Awkward theater experiences?
>Cant stand eating at the theater
>Wanted to go and watch X Men Apocolypse by myself
>Didn't want to seem weird
>Figured if I made a joke during the movie people would be less weirded out
>Bought a packet of Oreos with me
>In the scene there is a quote where the main villain says 'ALL THEY HAVE BUILT WILL FALL'
>decide it would be funny to make an Oreo tower and when he says that line, knock it over and shout 'he is right!'
>spend the entire movie trying to stack Oreos
>they keep falling
>start to get nervous
>people keep looking
>stomach bunches up so I leave, eat the remaining oreos at home and still haven't seen the movie
>remind myself that the desparate things I do to feel like I'm not alone when I am should stop.
>Probably won't go out except to work for a while now. Feel like shit.
I honestly don't know how you people make this shit up.
>went to the cinema by myself
>see work colleagues in the queue right in front of me, one of them is a fat bully girl which i hate
>oh hey anon... are... you... alone???
>start to sweat
>uhm, no my friends getting popcorn
>they nod and laugh and turn around
>want to go to my seat
>see in terror that it's the last seat at the row of chairs
>work colleagues have the seats beside me
>no way i could be there with "friends"
>turn around and go home
>>70006819
When you say "fat bully girl" do you mean a girl who is a fat bully or a girl who bullies fatties?
>>70006705
>>70006819
how insecure do you have to be for fucks sake
>Went on a date with a black girl
>Ended up seeing Straight Outta Compton
>Feel awkward as fuck the whole movie
>go to midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show
>Dress up as Frank N Furter
>Drunk as Shit
>had burritos before the show
>stagger off to the bathroom
>dammitJanetLiquidShit.mov
>I start to feel dizzy
>lean my head against the tile partition
>shit starts to grey out
>I am awoken by an annoyed manager
>I had slept in the stall overnight and they thought I OD'd
>had to walk back to mom's house in the fishnets
>>70006705
Why would it be weird going to see a movie by yourself? Are you 13 or something?
>buy popcorn at the concession stand
>lady says "enjoy the show!"
>"you too!"
alright faggots a true one
>at an empty movie theater watching a movie with my mom and younger brother
>somehow we bought tickets to Bebe's Kids
>black people won't STFU
>mom tells them to silencio
>they call her a bitch
>I stand up and pretend to throw my large coke at them
>Except the lid comes off
>drenching an entire 4 seats of crips in Dr. Pepper
>they were so shocked that an 8 year old did that to them we just Kept on Truckin' out of the movie theater without a fight
>as it is not very gangster to fight an 8 year old
>get a refund for the tickets x3 which is probably maybe 6 bucks
>the manager refunds the money without even asking why
>on the way out my mom says there are Crips in there throwing Sodas at each other
>while driving out of the parking lot we see them being ejected by security
WE DONT DIE WE MULTIPLY
>>70008074
i really hope this is true, if not good story anyway
>went to see a movie by myself
>no one else but me
>enjoyed a great experience
>>70008353
What was the movie?
>>70008393
I don't remember which. It's probably one european film.
>>70006705
THAT'S GOTTA HURT
I saw the first Silent Hill movie in a completely deserted theater. Two people, a boy and girl, walked in early one but upon seeing me walked back out, they were probably deviants hoping to engage in sexual phenomena.
>>70006705
V nice
>go to cinema alone
>feet and armpits get all sweaty
>can't bare to look the stub collector in the eye
>make my way to my seat
>nothing but row after row after row of happy, attractive couples
>squeeze past a line of cute teenagers
>can hear them whisper to each other, probably about me
>trip over one of their legs
>smack my head on an armrest
>soda and popcorn goes everywhere
>basically full on crying at this stage
>eventually get to my seat
>can feel everyone staring at me
>distinctly hear someone say "how pathetic"
>pit in my stomach plummets
>feel a sharp jolt
>I'm lying in bed
>it was all a bad dream
>roll over and spoon my girlfriend
>she reaches around and gives my raging member a playful squeeze
Anyone else know this feel?
>>70008628
Yeah, but you left out the part where you wake up from the second dream.
>>70008117
yeah it is 100 percent true we still tell the story at family gatherings my mom thought it was hilarious.
You guys are the reason my theatre enforces the no singles policy and consequently why I am now barred from my local library.
>>70008353
Okay, this has to be utter bullshit
Not even funny
>>70008710
>he brought his falcon to the library
how fucking dumb do you have to be
>walk out of house to go see a movie
>instead spend all day riding around on the train staring intensely at cute girls
>get home
>take off my scorpion jacket and throw it onto my bedroom floor
>notice how worn the fabric is
>it's covered in rips and brown stains and still reeks of the time I spilled one of my piss jars on it
>pick up the jacket and inhale deeply
>remember all the great times I've had wearing the jacket
>put it back on, one last time
>one final drive
>stride coolly out of my room
>travel up the corridor
>step into my mother's room to ask her to drive me to the shops so she can buy me another polo shirt to draw a scorpion on the back of
>my mother is on the bed, four fingers plunging furiously in and out of her quivering vagina
>she's shocked but too close to cumming to stop
>about to back out but the jacket infuses me with the spirit of the driver
>leap onto the bed and whip out my phimosis encrusted dick
>stab at my mothers engorged labia, ejaculating dark grey semen all over her hand
>collapse on top of her, whimpering "I... Drive"
>take the jacket off my face
>I'm actually lying in a gutter
>covered in shit and garbage
>my mom kicked me out six months ago due to my NEET lifestyle
>pop the collar on my crusty scorpion drive polo
>point my fingers to the stars like a gun
>fire the gun and bring my finger to my lips and blow
>"See you, space cowboy..."
>tense my bowels as hard as I can and shit diarrhoea down my legs for warmth as I roll over for the night
>it's going to be a long winter
>>70008762
So now you're homeless?
jfc
>>70008809
Yep posting from the gutter when my phone dies I'll be fucked
>>70008628
>feet and armpits get all sweaty
there's vomit on my shirt already, mom's spaghetti
>>70008074
Gold.
Who will play you in the film adaptation of American Cinema Heroes?
>go see civil war with gf and her friend
>go to the bar afterwards
>gf and her friend get tanked
>take them back home and fuck them
Civil war was 6/10 at best and i liked bvs much better.
>>70007962
top fucking kek lad
>>70008762
>>stab at my mothers engorged labia, ejaculating dark grey semen all over her hand
GOOSED
>go on my first-ever date with a real life girl
>go to see "now you see me"
>I get dressed up nice and she shows up in ratty clothes
>demands I buy the ticket
>I do
>demands I buy the concessions
>I do
>I am feeling angry at my beta awkwardness at this point
>movie starts
>it's trash
>I keep loudly saying "what the fuck" when stupid things happen. Or "that's not funny" when "comedic" bits happen
>movie finally ends
>girl visibly disgusted
>never hear from her again
>go home and think about different ways to kill myself
>>70006705
>decide to watch Civil war opening night while on vacation
>go alone to a nice theater by my hotel
>Sit down, everything's alright
>Someone asks to sit by me, he seems a little weird
>He goes to grab a beer
>Movie starts
>asks me a question about the movie here and here
>makes hand motions while action happens
>another beer
>keeps talking to me
>yells when things happen
>stares at me
>another beer
>slurs random things to me
>tries putting his empty bottle on my lap
>starts staring at wall next to him
>starts singing very loudly
>have to get theater managers to get him
0/10 ruined the movie
>>70009118
Lol if this actually happened
>>70009067
You did well son, you narrowly dodged a plebette
I was at the movies and the gf started rubbing my package, she said she wanted more "butter for her popcorn" and whipped my penis out. I wanted to concentrate on the movie because /tv/ kept hyping it and I wanted to be updated for the latest memes but she kept stroking the cock and throwing popcorn and soda at it with her left hand, pepsi was really cold. I usually like theater action but this time I pretended to not be into it, the ice helped to cool the cock. After a while I just wanted her to stop so I told her to grip it with both hands and jerk it as hard as she could so we could be done with it, she firmly grasped it while sucking on it (she smiled when realizing it tasted like pepsi) and poked her tits with it a little. When I was about to finish I stood up and came on some fat nerd's head. He was dressed up as Yoda or whatever. He looked like he was about to cry. He mumbled some stuff about bringing the theater staff so I told him "whatever dipshit, oh and Han Solo is killed on the bridge scene, fuck you". the gf and I took our things and left.
>>70007254
was a good movie famalam
>>70009187
Not green didn't read
>>70009249
>I was at the movies and the gf started rubbing my package, she said she wanted more "butter for her popcorn" and whipped my penis out. I wanted to concentrate on the movie because /tv/ kept hyping it and I wanted to be updated for the latest memes but she kept stroking the cock and throwing popcorn and soda at it with her left hand, pepsi was really cold. I usually like theater action but this time I pretended to not be into it, the ice helped to cool the cock. After a while I just wanted her to stop so I told her to grip it with both hands and jerk it as hard as she could so we could be done with it, she firmly grasped it while sucking on it (she smiled when realizing it tasted like pepsi) and poked her tits with it a little. When I was about to finish I stood up and came on some fat nerd's head. He was dressed up as Yoda or whatever. He looked like he was about to cry. He mumbled some stuff about bringing the theater staff so I told him "whatever dipshit, oh and Han Solo is killed on the bridge scene, fuck you". the gf and I took our things and left.
>>70009258
tl;dr
>>70009303
came on some guy's head
>>70009187
>want to see the movie
>orgasm
>don't want to see movie
What?
>few years ago, want to go see chronicle
>no friends are free to go, nervous to go alone
>end up getting drunk and stumbling along by myself
>a little bit through the movie start feeling sick and vomit a couple times in my half empty popcorn carton to the disgust of the lady on my left
>put the pukecorn down on the ground and try concentrate on the screen
>little bit later some guy is leaving the row and kicks the punnet of puke over onto the ladys shoes
>she starts yelling at me like it was my fault and I just gap it out of there
>never seen the rest of the movie
>>70006705
i was watching interstellar and this super hot chick sat beside me and i got hard several times but I didn't have to hide it because i'm morbidly obese and my fupa hides it well and then i tried to sniff her hair a few times
>>70009397
bust n' go, who wants to clean all that mess
also I saw all the memey parts at that poiny
>Bring a subway sandwich into the theaters
>Can never finish it before the movie ends
>End up tearing it up and throwing it all around the room
>>70009527
europenis confirmed, ameribros would finish it while the trailers were still playing
>>70006771
This but I am not a creative person so it could be that.
>>70008628
>roll over and spoon my girlfriend
way to ruin the story
>>70007922
HOW DID YOU GET THE DRIED DINGLEBERRIES OUT OF YOUR ASSHAIRS AND FISHNETS?
>>70008874
Damn man, that's gotta be tough. Good luck, hopefully things turn for the better.
Alright here's a true story for you faggots
>Go on movie date with girl from high school
>She has a reputation for being promiscuous
>Decide I'm going to get some action
>Read online about guys cutting a hole in the bottom of a popcorn bucket and putting their dick in it for girls to find as a prank
>Think this would be a good way to break the ice with the girl to start messing around
>Bring swiss army knife with me on date
>At concession stand order a large popcorn
>It comes in a huge bucket
>When we get in the theater I suggest we sit in one of the smaller side rows
>Sit casually and make small talk while waiting for the movie to start
>Once the movie starts I take out my swiss army knife and start trying to discretely cut a hole in the bottom of the bucket thinking my date is distracted by the movie
>Finally finish making the hole and discretely stick my dick inside of it
>Tilt popcorn bucket towards my date and wait for her to grab some popcorn
>The popcorn is surprisingly warm and feels uncomfortable on my dick
>My date never grabs any popcorn the rest of the movie
>As the movie is ending I give up on my idea and put my dick back in my pants
>After movie my date goes straight to her car without really saying anything to me
>Go back to school on Monday and everyone is calling me popcorn fucker
>My date saw the whole thing and told everyone
>That was a decade ago
>Come back to hometown to visit family for holidays this year
>See people from high school at the bar
>mfw they all referred to me as popcorn fucker
>>70010158
>be American
>Go to the cinema to watch Civil War
>get shot
At least the hospital had decent potato chips.
>>70010158
popcorn fucker
>>70006771
>he thinks it's made up
>>70006705
>>70006705
Is this you?
>>70006819
Why not just take some other seat?
>go see jungle book
>went because trailers said "FROM THE DIRECTOR OF IRON MAN" and I'm a big Marvel fan (fuck comics tho)
>movie starts, we see Mowgli with the wolves and stuff
>some lady in front of me is using whatsapp on her bright ass phone
>think she's just waiting for the plot to kick in
>texts on the Shere Khan scene
>texts on the Kaa scene
>texts on the Baloo scene
>her kid is enjoying the movie and says "bear wants honey :D"
>his mom smacks him on the mouth and tells him to "let people watch the movie"
>does this while still texting on her fucking flashlight of a phone
>King Louie scene comes in
>really like his new design, they made him a giant fucking king kong gangster king of the jungle
>bitch lady just doesn't appreciate quality filmmaking
>a giant fucking ape is not amazing enough to make her stop using her phone for 2 minutes
>need to do something before this pure kino of a scene finishes
>start doing monkey noises, throw popcorn around and kick the lady's sit
>kick it repeatedly and really hard like the driver kicking that guy's face
>she turns around to see what's happening, looks at me
>I expose my lower jaw's teeth and yell THE MONKEY WANTS THE RED FLOWER, LOOK AT HIM
>she smacks me on the mouth and tells me to let people watch the movie
>>70010427
assigned seats
>Only have one friend
>We usually watch bad movies and rip them apart during friday nights
>Havent been to the theater in 1 year
>No good movies on, except Dumb and Dumber 2 which should be bad
>Go extra early while kids are in school and people with jobs are busy.
>Get inside the cinema
>There's this super fat neckbeard on the other end, 10 meters away, the kind that wears huge headphones in public and wears black hoodies.
>Trailers are on, me and my friend start talking and ripping them apart
>Autist visibly upset and screams with all his might for me to shut the hell up
>Cant fight him because I'd just get my shit fucked up by the laws here
>Me and my friend get demotivated
>Have to whisper sometimes between the movie but thats it
>2 hours ruined for us
I sometimes think about killing him. That's how much he pissed me off. How the fuck is that guy in that theatre in the middle of the morning, in the middle of nowhere watching a shitty comedy which is just a cashgrab of the success of the brand?
If you are on /tv/ and reading this, I hope you fucking die in your sleep today.
>>70010557
IF ITS NOT FULL JUST TAKE ANOTHER SEAT
>>70010622
You sound like the real autist.
>>70010557
I swear if you were at Movie Tavern
>>70010514
>>I expose my lower jaw's teeth and yell THE MONKEY WANTS THE RED FLOWER, LOOK AT HIM
>>70010684
I wanted to have a good time and a real autist ruins it for me.
If you live in Sweden, give me your address and I will personally fuck you up. I still think about it.
>>70010711
Wow yeah, I guess I was right after all.
>>70007962
I do that all the time too. Only once did I catch myself.
>>70010759
Wouldn't surprise me if that was you considering the way he dressed screamed /tv/.
Same types that I see on the buss wearing trilbys, trencoat and fingerless gloves
>>70007962
I do shit like that on purpose.
It's called humor.
>>70008074
>Empty movie theater
>Black people won't stfu
Which is it, tardo??
>>70010158
Why do people expect that trick to work? Wouldn't the popcorn pour out when you cut the hole in the bucket? Why would anyone expect someone to just go along with finding a dick when getting popcorn?I expected the punchline to be that the large popcorn is too large and your D was covered up by popcorn
>>70008353
That happened with me when I saw Hot Fuzz at the theater a few weeks after release.
>>70010807
prob meant almost empty
>>70006771
He is just copying the oreo man from /ck/
>>70010789
Now you're trying to project your autist rage onto someone on an anonymous imageboard.
Like jesus christ dude, normal people wouldn't hold a grudge for 2 years and admit to wanting to kill someone for yelling at them to shut up.
>>70008628
>It's a "anon makes me contemplate suicide"-episode.
>>70010711
>I wanted to have a good time and a real autist ruins it for me.
Says the faggot who thinks a public movie screening is his own personal riff session
>>70010861
>dont hold grudges
>I will snatch every mother fucker birthday
well which one is it?
>>70010829
Great movie, m8. Had tons of laughs.
>>70006705
>invite friend to movie theater
>promise a nat geo documentary on the Ivory trade
>30 minutes into the movie he realized it was really, in fact, trash
That's the only enjoyable thing about tusk
>>70010895
Well obviously that was my intention by going there extra early and yet there is a commemorative autist on the other spectrum.
Have you never had an empty theater experience before? Are you gonna deny that it does feel good?
>>70008628
>someone tripps and smashes their head
>probably have a concussion
>people look at you and call you pathetic
whew
>>70007254
>date with a black girl
>think I'll put on some horror film
>Jacob's ladder sounds good, what could possibly go wrong
>AYYY YOO SEXY WHITE BOY YOU LIKE THIS
>>70008074
>seeing bebes kids
To the gas chambers with you.
>>70010804
autist
>>70008902
Immediately thought this
>>70007254
i now that feel, except we didn't watch straight out of compton, we watched american history x
>>70008074
I wish my theatre served crisps, we only have popcorn and nachos
>>70006924
Anwser this,god damn it, I need to know.
>be a kid
>seeing a movie with my older brother
>decide to see fat albert
>my older brother asks me to get the drink while he pisses
>just want 2 medium drinks
>person working concession say out of mediums cups
>asks if large is okay
>i say yes
>don't have enough for 2 large drinks
>say i don't have enough
>let me have the 2 drinks anyways
>sit down for the movie
>only 2 white people in the theater
>>70011063
I bet that confessioner wouldn't have been so nice to you knowing you'll grow up to be racist
>>70011154
the concession stand worker prob gave it to him BECAUSE he was white considering blacks are super annoying to deal with.
fucking niggers btfo again
>>70008762
>>70008762
>>instead spend all day riding around on the train staring intensely at cute girls
are you that Jurassic World autist guy?
>>70011218
its drive posting faggot
>>70010305
>At least the hospital had decent potato chips.
Had to sell your house to pay the hospital bill after.
>>70010158
>tried this once
>OMG the butter is so fucking hot
>try to resist
>date never touches the popcorn bucket
>ending with 3rd degree burns in my dick
>>70011357
obama care takes care of that unless hes on pill treatment
>be 10
>hanging out with friend
>his dad is always working overseas and is rich as shit
>so his mum takes us out when she goes grocery shopping
>while she's buying food and shit we go watch a movie
>one time we time it so that the movie we wanted to watch didnt start for 2 hours or something
>'dude mum will be done shopping by the time that starts lets watch something else'
>end up buying tickets for hairspray because the other movies starting soon are all rated 15+ and shit
>go watch that shit then play daytona usa while we wait for his mum to come back
>didnt really know what the fuck the movie was about
>remember it wasn't entertaining at all
>later tell my mum we watched hairspray at the theatre
>'yeah right you wouldnt sit through that it was a musical'
>well it was boring
>'it's a girls movie'
>shit
>never speak of this to another soul
afterwards i assumed it was about that fat girl dancing about some shit
turns out its about niggers or something
>>70007254
>>Went on a date with a black girl
Stopped reading right there.
>>70011460
>Being a racist
>Being a classist
>Being a coward
>Being a bit of a nancy boy
>Being all talk and no action
lmao @ ur life
>>70011460
>he fell for the stacy meme
>>70008552
did not have the courtesy to invite you, those vagrants
>>70011409
> 10 when Hairspray came out
Underageb&
Also your story is shit.
>>70011460
Oreos > Asians >>>>>> White bitches > Poo in the loo > Niggers
>>70011548
Maybe he is like 50 and saw the original. His story is still shit
>>70011548
check ur dates grandpa
>>70010852
>oreo man from /ck/
Tell me more
>>70008960
Big Guy For (You)
No one responded to your bait so I felt bad.
>>70010158
my motherfucking sides
>>70008960
>Civil war was 6/10 at best
Like your girlfriend
O
>>70008353
>went to see movie with a friend
>it was that Chernobyl horror one
>no one in the theater except us
>both get scared in the middle of it
>hold hands and hug each other
>movie over
>suck his dick in his car
>call him a faggot while he sucks mine
>go home
Movie was also pretty good in my opinion. Worth 4 dollars.
If you guys have really stinky farts, do you let them out during the movie or hold them in?
>>70010807
He thought it was empty because no one was smiling.
>>70008074
>empty movie theater
>black people won't STFU
>large coke
>Dr. Pepper
>dad manages a small movie theater
>i work at the ticket booth
>usually boring, but fucking with normies is fun
>often tell chads on dates "we'rev sold out" or give them senior citizen tickets (it has an "S" on it so the ticket guys will snicker at them)
>my favorite trick is poopy hands
>you shit and get it under your fingernails, then rub some of it on the ticket
>many years of keks from watching chads touch their gfs with the poop residue from the ticket on their hands
>one quiet night, a chad walks in, no gf latched to his arm
>"hey, aren't you coming"
>"we're sold out" i tell him
>"no anon, to your dad's birthday..."
>"what?"
>"i didn't see you there, so i thought..."
>"daddy didn't invite me?"
>chad tells me not to worry as i start crying
>reaches out and touches me over the counter
>"it must have been a mistake, anon" he says as he walks me outside
>"a big mistake"
>outside are five or six chads and my dad
>they beat the shit out of me, i am pissing myself and crying
>dad gets them to back off, pulls me up by the collar
>"son... you're fired"
>grabs my balls and twists till i pass out
i had to stop going after that
Here's my story from a decade ago.
>invite cute hippie girl from high school out on a date to go see a movie
>she agrees
>dad drops me off, it was a city over
>we meet at a coffee shop ~45 minutes beforehand
>she is already there with some weird-looking new age goth dude
>sit down, realize they're talking about how "Hitler was a bad guy but had a lot of good ideas"
>conversation morphs into how modern America is a bunch of 'fascist pigs' and how much they both admire the motivations of modern neo-Nazis
>lots of "jokes" about how Jews are ruining the world, but they clearly are not actually jokes
>I'm sitting there awkwardly the whole time having no idea what to say to any of this
>finally comes time to see the movie, the guy leaves, me and the hippie girl (with disney Tarzan hair and denim overalls [just a shirt, no pants or anything underneath], no fucking joke, but she was hot so her dress and mannerisms were pretty appealing anyway)
>she doesn't care what we go to see, so I say "why not Slither?"
>sure
continued...
>>70012734
cont:
>we go in, sit down with some popcorn & raisinettes
>she curls up into a ball in her chair, falls asleep in the first ten minutes and doesn't wake up until I jostle her towards the end of the movie
>"oh sorry, I was pretty tired"
>I have no reaction to this
>leave theater, get picked up by my mom, never go out with this girl again
>turns out I dodged a bullet, this girl drew all kinds of psychotic political cartoons for art class and was hailed as a genius by the teacher even though she was literally a shittier Banksy wannabe mixed with the meaningless WORDSWORDSWORDS of a classic Tim Buckley comic
Amusing follow-up, I was trading in a used vehicle and about to buy a new one about 3 years ago; as I was leaving (with my dad no less) the dealership, I saw a really familiar looking pair of overalls on someone waiting by the stoplight about 20m away.
They also had a very familiar-looking head of tarzan hair, and I could tell from the build it was either a woman or a very skinny feminine man.
For some reason this made me start panicking, my blood pressure went through the roof, quickly made it to my car and said goodbye to my dad.
As I was driving away, she turned to look at my car and it was her. In EXACTLY the same clothes as she had worn every day to high school. Down to the shirt with the fucking sunflower on it.
Not sure what exactly her "deal" was, but I'm very glad I didn't go further down that particular rabbit hole.
>>70007962
Sometimes I throughly enjoy being socially retarded. Just embrace it lad
>>70008628
Fuck you man you got me
>go to see The Jungle Book
>only like 6 people in there, including a mother and child
>sit in the back corner
>cry three separate times during the movie
>hope that no one noticed
I think I have a problem.
>>70006705
>go to see Civil War alone
>see two people from class in front of me
>both "nerds"
>the other one is pretty cool
>the other one is annoying as fuck
>live in a non-English speaking nation
>post-movie start chatting the nice girl up
>accidentally start talking about star wars
>be me
>fucking love star wars
>disliked TFA
>start making points how Rey was a mary sue
>fat bitch compares to Luke
>"Well, I mean, Luke was a farmboy who really didn't know anything other than to fly ships. He was a terrible shot and even Han told him to back off when the light started flashing on the Falcon when the tractor beam went on. In addition, he did have one of the greatest Jedi ever to train him, he was the literal son of the Jesus in Star Wars."
>she tries to keep cutting me off with horse shit
>"Yeah, I get you, but what about that scene where Daniel Craig was the stormtrooper? I mean, a Jedi mind trick after literally learning about the Force a few hours ago? Really? Then she fought of Stormtroopers by herself, resisted Kylo Ren and-"
>"YEAH BUT SHE'S A FIGHTER. SHE'S A FIGHTER" in English, while spitting at my face
>"What do you mean she's a fighter? What are you talking about?"
>"SHE HAD A STICK. AND SHE LIVED ALONE. AND SHE.. SHE.. YOU KNOW.. LUKE DESTROYED THE DEATH STAR ALONE"
>"Nah, Han Solo came in last second and helped his ass out"
>mention scene where the orange midget gives Rey the lightsaber
>"Oh yeah, Anakin's old lightsaber fell into the core of Bespin, a gas giant."
>"WHAT. NO IT DIDNT. DARTH VADER TOOK IT FROM HIM"
>"What? You literally see the cut off hand fall into Bespin, still clutching the lightsaber when Luke is hanging off the antenna"
>"SHOW ME PROOF"
>"Here you go"
>show pic
>keep this up for five minutes
>occasionally make "look of utter disbelief" at the other one
>she responds with a shrug
>"Alright, I have to go home now. I'll talk to you later"
>drive home with an actual headache
>get a text from qt grill apologizing about the whale
>>70012893
>went see my Inside Out with my kid
>we have bad family life
>cry like little girl turing
>try to hide it from my boy
>>70013027
>things that didn't happen
>>70013544
That one actually does seem plausible.
>>70009334
good story
>>70013825
No, it did. It absolutely did. I have nothing to prove it, but it actually did happen. Swear on my mothers grave.
>>70010923
underrated post
>Be me
>On date with girl
>Go to see Brooklyn because everything else out at this point looks like utter shit
>Haven't been to cinema in like 2 years, decide to buy medium popcorn
>Haven't eaten dinner, enchanted by the popcorn
>Pour some butter on that bitch
>1 pump
>2 pumps
>By the time we go in to see the movie I've lost count of how many pumps of butter I've put in it
>wouldyoulikesomepopcornwithyourbutter.umx
>see movie, is ok
>realize I still smell butter even after I drank the butter and popcorn
>look down
>the butter soaked through the bottom of the bag and totally saturated my shorts, shirt, and jacket
>somehow manage to laugh it off
>go back to her place, claim to want to change clothes because butter
>this leads to sex
>tfw I lost my virginity because of butter
>it's been almost a year and that jacket still smells like fucking butter
>>70014687
>Be me
>On date
reeeeee
>>70009067
Hey my first date with a girl was Now You See Me too
>>70015068
>with a girl
Why specify that? Are you a fucking boykisser?
>>70007962
Fucking hate doing this shit. Like I'm not even socially inept but it just pops out and I want to fucking break myself in half after.
>have an exam
>teachers says have a good exam
>u2
>>70011482
Assblasted Sheboon detected
>>70010158
>>70009412
>few years ago, want to go see chronicle
>no friends are free to go, nervous to go alone
>end up getting drunk and stumbling along by myself
I know this feel
>>70015068
To be honest Im an autist and I thought that if I didnt specify girl someone would joke that I was the girl from anon's story. Im ashamed
>>70015196
so the difference between confidence and uncertainty is not using the right phrase, its not caring that you used the wrong phrase
>>70015433
Meant for>>70015162
>>70010557
What fucking theater has assigned seats? I have never even heard of this being a thing.
>>70015489
Mine does. All the seats in the theater are the recliners and they make you choose seats. The best part, though, is that outside every theater is a screen that shows which seats are taken, so you can just switch or, even better, sneak into another movie and not worry about someone taking your seat.
>be a young lad years ago
> mates and I decide to go on a hike
>I bring my saxophone to play music for some reason
>one of my mates throws it off a cliff
>tell my mom I lost it
>>70012763
>classic Tim Buckley comic
wut
>>70012172
>tfw this will never happen to me
>>70015544
What does that's to do with /tv/?
>>70009162
Yeah it happened. Also every other seat was taken so I couldn't just move
He didn't even know who bucky was
>>70007962
>>70012658
>/tv/ humor
>>70012763
but just think of what that crazy poon could have done to your dick
>>70015536
We have seat numbers written on the ticket here. You don't have that?
>>70011409
>girl movie
Your mom sounds like a real faggot
>>70016173
Autism
>>70006705
Jesus christ.
>>70013027
Faggot
Do you guys collect your ticket stubs?
tfw don't have my hateful eight one because I paid online and got a qr code instead.
>see Precious in theaters
>Gabourey Sidibe stops acting and bursts through the screen to devour my popcorn
>go to see Godzilla 2000 in theaters
>fall asleep at beginning
>wake up
>dad and brothers are asleep too
>go back to sleep
True story
>>70012763
>/tv/ takes out /pol/
Pretty much. Although I dont agree with Hitler's ideas I do agree on jews running and ruining everything.
We are on /tv/ after all and jews meddling is no surprise lad
>>70016658
I sometimes wonder if she'd have let me choke her and hate fuck her in a public restroom. I bet she would have.
>>70014687
damn, if you just had been straight forward you'd be hitting it every day
instead of praying that you get your pants soaked in butter everytime
>>70013027
>meet a girl that likes star wars
>great we have a think to talk about
>better kick the hornets nest
(You)
>>70006924
Fucking hell, is your English that terrible? He means a female bully that is fat. Do you think that a black office worker is someone who works in offices that are black?
>>70006705
>Watch BvS with in the theater with friends
>Scene where kid Bruce Wayne starts floating up with the bat's
>Yell out "What the fuck? Is Batman being abducted by aliens!"
>Everyone laughs
>Literally the most entertaining thing that happened during the movie was me saying that.
What a bad movie.
>>70012893
HAHAHAH FAGGOT
>>70017493
Here's my collection btw
>>70017862
How do you choose which ones you see in 2d and which ones you see in 3d?
>go to see LotR: Two Towers with my family
>there is a couple beside us, the woman hasn't even seen the first one
>asking questions all throughout the opening scenes e.g. "wow, what is that big fire monster?", "wait, so they have the ring already? Must be nearly over, haha"
>eventually my Dad gets sick of their shit
>"Excuse me, are you two going to talk through the whole film?"
>they both stop talking for the rest of the film
>when it's over, they stay seated until we leave
I love British attitude to rudeness
>>70017954
I prefer 2d, but I don't care usually, since all the capeshit movies there and the hobbit and whatnot I only saw because others asked me to go and I enjoy the the cinema even if I don't really like the movie. The most boring movie I've seen has to be the jungle book, and then the force awakens.
>>70018049
Also most of the time we don't have a choice, since the 2d version comes much later.
Basically if I can go 2d I go 2d.
At the time I had no idea what to make of it
>Was 12
>Mom decides to bring this bullied femboy thats the same age because shes friends with his mother
>Guy had the longest hair and I thought it was a girl which is why I got pissed at my mom since I thought some boy was gonna join us
>Get in the theater, watch the 3D version of scooby doo
>Everything is going good with the movie, I genuinly like it because I used to watch scooby doo every day
>The femboy starts to touch my leg, like gripping it every time something big happens on screen
>Its annoying and hurts a bit
>Tell him to stop
>Mom looks our way and he panics and just say hes sorry
>Mom gets a phone call, has to leave us
>Same shit happens again, he keeps gripping my leg every time.
>I stare at him and notice he has his hand in his other pocket which was odd, I've never seen someone having their hands in their pockets whilst watching a movie
>brush it off
cont
>>70018232
dis gon b gud
>>70018232
>some minutes passes, moms still not coming back, I assume shes just left us to go shopping
>femboy is about to grab my leg again I just know it since everything in the movie turns quiet i.e suspense
>see his hand about to reach my leg
>about to shove it off
>femboy asks if we can just hold hands instead
>dont know what to make of it but I dont want to hurt him since hes seems like a fragile guy and is maybe just scared
>say ok
>start noticing as we watch that he just squeezes my hand randomly even though nothing is happening on screen
>realize the hand shit is all random so I theorize why he keeps touching my shit
>theres this huge bright scene during the movie when they are in the forest and I see his other arm keep going up and down in his pocket whilst hes squeezing my hand
>think nothing of it but suspicious
>never find out but there was this moment near the end of the movie where he moaned hard and he said he was just tired and gasped
>movie ends, theres this joke I remember about one guy fucking a tranny and everyone in the audience laughed including the femboys girly laugh
>we head out, guy says he needs to pee whilst I go and wait for my mom to pick us up
>she asks us if we had a good time etc, I say yes and such and after she drops him off I never see him in my life again
>1 year later I discover masturbation thanks to the internet
>Some months later my mom picks up the scooby doo vhs
>have the cover next to the family computer whilst masturbating for some reason
>glance quick at the cover for some reason
>realize that Im doing the same arm movements under my shorts
>thats when it hits me
>that femboy motherfucker kept feeling me up whilst masturbating during the scooby doo movie
>can never look into scooby doo eyes ever again
At the time I hated him for it, however If I could back in time I'd prob touch his dick
>>70017493
My jew theater started using receipt paper instead of real stubs
>>70010158
a-at least they remember you...
>>70017862
>Here's my collection btw
15 tickets. Wow.
>>70017862
Why did you watch Zaal 1 & 2 soo many times?
>first real 'date'
>go see brüno cause borat was great and I wanted to see it
>after that she says it was great and maybe a second date is in order
>>70017862
>Has the internet which means all the movies at his fingertips
>Decides to pay and keep a collection of his pleb choices
It literally looks like what it would look like if Kim Jong Un ruled cinema and only allowed you to watch mainstream movies
>>70017862
>Haha u plebs I cant hang out with you guys
>you prob havent seen Iron man 3 in 3D or Desolation of Smaug 3D for 12.5 euro
pshhh nothin personnel kid
>>70017573
>Watching Godzilla 2000
>Only me, no friends
>Scene where he gets off the water
>suddenly the theater starts to shake
>lights go out
>Godzilla feet burst out of the screen>Water floods the whole place
>Cars there too
>Groovy bass starts playing
>Some faggy dude singing and dancing on the cars
>I'M GOING DEEPER UNDERGROUND
I undestand why the japanese don't like this movie.
>>70012763
>tfw no jew-hating hippy girlfriend with obviously very low standards
>>70018925
I heard Zaal 3 and 4 are pretty bad.
>>70018025
>In line about to watch the first hobbit
>Hear people talking about the movie
>"Yeah, I think this movie is a sequel to The Lord of The Ring movies"
>2012
>>70019563
I know nothing about LotR and i think that too.
Well actually, i tried watching the first LotR movie but it was boring as shit, maybe it's because of nostalgia reasons? I watched it like a year ago, most people probably watched it as a child or teenager.
>>70019930
The first one is kinda slow, like the book, mostly of the time it's setting up it's universe, telling about places, people, songs and poems, it just describes everything, so for people that love this kind of universe building, the first movie it's a big masturbation, but from the second movie to the third, it focuses more on the action.
>>70020105
>>70019930
It takes half of the first book for the hobbits to get out of the Shire.
>>70019373
>watching Godzilla 200
>comes to the part when he's coming out of the water
>Godzilla head protrudes from screen
>with a Purposeful grimace and a terrible smile
>he pulls the spitting high tension wires down
>helpless people on subway trains scream to God as he looks in on them
>he picks up a bus and he throws it back down
>wades through the buildings toward the center of town
>>70020232
>Watching Matrix with a friend
>Suddenly he starts to question about the movie
>"Reveal to me the mysteries"
>"Can you tell me what it means?"
>"Explain these motions and metaphors"
>"Unlock these secrets in me"
>"Describe your vision, the meaning is missing"
>"Won't anybody listen?"
>I realised I was dreaming of Zion, awake
>Sleeping awake.
I remember a crazy experience where I went to the restroom during a movie and encountered these two drunk hispanic highschoolers puking all over the place.
That entire stall was literally dripping with vomit.
>>70020627
>babys first steps in the real world
>be me in high school
>see cute 7/10 girl I know from math class
>ask her if she wants to go see the TDKR
>she responds "lol your so cute anon!" and walks away
>end up going alone
I guess I was too big for her after all.But not for you anon
>tfw never been on a movie date with a girl
>tfw last date was back in 2012 at a Noodles and Company
>tfw still think about her despite only going on one date four years ago
How do I get back in the game?
>>70015196
2 years ago in London I bumped into an old acquaintance from university. I was on my way to meet my mother who was visiting from the countryside. We chatted pleasantly for a couple of minutes before I explained I needed to get going. As I left, he cheekily shouted "Say hello to your mum for me!" (he's never met her).
"You too" I said.
"You too".
Six months ago I met him at a reunion and we amused everyone at the restaurant with the story and it was fun, who gives a fuck
I also once worked at a cafe and was the manager of the mother of a guy from my school who was kind of a bully. She was a sweet woman. After I'd left that job I saw him in town. "How's your mum?" I said and he flew into a violent rage
>>70021502
Ask out someone you don't care about and just have fun
>>70006705
>25 years old
>want to see movie but nobody to go with
>don't want to go by myself because all the cool kids are bringing hot chicks and stuff
>go with mom
>cry at night because that's even worse than going by yourself
>>70021502
>see the worlds end with exgf
>make out with her for half the movie
>diddled her in theater
felt good man
>go to see Civil War
>get my tickets without much hassle (I buy two just in case)
>they only had rooms with entrance/egress showers, which I hate
>try to walk quickly through the shower
>FILLED with chads, steamy as fuck
>one laughs at me and says "Don't you want a shower bro?"
>sit down, watch the film
>mostly went okay, but the chads kept the shower on the whole time and my seat was toward the back so it was steamy and I kept hearing them snap their towels and laugh.
>on the way out, I have to go through the showers again and someone had emptied an XL crab legs on the floor and stomped on them
>the whole shower reeked of crab and piss
never going to that theatre again
>>70022852
wat
>>70021538
Sounds like something people in London would think is funny. Burger here and all I can imagine is a bunch of top hat monocles in a pub going haw haw haw haw haw while the two guys telling the story just keep shouting "you too?! You too?!?! You WOT, MATE??awhawhaehahwhahwhaw"
>>70023218
There's a term for someone who finds it difficult to see things from somebody else's perspective anon
Anyway I didn't say it was hilarious, just that we laughed about it rather than cringing, the comment is a reply.
>>70008353
This was me with Blackhat. Shit movie.
>>70018434
Faggot
>>70023508
That movie's pretty terrible indeed.
>>70008762
Thank you for this, I kek'd pretty damn hard.
>>70021502
Tinder is the easiest shit to meet people on. It's mostly normies too so you do t have to worry too much about getting stabbed or catfished or whatever.
>>70010923
Fuck you andy
>>70023508
>>70024003
Plebs
>>70010158
best one in the thread
These are the only good threads on tv
>>70021502
>tfw have been on a movie date with a girl
>tfw she was a 3/10
>>70008353
>Casablanca
>Anomalisa
>2001 A Space Odyssey
>Sure there's more
Cinema on my own is great. Wouldn't do it for a blockbuster though, different experience.
go to cinema with the Bae
see zootopia
were the only ones there
a lone robot walks in
he sits in the back
he sees us
leaves
thanks for leaving fellow anon, I like my privacy
>Younger cousins manage to convince me to take them to see Deadpool
>Buy the largest tub of popcorn for the three of us.
>The trailers already started so the lights were dim, and we sit behind a couple
>Cousin signals to pass him some popcorn, and in the dark we accidently drop it
>All of it lands on top of the guy sitting in front of us.
>A gigantic size tup of popcorn with butter all over his head
I freaked out, as I thought surely this would lead to a fight, and I apologized immediately. The guy though didn't even respond or did he even bother to look back, him and his gf just wiped off the popcorn. Don't know if I should congratulate him on how he handled it or call him a little bitch, as I would be rightfully pissed if that happened to me. It was a fuckton of popcorn.
>>70021502
>iktf
>be me
>go to movie theater
>see bronys
>new pony movie or some shit came out
>one tried doing a cartwheel in all pink
>two were playing what was like pony yughioh or some shit
>leave theater
>before I leave I hear "GODDAMN IT RICHARD GIVE ME BACK MY LE FEDORA"
>those words still haunt me like a Vietnam flashback
>>70017817
You say that.
But you haven't seen her.
Literally poor mans whats her name from the Ghostbusters reboot
>>70017834
Why are you yelling at the cinema you fucking degenerate.
>>70021538
>we amused everyone at the restaurant with the story
All two of you?
>>70010514
top chuckle m8
>>70012763
i get a feeling you're realistically what most of /tv/ is like and its not encouraging
>>70015544
best story in thread
why do you autists think a movie is a good first date? first date should be in a setting conducive to talking
even worse if you try to act like a patrician about the movie you're seeing
>>70031212
You've really never heard of dinner and a movie?
>>70031429
>first date
dinner beforehand would make it acceptable but none of these stories mention that aspect
> wake up every morning to browse /tv/ and find comfy shit like this to spend hours reading while i eat breakfast
>>70010807
>Movie theatres during showings dim the lights so it is dark in the theatre
>Black people are dark
>Throwing coke at theatre poltergeists who don't shut the fuck up
>>70015426
Ain't gonna lie i've done that a few times
Intersteller while shitfaced and on my own was fantastic
>Go to see Civil War
>Get there early because I also show up early because that's the way I am.
>Shit nearer to the back
>Look in the back row
>Old, large, bespectecaled asian man is sleeping upright, suspenders and all
>Odd, joke about it
>Watch film
>Lights come on after the credits teaser
>Look back
>Asian guy has not moved
>Asks buddies if that asian guy is dead
>They shrug
>We leave
His state will always beancient chinese secret
>>70010852
Oh shit, nigga. That guy was dope as fuck.
>>70009527
>Too tired to make supper
>Decide to pick up food before going to the theatre
>Nap
>Wake up late
>SHIT NO TIME MAN
>Zoom to the theatre
>Mr. Sub near theatre
>Dash through and get a footlong
>Put it up my coatsleeve
>Get into the theatre just in time for the trailers
>Feeling goofy
>Pull the end of the sandwich out of the end of the sleeve
>Unwrap it and start eating it as though it were my hand
>Hear giggles
>Older lady two seats down is shaking her head at me, amused
>Go to theatre
>Buddy gets in line for popcorn
>Wait by the condiment counter
>Look at various pumps
>"Popcorn Topping"
>What the fuck?
>Pump it
>A buttery substance comes out
>But it is called popcorn topping
>Stick infger out, pump, taste
>This is straight canola oil and salt
>Watch people pump it onto their popcorn
I mean, I love butter on my popcorn, but that was no butter.
one time I brought in some green beans in a can to eat because I get hungry and when I sat down in the theater I pulled out my can opener and started opening my can and these black people started staring at me and then one said "yo nigga you eating green beans" and started laughing so I decided to be alpha for the day and set my can in the cup holder and looked him in the eyes and bent my head down and said very sternly and slowly "Don't. Mock. My. Food." but they weren't intimidated and yelled out "DIS NIGGAH EATIN BEANS" and I got nervous because people were starting to turn around and I just ran out without my beans and never came back in case someone recognized me. a couple days later I was walking around the local mall and I heard someone shout "BEANS" and I didn't know if they were talking about me but I never went back there either
>>70011409
>Christopher Walken dancing with JOhn Travolta in a fatsuit
>That one song about STD's
>Racism
It's actually reasonably funny.
>>70032139
>DIS NIGGAH EATIN BEANS
>be A few years back when pacific rim was released
>have secret adoration for all things Godzilla, love monster movies
>Get hyped for a possible popularization of kaiju movies on the big screen
>none of my normie friends want to see it
>neither of my parents interested
>get defiant, had just broken up with a girlfriend of three years and convinced myself I don't need anybody to enjoy the little things in life
>Go to see movie alone, nervous and self conscious
>Sit in one of the more front rows
>actually beginning to enjoy the space and silence
>actually enjoying the previews, all the popcorn and coke to myself
>as the preview finish up, a group of teenagers seat themselves in the row behind me
>Idfc, keep watching, ignore the snickering
>during the "LEGENDARY PICTURES" at the beginning of the movie
>snickering stops
>here one of the teenage girls silently sing "Allll byyy myy seeeellf"
>continue watching and finish the movie
>cry on the drive home, never tell a soul
>>70032708
well that was the not the picture I intended to post.
>>70006705
holy crap i saw this on tumblr lol
>>70006705
I'm sorry this is stupid. Anyone with a story like this is stupid as fuck.
How fucking hard is it to go to a movie alone? I went and saw Black Christmas alone. Went and saw Aliens vs Predator alone.
Seen plenty of films alone and no one has ever stopped me or said anything.
>>70032786
It's alright, I forgive you
I come from a shitty place in a shitty country so i had a shitty education so my english is broken but I swear that is 100% true
>local cinema have a special horror night
>Cinema is 100% full
>Niggers yelling everywear they literaly goes ape shit
>There is 4 "badman aka gangsta" getting their dick sucked by 14yo max chicks
>Security is called
>heavy fight
>gunshot are fired
>everybody run outside
>as the spectators arrive on the parking they realise all the cars have their windows broke and their flat tires
>peoples getting robbed with gun
>shoutout between rivals gangs while the spectators are fleeing
>I came with two chicks but i didn't give a fuck and run for my life(I'm white so easy target) leaving them in this fucking mess
Sorry for the broken english but this a true storie
>>70032708
sauce?
>>70033148
Bumpin the sauce
>>70006771
These people are actually , literally, and unironically autistic.
>>70006705
If you haven't seen the movie, how would you know when this line is coming you dumb fuck?
>>70009914
maybe he showered in them
I sat with a qt 3.14 who watched X-Men Apocalypse by herself.
>Want to go see film
>Have no friends
>Hire an escort
Problem solved
>>70020484
POD!
>>70032708
SAUCE
Not really awkward. But fun.
>seeing a movie that I've long since forgotten
>lights dim and everyone goes quiet
>ads start playing
>I decide to have some fun.
>"YOU GUYS, QUIET! I WANNA WATCH THESE ADS!"
>People laugh and start talking again
Seriously, they're fucking commercials, it's not rude to talk over them.
>>70033148
http://xhamster.com/movies/5056213/mistress_sits_on_girls_face_while_playing_mkx.html?pb
