I fucking hate Wheel of Fortune. For me, the order goes
-Wheel of Fortune
-American Cheese
-Natural Ice
And here's why:
1) First and Foremost: Pat. Fucking. Sajak. At some point in the 1980's Sajak managed to land what would end up being one of the cushiest jobs of all of telecommunications, and he has continued riding the pony for the better part of four goddamn decades.I can't tell you what it was like in the past, but at this point this motherfucker brings as much passion to his job on a day-to-day basis as tuna salad sandwich left in a hot car in August. I aint even talking about some refreshing citrus or mustard-based tuna salad-no. I mean Mayonaise, tuna, white bread. In a car. Full stop. Go watch Wheel of Fortune right now, I fucking dare you. Sajak just stands there and watches people spin that comical hell-wheel and spout useless dispassionate small-talk like "Oh you're a nurse? That's cool or whatever." You can at least pretend like you still have a soul, Pat. Pretend that showbiz didn't drain what remained of your last ounces spirit years ago. But no, Sajak just stands there watching the game, offering less-than-half-hearted consolations, such as "oh brother," "too bad, so sad," or whenever some poor secretary loses a 12grand and a car from that blasted 'Bankrupt' panel in this infernal game of chance. If any other entity came to work on the daily with that level aloof and cold dis-interest, they would be A) fired on the spot, B) referred to a counselor, or C) put down by the appropriate authorities, one of those three things, and one of those three alone. AND THIS BASTARD MAKES 12MILLION DOLLARS DOING IT.
2)Vanna White. At some point in the 1990's, Vanna White apparently discovered the secret to human immortality (in more ways than one), and it seems, has since then shared that knowledge with absolutely no one. This woman does not fucking age, and this fact only becomes more horrifyingly clear as each year passes and everyone around her gets older, and she stays the same. At this rate, I should be juust about old enough to date Vanna White in about 10 years, and then 20 years after that, she'll be far too young for me, and then 20 years after that I will be deceased, and I assume she will be continuing the show with a hologram or cyborg version of Sajak. Couldn't say which for sure. Not only is this woman's physical appearance inexplicably eternal, but so is her job.
For those of you who might be too young to know this, allow me to explain. Wheel of fortune used to played with a large wooden paneled board, with the letters hidden individually with rotating hinges. When a player guessed a letter, someone was required to physically walk over to the correct spot on the board in order to reveal the letter- enter the lovely actress, Vanna White. It goes without saying that this job was technologically obsolete back in the bloody 80s, as soon as the production team could afford tube screens, or touch screens, or at this point, godamn fucking anything; and yet, it remains. Vanna White's career was made technologically and sociologically unnecessary and irrelevant DECADES ago, and YET. IT. REMAINS. She's basically the game-show equivalent of one of those old telephone operators physically connecting phone lines from one network. The only other place a similar job could exist in the 2010s is within the presence of Howie Mandell in the vein of "Deal or No Deal" (wow, what a title), and who the fuck wants to work with Howie Mandell?
He really is dead inside.
3) That cursed fucking wheel. First, let me say this: At its core and most abstract sense, Wheel of Fortune is a simple and fantastic game. Players take turns guessing letters in order to be the first to guess the completed puzzle. It's, simple, straight-forward, and accessible to even the casual viewer watching the show. Simply put, it's fun. Despite that, it rewards clever and skilled players who have the raw intuition to just *know* what the end puzzle will probably be. Exciting, challenging, AND fun. But then....they add in the show's namesake, that Fucking Wheel of Fortune. Do you know how many times I've watched the country's greatest puzzle solvers just get totally erased by that dreaded thing? Racking up thousands of well-earned dollars and prizes, just to have it arbitrarily swept away over and over? Why even HAVE that 'Bankrupt' tile you sociopathic bastards?? Do you just like watching people lose things in a system beyond their control? Is it supposed to be some sort of allegory for the tragedy that life can be?
4) The juxtaposition. Adding insult to injury, in most broadcast regions, the luck-based cataclysm that is Wheel of Fortune airs back to back with the champion of game shows, "Jeopardy". Jeopardy. A game so brutally skill-based and dedicated to tradition and to game rules that it borders on antiquated or ceremonial. Jeopardy contestants must phrase all responses in the form of questions. No exceptions. Jeopardy contestants must answer all questions in 4 seconds. Answers delivered milliseconds late are invalid. Hell, I've seen Jeopardy showrunners take AWAY points from previous rounds because of pronunciations that weren't close enough to be 100% correct. JEOPARDY CONTESTANTS WILL RECEIVE WHAT THE EARN AND ONLY WHAT THEY EARN - NOTHING MORE AND CERTAINLY NOTHING LESS. Meanwhile, you have this nonsensical Wheel of Fortune next door making a mockery of everything a game show can be, and it's just, I just asoiudhqiuwakmna;ooihftykub,j,hjvhgdc
>>70334230
I bet you're one of those people who hand-write complaints to the network itself and it lasts for pages and pages and you get infuriated that they didn't even read it and just saw "Wheel of Fortune" and sent you an autographed picture.
>>70335286
It's clearly pasta dude
>>70334252
vanna looks rough
WoF is really the worst
>>70335497
>4) The juxtaposition. Adding insult to injury, in most broadcast regions, the luck-based cataclysm that is Wheel of Fortune
ummmmmmm
>tfw Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy as we know them will be done with in the next decade and will have their hosts replaced by millenials
>>70334230
>>70334252
>>70334304
>>70334341
Is this a Cracked article?
Wheel of Fortune is really terrible, but at least it isn't "who wants to be a millionaire" or "family feud" i've never seen a show with such a seemingly arbitrary scoring system as family feud. It rewards you for sheepish group-think, but then decides the consensus for scoring based on asking like 30 of the same people an open-ended question. I've never seen a single episode that seemed as if one side was more capable than the other, but every team has this retarded woman who stutters and looks around frantically when asked "name a kitchen utensil" or some equally fucking easy question like that.
And don't get me started on the who wants to be a millionaire game, in which you get to watch just one person compete against his own obvious mental deficiencies to answer such puzzlers as "what is the 4th planet?" "what animal out of these four lays eggs" etc. and get absurd amounts of help only to fuck up just in time for a commercial. it's like Jeopardy without competition, and set in one of those middle schools where they dumb down your entire curriculum to make sure no one's feelings get hurt when they can't do well.
>google it
>it's not copypasta
finally a good thread
>>70335830
>black millenials
>stronk wymn
tfw Iron Chef America was never anywhere near as good as the original Iron Chef
why did we even try
