>sir the singles only seating is right that way!
Do you faggots actually go to the movies by yourself?
>>71260169
>He goes to shitty movies just to impress his gay friends
lol
>that's blood
>the singles line leads to a giant meat grinder
>>71260136
>2016
>only covering a PART of the hallway with mercury
Poor cinemas are the worst
>>71260169
>had a job where i worked opposite a cinema
>uncle's shop, took as long as i wanted for lunch
>used to go and watch films, as long as i was back in an hour i'd be okay
It was great, until I fell through the floor one day and ended up in hospital for a month.
>>71260169
>do you faggots actually read books by yourself?
why do I hear screaming?
>>71260136
I fucking hate this
>>71260169
Do you invite friends over every time you watch TV?
>wade into the singles only seating area
>after sitting down only my head is not submerged
>slowly the room fills up with other singles
>the film starts
>unknown to us all, the noise awakens something
>throughout the film people are snatched under the water to never return
>their gurgles of terror don't last long
>dont want to leave because the film is alright
>>71260136
I don't get it.
>>71260136
>niggerkino right this way
>>71260169
i usually go watch movies with my sister because we mostly like the same stuff. i dont really see the problem with watching alone though, i mean the only difference is sharing popcorn and talking about it afterwards right?
>>71260490
Did you fuck her?
>>71260136
I want a refund - this isn't the chemical fire I paid for
>>71260136
why do I want to go into that?
>>71260527
why would i fuck my sister?, i think you have been reading too many chinese cartoons.
we only hang out, watch movies and sometimes give massages, you know normal stuff!
>>71260136
>The Life Of Pi goes 5D
>go to film
>saved up enough NEETbux for crab legs
>came to watch the Lobster because I thought it'd be empty due to capeshit
>two others in the singles only section, a white highschooler and a muslim
>ask to move up to the couples seating
>get scoffed at by the theater staff
>leave to go to the bathroom right as the highschooler opens fire
It was better than nothing
>>71260659
yeah ok bud, I know you fucked her
>>71260701
Did he shoot the muslim or was he able to detonate his vest first?
>tfw when you fall into your cinemas floor trap and land on the punji sticks
>>71260302
Don't investigate, It's the water drawing you in.
>>71260136
>yfw the floor is actually polished black stone and it's the carpet that's spreading
>tfw you have to use the backup vape zone
>>71260260
What was a hospital doing in the basement of a cinema??
>>71260744
>triggered a trip wire
>huge log swings down and kills the woman next to me by mistake
>tfw the Cinemaster brands my penis with a 'do not serve' sigil that will be obviously be noticed during penis inspection
>tfw I also inherited the dead woman's anvils
>>71260744
>>71260793
>>71260249
haha don't worry bros, just step into the theater! Oh, and if you want, you can close your eyes for a surprise!
>want to use the bathroom at the theater
>didn't get the deluxe seating ticket which includes bathroom priveledges
>need to play a an extra surcharge to urinate because I'm not a gold member
>bathroom attendant wants a 20% tip
>20% of what? My piss?? I give him a crumpled up 5 I have in my sock in case of an emergency
>need to pay 7 bucks for theater reentry
>the projectionist rewinds the film back to the soda ads because I missed them
>everyone in the theater boos at me
>never had GF
>drop out of university and move home to become a neet
>walking down to kfc one day when I run into this QT3.14 that I was into back in high school
>she seems excited to see me even though we hardly ever talked
>add her on facebook, talk for a bit and she asks if I want to go see The Conjouring 2 with her friend
>never really been into cheap jump scares but if I've got a shot with her I'll give it a go
>she messages me before the movie and says her friend can't make it and asks if I can pick her up
>pick her up in my mom's car which has baby seats in the back for my sisters kids
>sitting there the whole time thinking its awkward as fuck
>buy her ticket
>as soon as we sit down, she lifts up the arm rest between us and puts my hand on her lap
>grabs my head after a scare and puts it on her chest
>everything is going much better than expected
>end up laying with my head on her stomach while she strokes my arm
>tfw her belly rumbles right on my ear
>tfw remember she has poo in her
>feel disgusted and leave without saying anything
>block her on facebook and never speak to her again
>>71260876
It was an American cinema.
>>71260882
Used to work in a theater. What most people don't know is that the seemingly retarded man that rips your tickets is legally required to be an attorney. If you have the Deluxe Platinum package, he can serve as your lawyer when dealing with Anvil Inheritances.
>>71260257
its sewage
>>71260876
your cinema doesn't have a hospital next to it's popcorn mines?
it's awfully dangerous work in those mines, people get injured quite often
>>71260949
Good choice.
>>71260659
LICK HERS FEET AND PERFORMS SEX ACT
>Local cinema closed after an exploding beaker in the science lab killed the rhino
>Go to theatre for Captain America movie
>24.99 for Apple Juice and 4 Popcorn bags
>Get insulted on my way to the movie by Chad standing near the bathroom
>He doesn't like my Initial D shirt
>Pour my apple juice all over his "Special Seat"
>That'll teach him!
>Movie starts
>Three falconry experts are sitting in my Cineplex Deluxe movie lovers seats™
>Assert my rage into my throbbing penis
>start moving down the seats
>Trip and fall on Chads leg
>He swipes the carpet off the floor and rolls all 425 pounds of me into a roll
>Picks me up and starts pretending i'm his penis in the shadows
>The women are laughing
>The "Theatre Asians™ are laughing
>The Falconry experts are laughing
>The Lizards in the Lizard pit aren't laughing but eating my popcorn
>Jokes on them i'm the master driver
>Stumble back to my car
>Fined 25$ for leaving before the movie is over.
Would still rate movie a strong 6/10.
Anyone else always piss on the floor when they're at the movies? I've done it since I was a kid and I literally can't stop. Even if I have kept from drinking anything on purpose I still get this overwhelming need to piss and I can't miss any of the movie so I just unzip and pull my dick out and softly piss on the floor.
>>71260136
>tfw directed into the singles-only seating
>step into strange shimmering liquid
>immediately feel intense pain and pleasure simultaneously
>instantly driven to madness as the voices consume my mind
>body slowly dissolves, joining the pool of liquid
>we are one
>a single entity
>join us
>join us
>join us
>join us
>join us
>join us
>you will never see a cinematic adaptation of /tv/ cinema stories
Watching film and Ian McKellen comes out of the screen dressed like the spooky skeleton of death in this black and white film.
I get out of my seat with my friend who's a cop from LA and Iain sets after us walking slowly, touching people. They seem to fall down and cough when he does.
He gives people AIDS as I later find out he's gay...
>>71260136
The black floor looks really good in that setting, they should think about redecorating.
>>71261218
what else are you meant to do? if you left the cinema to go to the toilet you'd miss part of the film
I get beckoned into the black liquid. scarjo is waiting for me there. One day.
Lesson here, Bey. Mirrors can help to give the illusion that a smaller room is much larger.
>>71261218
I usually just go into a bathroom stall and piss on the toilet paper rolls
>>71261218
>>71261261
I just piss in my drink and roll it under the seats in front of me. Then I get the joy of knowing the theater worker had to touch my pissbottle. It makes the prices much more reasonable.
>>71261367
At my local kinoplex, the seats each have three shells, so poopoopeepee is not a problem.
I sometimes half way through the film go to the toilet and piss all over the cubicle I'm in.
it's strangly satisfying.
>>71261121
I hate it when that happens.
>>71260321
thats interesting. I only come to /tv/ to troll and lurk these threads. Best part of /tv/ imo
>>71260991
it's clearly oil/sludge
A sewage leak would be more brown
>Tfw work as a Cinema Assistant
>Have to reset the air conditioning gas systems every day
>Have to deal with revolutions in the arcade
>Have to use the wall flamethrowers sometimes
>Sometimes have to disarm the improvised firebombs in the bathroom stalls
>Have to constantly feed the dogs unruly customers
And all for 15 an hour.
>>71260882
>try to sneak into Finding Dory 3D after my movie ends
>security falcon stares me down during the pre-screening penis inspection and cavity search
>I don't have a ticket, and the corporal searching me is getting suspicious
>he finds the anvil I hid under my cape
>it hits the floor with a loud bang
>security falcon goes apeshit (he's been trained to attack nearby gunshots)
>gouges out my left eye
>to prevent a lawsuit they give me a $5 gift card and let me go see Finding Dory 3D anyway
>can't even notice the 3D since depth perception is gone and eye socket hurts
>He doesn't pissbottle the theater
I bet you don't have a pissbottle shrine in your house either you philistines. Enjoy allowing your essence to escape to the reptiloids waiting in the sewer pipes.
>tfw the audience think they are watching a movie
>they're actually just facing the other audience next door through a screen-sized hole
Saved hundreds on film reels this year
>>71261588
I bet Lisa fucked some Chad falcon while he was passed out.
Dont ever order the soup special if youre a single.
You DONT want to know what they do to it.
Does anyone else have to deal with the Cinema vultures constantly pecking at the rotting corpses in front of the screen?
IT's really distracting for me, But they have to "Keep the necrophiliac audience pleased"
>>71261588
The funny thing is that if you read it as though he's Indian, it seems like a completely plausible story
>>71261709
WE CUM IN IT
>>71260169
I always go with my bro, but he's turning 18 soon. He will get a job, a car and probably a gf. I will have no one to go with. I'll probably have to start using my cinemas escort service.
>>71260136
OR YOU COULD HAVE A DREAM ABOUT DROWNING IN OIL
Time for a real theatre story.
>>71261711
Do you ever wonder why do corpses pile up in front of the screen in the first place? Do they just naturally happen to be there or does someone move them?
The cadaver pile in my local kinomae is so huge that it starts overlapping the screen a little bit
>>71260249
It's pretty obvious the pissbag finally popped
>>71261571
oh my kek
Can someone explain to me why Vue Cinema exclusively employ only midgets and the unusually tall? It's really disconcerting.
>>71260169
I went to see the international by myself because I was waiting for my girl to get off work. It was nice, actually.
>>71261781
Fucking normie. He deserved it.
>>71260169
I wish I could, stupid no singles policy ruins everything.
>>71260169
It gets harder as an adult to convince other adults with varying interests to spend time and money on a movie, let alone obscure "weird looking" shit. Plus, I don't always want to work around others' schedules just to see a 90-180 minute feature.
>>71261749
Make sure you get your own popcorn.
Unless you want to catch something.
Havent you seen that PSA before movies start?
>>71261508
My favorite parts of TV and film discussion is also the drible lmfao
>tfw after brexit my local theatre has banned british anvils
for fucks sake i just imported mine since you can't get platinium -rated anvils from my home country
>>71262109
Dude just shaved the serial number off.
SHALL
>>71262109
>mfw your anvils are worth half what they were a week ago
Should have bought American anvils.
>>71261796
Oh I know 'xactly how they get there.
Our cinema places lights on the top of the building so it looks like a runway at night. They sell the planes and metal and drop the bodies through chutes in the roof.
>>71262221
>tfw fucking Normies are co-opting Anvil Culture and putting it on t-shirts they wear to "Do sex" with "Hot babes"
>>71262221
>american
>made in China.
>>71262221
Change the AA to EE and you got a 10/10 shirt.
>go to see Godzilla with some black friends
>theater pretty packed but we are all chillin in the back
>they start unloading their trousers and gym shorts
>suddenly KFC buckets, McDonalds, 20oz bottles of Coke, and packets of skittles start being passed out
>yoo bro, I see you forgot to bring snacks, Jefro will hook you up
>get handing almost a full meal of chicken tenders, fries, potatoes and a drink
>we are making an absolute ruckus but no one seems to care
>movie starts and we quiet down
>everyone watching the flick
>halfway through some child starts crying near the front of the cinema
>someone in my group shouts out
>AYOOO SHUT THAT BABY UP SOME OF US ARE TRYIN TO WATCH THE MOVIE
>instantly some lady jumps up and turns around lookin back towards the rear of the theater
>WHO SAID THAT
>kid is still crying audibly
>Jefro stands up
>I SAID IT BITCH WHAT YOU GUNNA DO
>DONT YOU TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY KID
>this is a packed, shoulder to shoulder theater being interrupted with a shouting match
>I WOULDNT HAVE TO TELL YOU IF YOU WERE RAISING IT PROPERLY WHO THE FUCK TAKES A BABY TO SEE GODZILLA
>thunderous applause from the theater
>lady gets up and storms out of the theater with crying child while the theater claps, someone else yells THANK GOD
>get back to watching the movie
really, why do people take children and babies that cry to see movies
>>71262352
European Epparel?
>>71260136
what the fuck is wrong the floor
>>71262337
There is nothing more American than slave labor my friend.
>>71260332
How did you manage to keep your anvil out of the water? You can't enjoy the film with a wet anvil.
>>71262473
Johnny is coming
>>71262385
Fuck you, You don't know what it's like.
I cry all the time at the movies. everyone hates me doing it but I cry and cry and cry but the Security usually beats me with batons until I stop.
>>71260332
Fuck I laughed.
>>71262426
No. So it can say REE
>>71262385
But why didn't she use her personal trained falcon to calm the baby down?
>>71260332
>after sitting down only my head is not submerged
>slowly the room fills up with other singles
With the extra intake of people the water-level would have risen, submerging your head. So this obviously didn't happen. Stop making things up on the internet fag!!
>>71260169
YES
>>71262594
I think the falcon is there for a snack
Not for a babysitter job.
>>71262549
>>71262352
>>71262221
>tfw normie Chad and would wear that shirt
>>71260136
Is that mercury or some sort of oil? My theater usually uses chlorine gas to kill beta singles Around only 45% come out alive so it's pretty effective but that's only during the week days On the weekends it turns to hydrogen cyanide capsules that are handed out to the autistic children Half of the capsules contain the poison while the other half contain LSD
>>71260136
Did someone overflow the toilets that badly? What the fuck is that
>>71262664
Legit non-meme question: does LSD fuck with autistic kids more, what with the already fucked-up sensory stuff they've got going on?
>head to my local kinoplex to attend a viewing Now You See Me 2, the apex of cinema
>guy in front of me in the queue takes the last complimentary falconer's glove
>queue rifleman says theres no more in the store room
And thats how I saw Now You See Me 2 with a bird of prey tearing my nipples to shreds under my shirt.
>>71262672
>He doesn't take massive oily black shits that clog the toilet and go everywhere
I bet you eat salads and have a gf too you piece of shit.
>>71262704
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCU8wxCdKIE
>>71260169
I like and prefer to go with friends but sometimes they don't want to see the flucks I want to see or they have already seen it. Going by myself is a last result but im not ashamed I just prefer to have someone to talk about the movie afterwords.
>>71262704
Nah. Think of adding water to water. It doesn't do anything, It's a horrible way to entice them. The free ice cream hole is MUCH more effective at disposing of the weak.
>>71262672
Torn up carpet. Floor underneath is reflective.
>>71261012
>argonians and kajit
>people
>DEAR GOD MULDER, THEY'VE BEEN INFECTING THE SINGLE VIEWERS!
>>71262801
>He doesn't employ mentally retarded for goodboy points.
>>71262795
No i can see the liquid is above the carpet.
>>71260169
sometimes my sister drags me along and I tell her that I can just pirate the movie. sometimes I manage to convince her and we watch it together
>>71262860
That's what they want you to think, man. That's what they WANT you to THINK.
>>71262872
Do you convince her to let you suck her toes?
>save up my disability all year to buy a platinum plated anvil with my falcon's name engraved into the sides
>local cinema decides to BAN crablegs
Seriously, what the fuck? Is this even legal? How can you even have any kind of movie watching experience at all without crab legs? And what the fuck am I supposed to do with this anvil?
>>71260332
Pretty surreal.
>>71262860
Tear up the carpets of your mind and you will see that the real liquid is in you and me
Theater of the mind, senpai
We're not single as long as we're single together
>go to watch Batman vs. Superman
>ticket checker turns me away because I don't have a theatre license and a Ph.D in Kinographie
>consider buying a ticket to Finding Dory and sneaking in but they have the bloodhounds patrolling again
It's not fair.
>>71261323
I remember this queer. My mom used to watch his show all the time.
>>71263021
She was just trying to figure out how to communicate with you when you got older.
>>71262977
One of my favorite lines from War Dog. This was shortly before the infamously graphic rape scene wasn't it?
The medical wing of my cinema keeps bringing non humans into the fray. Here's one that swallowed a breaded wasp nest.
>>71260169
I've never gone to the movies alone but I hate going with friends. It's the least social thing you can do with other people. You're obviously not even supposed to speak with them and there's no interaction.
>>71263120
You're supposed to stick your tongue down their throat.
>Go to the kino theater
>Manage to sneak past genital inspectors into the couples only seating
>Theater shooter shows up 15 minutes late
>Manage not to get shot while escaping
>Notice someone dropped a fresh bowl of crab legs while they were escaping
>Walk home eating crab legs
Today was a good day
>>71260332
All I can see is the underwater void from Under the Skin. All singles. No hope.
>>71263213
>walk home eating crab legs
But where was your anvil?
I'm a chick and go to the cinema by myself all of the time. Employees normally ask to look into my bag when I'm alone to make sure I'm not armed I guess. They never do that if I'm with someone else though.
Feels bad
>>71262746
>that nigga talk out of nowhere
Fucking hilarious.
>>71261520
>tfw make 11 an hour as the cinema piss bottle collector
This is why I drink
>>71263407
His falcon probably flew it home
>>71263581
Not from said bottles I hope.
>>71263581
Oh man. That sucks, But on the upside I always hear the ladies comparing how big their bottles are.
>tfw the tower guard keeps eyeing you throughout the film
I couldn't focus on the screen at all
>>71263614
Thank god. I was worried.
I left my anvil at the theater once and they fined me and made me work as a shower attendant for a week.
>>71261061
>AND PERFORM SEX ACT
>AND
>implying licking feet is not a sex act
when will /tv/ make their own gmod kinoplex?
>>71260136
Good thing I'm wearing my trusty gumboots and water wings
>going anywhere unprepared
>2016
>>71263780
>singles only basement right this way!
>>71261796
Cinema corpse piles were not uncommon during large scale battles, take your armchair tactics back to /got/
>>71262594
Any decent theater has an onsite 24hr falcon daycare center. I'm more curious about how she snuck the child around the mandatory morphine injection policy for children 10 and under. This theater is probably pleb strip mall trash. I bet they didn't even have showers.
>>71264060
>no showers
How could anyone stand to watch top tier kino with disgusting unwashed people around them?
>>71261796
My cinema uses the corpses as fuel
>>71261367
>not drinking your own piss as a real efficient kinofan
>>71263780
>mfw I watched the entirety The Holy Grail in 480p at 4AM with a bunch of russkies with shitty mics and 11 year old british kids while gunshots where going off in the background.
Sometimes I wish I was 15 again.
>tfw the cinema anvil thief takes your anvil as you're enjoying a movie
>>71261409
Cool.
I'm not good with words,so can you explain how the shells work,I mean in case somebody else doesn't know,ID do it but I'm only allowed so many keystrokes per day,thanks frien (see I just Rand out couldn't even finish the word friend)
>>71260136
Hey man, cool pic! I'm driving 30 minutes to see Neon Demon alone tonight :^) Because why the fuck would I invite someone to see Neon Demon
>>71264158
Mine does too. I don't know what kind of theater doesn't. How else do you think are they supposed to power the projector?
>2005
>fucking hyped to see the new batman movie
>borrowed my moms car, stuffed my cargo shorts with snacks, ready to roll
>at the last minute she tells me I have to bring my autistic cousin to see the film
>things go awry almost instantly
>buying tickets, my cousin starts sputtering and stamping his feet because I didn't hand the cashier the bills in ascending order of value
>get to the ticket taker, we both attempt the non virgin handshake and fail abysmally
>fail the penis inspection by proxy after they discover beeswax and sawdust all over my cousin's dick
>we're herded to a stone chamber at the back of the cinema with the other virgins, singles, and convicted felons
>escorted by hooded guards down a spiraling corridor, can barely see shit because the torches are burning low
>my cousin is getting nervous as we cross a narrow causeway over what looks like an endless black abyss
>a ponytailed man in front of us trips over his combat boots and plunges over the edge to the depths below
>nearing the end of the tunnel, I can see the light of the projector in the distance
>my cousin walks straight into a spiderweb and fucking panics, spins around and crashes into me
>fall over, my snacks go flying everywhere
>feel the crushing blow of the guard's mace connect with the back of my head
>wake up in the cinema dungeon, charged with smuggling contraband and flagrant virginity
>impressed into the cinematic armed forces as punishment
>my cousin dies during a grueling march through the snow in the first winter of the Kino Campaign
>lose my eye to an insurgent putting down a revolt in a rival cinema that was annexed by my own
>finally discharged after the better part of a decade
>finally sit down at my home cinema to watch the newest batman movie
>see an Irishman standing at an airfield with his hands on his pants like a cowboy
>mfw
>>71265321
Is this pasta?
>enjoy the movie you two!
>singles only seating
Is this a fucking thing in the US?
>>71265409
This might be some original shit right here made me laugh
>>71265521
It's in most first world countries bucko
>go to see wreck it ralph
>bring this girl I was talking to at the time
>3 black guys sit right beside her after the movie starts
>they start rubbing on her and then she decides to make out with them
>get pissed so decide to leave
>still want to watch wreckit ralph
>just move to the other side of the seating
>sit next to a cute femboy
>he puts his arm around me and leans into me
>decide to kiss his on the forehead
>black guy starts yelling at me
>pulls out gun and shoot the femboy in the head
>blood everywhere
>everyone starts laughing as the black guy pulls my pants off and calls my dick small
>>71265706
>cinema shooting
>shooter was black
Wanna know how I know you made that story up?
>>71265606
>be Scandinavian
>from the first of the first world countries
>"lol you must be from the third world coz poor countries don't have segregation"
How about this: in a logical and advanced country singles only seating makes no sense
>>71265760
>>71265706
not fake
heres the girl I went with btw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BpUiz1aCjQ
>>71265770
Sorry but your movie experience is being cucked by singles ruining the couples area
>>71261234
Don't be sure, we live in amazing times. Just look at Meme Lover
>2013 Evil Dead
>Magic Johnson Theater
>Taking my new gf of two weeks
>Theater is packed to the fucking gills with colored people
>Everyone is yelling and laughing and the scary scenes
>Group of black highschool boys in the back row are singing the HALO theme song
>"AhhhAhhhhhOOOoooo"
>You know the one im talking about
>Group in the front row are stomping and clapping the Terminator 2 theme song
>Someone throws a shit ton of coins into the theater and all hell breaks lose
>Lil black kid gets pelted in the face with like 2 bucks through of nickels.
>Everyone just starts booking it out the theater
>>71265841
Literally nobody gives a fuck
>>71260169
I've never gone to the movies with another human being.
>>71265770
Do you have autism?
>>71266010
You seem to be upset
>>71260169
I can't convince anyone I know to leave my house.
>>71266054
No do you?
>tfw your autistic cousin breaks into the projection booth and destroy the kino rolls so you're forced to go in front the screen and act out the movie at gunpoint
i think someone came in my hair from the cinema catwalks
>>71264557
What anime is that from?
One of the cinema attendants walked up behind me and shoved his pistol against the back of my head. He stood there for exactly thirty minutes, took a swab of my saliva and left. All in all it was an OK day.
>>71260169
Yes. Whenever I have a little downtime to wait for someone or something I catch a movie if the wait is long enough.
>tfw you accidentally got your electric can opener wet in the cinema showers so you have to pay for the in-house can opening service (plus tip) just to enjoy a measly can of pickled herring
>>71260136
At this point I'm unsure, but have to ask. Does the US actually have seperate singles and group seating in cinemas?
Don't you just pick your seats online?
>>71263084
Grats on the post.
Odd that I am the first to say so...
>>71266662
Not anime, pussy,it gem
>>71264319
>>71263780
I would always go into gmod theatere servers or packed theateres on rp maps to play this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OwZzVYun_Q
it starts so fast that you cant skip it without seeing the worst parts
>>71267358
That faggot who posted it already congratulated himself enough
>>71266662
Jem
https://youtu.be/UtNPFSz9-5c
but it's not anime
>>71267489
my faves were the cyst popping videos
>tfw you get nervous during penis inspection and shit yourself
this is the 4th time it's happened
>>71267489
desu I think the woman to man one is worse
>>71265782
jesus christ how is that even female
>>71262821
>FBI agents will be handling the Penis Inspection at tonight's show
Oh golly I hope I end up in Scully's line. But I would be just as happy in Mulders line
>tfw based Doland has promised to ban all singles from entering kinotoriums
