You know Ray they say lightning never strikes twice in the same place, but I've been hit 3 times and im ready for more.
>>71480787
What did Casper mean by this? He certainly knew this.
>>71480808
Growing up my mother told me to wait half an hour after eating before going in the pool, but you know what Ray I eat my food in the pool and im feeling fan-fuckingtastic
>>71480787
you know ray, they say every dog has his day but I've spent all nine of my lives digging up bones only to wind up spending every night in the doghouse
Ray, I've heard 'em say you never look a gift horse in the mouth but right about now I feel like punching a gift in the mouth and riding off into the sunset
They say to never count your eggs before they hatch, but I'm a farmer in the fuckin' Dust Bowl.
I know you're not supposed to put all your eggs in one basket but if I don't bet the farm here then my chickens are going to come home to get fucked by the rooster
>tfw not smart enough to vincepost
>>71481959
this so much
>>71482035
>holy fugg, DIS!!!! xD
>>>/reddit/
It's a dog eat dog world, Ray. And I'm the fucking Chinaman.
>>71480787
>>71480926
>>71481584
>>71481661
>>71481686
>>71481811
I'm pretty baked right now and these are killing me right now
Things are getting stressful, Ray. I feel pent-up, restless, bloated... hell, I'm constipated. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing nothing but sitting on the toilet, straining to shit. And once I do, when it's time to wipe, there's no toilet paper. Just a small roll of my hopes and dreams. And I'll be damned if I walk around with an itchy anus
>>71482074
Was that one not an actual line?
>>71482092
DUDE
they say a falling knife has no handle Ray and the way things are falling apart over here makes me feel like I'm all thumbs
>>71482056
this
>>71482056
do you get off on tormenting me
jesus fuck, go bother someone else
They say if you talk the talk you better walk the walk but Ray, if you can't do the time don't do the crime.
>>71482092
WEED
>>71480787
>You know ray they say that toast falls buttered side up and im feeling feline
>>71482119
I'LL SOON BE SCHIZO
they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, well I'm so far gone you must fucking love me by now
actions speak louder than words hey? well I'm ready to start yelling
>>71482159
wat
you know how they say a watched pot never boils? well they never should have taken their eyes off of me Ray because I'm getting ready to flip my lid
Ray, don't throw rocks in my glass house cause I own the rocks and the glass was imported from fucking Italy.
I look around and all I see are people with egos as thin and fragile as 1 ply Charmin and you know what, Ray? I got fucking diarrhea. Casper knew this.
To be or not to be. That's the question, Ray. Whether its nobler to suffer though life's shit or fight back against a sea of troubles. Well let me tell you something, Ray. I'm fighting back. I'm fighting back with a whole goddamned navy.
a picture is worth a thousand words right? well somebody got a whole novel written on casper and I want the publishing rights
You know Ray, pulling that mask off would be extremely painful. But hey, I'm a big guy, for you that is. It's been said that flying too close to the sun could melt your wings... fucking Icarus, right? But guess what Ray: I'm not Icarus. I have a fucking plane, that I'm going to crash with no survivors. Fuck the sun. Casper knew this
They say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. But guess what Ray, thats easy because im my biggest enemy.
You know the old saw, "beer before liquor, never sicker?" Well if I play my cards right Ray, I'm going to liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
They say beggars can't be choosers right Ray? well if I choose to beg then I think that makes me the one eyed man in a blind kingdom.
Casper knew this.
they say 1 bird in your hand is better than 10 birds on the roof, well, why the fuck would you want a bird in your hand, ray
>>71482217
This one is great. Reposting old favorite
>Never lost my keys. Never even had a fucking keychain.
You know Ray they say the early bird gets the worm, but guess what, im a fucking starving vulture and im killing birds and worms left and right.
>>71482519
Casper knew this
>>71482092
LMAO
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in a shape of a 'L' on her forehead.
Casper knew this.
They say loose lips sink ships, Ray. Well, there's so many motormouths around here I feel like I'm on the fucking Titanic. That's why I'm wearing this old diving equipment. You may think I'm being a little too dramatic, well... that's just the tip of the iceberg.
>>71482639
KEK
they say never break a young girls heart, but you know ray, you can never make an omelette without fucking a few eggs
I'm told laughter is the best medicine Ray, lucky for me because nobody is going to be crying at my funeral
They say threes a crowd Ray but with all these fucking voices in my head im better off on my own.
Do you know the trick to cooking Lobster, Ray? You toss them alive into the pot and slowly bring the temperature up. You boil them to death, Ray. Now grab a bib and some butter and let's eat this city.
You can't take everything at face value, if I did I'd look at your deal and see a ratty old whore with a harelip.
They say necessity is the mother of invention, Ray. Then I must be the father because for you I'm a fucking necessity.
the enemy of my enemy is my friend Ray but it's starting to feel like everybody is getting real buddy buddy except me
I've been burned so many times I could cook a fucking steak with my soul Ray.
They said they were going to make me sleep with the fishes but they couldn't even make me yawn at the aquarium
They say slow & steady wins the race, but im sprinting to the finish line and running down any motherfucker that gets in my way.
>>71482423
quality
you know what they say about when the going gets tough Ray? well I'm not going anywhere because time is money and I'm broke
It doesn't matter what you believe, Ray, when things are this fucked. You could believe that your left nut is the size of a kumquat, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna peel it and suck out your sweet juices.
>>71483098
KEK
they say you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink right Ray? well I think it's about time we lead that horse to the glue factory
You see Ray, it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. Only problem is that I'm a fucking Great Dane and they're a Pekingese.
>>71482856
This is a good one
They say if you teach a man to fish he'll feed himself for a lifetime. Well the pond is empty Ray, all that is left is to teach you how to swim to the other side
You should stop with this self righteous cop bullshit. You're trying to find out which came first, the chicken or the egg. Truth of the matter is they're all guilty, so if you wanna make this omelette you're gonna have to break a few eggs and choke a few chickens too.
They say life is like a box of chocolates. Well guess what Ray? I'm allergic to chocolate, and I want out of the fucking box
>>71483390
Good one
Do you know how much the letter X is worth in scrabble, Ray? Well it doesn't matter, because this is fucking checkers. King me.
>>71482379
good
You know Ray, they say that a condom offers 99.9% protection against pregnancy and STD's. They're makin' condoms so fucking slim and so fuckin' smooth it's literally a second lair of skin. But guess what? If this city's the condom, then I'm the jealous girl with a bobby-pin, and I'm gonna prick that fucking condom Ray.
Casper knew this.
I love these threads
They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, Ray. But I've got a fist full of feathers and a dead bird in a fucking cage.
A house divided against itself can't stand. Gravity's always gonna win. But guess what Ray, my house is underground and I'm in fuckin space.
they say two heads are better than one ray, so when they look at me like I've got fifty, lets just say I know I'm onto something
My brain hurts when i try to Frank post :'(
>>71481959
feels bad man
they say the squeaky wheel gets the grease and the nail that stands up gets the hammer, well after you get nailed for as long as me, Ray, you start to appreciate the lubrication
>>71483155
kek
birds of a feather flock together ray, but a lone wolf has to wear fur when there's a fox in the hen house
Just like I said earlier, you can't let them hook you into their game. If they say you just rolled snake eyes, you better fucking yell out "Yahtzee!"
they call me a wolf in sheep's clothing Ray, but im just trying to be a part of something
Two birds with one stone? Ray, I'm gonna take down the whole goddamned flock, baby, it's gonna be so money.
It's a reboot eat world, Ray. And i'm the fucking Idris Elba
They say nice guys finish last but guess what Ray, every nice guy I ever knew is already finished.
>>71485012
Top kek
a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step Ray, and those sonsabitches better watch out because bad news travels fast
>>71480787
You know how they say the world is your oyster? We'll im allergic and Casper died with my last fucking epipen.
>>71480787
Solid gold. Pure solid gold.
Ever hear that chaos is a ladder Ray? Well its not, its a fucking escalator; and you don't climb it, you just stand there and see where it takes you. I'm just another guy on an escalator Ray: trying not to get that black shit on my shoes.
>>71485700
This is my new favorite!
Have you seen Wedding Crashers, Ray? I feel like I'm touching Claire's Moms hootes. But when I look up, it's Owen Wilson fucking squinting at me. And I'm not Rachel McAdams, Ray.
36 dead turkeys, one hell of a Thanksgiving.
They say it's not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean but guess what Ray I can't even swim.
>>71485318
That's not how the meme works, retard
Glass half empty? Glass half full? It doesn't matter Ray. The glass is upside down and we are both trapped under it.
>>71485776
I was once told that if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball, Ray. But guess what? This time, I'm the ball, and there's no fucking dodging me. Stiller knew this.
You know how they say every cloud has a silver lining Ray? Well I can't see a thing and I'm the fucking weatherman.
>>71482114
Yes.
Just like beam me up, Scotty and Luke i'm your father.
>>71480787
they say when god gives you lemons you sell lemons, well let me tell you Ray, I don't believe in god and I don't believe in lemons.
It's hard being at the top Ray when you're afraid of heights. Casper knew this.
>>71480787
You know how they say where there's smoke there's fire? Well I get smoked in the finale.
>>71483390
>>71483426
These were really good
They say you shouldn't bite off more than you can chew, well you know something ray, I just ripped a mother fuckers tooth out
Money is tight so I collect cans to get by. Well you know what Ray, some days I feel that the cans are collecting me. Casper knew this.
>>71486183
Hello samefag
They say that cooler heads prevail Ray, well I've got a cooler full of heads and I'm looking for more.
Vinceposting is too complicated to ever take off. They rarely hit, but when they do they're gold. The only legitimately funny one is the one someone posted in a old thread about playing board games. Something about, we aren't even playing the same game.
>>71486207
Nice try.
You know Ray, I once got told that if you can't dodge a wrench, then you can't dodge a ball. Well, I don't know much about wrenches, but I've got balls, and I've been dodging bullets my whole life. I'm the MVP, Ray.
>>71486251
The board game one is my favorite but if you really think thats the only funny one you're being disingenuous
>>71486251
Seriously? 75% of these are funny
Ray have you heard the story about the two little mice that fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. For the longest time I though of myself as that second mouse, but I realized I'm the bucket and no fucking mouse is gonna climb out of me.
You know that sign on your review mirror that says, "objects in mirror are closer than they appear"? Well, I guess as long as nobody objects, Ray, then I'm going to close this town down and they'll wished I never appeared. Caspere mirrored these same beliefs.
they say you shouldn't shit wear you eat, well ya know something ray, I have a colostomy and I never wear a fucking bag
I've brought this treachery on myself Ray. I've told every colleague I've ever had that I always land on my feet. Now I realize, they think I'm a fuckin pussy.
>>71486467
>Caspere mirrored these same beliefs
kek wasn't even smiling until I read this
>>71480926
Hi there!
You seem to have made a bit of a mistake in your post. Luckily, the users of 4chan are always willing to help you clear this problem right up! You appear to have used a tripcode when posting, but your identity has nothing at all to do with the conversation! Whoops! You should always remember to stop using your tripcode when the thread it was used for is gone, unless another one is started! Posting with a tripcode when it isn't necessary is poor form. You should always try to post anonymously, unless your identity is absolutely vital to the post that you're making!
Now, there's no need to thank me - I'm just doing my bait to help you get used to the anonymous image-board culture!you're not funny either you fucking faggot nigger
Being owed money reminds me of something Ray. You know,used to like Korean food? Caspere knew this. But life is hard, and it's dog eat dog, and I got tired of eating Korean dog, Ray. So I went to a Chinese guy, made Chow Mein just like the old country, told me stories of the rice fields. This yellow bastard asked me one day, 'why you eat dog?' And I told him it was all I knew, all I ever knew. You know where he is now Ray? He's in Korea, and I paid for his flight.
>>71486677
You seem upset dweeb
You know Ray they say you are what you eat. Thats funny, I dont remember eating a coldhearted handsome son of a bitch this morning.
>>71486833
He's right, faggot.
>>71486469
.... well you know something ray, my mom was fucking TubGirl
They say you don't mow another man's lawn, Ray, but guess what, this is a really nice bush and i'm the fucking weedwhacker.
>>71486833
He's not wrong.
>>71486514
fef
THEY'RE FUCKING FETT
>>71486886
Shut it dwarf
>>71486900
Quiet down lil guy
>>71486886
>>71486900
Pathetic samefag. He's actually one of the better trips.
I hope she can somehow be in season 3.
Plz.
>>71486898
I like mowing MY lawn.
>>71486956
You didn't even remember to turn it off.
Ray i like my victims as i like my coffee.
IN MY BUTT...
Ray, you may want to tell me to 'take your first left and go fuck yourself ' but, honestly , Raymond , take a left, take a right . We're all fucked anyway.
You know what the difference between you and me is Ray? You act on impulse, I act on priniciple.
So you tuned up a 12 year old's dad on his front lawn. Is that supposed to impress me? Every thursday I drive to the soccer field and I wait for one of those little shits to kick the ball my way and when they come for it I deck the closest one. I don't do it because they bullied my pathetic spawn. I do it because the weak should fear the strong.
>>71486956
Oh wow
They say astronauts don't go to the moon anymore, Ray. If that's the case then I'm an alien in a fucking flying saucer.
They say home is where the heart is, so what does it say about my heart that whenever I click my heels together I end up at the fucking titty bar?
They say time flys Ray but when I was locked in that basement getting anally raped by rats i learned time is a flat circle.
They say the glass is either half empty or half full. You wanna know what I just fucking realized? The cup's been upside down this whole goddammn time and we've been trapped inside, struggling not to drown. Casper knew this
>>71487659
SHUT IT DOWN
>>71482092
I feel you Brother
Just a friendly reminder.
>>71487897
I cant even count how many times i fapped to this scene
>>71487897
They say you gotta pump 'em then dump 'em, Ray. Well, I only got two pumps in then dumped all over her back.
Casper was factually aware of this.
They said all in all, just another brick in the wall, but what they don't know is that there is no wall, just a pile of bricks, and I'm on top of the pile.
I once heard one man say to another, "be careful what you say, the walls have ears." But you see Ray, in this city the walls have hands- and they were pointing their guns at me before I ever said a word.
Ray, you know how they say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Well I just ripped it's eyes out, and I'm fucking ugly.
>>71487897
How To Lose a Partner in 10 Days
You know what real power is, Ray? It's knowing time. Actually being able to consciously feel and gauge the passage of time. And I'm not talking about just looking at a watch or a clock. Our time on this planet is based on the orbit of the sun. I've never used anything but sundials, Ray. Sundials, like the one in my birdbath. But you know what? The last flock of birds that bathed there shat all over the thing and I don't even know what day it is.
You don't always get what you want, Ray. But sometimes, I get what I need.
