You're in the club and this guy comes up to your girlfriend and smacks her ass… what do you do?
>>69061067
Snatch his birthday.
>>69061067
Snatch his motherfucker birthday
>>69061067
Suck his cock.
>>69061067
Snatch the fuck out of that nigger motherfucker birthday.
>>69061067
Get thrown out of a window at 16 different angles in slow motion.
>>69061067
pull on his fake hair
>>69061135
While seagal blows up the building and he sheev spins out the window while pissing
>>69061067
Neck chop him, then use the patented Seagal front kick.
>>69061067
ask him if he'd rather be buried or cremated
>>69061166
EAZY EAAAAZY
>>69061067
Take him to the bank
The blood bank
I snatch his motherfucker punani.
>>69061067
smack his birthday
>>69061067
Call Chuck Norris.
>>69061067
Tell him where I saw Richie.
>>69061067
unsheathe my katana
tell him that it takes the iq of a mature caterpillar to know the difference between my girlfriend and the dancers
>>69061067
Shout thats not his punani to snatch
>>69061067
Ask him why Richie did Bobby Lupo
>>69061067
>Cough
>Wheeze
>Wuh happin
>>69061067
Put a simple armlock around his neck and make him shit his pants.
>>69061694
>implying you could even reach his neck
>implying he doesn't have russian bodyguards when outdoors and russian slaves in his home
good luck kiddo
>>69061728
He would leave his bodyguards out of it because he's so full of himself.
Although I might have some trouble reaching around his neck because he's so obese.
>>69061166
E A S Y
A
S
Y
>>69061781
>obese
he's literally the current Sumo world champion it's all part of his plan
>>69061067
Take him to the bank
To thepunanibank
>implying I have a gf
This would happen
>>69061842
>Seagull
>Being able to beat sumos
Sumos may have a lot of mass but they train to be able to lift heavy and exert a lot of energy over short periods of time
Seagull gets short of breath just walking. A guy like Byamba would destroy him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXhVbxfmrYM
Suck his buddy while he fingers her punani.
>>69062304
That thing on his head is seriously hard to look at. Uncanny valley hairdresser
Ask him how does it feel to be the dad of the posterchild for Austism Awareness:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTCmpDZjMEU
What's with all the Seagal posting on /tv/ this week? Is it the birth of an ebin new meme?
>>69061067
Dial 999 because he looks like he has cirrhosis.
>>69062464
wait waht do you mean
>>69062393
welcome to the jam
>>69062464
That's his son?
>>69062602
I'll send you to meet Richie, motherfucker
>>69062585
That guy on the video is his youngest son. It is amazing how you can father both that guy and this guy
>>69062663
how is this even possible
>>69062659
wife's son
>>69061067
i leave seagalkino to his dick
>>69062464
Is that really his fucking son?
>>69062304
This is beyond kino
>>69062714
One has grorius nippon genes while the other has mongorian
>>69062819
Apparently it is
>>69062663
This guy has "active shooter" stamped all over him
>>69062304
Is this the cringiest scene ever?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=H6oddWnTGKY
>>69062852
Like father, like son. It is simply
POTTERY
O
T
T
E
R
Y
>>69062304
Image being a Japanese school girl and suddenly you see this massive guy with pony tail and leather trench coat slowly coming at you.
what do?
>>69062929
Run away. because he looks like a fucking pedophile
>>69062929
what are you talking about Japanese women would be all over the strong, tall white man.
>>69062929
Call godzilla
>>69062992
do you think he uses the same shit he uses for his hair for hte bearafgsgvsdgdtrghfjhfgzjzfjgjg
>>69061067
What's his best movie and why is itUnder Siege 2
>>69063021
He uses this for his hair
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GeF7A05zQ8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhITLxD595c
>>69063021
are you ok anon? Do your birthdays remain un-snatched?
>>69063118
>>69063124
yeah i m okay i was watching his sons video and its horrible
>>69063176
at least his other son has inherited his father's "pushing people down" dojo style:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VpLUU92oM
>>69063279
i do feel kind of sorry for him,i mean imagine if you had a son like that
>>69063279
Maybe its the camera work, but i doesnt look like the opponents are putting a lot of resistance.
>>69063385
they aren't both his sons are as fake as him, at least one of them has an excuse. He probably feels all like an alpha being tall and stong and then his son is a fucking crippled autist. I probably couldn't live with the shame
>>69063385
well it IS at one of Steven's dojos, so...
>>69063279
Kek, that who family is just a fucking embarrassment:
https://youtu.be/w0VpLUU92oM
>>69063549
at least he is not autistic like his other son
There's a sort of unintentional hilarity to everything this cunt does. I mean, look at this shit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cki-2aQqN_I
>>69061067
Is this Chris Christie's hispanic brother?
>>69062304
seagal even has imaginary asian waifus
he's really one of us, boys
>>69063958
I wonder if Steven watches anime.
What do you think would be his favorite show and girl?
>>69064380
Strike Witches
Gunslinger Girl
Gunsmith Cats
Seagal is a living anime
>>69061067
Snatch the punani
>>69063385
That's aikido dude. Aikidoka DO NOT spar, so any demonstration of their moves are just that, demonstrations
>>69061067
>place my hand on his shoulder
"easy"
>He stares at me intensely with his hand still on my gf's ass
"EASSSYYY"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dakhzl2SBQ
>>69063958
this is shopped right?
first for katana kino
>>69064877no
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYpOIQUVT7U
>>69065084
holy fuck this is giving me taken 3 tier headaches
>>69065084
>uhhhhhhhh better not draw my gun until he's in stabbing range
>>69064831
So how come Seagal kick so much ass in his films?
These clips prove that Seagal is a real Badass
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJ0nsaABbDo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b88Sf_eCgE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYpOIQUVT7U
>>69063385
>resistance
>aikido
You don't really know how this shit is suposed to work, right?
I trained Aikido for a lot of time and the techniques do work, the problem is that they are hard to pull and are mostly based on defence against people using swords or other shit that don't make sense in the modern world. Also it's full of mystic BS, but mostly out of the fighting.
I practice Hapkido now because I think it's a more practical and realistic style that came from the same source, but Aikido is not bullshit, go to a decent dojo and see for yourself.
How does a weeaboo, liar, son of a whore and a
Mongol, dropped in the midwest of the US of A by providence
Ended in Narita Airport
And grew up to be an action star and pathological liar?
The 90s washed up action movie star without a career
Got a lot farther by knowing how to be a liar
By being a lot smarter
By being a self-starter
By twenty-four, they gave him a black belt
in a japanese martial art
And every day while foreigners were being expelled and deported
Away, across the waves, he lied and managed to keep his guard up
Inside, he was longing for something to be his big breakout
The brother was ready to lie, steal, borrow, or barter
Then a separation came, and deportation loomed in the horizon
Our man saw his future drip, dripping down the drain
Put a pencil to his temple, connected it to his brain
And he rewrote his life, a testament of his lies
Well, the word got around, they said, “This sensei is insane, man”
Met a producer to send him to Hollywood
“Get your movie done, don’t forget from whence you came, and
The world is gonna know your name. What’s your name, man?”
Steven Seagal
My name is Steven Seagal
And there's a million things I've lied about
But I will just keep lying, just keep lying
When he was thirty he split from, full of it, debt-ridden
Two years later, see Steven and his new wife in
Marrying, the scene thick
And the marriage went quick
Moved in with a new woman, the new woman was an actress
Led to him discovering the oversized ego in his insides
A producer said
"You gotta be an action star"
"Steven, you gotta be an action star"
>>69065142
Jesus christ. I guess this is why he never goes out in public without 2 trench coats and a scarf on.
I knew he was fat but I didn't realize he was genuinely morbidly obese.
>>69065505
Why doesnt he just lose weight?
Its not like it would be hard for him to hire a personal trainer and someone to cook healthy shit.
>>69065528
He can't help it. Punani is just empty calories.
>>69065528
Steven is not fat he's just big boned. (or thats what Seagal thinks of himself)
pic related: its Seagals breakfast
>>69065744
>when you wanna move around but punani weighing you down
>>69061067
Call an ambulance for my girlfriend?
ATTENTION BRITBONGS: Sony Movie Channel is showing Seagal movies every night at 9 until Sunday.
>>69061067
I would tell Steven that when the girls start to strut
you could look at her butt, you shouldn’t do that.
Think about just that because her clothes are just as pretty..
They’re not just to cover her kitty
>>69061067
>You're in the club
im not 19 any more
>>69061067
Mourn my now dead girlfriend
>>69065231
Are you trying to be funny? Or are you just retarded?
Nothing. I've already been kicked out of a window five times in one shot.
>>69065867
I miss Scotland
>>69061067
Didn't this literally happen to a dude a few years back?
And he savagely beat Seagal's fat, drunk ass?
>>69065142
I still find this slightly hard to believe, that his gut is so massive.
Could it just be stuffing?
>>69065084
Now I finally understand where all these trenchcoat wearing, katana wielding weaboo cucks got their inspiration from.
>>69065505
he is FAT
Is it just me or does Seagal with facial hair look a lot like Danny McBride?
>>69063118
does he using same spray for his mustache/facial hair?
>>69061067
I'd leave with my girlfriend. I'm prefer not to instigate a fight and she's not hurt. Even if I thought I could take him, it's not worth the risk of getting sued for assaulting him and you know the lawyers wouldn't give a shit if he slapped my girlfriend's ass first if I took a swing at him. Better to take her somewhere safe before things really get out of hand. I'll never have a girlfriend though so this is all a moot point anyways.
Someone said snatching?
https://i.4cdn.org/wsg/1462306089126.webm
>Next we meet our villain, [...] Richie Madano [...]
>What he’s about to do is murder Bobby in cold blood and broad daylight, on a sidewalk, in front of his wife and kid and “a hundred witnesses.” And then casually walk away. [...] See, one thing that would’ve been helpful for Richie’s crew to know in advance: Richie is an insane crackhead and he’s really not planning to make it through the night. [...] Usually a villain in a movie is expected to have some kind of plan, some kind of ultimate goal.
>That is not the case with Richie. He kills his girlfriend and Bobby Lupo before the story really begins, and that’s all he really had planned. After that he just wants to smoke crack and “have a party” with some hookers, maybe kill a few people if it comes up. He wants to have a fun time until he dies.
Now you know why Richie did Bobby Lupo.
>>69069610
>someone finally edited this
Thank you based birthday snatcher
>>69070386
This scene is interesting because it actually shows Seagal fucking up a technique, which can happen to anyone. Pretty realistic. Except the moments when he's able to launch the big guys away by a simple pull on the arm, that is.
>>69070386
>the way he casually stops a massive, really heavy-looking speaker falling on him at 0:35
>>69069610
missing his fat belly
>>69071140
You can't see his belly from that angle. Compare it to the original Snatcher cover though, he's been fattened up.
>>69064831
those arent even moves dude.
This is like a pro-wrestling match and those 2 jobbers are just bumping around him to make him look good while he barely touches them.
>>69061067
Return him to the nursing home
>>69063279
This is white belt level randori.
>>69068166
Actually he does have a towel stuffed in there.
>>69069610
>inferior version
>>69071699
>seagal not even fat
>shopping a photo on top of a painting
>rifle at the wrong angle
Only the font is better
>>69071751
>magically thin Seagal: check
>photography over airbrush painting: check
>(now take the Into The Sun poster) rifle at the right angle: check
you need to study your Seagalkino son
>>69071921
That's not an airbrush painting m8
heymanstisoabudadfiddybugs?
>run 10m
>>69071921
the katana is a shoop right?
>>69072569
No, Steven Seagal is one anime obsession away from being the most weeb actor.
>>69072679
jesus christ man...
>>69062663
his japanese kids both turned out pretty good
>>69062894
Why are they speaking two different languages?
They apparently both speak Japanese and English, why not just use ONE?
>>69061166
>>69061271
>>69061784
>>69073679
>tfw somebody saved a screenshot you posted in last nights thread
EASY
I love that /tv/ has finally
Lly picked up on the comedy goldmine that is seagal.
>>69061067
>her clothes are covering her kitty
>he can't snatch the punani
>I shout "You shouldn't do that"
>>69061067
Throw JCVD movies at him until he melts.
>>69065384
I've always wondered about Aikido, since it looks like people are putting up so little effort.
I used to do Judo and man, do you struggle when you are sparring with other people.
Only the master make those throws look effortless.
>>69073807
deleting it from hard drive now because of how much of a faggot you are, kill yourself nigger
>>69074130
EASY
EASY
Show him that's he is made fun of day in and day out on an anonymous image board. It would destroy him.
>>69074229
I would watch a movie where Steven Seagal hunts down all the people who make fun of him on the Internet and kills them all. Call it "Blackhat 2: Flame War"
Anyone seen this rare seagaléma?
I'm thinking of watching it.
>>69074488
vinnie jones? man that dudes not afraid of a role is he.
>>69061166
>such a daring meme synthesis
Glorious
