>he's driving a fucking Bentley Continental GT
>"Be careful with this one, Wei" I tell him
>he backs it straight into the concrete wall with a massive thud, does a doughnut on the pavement and hits five people flooring the speeder on his way out
>I fucking hate Hong Kong
>>253517358
bamp
>>253547749
>they're literally worse than niggers. though not as ugly, i'll concede that
10/10 post
>girlfriend broke up with me
>got drunk at a bar later that night
>woke up late as shit to my new job as a cop
>arrive in town I'll be an officer in
>deserted as all fuck
>2spooky.jpg
>see lady lying in the middle of the street
>get out of jeep
>check her
>bloody as all fuck
>super period
>hear noise in the distance
>shout for them to show themselves
>fucking gang of hobos start surrounding me
>pull out my gun and tell them to back the fuck off
>not listening
>let off warning shot
>no use
>shoot one in the chest
>didn't go down
>WHAT THE FUCK
>start lighting them up like a christmas tree
>they will not go down
>run in an alley
>door burst open
>all of a sudden a qt 3.14 appears
>hobo chasing her
>I tell her to get down, and shoot hobo in the head
>he's dead
>find cop car
cont?
>>253529845
>demolishing your palisades
>not keeping them around for thematic effect
Fag
bumpity
>be centaur
>chilling with my big bro in camp
>minding our own business
>suddenly this deer bitch shows up
>starts flirting with us
>she still has her white spots
>jailbait
>bro falls in love with her though
>the two run off without me
>all alone
>deer bitch shows up again a few minutes later
>bro is not with her
>ask her where he's gone
>she throws a fucking spear at me and runs away
>chase that bitch down
>get bored 2 seconds later and return to camp
>fucking wolves everywhere
>try to ask them to leave
>they won't
>start arguing with them to get my camp back
>this black lipstick-wearing purple faggot with no eyes or nose shows up
>uses his glove to turn the biggest wolf into money
>"As foretold."
>flies off through the trees and into the river behind us
>me and smaller wolves are left speechless
>>253548776
>fucking cop car had the keys in it
>what luck
>cruising around with this qt trying to figure out whats going on
>she's yapping some shit, while I try to scan the radio
>radios out
>she ask if i'm a cop
>obviously
>try to get in her pants by telling her it's my first day
>no luck
>she starts yapping on about her missing brother or some shit
>don't want her to die so I tell her to get the gun out the glovebox
>all of a sudden, hobo in the backseat
>swerving all over
>hit light poll
>hobo flies through windshield
>look up
>18 fucking wheeler speeding towards us
>get out of car just in time
>biggest explosion ever
>separated from QT
>tell her to go the police station
>she starts yelling something back
>not listening
>begin walking to the police station
>run a shop in the Imperial City called the Mystic Emporium
>business is good
>suddenly some guy instantly materializes in front of the door
>he's in rags and has irons around his wrists
>looks like the fucker just got out of prison, why aren't the guards arresting him?
>stands in front of me blank faced
>pulls random shit out of his pockets like a ruby, a vase, a hammer, a fucking goblin staff
>uses the gold from that to buy 2 scrolls
>holds them in his hands and taps them twice
>suddenly 4 scrolls drop to the ground
>what the fuck man
>does this until he has enough scrolls to buy an enchanted piece of ebony armor from me
>does the same thing, now metal gauntlets are falling all over the place
>eventually shoves them all in his pocket
>starts to sell them to me one at a time
>I'm so confused I don't even notice I'm never running out of money
>every time I try to compliment him on the sale he cuts me off by shoving another gauntlet into my face
>eventually sells them all
>leaves with like a million septims in his pocket
>still in rags
>mfw
>>253550269
>get to station after fighting off hordes of fucking drugged up hobos in the streets
>station is deserted as fuck
>check double door to the right
>locked
>well shit
>check the next door
>not locked
>go inside to find a nigger with his intestines about to fall out
>he recognizes me
>tells me my party got canceled
>mad as shit by this point
>starts running off about some shit that went down a few months before in the mountains of this town
>don't care
>gives me a keycard and points his gun my face
>well fuck you too nigger
>leave room
>use keycard to get on computer
>log on to 4chan /v/
>type this
>get invited to some guys party
>he just moved in to the house that the richest family in town used to live in
>he invited everyone in town
>he invites us all to his pool
>we go in
>suddenly, couches materialize around all the ladders
>well fuck
>don't believe in moving things or climbing things, so can't get out now
>the guy tries to become friends with all of us
>keeps talking with us
>through some kind of stockholm syndrome we all become friends
>couches disappear
>orders some pizza
>puts the leftovers on the ground
>goes to bed
>doesn't even show me out
>>253538790
>>253538817
>>253538959
Y'all niggas have got good taste.
Others should play this game post-haste.
So says Mr. Stewart.
>>253521158
Fantastic
>>253551746
>That weird guy that nobody likes pisses himself
>>253543538
Melon.
>be citizen of stilwater
>driving my car in the road
>while stopped see a guy in purple clothes holding a cane on the sidewalk
>pulls out his phone
>dials something
>suddenly it's raining and there's thunder
>then he gets super small, his cane is still normal sized
>then all the pedestrians start fighting each other and there are people falling from the sky
>dials something else
>get an overwhelming urge to run him over
>he pretends to trip in front of me and I hit him
>he goes flying across the city
>goes across the bridge and hits the top of the ultor skyscraper
>falls all the way to the bottom
>doesn't die
>gets like a million dollars in insurance money
>Be in the City Guard
>Protecting some higher officers house
>He's part of some weird city-sponsored cult, shit's weird
>Walking my route
>See my guard buddy, walk over to him
>Ask him if we'll meet up and get some cigars and wine
>He agrees, nice
>Continue my route
>Hear a whoosh behind me
>Some fucker in a trenchcoat and skull mask chokes my ass out
>Wake up, find out he killed the officer
>Get fired
>Get the plague
Shit sucks
>>253553473
>months later
>that guy doesn't come around anymore
>minding my own business
>walk down Grove St.
>fat nigger with a blonde afro driving over people and getting out and stealing their money
>what the fuck, the money is spinning in mid air
>cops arrive on the scene
>thankchrist.jpg
>nigger starts walking in circles and hops a few times
>there's a fucking RPG in his arms
>destroys everything in site
>suddenly tanks and apache helicopters
>it's the fucking army
>nignog looks like he's going down soon
>does a few jumps and runs in circles
>every police officer and soldier just leave
>whattheactualfuck.png
>nig steals a car and starts driving over people and stealing their money
not sure if my daughter is a runner or a lady of the evening
>>253534074
>not Mister Fister
Lame.
>Be leader of the tunnel snakes
>kind of a bully but whateva
>flirting with the overseers daughter
>that one weird kid comes up and starts whiteknighting her
>threaten to kick his ass
>get into a scrap, kids pretty good at handling his own
>later apparently the kids father ran from the vault and the kids getting out while he can too
>radroaches attack the vault
>Ma gets trapped with a few of them
>secretly scared of radroaches, cant save her myself
>no choice but to turn to the kid and beg his forgiveness in hopes that he will save her life
>he leaves her to die becuae I stole his sweetroll years ago
fuck man
>Be a floating eyeboat
>Suddenly a new criminal enters my database
>Name : Jamal Damarius Darnel
>Continue with my pre-determined patrol
>Pass through the boxing ring
>Criminal Sighted
>Smack the criminal and cuff him
>Fucking shitting cunt abortion ass crap bastard fuck
>Continue with my patrol
>Later Jamarius, Jamal, and Tyron all run up to me in their gray jumpsuits and beat the shit out of me till I explode, and start fighting for the stun stick that pops out of my salvage
Halt
bumpity bump
>>253555554
so close
>>253521158
>be old professor
>explaining pokemon to some kid
>Alzheimers cant really remember if they are a boy or girl so have to ask them
>Can't even remember my grandsons name, have to ask that too
>give DICKBALLS and FAGGOT their pokedexs and starter pokemon and send them on their way
such nice kids
>>253555418
>Start of the work day
>My master leaves his office and comes back with a bedsheet
>Puts it on me and tells me to spook any and all grey suits that attempt to upgrade their access
>Starts forging his identification card to say BATMAN while putting on a baclavla and a combat vest
>He has a shotgun on his back, a belt filled with taser guns, and a backpack in his hands with a bunch of more guns
>Rides off on the janitors sweet ride
>I can hear gunshots going off and the screams going on in the medical wing
>Explosion right across from the office
>Even though the hallway is a vacuum a clown comes asking for all access
>Asks my master over his radio to come to his desk
>Suddenly chef pops in and chops me up for meat
woof
>>253555687
>leforcedmeme.jpg
xDDDDD
>>253542961
Clever.
>>253556490
>he's a hothead
>on this plane
>that's part of this master plan
>he does it for free
>he takes his "job" very seriously
>he does it because it is the only time he will feel in charge in his pathetic life
>he crashes planes he doesn't like because whenever he gets upset he has a hothead attack
>he crashes planes he doesn't like because they interfere with the large backlog of reddit threads he still has to read
>he will never have a real plan
>he will never have a lotta loyalty
>he will never be at a healthy weight to go mobile
>he will never know how to cook anything besides his head
>he will never be a big guy
>he will never get to bring friends
>>253557226
Was that Pong
>>253556490
You probably weren't around for it but there was a time on /v/ when your post number could end with repeating digits and it always celebrated or used to derail threads. Maybe lurk before posting next time, n00b.
I wish was fun like this thread all the time.
>>253557315
Forgot
>he stands on ceremony
>he will never endure
>he feels in charge
>me and my bruders patrolling the coast for caravans and fine peasant women
>see some warband of 20 men, mostly crossbow faggots compared to me and my 60 brothers
>ride straight up to their nigger commander and threaten to drink from his skull
>hell yeah now he is scared
>that faggot is holding a hill with crossbowmen
>whatever lets just charge this bitch
>get up the hill taking heavy casualties from the bolts, still outnumber them 2:1
>throw a throwing axe straight in the enemy commander's stupid face
>only did 10 damage
>what the fuck
>all of my bruders are dying in a melee against shitty crossbowmen
>does this fucking nigger have easy mode 25% damage taken?
>55 of my friends are dead, kill 1 trained crossbowmen. at least im still active maybe i can clutch it
>i'll bet this faggot plays on easy mode and still thinks he's goo....
>>253520980
Terrible. You're not funny.
>>253557315
>>253557703
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTCBWKBT2NA
>>253557320
I assumed so.
>>253557725
what game?
>>253557985
Grim Fandango. it's a LucasArts game.
>own shop in crummy old district of the city
>nothing special, but I sell some pies and make enough to go home to my massive two story house
>hear of a bit of a coup at the caslte. The king got outsted or something? I dunno
>old King was pretty lame, with his shitty beard thing. Had a smooth as fuck voice though
>new king is even fucking rose. blue hair, mismatched clothes and the asshole raised all the taxes and is forcing me to raise my prices
>he comes around one day
>tell him he's a jerk
>he dances with me and we play patty cake
>he's not that bad after all
>>253526397
What the fuck is that filename?
Are you 14?
last bump, goin to bed
thanks for the fun
>>253542193
>know I got a weight problem
>just don't give a fuck
>be me
>live in gotham city
>i've been stone for about a week and missed out on some evacuation
>they're turning this part of the city into a prison or some shit
>now there's only gangs everywhere engaging in petty turf wars
>they acquire some mean hardware
>go out one day
>see a dead guy with a big ? on his shirt
>steal his clothes
>figure if i'm dressed like a gangmember they'll probably leave me alone
>one day i see batman
>he's coming my way
>"it's the bat! please he---"
>he beats me up
>"ENIGMA. WHERRRE IS HE?" PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH
>"WHERRE'S THE NEXT TROPHY??" PUNCH "HOW DID YOU GUYS SET UP ALL THOSE MECHANISMS WITHOUT ANYBODY NOTICING?"
>jaw is broken
>can't talk
>Batman performs a takedown on me
>wake up in hospital two weeks later
>>253542961
Pong
>be Tokyo-to PD SWAT.
>told over radio to head to Park Street in riot gear (tear gas and a riot shield)
>I was still pretty green and this was my first riot so I'm shaky as all hell
>arrive at Park Street with my squad
>nobody seems to be rioting or even protesting or anything. Everything is normal
>we are told to wait in a kiddy park on top of a slide of all places
>police chief is standing right next to us
>he must be playing some kind of stupid prank on us
>then a kid on roller blades grinds up a pedestrian walkway and jumps off into thekiddie park
>the chief runs out and starts shooting at the kid
>wtf r u doin chief
>kid just ignores him and starts spraying graffiti on the walls
>boss tells me to take aim
>we start shooting tear gas at the kid
>he just keeps skating around doing flips n shit
>we take another shot
>this time my tear gas hits him
>he flinches for a bit and jumps off into the street below us
>car comes and hits him full speed
>fucking shit i just got that kid killed
>oh god what have i done
>nope hes not dead
>he skates away and sprays one more graffiti
>does a stupid dance and dissapears
>>253547803
Sleeping dogs
