>was a CIA operative
>involved on numerous black ops
>trained rebel fighters abroad
>owned his own dojo in Japan teaching the Dane Cook of martial arts
>is a big guy
>was in an all-black guitar band while he was a toddler
>is an actor
>taught the greatest MMA fighter how to kick
>snatches motherfucker birthdays for shits and gigs
>pooped his pants after getting choked out, but still gets respect from the martial arts community
Seriously, is there anything he can't do?
Birthday Snatcher General?
if not well I'm sorry to hear that
>>69165789
act
>>69165789
>was a CIA operative
>involved on numerous black ops
Has he actually claimed this?
>>69165789
Stop eating
>>69166981
>Let me tell you something that might be a bit dangerous. I was raised in Japan. I was schooled in martial arts. I was given the title of master. They take a movie “The Last Samurai.” They have a 5-foot-2-inch little guy, whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know. I don’t care. He had never been to Japan. He doesn’t speak Japanese. He has never held a sword. They make him the Last Samurai. We got 450,000 phone calls [laughs] from everybody in the world saying, “That role was perfect for you. How did that happen?” Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it. It’s just a classic example of Hollywood and the politics.
>>69167090
>Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it.
wait a second...
>>69165789
>Was CIA
>>69166055
You ruined it you faggot
This is the hottest new meme I've seen in a while
get it while its hot is my advice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dU9kAqWkts
>>69165789
>>was in an all-black guitar band while he was a toddler
I saw that yesterday and laughed so hard. What was he thinking?
mac from it's always sunny but a real person
>>69167090
But everybody loved the last samurai
I think people misunderstood that part about the band. He was asked when he started playing and what his favorite collaboration was.
He meant to say that he started playing guitar in the 50s, and that his favorite collaboration was with an all black band.
Wouldn't expect a bunch of underage memesters to be able to read shit. This is what happens when you think infographics on 4chan make you smart.
>>69167090
>They have a 5-foot-2-inch little guy, whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know. I don’t care.
S A V A G E
>>69168186
Well done Captain Obvious, do you feel smart now that you've stated what everyone already knew? Keep up, champ.
>>69165789
You still sore about that fifty bucks?
>>69168990
more like yuastilasurbouifitdbux
Is Seagal the author of the navy seals pasta?
>>69167090
the role was more suited to someone who doesn't know about japan
>>69165789
> was in an all-black guitar band while he was a toddler
He never said that.
He said he learned to play the guitar in the 50's A N D was in an all black band.
Mutually Exclusive events, but retarded autists like yourself tried to rape him.
>>69168186
/tv/ memes are based on purposely misreading things because the quality of humor here is literally at "just make shit up" levels now.
>>69168186
faggot
MY EYES HAVE SEEN THE GLORY AT THE TRAMPLING AT THE ZOO
>>69169633
WE SNATCHED OURSELVES PUNANI AND ALL THE MOTHERFUCKER BIRTHDAYS TOO
>>69169938
>>69167090
Tom Cruise could kick his ass
>>69167090
is he an actual weaboo?
>>69167090
jeez what a great person
>>69167090
Steven is the real life embodiment of the Ken-sama guy.
>obvious American Sniper cash-grab
>cover is Steven's fat fucking face shopped on someone else's body
>3.0/10 on IMDb
>>69166055
>>69170953
>not changing the Konami to Punani
>Is mongolian, Russian, and Native American
Govern the state of New Jersey
>>69167090
Thank fuck Tom Cruise saved us from Seagal's shit-tier wooden "acting."
>>69171977
How did the ama go on plebit?
>>69169575
>now
/tv/ memes have ALWAYS been based on intentionally misreading or misunderstanding things
>>69167090
one of my favorite movies could have been ruined if they picked this bucket of lard
>>69172125
Pretty bad. Ppl started making rape allegation jokes and shit like that, the Lebel pants shitting story, and "Seagal" went quiet.
>>69165789
literally everything you said was made up
>>69166928
He claimed he was god, this is on the lower tier of bullshit Seagal said about imself
>>69171107
post the real cover anon
>>69167090
>I have a 5.2 inch little guy
what did he mean by this?
>>69165789
>>was a CIA operative
>>is a big guy
NO
YOU CAN'T BREAK THE CIA/BIG GUY DICHOTOMY
Okay seriously I'm looking to watch some Seagal tonight but I can't decide which one. I've watched the chef one a few times and while it's great fun I'm looking to branch out.
>>69167090
>Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it.
>>69166055
what does that even mean?
>>69174516
He'll snatch you motherfucker birthday.
Fresh content?
http://www.avclub.com/article/run-jewels-brutality-music-and-magic-steven-seagal-212268
>>69168990
It was sixty
>>69169506
It's hardly pasta when it's a True and Honest autobiography, bro
Birthday bump
>>69171107
It isn't a cash grab as he said he trained Chris Kyle, sensei only wants credit where it's due.
>>69165789
>pooped his pants after getting choked out, but still gets respect from the martial arts community
elaborate
>“I came up in Detroit and there was a lot of blues. I didn’t learn blues from a fucking record; I learned it from the front porch. There were all these people from Mississippi, Louisiana and Texas and I learned from them.”
>“Little Milton hadn’t heard me play before. I was doing this Lightnin’ Hopkins thing. Milton looked at me and nodded, like he was trying to say, “This mutha ain’t white.”
>>69176838
>Millton looked at me and nodded, like he was trying to say, “This mutha ain’t white.”
Lel, how the fuck do you convey 'this mutha ain't white' in a facial expression?
He just had to add that last bit, didn't he?
Why is he so uncomfortable in his own skin?
>>69167187
>leave him there
????? But this man is a national treasure!¨
>Not snatching every mother fucker birthday.
>>69176749
He said to some old fighter that he can't faint in the sleeper hold/choke/whatever because he knows some cool martial arts moves. The old guy agreed.
Basically, Steven punched the old fart in the nuts, the old guy didn't let go, so Steven fainted and shit himself.
>>69177191
>>69176838
In that reddit AMA he said he was in an all-black band.
>>69177829
>Also what musician was the most fun to play/collaborate with?
>collaborate
Are you pretending to be retarded?
>>69177829
Actually, it was a duo with Al Jolson
Sensei misquoted AGAIN, you ignorant fuckers
>>69166055
Kek. I was waiting for this edit
Getting ready to watch Code of Honor, famalams: if I make it thru I'll report back
Wish me luck!
>>69181607
poon
>>69181864
Nightbreed is in it; this could go either way :/
>>69182273
First for sniper rifle
Sensei continuing his operator core streak
>>69182366
TAKEDOWNMAN CAMEO
>>69167090
>We got 450,000 phone calls
this part is my favourite
>>69169938
>>69182439
BANG AND THE DIRT IS GONE
>>69176838
>I came up in Detroit and there was a lot of blues.
>>69167090
>I was raised in Japan.
Uhhh which was it?
>>69165789
ACT
C
T
So he said that he played in a band, in 50s. But he was born in 52.
I want you to protect this entrance like it was your sister's cherry, Tonto!
>>69182581
Seagull is essentially Batman with a sniper rifle this time out
>>69182615
He was raises in the Japantown neighborhood of Detroit
>>69182835
Obligatory strip club sequence
>>69171138
I'll do it tomorrow
>>69183017
hey beech are you work here or waht
>>69183118
She not only works here, bitch is bombproof
This is building to mayhem
>>69183231
He's Batman AND The Punisher
>>69165789
Is that Bobby bacala
>>69165789
Who do you think would win in a fight? Steven Segal or Secret Agent Jason Blaha
Why has he suddenly done so many movies?
Is he running out of money?
>>69183444
Nightcrawler homage
>>69183824
Nightbreed is kicking most of the ass so far, Sensei is conspicuous by his absence
His son a qt pi
>>69184235
Now transitioning into a Heat homage
This kino has it all
>>69184412
Burton's Batman visually referenced, color me shock and awestruck
>>69184485
Nightbreed cockblocked by Children of The Damned
>>69173541
Most of his movies are on YouTube in HD. Just pick a random one.
A Good Man is a classic.
Hey you lonely faggot we don't need your scene-by-scene commentary. This isn't a chatbox
>>69184636
More Heat-based goodness, Seagal delivers
>>69184964
You'll believe a man can sit
>>69183118
I wunt lep donce
>>69185252
Well that was unexpected, and there's still half an hour to go..
>>69167090
B-but Ken Watanabe was the last samurai, Cruise was a gaijin cocksucka who got in touch with his inner weeaboo, wasn't he?
>>69167090
You know
in 2003 no one gave a shit
but in this decade, they would have done damage control or maybe even changed the title since now apparently studios bow to social media pressure
by the way, anyone with a half a brain can understand that 1) samurai being also a plural isn't the answer and 2) if they market tom cruise all over the promo material with the words THE LAST SAMURAI over his head, then yea, they pretty much are selling him as the last samurai (he's even accepted as one or some shit like that in the movie)
>>69171107
Christ
>>69185571
Steve at his sadistic anti-hero best, this is straight up back to formula senpai
>>69171107
>Cover of the next call of doody revealed.
>>69185920
Nonsensical Nightbreed tweeest
>>69186006
I reckon 'Super Vigilante' was the working title of this magnus opus
>>69170876
RIP
>tfw pressured into aikido class as a kid by segall-fan father
I just wanted to do karate like all the normal kids
From roughly one "Anybody seen richie" thread to this unexpected reddit AMA (raided by /tv/ men no less), multiple threads a day and even some new memes
What a time to be alive!
>>69186109
Hory shet; we Memento nao
>>69186294
BANG A GONG GET IT ON
was sniper kino?
>>69186460
It's no Code of Honor. This shit is VOD Tarkovsky anon
>>69186366
Executive Decision precision
>>69186594
It all devolved into pure, confusing insanity
My in-thread autism aside, all /birthdayboys/ need to witness this, for serial
>>69165789
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtE0ToLeQ70
hard to kill was like if commando was actually a good movie
Tell me about Steve! Why does he wear the hat?
>>69186810
Jesus Christ all those vanity scenes making himself look like a badass and now he really believes it.
He's like a competent Neil Breen.
>>69186290
What happened?
>>69186810
Holy shit, at 1:24 he's been shot to shit and he still subdues and aikidoes the guy like it only tickled him
>>69186810
lol 2:12 no wonder he took up a 'martial art' where theres no punching, the man punches and overall moves like a girl
>>69187041
There have to be some undiscovered memes here, almost an hour of interview with him in the (fat) flesh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YDvGy0-p9M
>>69187017
THIS IS MY COUNTRY
I LOVE MY COUNTRY
>>69187215
Punching as you understand it is pretty retarded without hand wraps and gloves on, and hours of bag work to accompany it.
Next you're going to claim Judo and regular wrestling also don't count as martial arts.
>>69186810
That beard! THAT FUCKING BEARD! HAHAHAHAHA
His cheeks are perfectly smooth.
>>69176838
>I didn’t learn blues from a fucking record; I learned it from the front porch.
OH IT SHOWS STEVEN, IT SHOWS
I think he uses the same hair-in-a-can aerosol thickener stuff one of my uncles used to use lmao
>>69166055
When we modding a game's graphics to be this?
When faam?
What's the defining Steve?
>Weeb Steve
>Black talkin Steve
>Operator Steve
>Brooklyn Italian Steve
>Native American Steve
>>69187856
wrestling doesn't
not even him
>>69187856
>Punching as you understand it is pretty retarded without hand wraps and gloves on
>this is what wing chung fags actually believe
>>69183041
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
>>69189322
Punani snatcher Steve
>>69173591
That's still better than "just watched it, did I like it?"
>>69165789
Am I on /k/?
>>69182615
Neither, as far as I know. Wikipedia says he grew up in Lansing and moved to Fullerton, California when he was five.
That doesn't really corroborate his story of learning the blues from "masters" and leading black bands as a kid while simultaneously learning from Aikido masters in Japan. It doesn't really corroborate anything except him growing up a middle class white kid.
>>69190127
they snatched our motherfucker meme
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3343136/Serbian-police-force-trained-martial-arts-STEVEN-SEAGAL-PM-asks-long-time-friend-Vladimir-Putin-teach-Aikido-skills.html
Serbian police force to be trained in martial arts... by STEVEN SEAGAL: PM asks long-time friend of Vladimir Putin to teach his Aikido
skills
>Steven Seagal was on a three-day visit to the Serbian capital Belgrade
>He met with the city's mayor as well as the Prime Minister and President
>Seagal was in the city to receive an honour for his humanitarian good work
>A previous recipient of the honour was Seagal's friend Vladimir Putin
ANYBODY SEEN RICHIE?!?
>>69189322
What about actual for real police officer Steve?
>>69190235
Seagal's actually looking sharp there
>>69165789
You forgot worked as a small town police officer for two decades under the radar.
Steve for secretary of punani 2bh
>>69184292
I wonder if his son's a sociopath too.
I know several of you don't believe in the power of Aikido. I can see why you believe that, how can a peaceful martial arts like Aikido beat a powerful one like Karate
Well, I have a story to share with you.
Years ago, I was a karateka, I thought I was the toughest kid in high school, I would pick fights, and kick ass. I was full of hate, until I picked a fight with the wrong dude. He was a Japanese exchange student, I still remember his name, Noboru Takeda.
I picked on him because of his hilarious and thick Japanese accent. I told him I was going to beat him so hard, he would go back to China(Yeah, I was a little racist prick.), he never said anything back, made me wanted to kick his ass even harder.
Well, here comes the fight. I threw several punches, he dodged them like I was a mere white belt. I was tiring out and he knew, I saw the smirk on his face that made me raged hard. I put all my strength in one amazing punch, and he grabbed it and threw me over. My back smacked on the hard cement ground, and I was knocked out for who knows how long.
When I woke up I was in the school infirmary, I asked the nurse who brought me here, and you guessed it, Noboru Takeda. The next day, he wasn't at school, he was back in Japan, and I never got to thank him, for saving my life and showing me the light. I soon learned that he was an Aikidoka and have been practicing Aikido ever since to show my thanks to him.
>>69190471
>>69190471
Well I'm sorry to hear that
>>69184040
Oooooh, because by killing them, it means they will never have another birthday, so you're snatching all their birthdays, thats clever! :)
>>69169938
>>69168990
That's one good lookin man
>>69169563
But if he were part of the band then it couldn't be all black ,could it?
>>69170311
You spelled lick wrong
>>69167187
I legit think the cohost may have been a victim of rape before. She honestly looks like she's dealing with post-traumatic stress when they talk about it.
Anyway, back to the memes amiright
>>69191650
Look it may be the pot but hear me out.
What if Steve Seagull is Russia's American Jackie Chan.
What if Jackie Chan is China's Steve Seagull?
>>69191583
No, it's fucking awful. Seagal made it up/fumbled his line and now tries to make it seem like it was slang from THA STREETZ
>>69170453
He is the original weaboo. Legend has it, if we can kill him, we'll break the bloodline and all the rest will die.
>>69166055
>>69170953
I literally had a dream about this edit before I saw this.
>>69192229
You really think you could snatch his birthday, kid? You think you have what it takes?
>>69192218
Then why not just do another take, literally nothing happened in it.
>>69184146
Fucking saved.
>>69192026
I'll bleeb it when I see it
>>69190059
reminds me of that sex scene in it's always sunny with frank when they do the lethal weapon rip-off
>>69167090
I can read that in only one voice
>>69176838
why does he have so many watches on?
