What is the Steven Seagal of films?
>>69307770
Sniper special ops
>>69307770
Deathproof
>>69307770
Under Siege
Batman vs. Superman
why is he a meme now?
>>69308931
new movie came out recently
did a reddit ama
>>69308931
Snatched hiroshimoot's birthday.
>>69308931
Because he snatches motherfucker birthdays
>>69307770
Those are some sick moves.
>2:50
https://youtu.be/uKaGvo3JMBk
>>69307770
I don't think it'd be an action movie. Seagal is funny because of how seriously he thinks of himself compared to the clown he rightfully is.
I think it'd be The Room.
>>69308931
>Now
His entire life and career is a meme
http://www.knifecenter.com/item/CS88PK/cold-steel-88pk-steven-seagal-signature-katana-33-inch-damascus-blade-lacquered-wood-scabbard
>>69311476
>The Seagal Series
http://www2.knifecenter.com/kc_new/store_store.html?ttl=Seagal%20Series&k=Seagal&brand=154&
>>69311476
>>69311539
The best in fedoracore
>>69310949
>Seagal is funny because of how seriously he thinks of himself compared to the clown he rightfully is.
Why does he think he's this unstoppable killing machine?
>>69311476
>>69311539
>This Japanese sword is inspired by an antique original from the collection of Mr. Steven Seagal.
>>69307770
>>69311648
He method acted too hard one day and started to believe his own bullshit
>>69311757
Has anyone ever called him out on his bullshit? I know he got choked out and shat himself by some old guy.
>>69310418
10/10 kino
How could I have ever doubted him.
>>69311827
Plenty of people have, he just doesn't give a fuck because he's THAT kid levels of delusion
>>69311827
>Stallone said: ''Steven Seagal said that he, 'Didn't associate with that kind of element' - meaning me. So I slammed him up against a wall. ''At that time, our testosterone was running full bore. He was full of his height [Steven is 6ft 3in, Sylvester is 5ft 10in] and I was full of ... Myself. But we made up. He can be very abstract.''
That may be the best description of Seagal ever "He can be very abstract" ahhh yes, that he can be Sly!
Of course it was at Stallone's house one year that the famous rift between Seagal and Van Damme became apparent as Sly let on a few years back talking to Ain't It Cool News and saying
"But I remember once, at my home in Miami, I believe it was in ’96 or’97, Van Damme was there with Seagal, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Shaquille O’Neal, Don Johnson and Madonna… it was a heck of a party. Van Damme was tired of Seagal saying he could kick his ass and went right up to him and offered him the chance to step outside so he could wipe the floor with him, or should I say wipe the backyard with him. Seagal made some excuse and left. His destination was some Ocean Drive nightclub in Miami. Van Damme, who was completely berserk, tracked him down and again offered him a fight, and again Seagal pulled a Houdini. Who would win? I have to say I believe Van Damme was just too strong and Seagal wanted no part of it. That’s just my opinion."
>>69310418
>that dubbed over "let's rock n roll"
>>69311648
Seagal is a weeaboo, but instead of being into anime and having a waifu, he's into martial arts and eastern mysticism.
>>69311729
fuck, tell me that editing is real
>>69307770
>>69311729
absolutely kino
>>69312098
it's real lad
>>69312011
Fuck. I wish I was at that party.
>>69312071
Is he married? Seems like he would want a qt azn waifu
>>69312270
Yes. 2/4 of them were/are asian.
His first wife's dad ran a dojo, which he ended up running, which he ended up bragging about him being the first white person to run a dojo in Asianland.
>>69312369
Think his wife fakes her orgasms?
>>69311729
Holy shit, source on this?
>>69312427
Asian women don't enjoy sex, so yes. That's why the men are all fucked in the head.
>>69312427
She doesnt have to.
Seagal can make any woman cum within 30 seconds with his katana shaped pringles can of a dick.
>>69310418
>>69312464
why do they always make sounds like they are 10 year olds having the best orgasms of their life?
>>69312502
I figured as much.
>>69312427
no, he just beats her until she screams loudly enough
>>69312542
Sometimes their "EEEEEE EEEEE" is a tunr on sometimes it's not. Why don't I ever hear those Jap women with "mature" voices like in those animes? Anyone know what I'm talking about?
>>69308931
>>69312605
I have some pretty bad news for you anon.
Those mature sexy female voices in you animeshentaisare actually male voices. They just breathe in heloum and digitally make the voices sound more fminine.
>>69312605
Because they arent voiced by asians?
>>69311729
I love how they show the cop twice, like he's watching as this goes down in real time
>are you serious? Just fall already
>>69312542
If they don't, it'd be a dishonor to their husbands and they'd be forced to commit seppuku
>>69307770
stupid drakeposter
>>69312729
Nah I don't think so. I remember this singer had a very sexy mature voice. I can't remember her for the life of me.
>>69307770
This doesn't have anything to do with superheros, so please don't post it on this board.
>>69307770
>insults their culture right to Ramzan's face
why is Seagal so based?
Fresh off the meme press.
Seagal tries to impress the asian punani in true weeabo fashion
>>69307770
I dont understand how this guy ever managed to have a movie career to begin with
>>69312949
I'm beginning to think Ken-sama was just Seagals online persona
>>69312949
>aikido blackbelt buddhist convert is a huge weeb
Who knew?
>>69312011
did they all fuck madonna
>>69313263
I'd like to see that video.
>>69307770
HE LOOKS LIKE A TURKISH WARLORD WHO TRAFFICS CHILDREN
>>69307770
>tfw that woman in the back looks like a Dalek
This scene is fucking surreal
Seagals boss comes to tell him to do his fucking job and Steven keeps shooting in his direction. The black guy doesnt even care and seems to be completely fine with Seagal shooting at him several times, even though he has a gun in his hand the whole time.
> “Little Milton hadn’t heard me play before. I was doing this Lightnin’ Hopkins thing. Milton looked at me and nodded, like he was trying to say, “This mutha ain’t white.”
>>69313531
movie name?
>>69311729
This will never not be hilarious, holy shit
>>69313847
Kill Switch.
It's a complete disaster.
>>69312698
>/k/ goes to gun range
is seagal posting becoming the new bane posting? i'm loving it.
>>69314071
EXPRESSLY GOING AGAINST A MANS DYING WISHES
STAY CLASSY STEVO
> “We were in rehearsals for Executive Decision. I’m playing his Master Sargeant and we come in for rehearsals and he says, ‘I’m in command. Everything I say is law. Anybody doesn’t agree?’ I was like, ‘Bwahahaha.’ I started cracking up because he sounded like a retard and he came up and he Taekwondo’ed my ass against the brick and he hit me with his elbow. He’s six-foot-five and he caught me off guard and knocked all of the air out of me and I was like, ‘Why?! Why?!’ I really wanted to say how big and fat he was and that he runs like a girl, but I didn’t because all I could say was, ‘Why?!’ Why’d he slam me against the wall? We were rehearsing. What’s the bid deal? Why can’t I call him names? If I can’t let it out it’s going to build like a cancer.” - John Leguizamo
potential for a daring synthesis with pestposting here
>>69312542
Same reason why western ones fake orgasms with the OHHHH YEAAAAAAAH UNHHHHHHHHHHH kind of shit.
In older times their sounds in the vids wasn't like that, at least not always. Even today both in 3D and 2D forms you sometimes get realistic voices, but it's rare.
It's memes.
>>69313843
source
>>69311476
>tfw my dad wants to buy a fucking katana
what the fuck do i do the old man is turning insane
i bet he will try to kill some negros with it
Segal is this worlds Mr. Satan.
>>69314430
do the humane thing and snatch his motherfucking birthday
>>69314071
>You're cremated now, motherfucker
What a bad-ass finish line
>>69314430
buy a zweihander and challenge him to a duel
>>69314525
YOU CAN TAKE THAT TO THE BANK
THE BLOOD BANK
>>69314071
top kek
>>69314572
What sort of bank would that be?
>>69308931
Because a week and a half ago someone posted a Seagal thread, not unlike any of the others that were posted before it, but this one had the 'snatching birthdays' clip and it took off instantly.
The result was a horde of redditors who latched onto it thinking it was the funniest thing ever and wanted their own 300+ reply threads so they started spamming these low effort memes all over /tv/.
One day some dipshit is gonna post a Brando thread with some catalyst the turns it into one of these horrible spammed memes.
>>69314430
>i bet he will try to kill some negros with it
He's doing God's work, anon.
>>69314476
You mean Dan Hibiki
>>69314698
you're just mad cause your birthday got snatched
>>69314753
Dan is a monkey jokester with no skills who knows a tiny bit of martial arts.
Mr. Satan is a veteran martial artist (which Seagal is), has a distinctive hairstyle (which Seagal has), plays larger than life characters on the screen (which Seagal does), believes himself to be the best and like those characters (which Seagal does to a certain extant, but not entirely, see Lawman) and is full of himself (which Seagal is).
>>69315222
Mr Satan is actually the best martial artist/strongest human in the DBZ Earth that doesn't have powers, though.
>>69315253
Yes, but "best martial artist/strongest human" doesn't exist IRL so that's a moot point.
https://youtu.be/IId64OJdCKM
anybody here tried his punani juice?
>>69312698
>>69314182
>turning open instead of turning closed
Even /k/ isn't that amateur hour.
>>69307770
Tarantula
>>69311289
Well I'm sorry to hear that
>>69315304
>literally has a brain-leeching fungus in his drink
>>69315253
>that doesn't have powers, though.
what? that's like saying you're the strongest human who can't bench press more than 145 pounds. the reason he doesn't have any powers is cause he's weak. yamcha, tien, krilling, and master rochi are all stronger than him though. and uub is technically human. videl might be stronger too.
>>69312071
>>69307770
>embarrassing himself in front of all those women
>>69315569
>Yamcha
>stronger than anybody
Yamcha is DBZ's JUST.
>>69312605
I think Japanese milfs are hot.
Hey, boya~
You know what I mean? they say boy, but with an a at end, in that sultry milf voice
>>69315886
Also boya is actually a native Japanese word.
>>69314071
lmao
>>69308931
easy there fella
EASY
>>69315886
my nigga
>>69315886
Any uhh..links?
BotW Seagal special when?
>>69315752
>Only watch Dragonball Abridge TFS shit
Yamcha may not be the strongest Z-Fighter but he certainly isn't Mr. Stan tier
>>69315304
I think me and my friend did the one day we were cruising around Wal-Mart one night. We went back to my other buddy's place and started playing that Bionic Commando remaster for Xbox Live Arcade. We bought like 2 each and when he went to the fridge I'd say "Pass me a Steven." I dunno, it was funny at the time due to it being like 3am and we beat this kid's fucking game for him. Halfway through the second one we both got violently ill and wanted to die.
Sorry for sharing this non-story, but I don't get to share it much anymore because I didn't know anyone knew about this drink.
>>69315886
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wylM_oShJ2E
this is a good example I guess she doesn't sound as mousey as the typical girls.
>>69315304
Think he has a fridge and garage full of these?
>>69316281
>>69313438
Which film was this bit in?
>>69316020
Do you know how to spell it Japanese?
Been trying to Google 'Japanese milf saying boya' without much success
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E1NFckaDqU
>You do know how to whistle, don't you?
>>69316621
>Pass me a Steven
jej
>>69312563
His first Japanese wife actually was the daughter of an aikido master, so she could've actually beaten his ass
>>69307770
Rashomon, obviously
>>69317871
MMHMM
>>69312698
that bulletproof vest doesn't cover shit
>>69310418
Oh boy.
>>69307770
I feel like /tv/ hasn't even scratched the surface of his meme career
We haven't even touched exit wounds and or steven seagal: lawman
>>69319523
We should hold a stream and marathon some of his finest kino
>>69319565
We haven't even gotten to On deadly ground, where Seagalposting merges with tangerineposting
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u3DEIpVhXhA
>>69319565
>PunaNight of seagal kino
Soungs like a great idea desu fampai.
>>69319565
I'd be down tbqh
>>69307770
oh god, I wasn't ready
holy fuck this man is hilarious
Dontyoufucking404onme.jpg
>>69322125
I'm sorry to hear that
>>69322192
...because now
>>69322192
Cus now
>>69322231
I will snatch every motherfuckerpunani
>>69315253
he's not at all
there were loads of mooks before Z that didn't have powers that could have killed mr satan like a small dog
>>69322270
IM STILL SOREABOUTTHATFIFTYBACHS
>>69312698
Lmao
>>69322318
When I first heard that line I thought he was trying to speak arabic or something and had to rewatch it
>>69315222
>no skills
>can materialize fireballs out of his hands
>actually hurt sagat at one point
> beats up tons of regular fighters (joke compared to street fighter cast yes)
>>69322273
>>69315613
Holy fucking shit
Everything thing he does is meme worthy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KlyHwnPqns
This movie is pure kino. Isnt it on youtube? We should stream it sometime.
>>69309094
what does that even mean?
He takes away mother's children's birthdays, as in they stop having them because he kills them?
stupid IMO
>>69307770
wow ralph cramden can really dance up a storm
>>69312698
is there anymore good webms from this movie?
>>69313531
>That guy I showed you today? Well we wanted him dead yesterday
>And it's almost tomorrow
kek
>>69311729
It's like a scene out of Lethal Weapon 5 or Threat Level Midnight
>>69315752
Yamcha could wreck Satan's shit, that's for sure.
>>69315616
>After a short holiday-break, I.K.U.T.A. is back with another pajama-filled release! The members participating in NOGIROOM this time are Ikoma Rina, Hashimoto Nanami, Matsumura Sayuri and Matsui Rena. Enjoy the following 15 minutes of unscripted girl-talk!
Da fuq.
>>69315304
He sounds like Michael Madsen.
>>69314071
>>69311729
Family guy, I know, but that's what it reminds me of.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nnbWP82taM
>>69312098
>>69312436
Watch it completely, is 100% kino.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUjPz7BKjlM
>>69315304
Asian Experience? How is that a flavor?
>>69307770
what central asian country is this?
>>69315752
>>69314071
That's actually from Pistol Whipped, not Kill Switch.
>>69315616
i was seriously expecting them to start puking on each other at any moment
I tried to look it up on YouTube but couldn't find it.
There's a scene in Today You Die where Seagal is talking to this dude in a car interrogating him and basically the dude tells him everything he wanted to know and Seagal just fucking straight shoots him in the dick.
>>69327495
well I'm sorry to hear that
>>69310418
Black guy actually got a chuckle out of me.
>>69312464
>Asian women don't enjoy sex
lol
>>69307770
The guy he's hanging out with there is Ramzan Kadyrov who has done some really dodgy shit. He pays MMA fighters to come hangout in his palace
>>69317489
坊や
might want to try ara ara (アラ) too, it's another stereotypical older woman phrase, basically just means 'my my'.
>>69327041
Chechen Republic
>>69310418
>That credit card attack
>Those epilepsy inducing cuts
>I speak Russian
>Read him his rights even though he is unconscious
He would have been great if he presented his movies as comedies.
>the segal meme just stole eric roberts meme birthday
>>69312605
Anime isn't real life and this is something I'm angry about every day. I know exactly what voice type you mean.
>>69314071
did that girl died?
>>69328553
What does he charge per role, like a grand?
>>69312698
>Turning away from who he's shooting at for no reason
What did he mean by this?
>>69328939
>>69328939
>implying
You know damn well he doesn't get out of bed for anything less than 100 Grand
>>69329082
he prefers 3 musketeers desu
>>69317871
Very nice pepe mind if isaveit?
>>69329367
Actually I would prefer if you didn't. I created it and use it exclusively. If I see someone else post it I would have to delete it from my hard drive and come up with a new idea.
>>69329504
Don't worry, I used your template and made it my own. Folks on reddit are gonna love this, thanks in advance for le upboats XD
>>69328939
a crate of apples and bus fare
>>69311827
>I know he got choked out and shat himself by some old guy.
Gene LeBell? That literally never happened. And considering that LeBell is a well-known fraud, it's not a stretch to think the just made the whole thing up.
>>69313804
at least he's not a racist
Who would win in a dance competition? Seagal or Richard Stallman?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t96m2ynKw0
>>69310418
Holy shit, this is the Heathcliff of action films
10/10 Kino.
>>69332655
Tarantino would wreck them both
>>69308931
>now
Man fuck you
He was a meme before the internet was even a thing.
>>69333265
He was the first self-forcing meme, he didn't need anyone else to meme about him he did all the work himself for 2 decades
>>69311729
This is beyond kino
How does he keep doing it?
>>69312698
O P E R A T O R
P
E
R
A
T
O
R
https://youtu.be/9gcPxg5N-z0
