So i'm going to see a film tonight (the nice guys) thing is, i'm going alone. Anything I should know?
I haven't been to the cinema alone in about 3 years. pls no meme answers
>>70860738
I do it all the time, what's the problem? My friends don't like my taste in films, so I have no choice.
>>70860771
get any sideways looks? Will i get spat on or something if im by myself and start laughing at the film?
>>70860738
DONT TAKE YOUR FALCON
i did last time and it was awful
>enjoying solid kino
>faggot wolf starts licking my hand
>i shout to the crowd to spread awareness
>people tell me to shut up, start crying
>call falcon to comfort me but hes playing in the aviary
>getting really angry at this point
>wolf still sucking my dick
>kick him as hard as i can
>falcon flies in and shits all over me, got the call wrong
>wolf chases falcon right out the front door
>get kicked out for waking up the manager during napkino
Okay, first of all, you can't go alone. You're gonna need someone to come with you, because of the "No Singles" policy.
Luckily, a law was just passed that allows falcons to be aides to disabled people, much like seeing-eye dogs, so go down to your local aviary and grab a falcon.
Make sure you bring at least $200 to pay the mandatory kino-tax, and to pay for concessions. If you are planning to see a Kinoluxe movie (anything directed by Snyder or Bay,) there's an extra $50 charge, so plan accordingly.
When you get to the theatre, you're gonna notice the metal detectors. Make sure you leave any clocks you have at home, you don't want them to think you're making a bomb.
However, you need to bring a gun, to protect yourself from cinema shooters. I forgot last month, and had to pay $500 for a shitty little pistol, because you're not allowed in without a weapon. Now I just make sure I bring a fully automated rifle with me at all times.
Once you get past the metal detectors, you also have to pass the wallet inspectors and the penis inspectors. It's a bit of a pain, but that's the price you pay for freedom.
You can then release your falcon, if you are in a lower class facility, they are just allowed to fly freely. However, don't lose your falcon, I had a friend lose his to the trained mongoose that they release after every session.
>>70860943
>>70860913
made me laff.
actual question though can i bring in alcohol or will they take it away? Should I pour it in a flask?
>>70860802
Watch out for roving theater shank gangs who single out individuals in violation of No Singles Policy and stab them until they leave.
Just sit close to someone (within one seat) and pretend to talk to them once in a while. Don't worry about feeling uncomfortable, though. Everyone has to do this.
>>70860943
Once your falcon is flying freely (or in the falcon roosts they have in classier joints,) you can go to the concession stand. Make SURE you tip the black worker before AND after he serves you, otherwise he legally is allowed to have sex with your wife, or failing that, your sister or mother.
You need to purchase crab legs, soap, falcon chow, bullets for your gun, and a Batman vs Superman limited edition kinoglass. This should cost you about $150-200, however, if you go for the supreme extended edition kinoglass, add on another $50.
You can now go and sit and enjoy your movie. Make sure to eat your crab legs before you finish, otherwise that pesky mongoose will get them, and be sure to always clap when the "Audience Applause" sign lights up. I had a friend not clap once, and I swear i still hear him calling my name from down the drain of the cinema showers.
>>70860802
Buddy it's a movie theater, not The Ritz. If anyone gives you a dirty look knock him/her in the fookin teeth m8
>>70861049
one of my favorite memes
>>70860738
I haven't been to the cinema in about 7 years and i've never been to one alone, you'll be alright
>>70860738
>posts meme thread
>pls no meme answers
>>70862188
So nothing will happen if go alone?
>>70860738
Yeah, if you are going alone you need a special single-movie-goer-permit ID card, you get it at the police station.
Security check usually takes about a week or two.
If you already have one, make sure it hasn't expired. If you get there with an expired ID card,
you get a $200 fine and a whole week in the butter mines.
>>70860991
They'll search your belongings while you shower. It's better to drink beforehand, but make sure they haven't put up any breathalyzer checkpoints
>>70862689
Really though if I took a flask do they check now or not let you take it in or am I good?
>>70862363
Do you know what the cinema lions look for when they go hunting?
Lone, sickly, weak preys at the edge of the pack
This is why most cinemas have a no singles policy, the casualty rates were too high, especially during the dance intermissions when us autists would stay in their seat and get picked off by the lions (and cheetahs)
