Hello /tv/ I'm going to my local cinema today to watch "nice guys" but first do you think I should ask the vendors if they are serving crab legs at this hour and or are they enforcing the "no singles policy" right now
>when you go to the movies and the Willy Wonka themed orange soda waterfall is out of order
Is that the entrance to the showers? Where's the coat room? Where do they dispense the towels from?
>>69819615
>no attendant near the shower entrance to do the preliminary penis inspections
Is this the third world?
>>69819615
It really depends on where you live. In NYC they have a strict no-singles policy and state-of-the-art searchlights on their watchtowers, but in a more suburban area you can get away with a lot.
>>69819832
California
>go to local cinema to watch Angry Bird
>step inside the lobby as the smell of burning hair and meat hits my nostrils
>usher takes out a knife and slices open my palm after I buy my ticket
>another employee leads me to my seat as I try to keep the blood from spilling everywhere
>endless hallways, an empty seat appearing every minute or so
>it is getting darker and darker. the floor slopes downward. the employee is crying, silently
>"here's your seat, sir"
>I down sit quietly on my stool as she recedes into the inky black
>silence but for her diminishing sobs and maybe a faint drilling(?) through the wall
>ten minutes later another small woman walks into the room. she looks very sick
>she tells me that I'm in her seat
>I show her my ticket and bloody hand
>her face crumbles inward, becoming something pale and wormlike
>I run back through the hallway. going back the way I came yet it still slopes downward. farther down
>the drilling sound is growing louder
didn't even get a refund
>>69820324
This isn't even that bad. It could have been a Sandler picture.
>>69819615
is this where you go to the showers?
>>69820569
Yes
>>69820324
I have a rather similar moviegoing experience
>Taking my sister to see Get Hard
>the glass doors leading into the cinema have been replaced with towering heavy wooden double doors the kind that belong on the entrance of a Gothic castle
>locked
>I try to alert the ticket-seller, but the booth is empty.
>*BOOM BOOM BOOM*
>My sister has taken the lion-shaped knocker and rapped on the heavy doors
>they open with a yawning creak
>an unsettling cacophonous noise, like a dusty recording of carnival music, floats through the passage
>an ominous presentiment settles in as I creep through the opening
>As I stand wondering at the pall of darkness shrouding the usually bright lobby the door closes behind us
>my sister takes off ahead seemingly unperturbed by the unnatural darkness
>I yell at her to wait but she disappears into the shade
>I hurry towards the only source of light in the entire building, the dull & sullen glow of the concessions area, devoid of any customers, in the hope of finding help
>I rush to explain myself in a vain attempt to try and make clear the strangeness of the predicament I seem to be in
>he makes no movement, not even a twitch in his face.
>squinting through the darkness I realize he's INANIMATE! Only a cardboard cut-out of a theater employee
>startled, I take a step back and stumble over something
>Where moments ago there was nothing now a line of cardboard people stand behind me wearing impatient scowls in a queue that stretches so long I can't see the end of it
>panic swells inside me and I take off in the direction my sister rushed
>a light at the end of a corridor
>I run for a what must have been at least 2 miles, you say it is impossible but I know it is true.
>the dim glow of an EXIT sign
>I rush through the doors and see my sister waiting and I leap to lift her off her feet in inexpressible relief
>My hands rush through air where her back should be
I still have her here in my room. The cardboard cut-out of my little sister.
Okay so I asked the cashier after I payed my ticket if there was a no singles policy in effect and she looked at me with a confusing look and told me she never heard such thing and I explained to her that I've read some where online there was a no singles policy they enforce in the theaters
>>69823725
Forgot my picture
>>69822338
Your tale reminded me of one of my own
>taking my little brother to see Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Roadchip
>all never normal you see
>We stood in line and got popcorn and a drink, nothing out of the ordinary
>it was only when we reached the door to our theater (#9 I recall, the last theater down the hallway) that things became strange
>instead of opening into the theater, the door to Theater #9 opened up onto a country road
>a wooden sign in the shape of an arrow on a post right there the entrance said "#9 this way"
>when we turned back around, the door we came in from was gone
>we had no choice now we figured but to follow the road to wherever it lead
>the trees lining this road were unlike any I had seen before. The color of the leaves were always in flux and they seemed to crawl from branch to branch, from tree to tree, in constant motion.
>there was no wind and the sun that hung in the air gave off no light, as could properly be called, but a dull glow. As if its rays were polarized.
>The sun itself was black as if its central fire were extinguished.
>A rider galloped past on the road, wearing clothes that belonged to a bygone century. its rider too no notice of us
>How much time had passed was impossible to tell. The sun did not move across the sky, but we had long ago exhausted our popcorn and refreshments
>The signs taunted us. "#9 this way" "#9 ahead" "Follow for #9"
>after what must have been several days we could see the end of the road.
>it ended at the base an enormous stone tower that stretched so high that it reached above the clouds
>the foot of the tower was circled by holes in the ground, peering inside one to my right I couldn't discern any bottom
>suddenly the rider from before lifted my brother by his shirt collar and dropped him into one of the wholes
>"That's #9" he said
> U
>K W
>N A E
What did they mean by this?
Still waiTing
>>69824166
Do all theaters in America have an ice cream stand?
>>69824166
this is in America but fuck me this looks exactly like my cinema in England
I have to wait a little while for the movie begins because I went to the designated threater room but the usher told me they were still showing another movie and told me to wait outside
people in line for their crab legs
line gets bigger
Sweeping up the falcon feathers
alone
Windows 98 desktop
>>69820324
>>69822338
>>69823844
These are amazing
Is there some sort of archive of these? Like a wiki or ED page?in b4 someone links a subreddit that is exactly what I seek, except for being on Reddit
accidentally dropped all my popcorn
>>69825460
Dunno. I wrote the last two you quoted on the spot.
I'm probably gonna make a thread later, sometime in the hours of the night, when the board is in the proper mood and try to get a 'spooky' cinema thread going.
>>69825751
why must my popcorn fall
>>69825751
Dump your soda on top to contain the spill
>>69819615
got my falcon and snake ready
>>69825751
Good, now piss on it and make a popcorn paste the filthy theater peasants have to clean on their hands and knees. You paid for that privilege.
>>69825751
You're such a fuck up.
>>69826324
Guess that's why my parents still have me around huh :)
Stream the movie for me faggot. I'm a 10/10 girl and will date you if you do.
>>69824286
What a country
