Where did Seagal go wrong?
>>69627629
well im sorry to hear this
>>69627629
I read seag talked shit about van damme on tv, and at a party at Sylvester stallones van damme challenged him and seagal pussed out.
Too many panini trips to Thailand.
>>69627746
*punani
>Steven Seagal was granted Serbian citizenship on 11 January 2016, following several visits to the country, and has been asked to train Aikido to the Serbian Special Forces.[54]
>In addition to his biological offspring, Seagal is the guardian of Yabshi Pan Rinzinwangmo,[63] the only child of the 10th Panchen Lama of Tibet.
>In a March, 2014 interview with Rossiyskaya Gazeta, Seagal described Vladimir Putin as "one of the great living world leaders". He stated that he "would like to consider [Putin] as a brother", and expressed support for the annexation of Crimea by Russia
the man, the legend
>>69627629
Yes, Van Damme was actually a professional fighter, he was a European full contact karate champion before moving to Hollywood, with 18 knockouts. Seagal is a fat Jew who pretends to be Mongolian and makes up shit about his martial arts background.
>>69627717
Fun fact, Stallone and Van Damme both endorsed Donald Trump for president.
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2016/jan/11/sylvester-stallone-i-love-donald-trump/
>“You still have the Rockefeller, people like the Rothschild, those big families that dominate continents….these are families that rise in 1827, a family with five sons that expands, it’s above everything we’re talking (about) tonight,”
http://www.infowars.com/jean-claude-van-damme-trump-is-the-only-anti-globalist-candidate/
>>69627629
Seagel only started acting towards the very end of the 1980s missing out on the whole 'give all the dialogue and scenes to the stuntman' phase. He was just late to the party
>>69627986
>He was just late to the party
Is he overcompensating for this by snatching every mother fucker birthday?
>>69627802
>>69627904
Did Mel Gibson red pill all these guys or something? Why does everyone from the Expendables suddenly seem to be turning alt right?
>>69627746
>>69627766
no, you're right too many paninis
Speaking of Seagal
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEkfnrUI5Z8
>>69628176
they known if Trump isn't elected action films with men as lead roles could be banned soon
>>69628176
>Bruce Willis with hair
wait what
>>69628276
Trump gives all of his backers hair.
>>69627629
You see back in the 90s these guys were popular action stars. Being stars they both developed large egos. The business being what it is their popularity faded. Van Damme was humbled by this and became a better person and is considered a safe investment as an actor or advertiser. Seagal is an insufferable douchebag and is forced to finance his trash C-movies himself.
Which was better, Bloodsport, or Under Siege?
Even if you say Under Siege, Seagal doesn't have any scenes that come close to kick the tree from Kickboxer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvsGjB4ORi0
>>69628863
was seagal even ever in shape? how is he a "martial artist" ? he is just tall
>>69629023
You know, it takes the IQ of a mature caterpillar to know the answer to that question.
>>69627629
What's your favorite mojo priest song?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mojo_Priest
>Van Damme was there with Seagal, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Shaquille O’Neal, Don Johnson and Madonna… it was a heck of a party.
>Van Damme was tired of Seagal saying he could kick his ass and went right up to him and offered him the chance to step outside so he could wipe the floor with him, or should I say wipe the backyard with him.
>Seagal made some excuse and left.
>Van Damme, who was completely berserk, tracked him down and again offered him a fight, and again Seagal pulled a Houdini.
>>69629364
I'd have to go with "Gynecologist (Love Doctor)", although "Motorboat a Chinese" is a classic.
>>69629364
>Hoochie Koochie Punani Nanny
holy fucking shit, all the jokes and stereotypes about segal are real
>>69627717
i think van damme sort of started it. he made a mocking impression but it was to everyone.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYDGduAHOxc
Van Damme has done more blockbusters than Seagal, who was A-list for about 10 minutes.
The mafia taking a skim off every direct-to-netflix movie Seagal shits out probably keeps his income low too.
>>69627629
one stayed in shape and one kept getting fatter, not hard to figure out
>>69629364
>>69629538
>>69629594
>Implying Seagal can't make actual AudioKino
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2Mkxjf3dYo
Steve: Worth 22 million
Joe: Worth 2 million
>>69629509
>Seagal pulled a Houdini
but hes still alive. did he pull a jesus after that?
>>69629944
Another victim of a JUST hair line
>>69629995
I believe it was a reference to a disappearing act. Unless this was an attempt at humor, then no he did not die like Houdini and resurrect like Jesus.
>>69629944
>he likes Joe
im sorry for your childhood pham...
>>69627629
What's with these action stars and foreign women. I mean, Seagal married like a few Asians and Van Damme married a Venezuelan and the same Puerto Rican twice.
>>69630037
No. Joe ruined the show and they made it even worse with the talking Blue puppet gimmick. Steve was the golden age of Blue's Clues/
>>69630113
Well, first of all Van Damme is already foreign. secondly, non american women tend to be better overall
>>69630113
Seagal is a fat weeabo so obviously he will date chinks. I don't know about Van Damme, I would imagine he would marry a supermodel or something. Maybe he has a little peepee and wanted to date a woman with a matching clitoris.
>>69630168
>Well, first of all Van Damme is already foreign.
Right, but he married what would be a foreigner to himself. His premise that they both married foreigners is correct.
>>69630229
>female body builders
>>69630113
Don't forget Arnold and the maid.
>>69630337
LOL. Reminds me of Jeb Bush's wife.
>being rich as fuck and marrying a hispanic midget troll because you're so autistic you marry the first girl you meet
>>69627629
JCVD Literally saved Van Damme's career
Just checked. Dolph has 15 million, Norris has 70 million, and Stallone has 400 million.
>>69629317
isn't a mature caterpillar just a butterfly
>>69630421
watching that right now actually, its just decent, waiting for it to get good. the scene where he talks about seagall made me post this thread. i read that since JCVD his career only got worse. ill have to check when im done watching if he's done any more work or if he got Gibson'd
This will always be Seagal to me now. And I don't even regularly watch South Park.
>>69630382
Leave Jeb out of this
>>69630113
If I had lots of money I would snatch every fucking Eastern Euro punani's birthday
>>69630625
Has his life taken such a turn for the worst that he's become a security guard at Trump rallies?
>>69630617
last season was the funniest one in about a decade
>>69630738
I never really watched South Park before. But I checked this season out for the PC bashing.
>>69630866
theres some great really episodes scattered throughout
>>69630738
>>69630908
it's been shit for a very long time, hard to believe it started getting better
being a fake ass martial artist.
like people know what tournaments Van Damme or Chuck Norris won. the fuck did Segal ever do? sucker punch John Leguizamo?
>>69629509
Seagal was probably wearing his retarded indian chief costume during the altercation
>>69629742
>>69631191
>being a fake ass martial artist.
That you Van Damme? Steven is a world renowned Aikido champion. He's been one of the best in the world for nearly three decades. He travels all around the world giving lessons, and there's plenty of evidence. Van Damme's so called "tournament victories" are all highly suspect.
https://youtu.be/cwFwSIMmq4g
https://youtu.be/6ORZPExIKLY
>>69631261
>his girly arm run with all those tassels flailing everywhere as he books it away from a real fighter
I would pay to see that
>>69631352
that second video is fakest shit Ive ever seen
>>69631352
lmfao this is like WWE-level staged. At the end when there's four guys they even do that action movie thing where they don't coordinate at all and just wait their turn to take Seagal on one by one
>>69631352
those videos are jokes right?
>>69631527
It's not really staged, it's just a bullshit martial art.
>>69631527
Akido has it's uses,
but all those performances are all staged, done safely, and with trained people. the guys attacking the snatcher all know that they are just supposed to run at him, give him their arm or hand to maneuver and then just flip in whatever direction he throws them in. It's total bullshit what they are showing you.
>>69628863
Damn I need to watch this.
>>69632335
>Akido has it's uses
Looking like a retard while you get stabbed isn't very useful.
>>69629509
>>Van Damme was there with Seagal, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Shaquille O’Neal, Don Johnson and Madonna… it was a heck of a party.
>ywn be at that party.
>>69628176
iconic manly men want to uncuck the country
>>69632710
>upset he didn't go to a bbc worship party
>>69632976
t. newfag trying to fit in
>>69632995
>t. cuck
>>69629364
People often forget or downplay the bonus tracks from the Mojo Priest album. But 'Shootin with Putin' and 'Dat Young Punani' are arguably his greatest works.
>>69630738
>>69631050
It didnt start getting better, its his been shit since like season 12 and gets worse every season, there is such much current affairs commentary in SP now, there is no room for actual jokes
>>69627904
>“You still have the Rockefeller, people like the Rothschild, those big families that dominate continents….these are families that rise in 1827, a family with five sons that expands, it’s above everything we’re talking (about) tonight,”
Repilled as fuck (though waterloo didn't happen in 1827).
>>69629509
Steven is a true art martial master. He reacted like he was supposed to : take the mockery rather than using his mastery to kill Vandamme.
>>69633154
t. trying too hard
>>69631352
>>69631682
>>69627629
>>69629509
D R O P P E D
>>69632677
Whahappen?
>>69628176
They're old school manly types, of course they'd support Trump.
>>69632710
>you will never do cocaine with Van Damme in a Planet Hollywood bathroom circa 1995
This is true suffering.
>>69633726
This. If you watch Cobra, Stallone has a gigantic portrait of Ronald Reagan in his apartment.
JUSTified
>>69628176
Willis was always some kind of "fuck yeah america" guy.
Big supporter of Bush Jr. in his days too.
>>69627629
hard to make Jew friends in Hollywood when you're based enough to go around snatching every motherfucking birthday.
>>69627629
Reminder that
>Seagal is the 4 times UFC heavyweight champion
>2 time Strike force bantamweight champion
Mike tyson absolutely shit himself in his prime when seagal offered to fight him
>>69634948
Steven Seagal knows how to greentext.
Grab your punanis boys and girls we about to read some fine stories.
>>69634948
>bantamweight
kek
>>69627629
Respect, must be taught
>>69627629
thats not correct. Probably edited by Rousey or JCVD or someone who is butthurt because Sensei Seagal.
>>69627904
Can you please explain to me what Stallone and Van Damme's political affiliations have to do with Steven Seagal being a loudmouthed pussy?
Seagal is living the dream.
>>69635264
>Profession
>God
Yeah. Not biased at all.
that expendables 2 money is a lot
>>69628313
that pic, how have I not seen it
Reposting to reddit thx
>>69633322
>he reacted like he was supposed to
Is he supposed to shit-talk others from his profession like a snooty jealous child?
>>69628176
>alt right
Shut the fuck up, you absolute moron.
>>69635264
this is incorrect
i'm actually a "deputy" not a sheriff, i have been for a very long time. it's a street term that means to run over people's dogs with a tank alongside joe arpago
>>69635503
THIS
MUTHA
AIN'T
WHITE
>>69628227
wow, Mad TV hasnt aged well. at all.
>>69635441
Yeah, that's a pillar of aikido.
>>69635399
Steven Seagal is a reincarnated Tibetan god
Why is he suddenly making so many films?
>>69635980
Sex slaves arent cheap
>The Perfect Weapon
Wasn't sure was this a joke or parody, but apparently its not. Vernon Wells is in it too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgYlKtLq9FE
>>69628863
Did he learn how to talk fluent English or were his lines dubbed?
>>69633700
It's a martial art video showing you how stupid it is to think you can win in a knife fight.
They're messy, awful, and over very quickly.
>>69635980
They seem to sell okay by direct-to-dvd standards.
Also, the mafia is bankrolling them.
>>69627904
Stallone has always had these political views. He's a big conspiracy guy.
>>69633623
Seagal is also of jewish descent
>>69633865
You called?
>>69635980
>Cyborg Nemesis: The Dark Rift
That fucking name alone. I can't wait for this post-kino masterpiece
>>69636444
Seems pretty overpowered. How are you supposed to defend then?
>>69636778
There are a few ways, the video is meant to illustrate how retarded bullshit like using your coat to try and subdue your attacker is
Defending yourself from someone with a knife when you are unarmed is risky as fuck and should be a last ditch thing, and it typically involves trying to seize the knife as quick as possible while overpowering the attacker. If the guy is much bigger and you're unarmed, unless you're Jason Bourne your best bet might be running
>>69636711
>that pic
Now I want a Seagal game.With fat Seagal as a hidden character
>>69637475
It exists. Unfinished/cancelled and for SNES I think
>>69637649
Maybe he is ambidextrous?
>>69627904
Can't tell him to go back to /pol/.
>>69628176
That hat and hair makes him look like a redneck.
You guys know Van Damme would fucking crush Seagal, right? I mean, you do know that, don't you?
>>69627802
>>69637649
its a legit move, you are checking right corner - weapon at your right cheek, left corner - weapon at left cheek. Source - former Navy Seal.
>>69639392
Nah, that's foolish. You don't move your weapon all that much when breaching, mostly just your eyes. - source: I'm former Spetsnaz
>>69627629
networth 5 millions ? really ? my brother in law is richer than him.
>>69637649
He looks so god damn retarded. his knees dont allow low profile walking.
Making nothing but VOD movies probably doesn't help.
SNATCH
EVERY
MOTHERFUCKER
BIRTHDAY
>>69639604
I don't find it that surprising. How much do you think he gets per flick? He's not in that much, and what he is in is B movie at best. Hell, he probably funds his own movies sometimes.
>>69639392
>ejection port by your face
>>69639903
Your scream s of pain as a scalding hot casings pelt your face will strike fear in the hearts of your enemies. At least hats what they taught us in SEALS academy.
>>69628176
Action stars have always been right-leaning.
rate this kino scene lads
>>69640118
I like how he kicked him in the chest and it made him jump out the window. Not quite enough repeating cuts and it could use some slow motion, but overall I'd say it's 9.8/10.
>>69636778
Shoot from a distance or run away, getting hurt willfully is pretty dumb.
>>69627629
Why is that guy so angry at other people all the time?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YDvGy0-p9M#t=24m28s
>>69629364
>easy easy
>>69640604
this is a pretty interesting interview, and he's not being particularly stupid here
>>69627629
Is this the most Kino fight scene of all time?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-b88Sf_eCgE
>>69641014
Pure kino
Steven seagal is the matrix
>>69627629
Seagal's net worth isn't really an issue since he's got (actual, not memed up) connections with organised crime.
>>69642219
Fuck off
>>69642219
ugly girl
>>69633596
He drove a tank into someone's house and killed their dog?
>>69637649
I'm no Navy Seal but I don't think that's how you're supposed to hold an assault rifle
>>69627629
Heard a rumour that Seagal is a massive cunt on sets and in person. It might be true and explain some of that. With his... talents... he can't really afford to be a cunt.
>>69629659
Jesus fucking christ what a hack.
>>69633700
Birffday status: took.
>>69637404
Funniest part is that most people don't understand that one cut or stab can be lethal. We can thank movies for that.
>>69627629
those are just his liquid assets, the rest is tied up in sex dungeons
>>69641967
It's like that provides him with any income at all. What is he going to do for them for money in return, rob a liquor store?
He's in his 60s.
>>69642414
he's an actual cop and was part of a raid on some guys house and drove one of those armored vehicles into his house, on suspicions of cock fighting. someone else shot his dog and they euthanized 100 chickens. when asked why all this occurred steven said "because animal cruelty is a pet peeve of mine". the farm was unmanned.
>>69641967
>>69636481
>>69629734
Where's this mafia story come from? I've never seen it in a segal general thread before. Does this have anything to do with what happened to Bobby Lupo?
>>69644763
Dude, it's real
http://beverlyhillscannabisclub.ning.com/profiles/blogs/steven-seagal-s-career-in-death-spiral-due-to-mafia-connections-s
>>69636778
Running or using a ranged weapon is always the best option against a knife.
If you have to fight against a knife unarmed, it's generally recommended you go on the offense immediately and use one arm to either control or at least fend off the knife hand and strike or or grapple with the other. Chances are you will get cut but it's better to take a slow, shallow cut with little force behind it on the arm or upper body than quick, deliberate thrusts with actual momentum behind them.
Moving backwards and attempting to dodge or sidestep a bunch is retarded and ill-advised because even an untrained attacker will probably hit you eventually with some actual force behind the swing or stab.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXx3_ykUpfY
>>69645062
Are you going to pretend you read this long, poorly formatted, cannabisclub blog post written by a woman?
>>69645641
just google it then
>>69635351
This board is an extension of /pol/. If you don't like that you can fuck off.
>>69645685
>>69645641
>>69645062
>not simply linking http://seagalology.com/mob
>For four hours, the defense circled and jabbed at Seagal. Many of Seagal's claims from the past came back to haunt him. He was asked at one point if he had once hired "someone to set up a man in a compromising homosexual situation."
>Seagal exploded. "I'm not on trial here! ... This is crazy."
>>69630492
I want this anon-beetsh to seagal post for me! So fuck you!
Some 5-foot-2-inch little guy
Whether he's straight or gay I dont know
>>69636227
b-but jeff speakman is the perfect weapon
>>69630382
Righ wingers seem to be a lot into interracial marriage for some reason
>>69646741
>>69630030
That was actually the motivator for Steve to quit: he told himself he wouldn't go bald on children's television, and that's exactly what was happening.
>>69646799
>Who is John Derbyshire
>Who is Gavin Cuckinnes
Both prominent ''''''''''right wingers'''''''''' who racemixed and married foreigners
>>69636227
>We need someone that can successfully... take out the nexilecozo
>>69637475
>>69637496
>Play as Seagal
>Invulnerable to damage
>Enemies miss 100% of the time
>Don't even press any buttons and they fling themselves against the walls and die
>>69646741
>seem to be a lot into
>>69646897
>two people
just get out of here cucks
>>69636052
guy behind hims like:
>stop farting on me
>>69627629
>But I remember once, at my home in Miami, I believe it was in ’96 or’97, Van Damme was there with Seagal, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Shaquille O’Neal, Don Johnson and Madonna… it was a heck of a party. Van Damme was tired of Seagal saying he could kick his ass and went right up to him and offered him the chance to step outside so he could wipe the floor with him, or should I say wipe the backyard with him. Seagal made some excuse and left. His destination was some Ocean Drive nightclub in Miami. Van Damme, who was completely berserk, tracked him down and again offered him a fight, and again Seagal pulled a Houdini.
>>69647313
>pulled a Houdini
Is this some advanced martial arts technique that makes him disappear? Being above such trivial feuds I'm sure he just used it to defuse the situation, being the bigger man that he is.
No way Van Damme has 30 million. His career has been dead for decades.
No wonder Seagal has to scam his war buddies out of fittybughs.
>>69647633
Is that a normal way Americans say "fifty bucks"?
>>69647601
He's still a big guy in France and some parts of Europe. And he didn't necessarily waste all his money, maybe he invested it. He doesn't come off as a dumb oaf like Sensei Seagal.
>>69647696
>dumb oaf
Easy
>>69647051
Sorry brah, /tv/ is a No-Manlets-Allowed Zone.
why is seagal considered a legend and cage is considered a joke?
posting peak katana seagal
>>69643175
Yep, one puncture wound through the ribcage and you can be dead in 20 minutes without emergency surgery.
Obligatory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2B9jyZTp4w
>>69647746
EASY
>>69647781
wtf are you on about kid? is that you? get like me eurotrash
Where does the 'punani' thing come from?
>>69648413
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhITLxD595c
required seagal lore
>>69648748
Sensei is banned from Panera and has a restraining order for going in and asking for "dat yung punani". He actually wrote a song about it.
#20 on mojo priest
https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Mojo_Priest
>>69648748
ME WANT THE PUNANI SEE FOR MAKE ME NICE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v4-zYghodc
Here are those dubs I was telling you about
