>got banned from the only theater in town
Please somebody end me
>>71163391
What did you do, jerk off?
Frogposters deserve to suffer without end.
Smuggled your anvil in?
Failed the penis inspection?
Refused to shower?
Didn't have your condor with you?
Single?
How did you get banned pham?
that's what you get for trying to sneak around the no-singles policy
>>71163391
Time to move to a town that allows your type in their theaters.
Your a mongoloid white arent you? Did you try to bring your dads gun to the movies?
does the no singles policy apply to all cinemas or just liberal ones?
>>71163637
Ya off to Niggerville with you!!
>>71163422
>>71163449
>>71163667
Yes this actually happened
>last month
>settle in to watch Zootopia
>have to shit but I don't want to miss the movie
>bowels are starting to break but I'm too embarrassed to scoot out of the row past this qt girl
>during the sloth scene it gets so bad I literally can not hold it anymore so I decide to make a break for it
>right as I get out of the row into the aisle my anus dam breaks
>liquid shit very loudly begins pouring down my pant leg and filling my shoes
>can do nothing but stand there and make this pathetic weak whining sound as it happens (eeeeeeeeeeehhhhh)
>the entire theater is now watching me shit my pants
>black guy just looks me in the eye and says "yo you just shit your fucking pants"
>decide if I fake faint everyone will think it was a medical problem and I can go home with some dignity intact
>fake swoon then collapse in a pile onto the shitwater covered floor
>it's staining my shirt so I roll out of it
>realize how fake it looks so I then begin twitching and faking a seizure
>it was so poorly faked nobody got up to help me, I'm just on the floor twitching in a puddle of my own feces
>after 10 seconds of twitching unceremoniously get up and leave
>today I head back thinking everyone would have forgot by now
>there's a picture of me on the wall in the ticket booth saying not to sell to me
I literally have no other hobbies. What the fuck am I supposed to do?
>>71163931
offer the teller some crab legs
>>71163931
I'm sure this is fake but I giggled. +1
>>71163931
This is some fake shit I mean come on. How can this be real?
>>71163931
how did they get your picture?
>>71163931
you can't make this shit up
>>71164082
Probably got it off his theater license
>>71163931
>>71163931
you fag you stole half of this from a copypasta
>>71163931
Have your mom sue them for discriminating against a mentally handicapped person
>>71163931
>>71163391
>not torrenting in 2016
Do it now whilst you still can mon ami, who knows what the future holds?
>>71163931
>Stealing from a classic /fit/ copypasta
Enjoy your nogainz, skelly lanklet >:^(
ITT: newfags who havent tatsed the pasta before
>>71163931
Happened to me too bruh
>I went to the movie theater at my local mall to see The Hateful Eight and I had to go REALLY bad.
I ran to the toilet after the first preview and took a half diarrhea, half solid release. The solid part was so thick and wide that i honestly felt some of the worst pains of my life during the pushing. I started pulling up my pants right as the last bit fell out, tightened my belt and flushed the toilet... See i never believed in wiping before, thought it was a waste of time and what not, ... I mean I never get anything from wiping anyway so wtf is the point... right?
holy god was i wrong... i got to my seat and felt solid clumps deep between my cheeks, i figured my boxers were bunched up or summat. Right as the intro was starting i thought i felt something wet against my boxers... when i sat down my hypothesis was correct.. i had feces on them, and could start to smell them slightly. The damned room must have been 90 degrees, heat blowing because the vents were malfunctioning, my ass and back started to sweat profusely and i had to make as little movement as possible to avoid disrupting it anymore. I stood up so a kid could walk past my seat, I thought about pretending to be asleep, but of course i had to be an idiot and stand up for him, he walked past my seat and sait "dude you smell like bbq or something" My face got so red and everyone in the seats around me started saying "holy shit, you smell bad man, did you shower???"
I ignore them and sit back down... i take a look back at the aisle and notice a black dot on the ground, kids started questioning what it was and my heart started RACING. One kid sniffed it and exclaimed "OH MY GOD, ITS POOP!!!!" at this point the audience was laughing excessively, i put my head down on my chair and smelled FUMES coming out from below it, i looked down and there was SHIT smeared all over the tile floor and on the bottoms of my jeans.
>>71163931
This pasta looks familiar. Also kys you spaghetti stealing faggot.
