ITT: we write quips for Marvel flicks
>>70371035
-insert Buffy/Angel/Firefly quirks literally no one IRL uses-
It's you who's out Gobby! Out of your mind!
>>70371035
>"Tell that to Zod's snapped neck"
>*que laugh track
>Executive Producer Joss Whedon
you could have someone catch caps shield and be like wohoho oh no and drop it to the ground like its all heavy like thors hammer and then be like lol jk guys haha
Ant man: "'spiderman' huh? I would have guessed that you had 8 legs"
Spiderman: "Nope, just 3. The third is for your mum"
Thanos: At last, we finally meet.
Iron Man: Who let this grapefruit in?
>Thanos completes the infinity gauntlet and morphs into a giant god-monster being
>Wanda: "Definitely swipe left"
>Vision looks at her confused
>>70371148
that's good
You know what happens to a frog that's struck by lightning?
The same thing that happens to everything else.
>BRAVO JOSS
>antman meets an angry hulk
"Whoa big guy"
>grows picks hulk up to say
"Hey little guy"
Pay me
>>70371173
>Thanos completes the Guantlet & powers up
>All hope is lost
>Out of nowhere a jar of Granny's Peach Tea hits him in the face, blinding him & giving the Avengers an opening
>>70371325
not a quip but I kek'd nonetheless
>>70371035
>Did you just throw a giant frisbee at me? The fuck...? I'm supposed to be a spider, not a dog
>>70371148
>The third is for your mum
>>70371035
You almost won, but you forgot one thing. A spider can bite.
>>70371035
>puts on mask
>"Now, I have become Sony Motion Picture Studio's second attempted Spider-Man reboot!"
>>70371393
>not ginormous
Black Widow: Whoa there mister grabby, watch the hands!
Bruce Banner: Trust me. I'm a doctor.
Antman is insignificANT
Thor: I refuse to work with that fucking nigger in your iron man suit tony
>>70371127
lol
>>70371561
okay. legitimately laughed at this
Antman uses the giant pill
Black Widow says to Bruce:You could borrow one of those, big boy ;)
Captain America speaking to Spider-Man
>"Reddit? I'll put it on the list"
>>70371035
have spiderman catch some civilian and swing them out the way dramatically
afterwards the lady hurries off with a disgusted look on her face, and spiderman calls after her "hey, its not my fault! its the spandex!"
>>70371035
Get a load of this angry, white, male . He doesn't even realize its 2016! Empire Strikes back is a really old movie now.
" Hey look it's Barney the Purple Dinosaur!" --- Spiderman
Shoots web at Thanos. Thanos Ducks, looks at Spider Man and fucking Vaporizes him!
Time to Reboot Spider Man
>after a rocky start, the moment has finally arrived.
Iron Man: AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!
>Avengers proceed to form up and assume silly poses while dramatic music plays.
>Villian stands smugly with arms crossed.
Villain to Avengers: Aww you guys are cute. Where's barbie?
>>70371325
Why do marveldrones get so worked up if you mock their precious quips? I thought you liked """"""""""fun"""""""""""""""""
Thanos: So we meet at last, Starlord. You're not so different, you and I.
Starlord: We're totally different!
Thanos: Tell that to Ronan's snapped pride.
Starlord: *attacks*
>>70371148
Wew lad
>So Antman, are you small *everywhere*?
>Now is not the time Spidey
>Call me Spidey one more time you motherfucking cock juggling AIDS infested homo
Could see this happening
Wasp: Do they really have to call him black panther? That seems a little tasteless.
Ant Man: Tasteless? Seriously? Have you looked at our costumes?
>>70371035
>>70371148
good but a bit above pg mate, make it G
>>70372139
>>70371690
I saved it too anon
>>70372139
jfc. are you whedon?
>>70371035
Black Widow: Calm down, Big Guy!
Hulk: ROAUGEHGRYITITHYE
>Hulk then punches BW, killing her instantly
Iron Man: Well, I didn't see that coming...
Thanos: Hey guys, I'm over *HERE* you know!
>Thor then arrives riding a lightning bolt, crushing Hawkeye as he sets down on the battlefield
Thor: Looks like somebody let the DOGS OUT!
>Starlord then releases a kennel full of hungry hounds with Rocket Raccoon riding Scooby-Doo
Thanos: Good lord... *sighs*
>>70372057
But seriously, isn't "black panther" redundant? I thought a panther was a black feline by definition.
>>70372305
Spiderman: CHUMBAWAMBA!
Black Panther: Unga Bunga Ook Bunga Bunga *throws spear*
black panther: black widow, show me dem titties girl
scarlet witch: i'll show you my tits nigger-man
black panther: shut up bitch i wasn't talkin' to you
>>70372315
i think its for visual effect
like "Golden Dawn", "Blazing Sun", "Blue Waters" etc etc
>>70371035
What is the "TONY HELP" meme? It's probably the only dank maymay I haven't seen an explanation for yet.
>>70372023
You think they'll call Raimi for script supervision again?
>>70371035
>Gee I guess this really was his Doomsday™
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_V2sBURgUBI
>Script by Joss Whedon
>Black widow rushes into the room where all the other Avengers are standing around
Black Widow: I got here as fast as I could, sorry about the wait
Hawkeye: Don't worry, you'll lose it
>Iron Man high fives Hawkeye, Captain America lets out a hearty chuckle
(Capt America punches someone)
>taste the freedom
>>70372334
*Tubthumping starts playing*
>>70371690
Kek
>>70371115
You would say it too if you got the chance.
*black widow shows up*
Hawkeye: she's with you?
Cap: I thought she was with you
Hawkeye: lol, what a slut
>>70372529
I don't get it
>>70372636
wait = weight
>>70372636
She got "here" as in, she acquired it.
>>70372529
would pay to see, but Disney will never do it because of muh fat shaming
>>70372479
>Thor: You're a filthy fucking shitskin black panther sieg fucking heil 14/88
And that's why they wouldn't want Raimi back
Thanos: You defy ultimate power. With the Infinity Gems™ I have control over all matter, energy, space, and time. I will smash you into atoms. Not even the memories of you will exist.
Starlord: Cool. You get those from a cracker jack box or something?
>>70371035
ITT: mad DCucks
Captain America: Take that you slut! What a cuckold!!! JUST! You're a big guy!!!!!!
>Iron mans suit is damaged
Are you alright tony?
>beeping starts
Watch out I'm gonna pull an Isis
>Spiderman sees a suicide bomber about to walk into a building
>Covers him in webbing, hangs him over a light pole for the cops to come
>Says "How do you plan on being with 72 virgins when you can't handle one?"
>>70372923
That actually sounds like something he would say.
>>70372972
But seriously, what if there was a character who talked only in dank internet meems?
>>70371794
Why are you DCucks so angry to make these threads?
The DCEU is a failure, just accept it and move on.
>>70373083
Or maybe your just retarded?
>>70373111
Why?
Is the DCEU not a failure?
Are DCucks not angry?
>>70372923
fuark. i can hear it now
>>70372860
Nazi Thor when?
>>70373185
Would complement nice the black-hating magic girl they have right now in the MCU.
>Hey vulture why don't you answer my calls?
>What calls Spider-Man?
>the ones after you dropped me off from your van
>but I never
>got you faggot!
>>70372468
ANON HELP
me figure out what this meme means
>>70372994
Is it bad I actually want to see this?
>Villain goes off on a generic tangent about world domination and God being dead
>Deadpool literally tips fedora
>Falcon winds up to punch someone
Spiderman: Falcon P-
>Falcon stops his punch and turns around
Falcon: Don't
>Captain America looks around confused
>>70372994
Hee, that would actually work. It's cute coming from the new Spidey.
>>70373275
Yeah
But it's funny when we do it
>>70372994
But that would expose his secret identity, as there are only 10 people in the city that are virgins that are older than 15.
>>70373235
he always needs tony to save him
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF5e3is7ls8
>Infinity War
>Doctor Strange is at the Avengers Tower
>Him and Tony are discussing plans for some shit
>Spiderman just chillin there
>Ant-Man comes up to meet him, shaking his hand and etc...
>"Oh my God, you're Spiderman!"
>Spiderman is like "Yeah, no shit, Sherlock"
>Tony and Strange turn around "Yes?"
>Everyone looks around confused
>Reddit jizzes
>>70373462
Go to bed Feige. Nobody wants this
>>70371149
This could make it into the movie ffs
>Stark and Captain America drink coffee atop Stark Tower
>Cap: this coffee's really good
>Yeah, Starkbucks formula never fails
>I really don't like the way you change everything you buy to fit your image
>Oh really? What, you're gonna downvote me?
>*look of honest wonder*
>Come on, you think the Samsung Galaxy I gave you had that Stark app for no reason? By the way, "Capwn -underscore- America"? No wonder I knifed you in Black Ops.
>*mouth agape, looks on* - "Playboy?"
>Well, my shottie gave you the double spread, didn't it?
Tony: So we've finalized the plans for the new Avengers Operations Center, my guys are working on clearing up some red tape, but the next step is to decide which city to build in.
Bruce: How about somewhere in Europe?
Tony: No this one's going stateside, what else?
Black Widow: How about DC? With SHIELD we could--
Tony: *shaking head* DC? Never. DC is fucking garbage. *looks at camera*
>>70372860
>Black Widow: We need to be put in check Steve, this whole situation is getting out of control.
>Cap: And you need to put in the fucking oven, you filthy fucking kike. Hitler did nothing wrong.
You can clearly see where Raimi had a hand in CWs script
>>70373818
>(Claps)
Just horrible you'll make it in Hollywood yet
>>70373904
>>70372023
>>70372860
I love this Raimi meme, but I don't get it is he really racist or something? None of the Spider-Man films were actually like that
In Civil War when Cap was fighting the special forces in Berlin I expected some quip about fighting Germans again after so long.
Antman:let me deal with black panther cap
Cap:alright don't hurt him
Antman:it's fine I'll just put him in my spam folder where he belongs
Cap:spam folder
Antman:with all the other royal niggers who want my money.
![Captain-America-Civil-War-2-Trailer-Vision-vs-Scarlet-Witch[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/lsWtCSV.jpg "Captain-America-Civil-War-2-Trailer-Vision-vs-Scarlet-Witch[1].jpg")
>looking down the hold afterward
>Hawkeye: I was just about to try that
Or something like that, better then "Huh, let's go."
>>70371690
>>70371483
bingo
>>70374354
Wanda: "I am your density!"
>>70373111
>your just retarded?
>>70374444
Her line was good though, his was shit.
>>70373185
He could team up with Nazi Captain America in Civil War
>every time Cap recovers his shield after throwing it at someone
Cap: "That's mine!"
>>70374814
I believe this belongs to me...Captain America.
>Black Panther: Hi I'm Black Panther Prince of Wakakaland
>IronMan: I think i got some emails from you ask for an Advance fee so you can transfer several billion dollars into my account
>Black Panther: huh
>Iron Man: WHERE IS MY BILLION DOLLARS
>BW: So you're Ant-Man, you must be ant-sized in some places even when you're not in your ant form right?
>AM: Why don't you fuck off you hook-nosed cunt? You must like that AIDS ridden BBC, huh? You fucking coalburner bitch.
>BP: I am riteh hear, yoo kno?
>BW: Actually green is the new black
>Banner: [chuckles in the distance]
>>70374379
>>70371035
So not make a new thread, what else is left before Thanos/Infinity Gems? Just another Guardians of The Galaxy and individual movies for the no-names, or are there more Avengers/Iron Man/Cap movies left?
>The camera pans around Avengers tower showing a mood of general boredom. Bruce plays chess with Hawkeye. BW plays on her phone. Captain America sits at a control panel playing with various action figures of himself. Tony approaches sipping coffee from a paper cup.
Tony: *looks down* Well they certainly got the 'America' part down.
>camera shows a closeup of a ludicrously patriotic looking toy raising the american flag
Steve: I kind of like it. My agent says Captain America figures outsold Iron Man toys by 16 percent this quarter.
Tony: SIX percent. Six. And that's because-- You have an agent?
Steve: Yep. Her and my publicist invited me out to see the factory where they make these guys. 100% American, produced right here in Brooklyn.
Tony: You have a publicist?
Steve: I'm a public figure. Y'know, a role model. *looks modest* Kids look up to me.
Tony: *clears throat* What about all those royalty checks?
Steve: Charity.
Tony: You are way too wholesome for this century.
>Thor gets up from his crossword, looking angry
Thor: Wait. You get PAID for these?
Black Widow: Yeah, they use our likeness and they send us a royalty check. Well most of us. Not Spidey.
>Thor looks confused
Spiderman: Secret identity. *shrugs sadly and scurries out of frame on the ceiling*
Thor: Am I not worthy of this "royalty"? I AM royalty.
Tony: You're also not a citizen... Of Earth.
Thor: I AM THOR ODINSON. I will find these toymakers. And I WILL MAKE THEM PAY. *flies though ceiling, debris rains down*
Tony: Who hired him again?
>everyone turns to look at Tony
>Tony awkwardly puts on a pair of sunglasses and heads toward the elevator
>>70375403
You clearly took a lot of time and thought writing this,but the thread is dying and you probably won't get a (you), so I gotchu pham.
Anyways I could see this being made as a post-credits scene in Part 2.
"Does Marvel really look like a studio with a plan? You know what Marvel is? Its greed chasing money. We wouldn’t know what to do with one good character if we caught it. You know, we just… do things. The mob has plans, the fans have plans, DCEU’s got plans. You know, they’re schemers. Schemers trying to control their little worlds. We're not a schemer. We try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. So, when We say… Ah, no more chips.
When We say that you and your DCEU was nothing personal, you know that We're telling the truth. It’s the schemers that put you where you are. WB execs were a schemer, you had plans, and look where that got you. We just did what we do best. We took your little plan and we turned it on itself. Look what we did to this world with a few drums of quips and a couple of rehashed plots. Hmmm? You know… You know what we’ve noticed? Nobody panics when things go “according to plan.” Even if the plan is repetitive! If, tomorrow, we tell the press that, like, a Black Widow will get shot, or an Incredible Hulk movie will never be followed up, nobody panics, because it’s all “part of the plan.” But when We say that one little character will die pointlessly, well then everyone loses their minds! Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. We're an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It’s not DCEU!"
>>70375187
>at least I'm not black
Everytime.
>>70375547
T-thanks pham. Y-you too.
>>70371035
>Iron Man in avengers showers when villian attacks, runs out naked to see the commotion and runs into black widow
>next shot is tony and black widow heading out and he's saying "It was cold!" (Referring to his dick size) as she rolls her eyes
Vision: "Am I the first?"
Wanda: "No...The Other guy got in me first."
Vision: "Who is he?"
Wanda: " An old God."
Vision: "For you."
>>70372305
This actually make me laugh.
Every single one of these not in a screencap is fucking awful, and you should stop trying. They aren't even funny in a "bad on purpose" way if that's what you were going for.
how fucking mad are you DCucks to make these threads over and over again? are you really that jealous on how successful Marvel and Disney on their franchises? fuck off
>Scarlet Witch: "You were pulling your punches"
>Ant Man: "Oh yeah ?, well, last night i pulled my pud to your fat tits!"
-------------------------------------------
>Vision: "Her name is Scarlet Witch"
>IronMan: "More like Harlot Bitch"
-----------------------------------------------
>>70375376
Just fix the first panel and this is solid.
