>"Lori is in, and because of that, I am out"
>>69150176
>Thank you for the offer Robert but I would like to see what Mark has to say.
Have you ever drank a glass of black rhinoceros blood? Of course not, I was just being colloquial to start this story with an anecdote. The first time I had a glass I was in South Africa, taking a celebratory drink in Johannesburg after completing a successful hunt. You see, in South Africa they don't hunt lion, or elephant. We hunted a more dangerous game: the kaffir, or black man. I finally had a 7 year old boy cornered in an Oingo Bongo merchandise warehouse when the thoughts passed through my mind: Should I pull the trigger? Can I ever come back to who I was before this moment? I pulled the trigger, made my first 100 million dollars. Mr. Johnson, this is something you need to ask yourself: can I pull the trigger on this deal and make the right choice? 10% funding for 85% ownership and prima nocte rights to your daughters.
And for that reason, I'm out.
>>69151271
what did he mean by this?
As a young child I saw my Mother relentlessly beaten by my Father. I can still recall hearing her muffled screams through the walls of my bedroom as I lay trying to fall asleep. Some nights were worse than others, but I remember the mornings my Grandmother would take me to school because my Mother couldn’t be seen in public. She would wear sunglasses and long sleeve shirts for weeks while the bruising and swelling slowly healed around her eyes and arms. I never understood how something as simple as an overcooked meal or spilt glass of wine in the living room could send my Father into these inexplicable fits of rage; not until this very moment. Not until I saw your presentation. You are the stain on my fathers Afghan rug and I see no club soda nor salt to scrub you away. For an investment of 250,000 dollars I will retain 92% of your company with a lifetime of royalties and if you even for one second glance in Lori’s direction, I will personally crucify each of your children.
>>69151271
Damn, if only he was American he could have become President. You guys are domb enough to love Trump anyway.
There is a small island in the Himalayan Sea called Malderiki, upon which I own a large mansion. Every year afer the first rain, the Newport Beach Wine Society (of which I am a member) gathers at my mansion to watch the island's natives grovel in the mud as their pathetic straw dwellings are ripped apart by the rising waters. On this island there is also a fish, called a Piranha Giganticus. Coinciding with the first rain, this fish swims into the flooded island and begins to feed on the older and weaker natives of Malderiki. Unable to defend themselves from the killer fish and uttrly helpless, the natives make their way to my mansion in makeshift canoes. At this point, the Newport Beach Wine Society opens a bottle of pre-revolution French Chardonnay, dated no later than 1760, and places wagers on which native will be the first to reach the high ground of my sprawling lawn. Once the fish has fed and returned to the Sea, there are typically a handful of natives left on my lawn, at which point we activate the electric fence and release the crocodiles. Last year, during the crocodile feeding, a tiny speck of native flesh was flung from the lawn up to the balcony where the Newport Beach Wine Society was gathered and landed on my shoe. I retrieved the piece of flesh and placed it in my mouth, washing it down with a glass of Moldovan Pino Griggio. Right now, YOU are that piece of flesh.
>>69151271
this is my favorite kevinpasta
A long time ago as a young man I was walking through Central Park by my lonesome. It was a beautiful night, light sounds of the city passing by, but otherwise quiet. As I strolled throughout the park toward my apartment I heard the muffled sounds of a woman screaming, and just a few yards away from me I came across a half nude woman with two men on top of her. We briefly made eye contact and I could see a look of complete desparation in her gaze, a call for help. I kept on walking. Her muffled screams got louder as she realized that there was no hero of this story, no one to save her from the arms of the men viciously having their way with her. She was a lost cause. I knew that even if I tried to help her there was nothing I could do to stop those men. Your strategy has yet to show ANY inkling of a profit, and frankly, your product has no market. You are that woman I couldn't help. And because of that, I'm out.
>>69151350
jesus fucking christ. who writes this shit?
>>69150176
>Mark: You're shit, your idea is shit. Go get me someone who isn't retarded.
>Kevin: Once upon a time...
>Lori: I can get you on QVC!
>Daymond: WE WUZ
>Rob: Hey guys, I'm still here!
Let me give you some advice. Do not go into retail. It is a savage place. Last year I invested in the toy business KinderKids. If my marketing specialists did their job you have never heard of them. You see I was competing for retail space with Mattel. To flush me out they replaced the plastic we used with lead. Over a thousand children died. Like I said, it is a savage place. Of course in response I used my influence with Mattel to have all children's products shipped with one adult Brazilian Wandering Spider. The casualties are are still climbing to this day. When I look at you I do not see someone capable of making these kinds of tough business decisions.
And for that reason, I'm out.
![_68566609_hi001253599[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/XhcfK0b.jpg "_68566609_hi001253599[1].jpg")
>>69151371
once Trump is pres we'll liberate Canada from Weedman in a coup d'etat in which we make Kevin dictator
I mean, it could happen
Do you know that I own more than 75% of Nebraska's wheat production? I've purchased my first acres there when a father had to sell it to afford the large number of surgeries and meds his ill children needed, due to their school being so close to a local factory I happened to own. I payed to that desperate man in cash... sorry, let me rephrase: I payed to him in coins. 10c coins. Throwing them at his feet while seeing his saddened face having to contain his tears and pick them up. Then I burned his whole plantation right before his very eyes. What I'm trying to say is that your business is like that plantation. Of course I could give you the spare change you so badly need to keep your company afloat and make some decent money in return, but I would have more rejoice in watching you fail miserably and laugh about it. I'm out.
In the western foothills of Vienna Alps, there is a humble lodge by the name of Chateau du Montaine Demure, where the owner, a relative of Otto Vanderbilt, holds a yearly reenactment of Hannibal the Carthagian Warlord crossing the Alps in his 218 AD venture into the Roman Republic. He would bring in endangered african elephants by helicopter to the snow capped lodge and throw them down the side of the alps. We watched at least a hundred elephant roll to their deaths. The 20 or so men, all refugees without a word of civilization in any of them, whom were restraining the elephants... also went down with the beasts, a mess of gore and tusk, the screams of the porters as they, tumbled, just terrible, dreadful. It was during a major military movement between the generals of the carthagian infantry, that the Owner of the Chateau du Montain Demure' demanded a bottle of the dryest scotch he could summon. A toothless indian child ran through the snow and collapsed at Monsieur's feet, his skeleton arms struggling to lift the bottle. Monsieur takes a swig and looks deep into the dark front of an approaching blizzard. He says nothing, then says "Increase the Elephants". We saw at least another 2000 kilos of ivory go over the side of that icy gorge before that blizzard came. We left them all to freeze to death. And now this brings me to the elephant in our room right now. Do you want to be hannibal? Do you want to sac Rome that badly? How many elephants need to die? Here, have a swig of this, it's scotch. Please taste it. It's the dryest I could find. THHHHUPUPUP Seventy percent ownership and all of your wife's eggs for the next 10 years
>>69151371
>that guy who has to bring Trump into a thread that has nothing to do with Trump
just as bad as people who support trump, you moron
>>69151350
>>69151457
I like these two the most because they're just a little outside the border of being believable.
Anon, I like you. I think you did a good job presenting your idea, but to be honest I have the worst hangover right now and just want this episode to finish, and for that reason, I'm out.
